I used to think that Love could conquer all. I believed that love would spare me and perhaps I would finally be able to leave all the pain behind. I used to think that I could become vulnerable with the people who were supposed to love me and take care of me, so they knew all of my secrets. They knew all the ways to hurt me because I lowered my defenses...Stupid me. They used it against me, the deep desire to be loved by someone. They used it against me, all the years spent loathing my parents and myself. They used it against me... I learned to love myself, to love my freckles and the curves I had. I learned to love myself despite the constant barrage of insults and negativity but deep down, the wound I carried since I was old enough to become my parents money-maker stayed opened. I wanted to please so much that I renounced myself. I covered my freckles to feed the ego of one and appease the ego of the other.
I worked hard, trying to be thinner in order to stay attractive to Tara. I forced myself to go out to famous restaurant and to live under the scrutiny of the media, for Brett.. because he loved to have a camera on him. I used to think Love would heal me and perhaps it can but with the right person only. They weren't right for me, I can see it now. They weren't Homelander. They didn't treat me like he did. They never wanted to see Sara, the real me. They never cared for me. I can see it now, if they did, they wouldn't have hurt me. If they did, I wouldn't have my heart in shambles twice. If they did, I wouldn't have met him. I guess I should be grateful they were so bad at loving me because now I have found someone who can love me much better. I believe he will, the rest of the world be damned. Ican be vulnerable with him. After all, don't they say that third time is the charm or something like that?
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