A/N: it's taking place before Dean comes back in a very bad shape. I assume that it'll take something like three days before they returned to the bunker (1-day and a half of travel until Dean fall asleep and doesn't wake up and the same time for them to come back). So Asma's relationship with Castiel would improve a little bit. all usual disclaimers
Xxx
It always was the same nightmare, she witnessed her brother possessed by a demon and watched him kill their mother and then her fiance she had to kill. It never changed, not even a single bit and it didn't matter if she already knew she was dreaming, Oya could not wake up even if she wanted to until she had to kill her fiancé. The hunter still carried to the guilt of the tragedy her family suffered from for years and had lost her ability to sleep on her own. Darkness scared her even more and she needed someone to sleep next to if she wanted to find some decent sleep. She went to Dean who usually never objected to her sleeping next to him and it didn't take long, just her being settled nice and tightly against him to finally find her sleep. But Dean was gone, Sam was gone with him and Oya might have jeopardized her relationship with him. As she shook and screamed and woke up in tears, she felt familiar hands grabbing her in an attempt at calming her and snapped out of her nightmare to notice it was Castiel. Yes, Castiel was holding her shoulders hard enough for her to notice his presence and realize she wasn't having a nightmare anymore.
« C-C-Castiel ?... » The angel was still sitting on the chair next to her bed. He didn't leave her sides, not even when they argued and it got ugly. He promised Dean he would look after Oya and therefore stayed next to her. She was quite the number and always tried to move when she clearly shouldn't be moving. Exhausted but awake now, she found herself holding the sheets and nodded as she regained consciousness and realized she was with Castiel and safe from any form of danger. Her breathing was labored and she was confused as to how she should react. Her black locks fell onto her shoulder as she watched the angel stared at her sternly and she shut her eyes tight.
« You had a nightmare. » He stated. Sure she had one and she already knew it so it was old news to the hunter who simply shrugged and bit her bottom lip. Tears rolled on her cheek. Tears she couldn't hide from him and tears she didn't want him to see but he ended up seeing. The angel gave a low grunt and then cupped both of her cheeks so she could look into his eyes.Oya pouted and tried her best to suck her tears in but couldn't.
« I know. »
« Does it happen often? » She nodded and pouted a little bit more.
« Every goddamn night. That's why I never sleep alone. » She replied, her eyes still filled with tears. « I used to sleep next to Dean you know ?.... now that it's ruined between the two of us. I'd rather... I don't know.. » Castiel gave her a tight smile, unsure of what to tell her so he started to ask questions instead.
« Since when do you have nightmares? »
« Since my mother died and the shit kept on happening... It never stops and with each tragedy the nightmare becomes longer..I can't wake up until the very end... » She let out a pathetic sigh and put her hands on her wounded belly. « I use to keep the lights on and have sex. At least when I have sex I'm not alone. At least I can spend myself and hit the road. I don't really sleep... maybe one/two full hours a night but that's about it. I can't sleep Castiel unless there is someone with me. I had it here. with Dean and Sam..I had someone to sleep next to and it felt sweet... » She wiped out the tears that fell onto the sheets while Castiel furrowed his brows.
« I didn't know. »
« I didn't give you the opportunity to know...It's okay. » He squeezed her shoulder and then sat back on the chair. « I feel okay this morning. Give me a couple of days and I'll be able to hit the road again. » She tried to sound optimistic but it sounded fake, so she shrugged and leaned against the headset of the bed. « I'm sorry about last time. I said horrible things to you. »
« I didn't pull my punches either. »
« Yeah but that was uncalled for. »She said tucking some locks behind her ear. Castiel cleared his throat.
« It's okay. You were worried about Dean and Sam. »
« It's not okay. » She groaned in her broken voice. « I don't have a problem with you yourself Castiel. I don't understand you at times and some of your behaviors irritate me, but I can live with it. I''m getting used to it. » She said, moving her head around her face as a metaphor for him and his « act ». « I can take the old grumpy supernatural creature looking after his human friends. You're a force for good, you understand. » She avoided his gaze, feeling ashamed of the way she came at him and the hurtful things she spat in his face. Oya was vicious when worried, even more, when it was about Dean and she didn't spare the poor Angel who came to watch her with her punches. She felt it at some point, that she went too far away but he didn't spare her either.
« Then who are you mad at, if not me? »He was curious about her answer and more relaxed than he let it appear on his face. Of course, his senses were acute since he wanted to make sure she wouldn't pass out in front of him but this conversation, as awkward as it felt was actually needed by the two of them after the fight they had. He wanted to get to know her and understand why they argued the way they did in the first place.
« Angels.... and God. You know, my country wasn't even a Christian country before it became a country. Our people had different types of beliefs. My mom and dad come from different tribes with different belief systems which for one involved divinity and the other believed that everything on earth had a soul and a spirit. But they were raised as Christians too and I have been raised a one too. SO.. God and the Angels. I didn't understand why they never answered my prayers... especially when my mother died. None of them answered, » She felt her eyes fill themselves with fresh tears and covered her face with both of her hands. « None of them to tell me why my brother was possessed and why my mother had to die. None of them to tell me that my father would go to Heaven after his death and be with you and join my mother. They were hunters.. we were hunters. We saved many lives and nobody answered me when they all died... nobody answered me after I killed Fabrice.. the love of my life... no one told me where his soul went and.. and... and I started to resent Angels.. and God. I hated all of you. I wanted them gone...Seeing you constantly reminded me of the losses I suffered from. Of the faces I would never see.. of the love, I would never have again. It hurts Castiel and I'm doing my damn best not to let it overwhelm me but... but... with Dean being in danger and I know I'm right! I know I'm right.... and you being with me instead, I thought history was repeating itself you know ??... and I didn't want it. »
Castiel let her speak, he didn't interrupt the young woman and instead gave her an understanding look from where he stood. He understood how she felt since he felt the same. Regarding God himself. He felt like an abandoned child because the creator went silent when he should have been the most vocal. Castiel was angry and hurt towards God for not being been there when they most needed him. How could he blame Oya for feeling the same?
« I'm sorry Oya. » He was empathetic with her pain, not to the point of understanding all of her griefs but at least, close enough to understand why she didn't like angels and lashed out at him.
« I am the one who is sorry for what I told you. You tried to fix the mess left by Chuck... you tried to do good and it went sideways.. but at least you tried. And you helped Dean and Sam so I am grateful you exist. I am sorry for saying all these horrible things to you. »
« I wasn't exactly nice to you either. »
« You weren't wrong. I made many mistakes, I don't get to call them my family just yet.. maybe never... I still plan on leaving once I have healed enough to go. I'll wait until Dean's back and give him a little bit of time but if he wants me out, I'll be out. » Castiel realized that she clearly wasn't ready to accept his apologies so he didn't insist. He knew she believed his words to be true since they played right into her own insecurities but he needed an angle he could use to make her reject the idea she didn't have a place in the Winchesters life.
« Running away isn't the solution. If leaving him to team up with another hunter put you in this situation, running away from him would make things worse. »
« What do you know? For all, we know maybe it's what Dean wants? Maybe he wants me out? » She said, lifting a brow out of worries but Castiel shook his head.
« He would have told you already that he wanted you out. He doesn't and you know it. Don't make it more complicated than it already is. » She looked at Castiel and wiped her face clean from the tears she cried before.
« I don't know that Castiel. I don't know if I can fix things between him and myself or between you and me... I don't know and maybe it's for the best... I'm not a great company... »
« You're not that bad. » He said in a teasing tone. She was loud, she was brash, she was angry and control-freak but she wasn't a bad soul.
« I guess it's a compliment then? » She said as she grabbed the bottle of water next to her.
« I guess it is. » Castiel replied before he received a phone call from Sam, panicked and telling him that Dean fell asleep and it wasn't possible to wake him up from his slumber. His face took a hard and colder expression which alerted the hunter who was fighting against the urge to zone out again.
« What's happening? What's happening? »
« Oya, it's okay. » He said in a hurry. It wasn't true but it wasn't false either and Oya ended up falling asleep on the bed, not knowing that Dean was in danger and Sam was on his way back home.
(TBC)
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