A/N: :o all of this is confusing her. she's bending right now but hopefully, won't break. Elpis doesn't know just how complicated this situation would be when she gets out.
xxx
How long could she take it? How long could she go without knowing if he truly meant his words or if he said so because she was carrying something more valuable? She hadn't forgotten how it was when they first met. What he told her when she came forth with her feelings. how much it stung whenever she said "I love you" and he didn't say it back. It was to be expected of course. he told her he would never say it back and he was a man of his word.
So why did she persist? why didn't she wish her feelings away? could she really? could she when her life was threatened by deities thus preventing her from leaving his company? could she when he was so overwhelming and powerful that she couldn't HELP but be drawn towards him? Could she when he was indulging her and she couldn't get away from his kisses and embrace? could she? when they had sex and it was so good, so mind-blowing that for a brief moment she forgot that the sin didn't share her feelings with him? how could she get away from that?
She thought that if he didn't care, then maybe her being courted by other men would leave him indifferent but it didn't. he was selfish. he wanted her for himself. her love, her warmth, her everything had to be for him and him only. The photographer who tried to seduce her, nearly died on that day if it wasn't for her taking Pride away. The singer who wooed her during a show they both attended was shooed away by an angry and jealous sin. Nobody could take her attention from him, and if nobody could, how was Asma supposed to move on from him?
Maybe it just was possessivity because he was a SIN. after all, he was one. THE Pride. mother of all other sins, the worst of the worst. He was... complicated, to say the least, but it didn't excuse his behavior. toxic, possessive, smothering that it was.. how could a fragile flame like her survive? She was hurt and even more because he would not understand just how deeply hurt she was. It wasn't what she deserved. he wasn't what she deserved and she wished that Hope hadn't inhabited her body so she wouldn't dream of being with him. Asma liked it better when only fate dictated her world. She would have accepted the situation and moved on from it. He didn't love her? fine, she would have accepted it. But Hope was a bitch. she was cruel. she made Asma hope that maybe at her contact he would warm up to the idea. to maybe loving her back.
But that would be incredibly naive of her. he didn't, he wouldn't and she would wither away and die inside because he would never let go of her and never love her back. At some point, Hope always turns into despair and she was slowly getting there. May they find a way to bring Elpis back soon. Maybe once it's done and she served her purpose, Pride would leave her alone, empty and devastated because something extraordinary wrecked her life. It wasn't deserved. She didn't deserve to have him happen to her. she deserved better. she deserved to be happy and she really wanted to be. She wished it would be with him but it couldn't be. that's what she knew.
yet he said those words. He said them in a fashion that was odd for him. He cared more than he wanted to admit. He felt something but he didn't want to discuss it. why? why couldn't he? why was he hurting both of them?
So she was confused, even in the middle of kisses shared with the creature she came to love. Each of them left a bitter taste.
The heartbreak taste.
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