Got regular: Are you mad?

Got regular: Are you mad? 

 

A/N: These two... oh my poor babies <3

xxxxxx

“Are you mad at me for loving you? I sometimes wish I had never said those words to you. Perhaps if we never said to each other how we truly felt, then we wouldn’t have to suffer from this situation. I can’t help but wish I had not said anything at Casterly Roc, so you wouldn’t feel as if you’ve not kept your promise to your family. I would have been fine loving you at a distance, accepting to only be your friend so you wouldn’t be in trouble. Yes; I would have kept my love to myself and protected you.  I am aware that it would have been quite a lonely life. My loyalty always goes to my sister, and I would have been loyal to her and do whatever she requested of me, I guess, as long as I could protect you from afar. I know, I know... it's a little bit pathetic, isn't it? but this was exactly what happened before the siege, after Highgarden. I tried to reason myself and I tried to bury this love deep inside of me and those had been the most miserable months I've ever spent. I couldn't forget you, I didn't want to. I loved you way too much to do it.

 

Are you mad at yourself for loving me? It broke my heart when you told me that you weren’t good enough for me. At this instant, I felt my blood boil. I was angry because the world let you think you weren’t worthy of being loved. I was angry because you were convinced to be stupid, to be evil… I know, I know what you did for Cersei and your family. I know the children were yours. I know you pushed Bran off of the tower. I know you did it out of love for your family, for Cersei. You’ve lived a full life made of carefully crafted lies, but also genuine feelings your children felt for you. You’ve paid the highest price for your past mistakes already with the death of your children, the death of Cersei, and the loss of your fighting hand. I love the person you are, I love your flaws and all. I’ve loved you for a long time now and while the whole world hates you for your past crimes, I have accepted you as a whole.

Are you mad at us for loving each other? I know we debated it already prior to sailing to King's Landing. We wanted to wait until Daenerys gave us her blessings to get close to one another and I have to say that I was committed to staying away from you as much as possible because I knew that if I didn't if I had a taste of you, I would have been unable to want anything else but you. You tried harder than me once we boarded the ship? but I had made my mind as soon as I was in front of my cabin. The odds were against us, the future was grim. I didn't want to spend my whole life wondering how it would feel to have your arms wrapped around me. I didn't want to regret not sharing moments with you, and making memories I could bring with me even if you would never be allowed to be with me. I wanted us to take our chance at happiness and be together before Fate ultimately tears us apart. I don't regret the boat, Jaime... I have never felt more alive than in that boat with you. I have never felt more alive but when we were holding each other. If tomorrow my sister denies us, at least I would have had something for me even if for a short-lived moment: True Love.