Doya: Motel Breakdown

 Doya: Motel Breakdown

A/N: I just felt for these two. 

Xxxxx

As soon as they arrived at the motel room, Dean stayed in the car so he could contact Crowley and Oya was left in the room with their bags, so she could call Castiel and discuss with him, Pluto. Crowley taunted Dean, as usual, but he didn't like the sound of a pagan god trying to steal his thunder so he agreed to help Team Free Will.  Castiel on the other hand quickly agreed to look more into Pluto but before Oya could hang up the phone, he decided to ask her about her state of mind. He had been there, he had seen her fear and despair as she was slowly fading away. He was wary of her trying to destroy the pagan god because he knew how reckless Oya could be, especially when it was a personal matter. Her phone call with Castiel was shortened by Oya who didn't want to speak her heart. She ended up throwing her phone on the bed and walked in circles when Dean pushed the door open with some burgers in a bag. He looked at the ebony hunter who looked at him with eyes wide open. 

« What's going on ? »

« Nothing. I was waiting for you. » -She said, but her tone betrayed her concerns and had the older Winchester come closer to her. He put the burgers on the desk near their beds and put his hands on Oya's shoulders. She rolled her head but stopped pacing. Her hazel eyes averted from his face to his shoulders. « What is it? »

« Something's off.  You're pissed off. » -He noticed how her lips were trembling and realized that she had been worked up from her conversation with Castiel.- « Did Castiel say something? » 

« I'm fine. » -But Oya wasn't convinced with her own words. Dean shrugged and crossed his arms above his chest. She knew he didn't believe her, which made her roll her eyes and walk away from him. - »Although, we did have a conversation about Pluto and... what happened back then, the whole saving me from certain death. »

« I'm listening. » Dean's features softened because he realized that she was willing to talk. Oya turned her back on him, as she sometimes did when she wasn't really comfortable with what she would say next. He was patient, so he simply went and sat on the bed, a few feet away from her. He caught the faint 'thank you' she whispered to him, which helped him relax a little more.

« I think it's not fair, you know? To have been raised all my life with no fear for death and to find myself begging to survive...because I couldn't afford to die» -The first words made her cringe and she hanged her head in shame. « I begged for my life Dean... » She said shrugging. 

He didn't say anything, feeling that she wasn't done talking just yet, but Dean had curled his fingers into balls, knowing all too well the emotions that went through Oya's head. She had been raised to be a ruthless hunter, one who would rather die to save people than run away from a hunt. Her encounter with Pluto messed her up and knowing Oya, there were probably things she didn't admit to herself or didn't tell anyone. The revelation that she had begged for her life went through his body like a crushing tsunami but he didn't reject her words, for he himself, had been on both sides of losing someone. His jaw tightened and his face turned colder as flashes went through his mind, plucking away the repressed memories he had of watching Sam die, Oya die and being the one to give up his life, and witnessing the distress of his younger brother. It broke his heart to see it, so many times that he grew numb over the years. 

« I'm not angry because I did it, I have a life for myself, people who care about me. I have a family again and it's something I really really love. » She then turned around to face him. « But, going after Pluto has been taking a toll on me. I just felt powerless when we faced each other. He literally wiped the floor with me. » She said, almost gagging at her own words. 

« I understand how you feel. I had my fair share of doubts while facing enemies. I had my fair share of loss too. Oya, look, right now we're not going against him. » 

His voice tried to be reassuring, at least enough to help her relax. She bit her bottom lip and rolled her head, trying to hold back her tears. Oya hated it, this feeling of vulnerability. She'd tried her best to face her fears, even in the face of something she was scared of like the asanbosam. She'd been reckless, always, when it came to fighting those monsters who wronged her. So there was a mix of anger, anxiety, and blinding rage that worked against her. Dean was right, they weren't going after the god just yet, not when Oya was so reckless and they had no plan laid just yet. Still, the looming presence of the god was slowly but surely working its way up her head and induced some anxiety at the idea of confronting him.

« You spoke with Castiel, did he say something? » Dean asked again, He was now certain that the angel did. Cas always made sure to ask the right questions, even if the other party wasn't ready to hear them and in this case, he did ask Oya if she was ready because he was afraid of her recklessness. 

« He did. He wanted to know if I was ready to fight the Pagan God. I was upset when he asked because I was afraid to truly answer the question. » She watched as the tall old Winchester brother stood up and walked towards her. He put both hands on her shoulders and started to massage them. « Dean... »

« What did you say? » His voice, stern but kind. She swallowed a lump and shook her head. 

« I told him I wasn't ready yet. When we left the bunker I thought I was, but then we heard on the radio the sightings and I lost my shit in the car. I thought that a plan would help me calm down but it didn't. Castiel was right to ask the question, but I feel ashamed to not have the answer I'd hope for. » She admitted and then wrapped her arms around his waist as he pulled her into a tight hug. 

« I don't blame you. It happened just a few months ago. Pluto is a son of a bitch, stronger than we expected but we're smarter and organized. We have allies. » He then cupped both of her cheeks and stroked them with his thumb. « And I'm here now. You're not doing this alone. »

« I know... I'm not alone anymore. » She gave him a coy smile and then leaned her head against his touch. « I know you understand me... I know you've been through this shit with Lucifer...How did you find the strength to fight him ? »

« I did it for Sammy. I had to rescue him and if I was too late, then I was ready to kill him so he could be saved. » He then paused at his words and leaned his forehead against hers. « I don't want the thing that happened with the Asanbosam to start again with Pluto. For Chuck's sake, I nearly lost you once. Don't make me go through this again, okay? » She nodded and chewed at her bottom lip.

« I don't intend to...I'm sorry Dean. I'm so sorry. » She said wrapping her arms around his shoulders and hugging him tightly. « I'm so sorry.. we should probably eat before those burgers get cold, right ?»

« Uh... damn right ! »

It was just the beginning of a long conversation the two would have about loss, fear, and the anger that always came with the situation she'd been through. Dean knew that they had barely scratched the surface and given his partner, now that he had made her speak her truth, Oya would gradually open to him and discuss her emotions and mental state.  He might not be able to help completely, but he was willing to try, any day, any time. 

-TBC-