Dean and Oya: the beloved.

"He never had troubles holding my hand if that meant we were getting in characters. we didn't play couples that much, but these were my favorite moments because, for a brief minute, I didn't have to fight how I was feeling. Do you think he knew that I was sincere? that every time I held his hand as Ms whatever faux-name I had, it was just me, Oya who was holding his hand? Do you think everytime we kissed or I hugged him, it was actually just me acting on impulse? He never knew.

He never had trouble holding my hand if we were playing pretend for a case... but what if he knew? would he still hold that hand? I'd rather not tempt fate and just drink away those pesky questions.

And hold his hand when we do play pretend."

xxx

I love sleeping next to Dean. He doesn't quite know how much I do and I think I won't let him know. He already knows about the nightmares I have every night and I am grateful he understands them. Sure, I slipped underneath his sheets and snuggles up against him to find some comfort and feel safe and most of the time it works. I don't kick him out of the bed.

But there is more to just using him as my dreamcatcher. There is more to it and I know it deep inside. there is this warmth I feel in my heart, this serenity I feel when we're both sleeping next to one another that I can't really describe. I feel at home when I'm sleeping next to Dean. I feel like I belong there and for a brief moment in the whole hard day we had, I feel like nothing bad can happen to any of us. it's comforting and sweet and I swear I'm turning into these 16 years old romantic teenagers but it's the truth. I feel content, I feel.. rested.

I like when he's the one spooning me because when he does, I feel protected but I love it more when I'm spooning him because then I can see his relaxed face and I can stroke his cheek and kiss his forehead. I can keep him close and keep him safe too; my sweet Dean. My little dickhead. My stubborn hunter. I can keep him close and make him forget about the weight of the world he carries on his shoulders and it makes me feel good you know? It really does.

I'm probably being sentimental here, but I do feel at home next to him. I feel like we're in our bubble and that nothing would ruin it, except maybe a monster trying to kill us. I want to preserve this you know? to keep it the way it is, make it a good habit where Dean and I can feel grounded and appeased. I've not felt that way for years since Fabrice died and to be this close again to a man might be a little dangerous but I'm not asking for anything if not just to be alive so I could look forward to this moment in time.

when nothing else matters because we're safe
When nothing else exists because we're home.

xxx xxx

Doya (Dean and Oya): Date night part 1; Paintball Game

(we consider this PGI, even though it's definitely not :p but those pictures were calling me so I could put them to good use)

He destroyed me at that paintball game. fair enough, a promise is a promise. I would clean baby for a week, all the while grumbling like an old white man upset at all these kids on his lawn. I don't care very much about losing. We had a wonderful time there and although he didn't tell me, I could see in his eyes that Dean was grateful for this moment of peace. a moment where he didn't have to carry the weight of the world on his shoulder because he was having fun shooting at me with a fake gun. I insisted we took a picture, because I wanted to keep a memory of such a genuinely happy moment, so we took one. He isn't into selfie but on that very day, he took all of them with me.

See, I don't laugh, I don't smile, I don't do all of that crappy happy stuff normally but I couldn't help but feel good. my heart soared and burst into my ribcage. He was having fun, he felt carefree. He was allowed to just be him and I got to watch it. I knew he didn't need more than the game to actually feel on cloud 9 but I wanted this day to be perfect. Okay.. I planned on winning and we argued about it but I can put my ego on the side if that means he can have some fun. I love his smile when he's happy. I appreciate my buddies came over to make the game even more interesting. They're good, but Dean is crazy good. He knows that he loves that. I love him.. I mean I love that too about him.

I said we take selfies to make sure to remember this day and he agreed yeah? but when I wanted to take that picture, he wrapped his hands around my waist and kissed my hair, said something stupidly funny and I fell head over heels all over again. wait, what? no. come on Oya. No no no. I laughed. I laughed like an idiot while I took that picture and he looked damn proud of himself. he told me "that felt nice to hear an actual laughter from you." and all I could do was blush and shush him away. he made me laugh..he really did. Stupid lovely Dean.

Now the second part of that fabulous date right?Thee vintage car driving!