Pride and Asma the taste of heartbreak

He was the possessive type. It didn't really have something else to do than just him not willing to share anything/anyone he had. Possessivity, that was what this relationship was about wasn't it? Asma would do with just it, at least until she couldn't anymore. She knew he was not human, didn't think the way humans did and couldn't understand her emotions. so why bother? why insist? she couldn't say.. she simply loved him, flaws (and god he was flawed but so was she) and all. Maybe she was a fool, but even fools could dream.

xxxx

He hates humans, but for my sake and because he likes to shine, he sometimes takes me out. I appreciate he does, mostly because I get to spend some time with him. my Pride. my very own Pride. Do I sound like a fool for dreaming the impossible? Am I not the impossible after all? A human hosting a goddess? Give me a break and let me dream. I love him. So much.

xxx

Pride and Asma: The taste of heartbreak

A/N: :o all of this is confusing her. she's bending right now but hopefully won't break. Elpis doesn't know just how complicated this situation would be when she gets out.

xxxxx

How long could she take it? How long could she go without knowing if he truly meant his words or if he said so because she was carrying something more valuable. She hadn't forgotten how it was when they first met. What he told her when she came forth with her feelings. how much it stung whenever she said "I love you" and he didn't say it back. It was to be expected of course. he told her he would never say it back and he was a man of his word.

So why did she persist? why didn't she wish her feelings away? could she really? could she when her life was threatened by deities thus preventing her from leaving his company? could she when he was so overwhelming and powerful that she couldn't HELP but be drawn towards him? Could she when he was indulging her and she couldn't get away from his kisses and embrace? could she? when they had sex and it was so good, so mind-blowing that for a brief moment she forgot that the sin didn't share her feelings for him? how could she get away from that?

She thought that if he didn't care, then maybe her being courted by other men would leave him indifferent but it didn't. he was selfish. he wanted her for himself. her love, her warmth, her everything had to be for him and him only. the photographer who tried to seduce her, nearly died on that day if it wasn't for her taking Pride away. The singer who wooed her during a show they both attended was shooed away by an angry and jealous sin. Nobody could take her attention from him, and if nobody could, how was Asma supposed to move on from him?

Maybe it just was possessivity because he was a SIN. after all, he was one. THE Pride. mother of all other sins, the worst of the worst. He was... complicated to say the least but it didn't excuse his behaviour. toxic, possessive, smothering that it was.. how could a fragile flame like her survive? She was hurt and even more because he would not understand just how deeply hurt she was. It wasn't what she deserved. he wasn't what she deserved and she wished that Hope hadn't inhabited her body so she wouldn't dream of being with him. Asma liked it better when only fate dictated her world. She would have accepted the situation and moved on from it. He didn't love her? fine, she would have accepted it. But Hope was a bitch. she was cruel. she made Asma hope that maybe at her contact he would warm up to the idea. to maybe loving her back.

But that would be incredibly naive of her. he didn't, he wouldn't and she would whither away and die inside because he would never let go of her and never love her back. At some point, Hope always turns into despair and she was slowly getting there. May they find a way to bring Elpis back soon. Maybe once it's done and she served her purpose, Pride would leave her alone, empty and devastated because something extraordinary wrecked her life. It wasn't deserved. She didn't deserve to have him happen to her. she deserved better. she deserved to be happy and she really wanted to be. She wished it would be with him but it couldn't be. that's what she knew.

yet he said those words. He said them in a fashion that was odd for him. He cared more than he wanted to admit. He felt something but he didn't want to discuss it. why? why couldn't he? why was he hurting both of them?

So she was confused, even in the middle of kisses shared with the creature she came to love. each of them left a bitter taste.

The heartbreak taste.

xxxx

Pride; "I hate those people. I don't see what Elpis saw in these scums."

Asma: "Oh hello! I am one of the scums! that was super mean."

Pride: -dismissing that altogether- It's not because you're the least annoying one that I will give humans a free pass. filthy creatures. *has his murder face on*

Asma: *scoffs* You insisted about taking me out so I could socialize, you can't be wanting to kill everyone just because a few of them talked to me.

Pride: "You're mine."

Asma: "I know. that's why you should be more laid back right?"

Pride: "Still want to eradicate one or two."

Asma: "Pride!! Come. the fuck. on!"

Pride: "......" *is brooding*

Asma: *rolls her eyes* And later you'd say that I am the one making scenes! sheesh...

xxxx

I want to hurt him with all of my might, 
Make him bleed like he makes me bleed,
Make him weep like a fallen angel
Make he writhe because of the pain.....

I want him to feel the way I do
How small I am compared to his greateness
How alone he makes me feel
How frail I appear to be for he could kill me
with a snap of his fingers
or with his eyes, the cruel daggers

I want him to look at me, see me, feel me
I want him to know how much I care about him
Maybe I am selfish in wanting him to want me
I certainly feel that way and I feel nauseous too
because demanding isn't me, I can't force him
or anyone for that matter and yet....
Yet.....

oh Angels in the sky, hear my prayer,
End this. Take it back. take it all back.
Take my love for him, my devotion to him
My anger at him, my hatred of him
save Elpis and leave me to rot somewhere
knowing full well I touched happiness
and yet, let it slip through my fingers, like a fool
knowing full well, he isn't meant for me
knowing full well, he came for her first.

Bless my soul, angels in the sky
I want him happy but my needs get in the way
My desire for him is burning so intensely
I cannot stop. I can just weep in secret.
For my love is forbidden, forever unrequited
For my love is eternal, forever burning for him
For my love makes me want him to win
So bless my soul.. help me endure it.
Make him care, that's all I need.

xxxx

-Chronicles of the primeval gods: Khrön remembers-

"I was blinded for so long by my love for Ayasha that I didn't see the axe drop on me. I believed every word she said about how necessary it was for us to find a solution for Elpis.

I naively believed that our sister would stop being in love with the sin or that if she were to be punished, it would be a small punishment instead of the permanent solution Ayasha and Ishtar came up with. I was wrong.

Ishtar stabbed and cursed ELpis, forcing her into an eternal cycle of reincarnation and for the brief hours we still could remember our sibling, the pantheon split in two sides. Those who supported Ishtar and Ayasha's decision to punish ELpis for her crime -which was falling in love with our enemy- and those, like me, who chose to oppose this decision.

A great war began, a bloodbath really and what could have I done? Me? the messenger of the gods? I wasn't powerful enough to stand against my siblings so I got squatted like a fly. I was put on a bench and thrown into a cell. By the time they came to me, I have forgotten the reason of our war. Elpis had vanished from the memories of those remaining gods. All I knew was that I disrespected the New All-Father, Ishtar the god of war and that I had to be punished.

I watched as they ripped off one of my wings, crippling me for the rest of my life with half of my powers. All I remember was tthey had mercy on me and I was free again after I pledged alliegeance to them. I had to, I committed a crime after all, so serving them was a way to repent. I still can remember Ayasha craddling me like an infant, showing me how generous and compassionate she was. She served me lies, they all did.

I didn't know I was being played with until my memories came back to me. Elpis scratched the seal and made herself known. Her light and loving presence called me and I remembered. I would always remember how distraught I was when I realized I have been working with the real enemy all along. POwer hungry brothers and sisters who took the opportunity of ELpis demise to overthrow the All-father.

I had to get back to Elpis. I had to protect her. I had to protect my sister."

xxxxx

(18.06.2017)

He told me I would forget. about him, that it only was a matter of time before he found the way to bring Elpis back without killing me. At first, it shocked me. I was told that the man I loved would quite simply just vanish from my memory. I refused to believe it and to be very honest, it hurt at first.

He already wanted to get rid of me, that's how I understood it. He didn't want this mere mortal to remember him because she wasn't worthy. Oh, I was delusional. I didn't want to think this through but it hit me.

After a while, I realized that it was exactely what I needed and I realized that he did it out of "care". He cared about me, he told me so. He cared about my well-being. He cared about me leading a happy life. He used those words. He wanted me to be happy and I would be happy if I have never met him. That was the only way we could all be satisfied. I would be happy if I never had Elpis inside of me. After all, I was collateral damage and never intended to be his. restoring me to what I was previously was a gift. I was lucky. I saw it then.

Of course.

Hope would be restored on Earth and everyone would be able to have a shot at life. I would be able to meet more interesting people and eventually my real soul mate. I took it as a chance to move forward and actually be in a fulfilling and happy relationship.

Yet, knowing it both appeases and scares me. I don't want to get to the day I would forget him. I want to remember how magnificent he was, how beautiful and irresistible he was, how powerful and commanding too. I want to remember the woman I became when I met him.I hope I would remember but even if I don't, I liked the person I was when Hope awoke inside of me.

I wish I couldn't forget about him, but I did. it's okay though. It liberated me and I decided to only focus on spending the best time with him from now. After all, if I would forget about him, he wouldn't so I'd rather give him the best memory of me. Something to remember.