OYA and Dean : Nightmare

A/N: Because it had to happen and because the scene didn't leave my mind. This is everything Oya is afraid of and has to endure whenever she has a nightmare (mostly when she's on a solo mission) All usual disclaimers

xxx

Her nightmares were always violent. No matter how hard Oya tried to snap out of these, they were violent. Memories of her brother's last words resurfaced, that was the cue for her that the dream she entered was no dream but a nightmare. She always walked on a path, the very same one at an abandoned hospital aisle. She would have visions of her late brother, asking her why she didn't prevent him from going on his own when she should have. That it was her stupid pride that cost him his life. That the blood of their mother was on her hands because she wasn't able to stop him. Then she saw the corpse of her mother, holding its head and bearing various stab wounds on her chest since it was the way her mother died, beheaded by her own son and stabbed on her chest repeatedly in front of the hunter's eyes. Her vision would ask why Oya didn't stop her brother and why did she allow their mother to die like an animal. Usually, it was the moment Oya started to feel her eyes filling themselves with fresh unshed tears. She was about to cry but never could because tears refused to fall. So she kept on walking, whispering that she was sorry about what happened and that she wished it was her instead of them. She would walk and would be stopped by the very scene of her mother's murder and freeze for a minute. Her eyes would shift from left to right as she didn't know what to do nor did she want to keep watching the horrible scene in front of her. But the screams were piercing the astounding silence of the hallway. The screams of her mother as she was dying were still haunting Oya up to this day, along with the blood splattered everywhere and the solid, constant and slow move of her possessed brother's arm as he beheaded their mother. In real life, when it happened, Oya didn't scream. She couldn't scream. The horror of the scene, her frozen body and the shock of realizing that her brother also was gone prevented Oya from screaming so even in her dreams, she couldn't utter a single note.

As soon as her mother died and the vision of her brother killing her stopped moving, it vanished and she could walk again. Her feet took her a little further, always on a straight line. She couldn't help herself but move forward. From left to right ghosts of people she lost during her hunts -the innocent victims and the hunter friends she lost along the way- showed her to shame her and remind her of her failures. Of course, they did. Of course, they would have done it if it wasn't a nightmare. She kept apologizing for what happened to them, convinced that it was her fault and she should have taken their place instead. It always left a bitter taste in her mouth when she woke up and didn't really let Oya escape from her guilt. It was eating her up and she never shared the content of her nightmares. She never tried to talk to someone because nobody could understand what it was to feel like carrying the weight of the world on your shoulder and feel responsible for everything that turned wrong in the world. Her guilt was devouring Oya and the realization that she was alone. Her father's ghost tormented her and it was the one that hurt the most because she witnessed him withering away because of grief. He never blamed her in real life but she took the blame anyway and was devastated by his death. It happened very fast, very brutally and she watched as her father became so sick that even his figure changed.

It hurt to hear him ask her why he had to lose his family and why his only child wasn't able to prevent this disaster from happening. « you were the smarter one, you should have figured this out earlier. So your mother would at least still be alive. » it was true, but it also wasn't. She could not have prevented it from happening since she didn't know her brother was possessed until it was very late. But anything she could beat herself up would do, right? So, of course, she carried the guilt of the destruction of her family. She still couldn't cry, not until she reached out to the last ghost. Usually, it was Fabrice, her former fiancé who was the last one to appear to her. He would tell her all the horrible things his possessed corpse told her. How much he really despised her since she lost the ability to conceive. How much she embarrassed him and disappointed her family because she would be nothing more than a tool. How much he wished he had never met her.

He kept saying very hurtful words to her, all the while he was attacking her and in the nightmare, it wasn't different. As a punishment, she had to kill him over and over again. It was a brutal death, one that had her gauge his eyes out all the while casting a spell to expel the demon from her fiance's corpse. He struggled a lot and was about to cast a spell on her so she ripped his tongue off with her bare hands. There was so much blood that her hands, face, chest and everything in between was splattered with the man she once loved's blood. It made her nearly puke. She should have cried at this moment, but there had been a change recently.

The change's name was Dean Winchester.

Dean put it all upside down. She thought that Fabrice's death would numb her to love and make it easier for her to feel anything for anyone. Oya thought that she could be good with just occasional sex and the occasional hunt. Living a life that would make her travel from place to place until she found her « brother » and die from the confrontation after she had saved the day. She was chasing after death and imagined that her trip to the US would be her last. That was before she met the Winchesters and they started to take such a huge place in her heart that she wasn't able to think of how life was before she met them. She slowly started to live again. To have a home to come to and people she loved too. To be accepted again. To be seen as a human being and not just a tool. Her heart started to beat again and habits started to settle down between the three of them -and slowly but surely the four of them since her relationship with Castiel improved greatly since last time. She still hated Angels but Castiel was becoming the exception.- Habits like sending Dean voice messages and pictures during one of his hunts with Sam, or going into his room and sneaking under his sheets to spend the night cuddling with him. She opened up the door into her heart without realizing and now, she couldn't take a step back. She fell for him. It wasn't that big of a deal for her because she already had all she ever wanted and believed she could afford. He was there for her, he cared for her, he took care of her whenever she needed it. They hunted together and had sex. but the intimacy wasn't there. It would never be there and Oya knew that. At least, she believed that.

So the last ghost in her nightmare was Dean's. Tall, cold and sincerely mean. Sometimes he would be dying in front of her and come back haunting her asking why she didn't save me. Oher times he would assault her straight away. Tonight was one of these assaulting Dean she had. He would come to her and spit some truth she already knew or thought she did. He would tell her how much he hated her guts, how much he was tolerating her because he pitied her and wanted to be a good Samaritan. He told her that she should have listened to Castiel and ran away from him because he couldn't build anything with both of his hands and would rather destroy whatever good they had than make it leave its course. He told her that he was waiting until he found someone better so he could dump her like Fabrice never could do it. And she would cry, tears she didn't understand very well. It was a strange mix of shame, of heartbreak and of self-hate. Dean words were validating what she thought of herself, that she wasn't worthy of his affection or anyone for that matter. That she didn't belong to the family, that she deserved what happened to her and should atone for her sins. Dean words were breaking her heart because yes, she was avoiding her feelings for him in fear of being rejected and her nightmare was just about it. He was rejecting her and the more he was saying hurtful words, the more pain she felt. Her tears were rolling on her cheeks like water on waterlilies. Tears she couldn't hold back and that fueled the nasty ghost of the man she cared the most about.

« Stop it. »

« I think what you fail to realize Oya, is that I am not as dense as you think I am. I can read through you and I know how you feel about me. I can see it. I can feel it. I know how it ends. »

« Don't say a word, please. » She said as she saw his eyes turn black, sign that he was possessed by a demon which shouldn't be possible due to his tattoo. But it was a dream and as she heard, he had been a demon at one point in his life so it wasn't too far stretched

« It ends with me telling you to get your ass out of my damn bunker and stop with your nonsense about love and all of that bullshit! I can't love you back, I won't love you back and yet you keep on falling in love with me eh? Maybe you like that »

« STOP IT! » She yelled, tears rolling faster and faster onto her cheeks. « STOP IT !! »

« Maybe you like failed relationships? Maybe you find comfort in these because they're just like you, failed like the failed hunter you are! Pathetic ! » His tone was super harsh and super mean and Oya tried to fight his words, shaking her head harder and harder.

« Please! Stop it! »

« You had the luxury to live a life where being a hunter was accepted and you ruined it because you were too proud to talk your brother out of his attempt at impressing you. You had the luxury to have a family while Sammy and I had to lose both parents and had to be raised in such a shitty way by a man who was obsessed with getting his revenge! YOU had this luxury and you FAILED at preserving it! »

« Please! No ... » she whispered, holding fistfuls of her hair as Ghost!Dean kept on spitting awful things to her face.

« You had a fiancé and you decided to drink a potion you weren't sure about and got barren as a result. »

« Dean.... please! »

« You disgust me. » She shook her head. « You're not a woman. Get off of me. » She shook her head, unable to resist his words or fight them. I was the way the dream was designed, to make her suffer and traumatize her over and over again. « I don't love you and you're too dumb to notice it. » She shook her head, becoming smaller and smaller while he was becoming bigger and bigger in the dream. He then grabbed her neck and started to squeeze it really hard, making it impossible for her to breathe. She looked at him, unable to fight Dean because it was him. Ghost or not, it was him!

In real life, Dean noticed that she was starting to shake and twist on the bed. He knew she was having a nightmare and was worried about the content of it since she called his name. He held her against his frame and kept petting her hair while telling her that he was just right next to her but it didn't seem to help and it didn't help at all. She was too far gone in her nightmare so he would have to wait until she woke up to actually comfort her the best. She kicked and struggled against his grip until she woke up in a scream and felt powerful arms wrapped around her tiny frame. Disoriented, the small hunter was looking around her, only to feel the slow and comforting dean's heartbeats and the warmth of his body pressed against hers. Her fingers were clenching and unclenching at a steady pace before she grabbed his t-shirt and clung to it. Dean lost his fingers into her hair and kissed her forehead to appease her. He felt her tears wet his shirt, felt her body shake against him, heard her voice die at the back of her throat.

« D.Dean? Dean ! » She called out, as she wanted to make sure it really was him and she really was out of her nightmare.

« I'm here Oya. I'm here, » he said in a reassuring tone, his voice a little softer than it usually was. He kept showering her forehead with soft kisses.

« Dean... Dean, I'm sorry. » She muttered and held him tighter. He kept his hand into her hair and massaged her scalp to help her relax against him.

« All is good here. I'm here, I'm alive and well. You're safe. You are safe and you're with me Oya. » He said as she slowly calmed down he rooted her into reality once again. He kept petting her hair while she was claiming herself down and let her wrap her arms around his chest. She looked so small and so vulnerable right there against him. He was her anchor to life, she knew it by now. Not just him but the whole Team Free Will. They made her want to stay alive and losing any of them would already be a huge loss she couldn't afford.

But him ?.

She'd better die than lose him. He was her anchor to this world, he was her everything.

(TBC)