// All usual disclaimer!
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« Well, we didn't take a selfie for that one, but Alphonso, the restaurant owner insisted on taking the perfect picture for the two of us he scanned and sent me on my email for me to keep. So, I was super nervous after my little stunt in front of the mirror, my head was trying to get straight and make up its mind. I decided not to care about how the evening would go because it would be a great one. A home run as I call it. First appetizer with the paintball, then the first dish with the vintage cars and now it was the main course! A real candlelight dinner with presents for him to celebrate my one year living with the Winchesters at the bunker. Too much you think? Well, not for me. Dean never had it very easy before I moved in and won't have it easier now that I'm staying. He and I have always had complicated lives, difficult to the point I sometimes wished I had it different and cursed my life as a hunter. He knows what I'm talking about, he's been through his fair share of atrocities and I really wanted him to have a good night. A hunting-free night, a night where he wouldn't be on duty but just be himself. I had the privilege to watch him through the day and it filled my heart with love. I know it now. I admitted it earlier. I am in love with that stupid tall man. He's not stupid, take my words back. You know what I mean. I am in love and I don't know how to handle the news as in, it's overflowing you see?
We arrived and it was great from the start. Alphonso greeted me, thanked me again for saving his life some months ago and reassured me discreetly by telling me everything was set up and all we had to do was sit and eat. Dean was crowned with a princess' crown and we were made to sit at a semi-private space where nobody would peeping tom us. Nice ! I must say, it went well from the start, we ordered, we bantered a bit then music hit the first notes. I requested that the band played some classic rock songs, from AC/DC to Aerosmith to the Rolling Stones and I am sure I forgot many of them. They had several months to train so it all sounded perfect. Dean knew I asked, I have zero poker face remember? I couldn't hide my excitement, let alone the fact this special attention was just for him. I'm smooth eh? Well, it is smooth! He enjoyed every minute of it, I know that. Then things took another turn, it was time for the gifts. So you know me right? I couldn't keep in place, I was jumping like an idiot on my chair and gushing about how cute my little Princess looked like! Okay okay, not a princess, he said he looked more like King Baratheon without the ugly beard and a more fit edition. Okay, I can give him that. He looked even better than king Baratheon.
I think I didn't tell you, but he wore a tux. He wore a tux just for me! He was looking like James Bond and I was looking at him with hungry eyes. I mean, come on! I wanted to rip his shirt off, undress him and proceed to actually fuck him for real. I would have loved it. If tonight went well, I wanted to end up the evening with a nice good love-making session. I would have made love to him, I was in the mood for that. I wanted to take my time, go easy on him, savor every minute of his God-given body and his voice and his grunts... mmhh I had plans for that evening! That's why I was wearing that skin-tight red dress, to titillate his senses and inform him that he was gonna get it good tonight. Spoiler alert! I fell asleep as soon as we went home because of food coma! I literally couldn't do anything because my body shut down and went into sleep mode! Fuck it! But it's okay. The rest of the evening, the main course, was amazing! I gave him that gun, I gave him that VERY expensive original and vintage gun I knew he'd love. Fancy on the outside polished and clean on the inside. Its original name was the Lucky Star but I didn't want to tell Dean about it because I wanted him to baptize the gun instead. I'm a romantic you see? Stupid romantic little Oya who couldn't help but grin through and through. If he wasn't that dense I think he would have noticed the whole thing was a big « I love you » right?
I made it clear though. I said the words! When I gave him the necklace with the sculpted pendant I made -you know? Those anti-mind-control spells that also happen to help the owner of the pendant keep a tiny bit of their mind if possessed so they have a fighting chance? Yeah, that kind of thing. Pure Cameroonian Style! It had to be sculpted by the hands of someone who felt genuine love for the owner and enchanted by the same person. So I did it all, I told him that. Right hands with the right feelings. He said he was too awesome to lose himself -and put my necklace around his neck! Ah ! My heart! I nearly fainted!-and I said I loved him too much to let that happen! Yeah ! I said it. He didn't even flinch. I kept moving on cause I wasn't expecting a reply from him. I was more worried about him standing up and walking away from me but he stayed. It was all I needed. He stayed and we kept talking as if nothing happened despite me dropping the bomb. At some point, I asked if he liked me to be around him and Sam, and he said I was family, that of course he liked to have me around and he kisses my cheek. That was the second time. I lost a heartbeat or two. Jesus ! That was the most genuine gesture he ever had towards me. Not a kiss on the lips, cause we're almost a 100% sure they would lead to us making out and us having sex. no.. A kiss on the cheek. He never does these. I had a kiss on the forehead whenever I had nightmares and he wanted to comfort me but I never had a kiss on the cheek. I think he saw the love in my eyes cause girl, I couldn't hide it anywhere! I think he knows now. I told him he was my apple-pie after all! He knows! He knows so I won't need to say anything more about it. I said my piece. He didn't reject nor accept it, that's just how things are and I'm more than fine with it. And we moved on. We went back home and I fell asleep.
Thing is... Thing is I feel liberated. You see, I knew for some time that I was feeling that way but refused to face my emotions. I buried my head into the sands until that Jenny Bloomberg incident? The dating app argument? I knew I was in love but was too afraid to acknowledge it, let alone make the first step. But I did. And I realized that it wasn't that much of a big deal. I love him. You know? I've seen so much shit around him, happening to him that I just wanted him to know that someone was caring for him. I just wanted him to know that I had his best interest in mind, maybe I might fuck up but I want him to live, to smile, to find an additional purpose than just wiping out mean monsters from the country. I want to give him the happy life he deserves to have and it doesn't matter if he doesn't give me back, cause like I said earlier, I already have all I can ask for. A place to call home, people who care about me, great sex and an additional purpose in my life, especially now that my brother is dead and I practically decided to fall back into just doing my job. He gave me something more, now I can watch after him. I can soothe him if he has a nightmare like he does when I have mine. I can make him smile and relieve him from the weight on his shoulders. I can be the voice that tells him « shut the fuck up, you're worthy of being loved. » or « I won't give up on you. I won't leave your sides. » cause I don't anymore. I have my place here, I have my future here, with them... with him.
Silly loving heart, now I'm going to sleep with a big grin on my freaking face but it's alright. I can indulge tonight. It was my night.
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