~ If you love me let me go... If you love me let me go....~
« The fear of falling apart, and truth be told I never was yours...The fear, the fear of falling apart. »
Oya sang to herself, while her fingers tapped against the wooden table in front of her. Her hazel eyes looked at Jake who was performing an acoustic version of this song, on stage. She surprised herself with a tear, followed with another one as he kept singing this song at a slower pace than the original studio version. The lyrics to the song were speaking to her, remembering the time she was in love with a man who didn't love her back. Fabrice couldn't possibly love her if he left as soon as she couldn't carry his children. How could he claim otherwise years after years if the only thing he wanted was children? He could have set her free, he should have let her go when he could, but he didn't. He put distance between the two of them but he never truly break-up with her. He never truly released her from their bond. She mind-absently rubbed her stomach, knowing full well that nothing would ever grow inside of her. Oh...it was a wound that never fully closed, a wound she still carried with her to this day, even though she never talked about it in details with Dean. Dean knew, of course, that she was barren. He knew her fiancé left her and she later had to kill him herself. Two sentences one horrible crisis night was all Dean ever knew and yet he still stayed. He still wanted her. He never thought she was less than a woman. At the thought of him, Oya choked on her drink and put the bottle on the table.
Her eyes slowly filled themselves with unshed tears as she looked back at the stage and a passionate Jake hitting the high notes of the song. Her family was gone, years ago. Killed by a demon and slain by a disease she could do nothing about. The demon was killed, with the help of Dean Winchester, and she could finally mourn for their deaths. There were days when Oya was missing them, and on days like these, she was very sensitive and usually was even easier to anger. There were days when she could think of them without feeling her soul crumbling within her core. On good days, she would talk to them, casually mentioning how well she was doing considering all the crap she had to put up with. She would tell them about the Winchesters and that weird angel she befriended. She would go on and on about Sam and how the two of them geeked out on magical artifacts and new spells. She would talk about him figuring out how much she cared for Dean and trying to show that he was supportive without saying it. She would talk about Dean, and how safe he made her feel, how she wanted to wake up to see another day because he was here and how worried she was for him because she knew him. She would talk about Castiel and how he made her change her mind about 'one' angel. He was the exception to the rule that said angels were cunts and couldn't be trusted. And she loved the three of them dearly. More than she could even dare say at this point. They were her family. They were the lighthouse in her chaos and she wanted to come back to them, she needed them to come back to her.
~Don't try to sleep through the end of the world. Bury me alive 'Cause I won't give up without a fight.~
« If you love me let me goooooo... »
Oya sang again. Her head still swinging to the rhythm as she took another sip of her beer. Jake. Jake was very new to her life. She first met him a year ago, which was a lot in hunter years. He was a good man, and while she could see how different he was from his brothers, there still was the Winchester vibe he couldn't get rid of. There still was the lingering pain that was barely at the surface, the moments of silence and long pauses in between sentences were also shared between the brothers but Oya was used to them so it didn't bother her. Unlike Sam and Dean, however, Jake was able to make a life for himself, a life far from the supernatural world. He was more laid back than they were and embraced life a lot more than them. While Dean and Sam were walking sacrificial lambs, Jake wanted to live. He wanted to bite Life and live it to its fullest and perhaps that was one more reason she liked him. He was full of life, despite what she knew were tragedies after tragedies. He was a Winchester, he had to have suffered at some point in his life. He was a hunter, and that also came with its painful package. The loss of friends, the loss of family, you name it, Jake probably went through this too.
« If you love me let me gooooo. »
She sang again, unable to stop herself from crying the tears she had stored before. She let them roll, Jake's music allowed for tears to roll down after all. Oya sighed and wiped them off of her face with the back of her hand. He couldn't possibly write such beautiful lyrics without at least having felt them before. How could he touch Oya's soul if it wasn't something he went through as well? She was amazed by his skills, by the way, he could put in his voice the weight of sorrow and heartbreak or the way he was able to convey joy in bouncier songs. She loved Jake. He was a very good friend, always ready to listen to her, always ready to mess up with her, always ready for a good laugh and a nice joke. She wanted to preserve this, this state of being, that peace that existed in between them. Tonight, like each night she got to listen to him, Oya wouldn't bring work to Jake. She would make sure he doesn't get sucked into her world as he wished. She leaned her cheek against the warm palm of her hand and smiled at Jake as he finished singing and acknowledged her presence with a nod towards her. She raised her glass and smiled more broadly. she watched him put his guitar on the side after he announces a short break to refresh his throat, a nice excuse to share a drink with Oya before he returned on stage. Life is good. Life was good.
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