Chronicles of the primeval gods: Life and Death of Ishtar: Regrets

Chronicles of the primeval gods: Life and Death of Ishtar: Regrets

A/N : Ah, Ishtar and his complicated feelings. We'd think he'd move on but he clearly is stuck there.

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Ayasha wasn't the only one who couldn't find Elpis and the Sin no matter how hard they were trying to. Ishtar had been looking for his enemies, using all the resources available to him but even with his immense power, the New All-Father couldn't find his sister. She always escaped him no matter what he did. It infuriated him, not just because he couldn't find Elpis, but because he couldn't forget about her. Her ghost followed him wherever he went, and hallucinations of her took over at night when he was the most vulnerable to his own desires. The shape of her frame, the illusory warmth of her body, the soft pink locks, and the ebony skin all came back to his mind, taunting him in his dreams and tortured him when he was awake. He could never forgive himself for his betrayal.

She could never let him breathe, no matter what he did. He tried to kill her twice in his mind, ensuring that she would no longer haunt him but it was to no avail. Always, did her spirit come back to him, mocking him for having dreamed of being hers, taunting him for killing her for good when they would meet on the battlefield. He dreaded that instant when he would face her again. He knew that his betrayal broke her spirit free from the mental conditioning his whole family participated in. She no longer was the innocent lamb with the untapped power that could put any of them to shame. She no longer was the obedient little goddess who was willing to go with her older brother on battlefields to influence men. She no longer was his little sister, his pink flame, his adored one, and the one he wished to lace his destiny with. The last part always stung because he knew she would never choose him.

She never chose him. She always chose the Sin. He remembered the arguments, the desperate attempts at making her stop seeing this wretched abomination. He remembered the anguish he felt about her choosing another and the heartbreak of never being an option she'd choose from. He remembered the jealousy he felt and how it burned his soul. His heart and chest were always hurting, burning hard anytime he would lay his eyes on her because he would see another man. He would see another man put his hands on her, run his fingers through her pink locks, whisper in her ear that she was his, claiming her over and over and tainting her in doing so. He couldn't fathom the idea that someone else was her chosen one and even less that he would never be hers. She would never be his. Desperate and angry he drove that blade into her heart, sealing her fate, punishing her forever. Desperate and angry he drove her away from him for good. He regretted his choice, and he knew that he would have regretted it the same if not more should the blade have killed her for good. He harmed Elpis, the one he swore to never hurt. He hurt her because his selfish desires took over his brain. Things could still have been different, should he have been more patient.

Now he couldn't forget about her and he couldn't forgive himself.

The only choice was for him to keep moving forward.

And he would.

-TBC-