Summer looked good on the princess. She was able to wear lighter dresses and braid her hair. Her conversation with Tyrion and Jaime prompted Bäahal to go outside a little more. Yes, she was still avoiding Daenerys and was less than thrilled to be talking to Tyrion but she had to be out, she had to see the sun and she had to familiarize herself with the castle once again. She had stopped looking past her shoulder, Within the walls of the Red Keep, surrounded with her family and friends, Bäahal felt better. She walked towards the throne room but stopped before she could open the large doors. Her eyes averted from left to right as she didn't know if she would work up the courage to move forward. she eyed the heavy door, prayed for Dany to not be behind the door, and pushed the heavy wooden door forward. There wasn't Dany, but there was Jon Targaryen.
They eyed each other for a while, with just a slight nod to acknowledge each other, before Bäahal walked closer to the dark-haired brother-in-law. She bowed slightly, her purple hues set upon the maps and written documents spilled on the table before she looked back at Jon. Jon noticed the frow on her face and gently put his finger on her chin, to make her look up to his face. She was trying to avoid him, as she always did whenever she was crossing paths with him outside the confines of her comfortable chambers. Jon knew Bäahal by heart now. He knew when she was walking on eggs, fearful of irritating egos and causing yet another unsavory argument between Daenerys and her. He also could tell when she was upset and exhausted. The silver princess needed comfort and since she couldn't find it in the arms of her beloved, Jon decided he would become the shoulders she needed to cry on. after all, they were family, weren't they?
"You didn't expect me to be here." -She nodded quickly.- "You certainly wished it wasn't Dany, am I right?" -She nodded before she held onto her dress.- "Bäahal, you can relax. It is just me and you." -He moved his head, silently ordering the guards to station behind the door so they could have some privacy. Bäahal sighed and turned around, showing him her back so he wouldn't see the conflict in her face.
"It is difficult to relax when the one thing you desire isn't allowed." She sighed. "I will follow every single order given to me, to prove my loyalty to the crown, to the family... but it costs me." She admitted pinching both lips together. "It costs me, Jon, to never be able to look at the man I love and hold his hand, share a kiss.. project myself in the future with him." She dropped her head. "I do have to walk on eggs since my first conversation with Dany, she wouldn't listen to me, I doubt she would listen to me today. I did as it was advised to me and let a couple weeks go by without bringing this back."
"But you hid. You spent those weeks weeping in your room, barely leaving it to visit the gardens, barely using this time to talk to her." He stated. Jon wasn't berating the princess for he knew she had been through a very traumatic experience and he didn't want to chastise her for recovering at her own pace. however, she did stay locked in her room and rarely met with her sister. how did she think she would convince the queen to believe in the purity of her love if she didn't talk to her?
"You speak as if she would listen to me." -The ebony Targaryen turned around to look at her sibling with flames in her eyes. those flames he knew so well because she shared them with Dany. her soul was on fire, her spirit rejuvenated. And he was both pleased and confused as to why she was looking at him this way.- "I have tried, several times to talk to her about everything BUT Jaime. It is difficult to speak with her, Jon. Every time she looks at me, she sees her mistake in letting me go. so it's been difficult talking about the siege or whatever I did before it happened. All she sees was that I nearly died and if it wasn't for Lady Kyra, I would be dead for good." She took a deep breath and looked at Jon again. "I can't speak to her. She won't listen."
"Yes, you can. Before you came back home, we've been talking every day about your return. Dany kept telling me how she was eager to help braid your hair, or how she wanted to help you pick up your dresses. yes, those were out of character for her, for both of you... but she desperately needs to bond with you again. when you left for your diplomatic trips, you and I both know she agreed to let you against her interest here. She let you do this because she loved you." -He paused, watching the silver head curl her fingers into fists.- "You know she loves you. what you don't know is how terrified of losing you she was. From the moment we learned you were under siege, to the moment they saved you, she was fighting her urges to climb on Drogo and lay waste to your enemies. Even now... we're struggling with convincing her to let you and Jaime go and track down those responsible. I had to hold her in my arms every night because she was crying over you." He then came and held her hands.
"Don't speak to me as if I didn't know what she had to deal with. I knew the risks when I chose to go through with my affection for the knight. I knew I would have had to fight the seven gods old and new...I know I am loyal to my sister and the crown and I told her that she held my future in her hands... It is just unfair, all of this is unfair Jon." -She held his hands tighter and leaned her head against his chest. - "I made a promise before the gods.." -She whispered.- "I promised that I would love him no matter what. I would always cherish him and if that meant loving him in a distance, then so be it... it's just.. it hurts so much." She said, relaxing against the taller man and crying those tears she held back. "I don't know if seeing me would help my relationship with Dany. I still think that she's mad at me for almost dying and for falling in love with Jaime..."
Jon let his fingers run over the soft locks of the princess as he pressed her body to his and he put her in a tight embrace. She wrapped her arms around his waist and cried harder. He remembered how it felt with Ygritte. She was the enemy and he ended up falling in love with her. the whole story ended tragically with her dying in front of him and her looking at him with the face of a betrayed lover. he learned to cope with it, found love again with Dany, but the sting never really left him. an experience he wouldn't forget It broke his heart to hear Bäahal cry the way she did, because he understood that she was sincere in her feelings for the knight and he understood that she was ready to give up on being with him should her sister command it. the sacrifice was huge, perhaps way too important to be taken lightly. He knew Bäahal was loyal and she had everyone's best interest in mind, but what about her?
"Yes, it is unfair. I cannot speak for your sister and tell you what she would decide ultimately, but all I can say is that you have the right to be happy and make your own future. Yes, the man you love is the most hated of the whole world, but I have seen him, I have talked to him and I now understand him better than I ever did before. He loves you and cares deeply for you, he respects the reality we are all in and Dany's authority. but he places your safety above everything else. I don't like the idea of you two being separated and your love denied, but I know that if it is what the queen desires, he would obey." -At his words, Bäahal sobbed harder and held him tighter. "I want you to be happy Bäahal and I have seen you be happy when he was around." He gently pulled away and cupped both of her cheeks.-
"Jon....is it really possible? would you let me love him?" -She asked with a broken voice. He nodded and wiped away some of her tears.-
"I will, not because I like this man, or because I did forgive him for what he did to my brother. I will because you love him and I see how lit up you are whenever he's around. you care for him and I think you are happy, truly happy for the first time in your life and I don't want you to lose that sparkle in your eyes." -He wiped away the tears that were rolling on her cheeks and gently smiled at her.-
"You are.... so kind to me, brother. You are so kind."
She closed her eyes and lowered her head to cover her tears but Jon shook his head and kept wiping her tears off of her face. He meant his words, she was happy and it was something he couldn't possibly take away from her. He wasn't the one to make a decision and wouldn't force Dany to choose one way rather than the other, but he wanted his sister to be happy and to have something for herself. Unlike Jaime, he did watch as she was struggling with the princes, he did notice her disgusted face whenever she met new suitors and how much she was missing Jaime. He noticed the smile and soft chuckles she had while talking about him. He had to be blind not to see true love in the eyes of the princess and he had to be heartless to want to deprive her of such love. He wanted Bäahal to see that she had an ally in him, at least someone who could support her.
He heard her exhale and as he pulled her face up with a finger on her chin, the young man gently wiped her tears off of her face. it was Summer, Bäahal was alive and she was trying her best to leave her room. Jon knew that the advice he gave her was actually a good one and he knew that despite the poor reception it got, Bäahal would be thinking of it. She moistened her lips and slowly suckled on them while her eyes slowly looked up to him. he was right, she couldn't spend her days locked in her room, nor could she eventually just go outside for one stroll and avoid her family. She still had to live and show that she meant well. She still had to defend her relationship and be a sister to Daenerys and one to Jon. She realized that perhaps, avoiding them would no longer be the solution to the situation and that she was severing ties to her family, which she didn't want to.
"I want to come back to you, Jon... I don't know how..."
"I will help you, Bäahal. All you have to do is come back to us. Come back to eating with us first." He suggested. "Then enjoy the gardens, go see the dragons...talk to your sister no matter how quick it is. it's better if you speak than if you don't say a word to the other." -She swallowed a lump and nodded. it was better to speak than not to. he was right about it.- "Dany will come around, I'm sure. As soon as she sees just how true you are to him and how much you care for her, things would fall in place."
"May the merciful gods hear you, Jon. May they hear you." She said, holding onto his hand and nodding quietly. "As a matter of fact, tonight, I would try and join you for dinner. Please, have my back... just in case."
"I promise you before the gods, old and new, that I would always make sure you're alright. I will make sure you're alright Bäahal. I've got you."
And he proceeded to hug his sibling in a warm embrace. he would lie to himself if he didn't admit that feeling her against him wasn't comforting. Her absence within the walls of the Red Keep was heavily felt, not just by the queen but by Jon himself. She would take her time to walk all over the place, play with the kids, talk to the commoners. she would take her time and would leave somehow a trace, something....her absence just made it even harder to accept. the silence didn't suit this place and the lack of Bäahal wasn't best either. She was, after all, his friend before anything else. and when he wanted to talk or vent with the assurance that his words would never leave the two of them, he couldn't. So he held her longer than he wanted to, just to relish in her presence.
"I've got you..." -He repeated before slowly releasing the princess.
Her face was now dry, for she had stopped crying and was now staring at the man with a smile on her face. She didn't say anything but nodded her approval. she heard him. she trusted him and she will trust that tonight's dinner would be better than their previous attempts. after all, there would only be family and all of them were eager to talk to the other, so what could go wrong this time?
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