Pretender

I am a pretender,
I pretend everything is fine, a small smile here, a bigger smile there.
I pretend I have everything under control and nothing can stop me.
I pretend I am strong and I pretend I can move on.
You hurt me? No biggie, I can pretend it never happened or I can pretend it doesn't affect me.
I hurt you though? I would go out of my ways to make amends all the while punishing myself.
And nobody could see past the scheme.
Nobody could see past the smiles.
I'm just good like that.


I am a pretender,
I pretend I know everything and that I understand everything so I would never be surprised.
I pretend I can anticipate everyone's behavior so I wouldn't be surprised, you bet I don't.
I pretend I don't feel pain, or need help so people wouldn't worry about me and would admire me.
But this is bullshit, this is so false. I am not strong, I am not strong at all.
Thing is that I am falling apart and I am witnessing it from afar.
And nobody could see past the schemes.
Nobody could see past the smiles.
I'm just good like that.

Nobody could see past the schemes,
Nobody could see past the smiles
Nobody could see my pain, for I keep it all inside.

I am a pretender but I know that if I keep doing so
The next thing I would be would be dead, I am heading that way
I could stop it, maybe, if I willed myself to

The trick is... I am not sure I want to.