allow yourself to be loved!

Quote of the day: "There's got to be a moment when you realize that you should allow yourself to be loved." <--- Brought to you by my sweet-sweet David. S.

I personally think he must be hitting his head against the wall because it's not the first time he said that lol. But you're right, boo. There is "building walls around your heart" to make sure you're not getting hurt as bad as you have been before and there is "I'm running away from people who love me or potentially can" because you can't fathom the possibility that someone actually cares about you. I can't speak for everyone, I can only speak for some with a traumatic and violent past, someone who would be caught dead with a knife rather than accept other people positive feelings for them. Because it stems from various fears. Fear of not being enough, fear of being too much, fear of being abandoned, fear of being deceived, fear of being unable to return those feelings because we don't feel worthy of them. the list can get longer or shorter, it depends on people and where they are at life.

It is even more upsetting because it does follow you around, even when you have turned your life for the better. Even when you escaped from the cycle of abuse, surrounded yourself with trusting and loving friends, plucked out the negative people from your life...it still follows you like the plague. it's crippling at times, overwhelming too because you can't really enjoy your relationships as they are because there is this little voice in your head anticipating the end. But don't worry, talking usually helps clear the mind and appease the soul. Talking truly is the best for those of us with anxiety issues because it does defuse a lot of bombs and it helps us see our reality better. So say, you're better now with better friends but romantic love still is a big issue.

What then?

Then you have people like David, who will remind you that, you can't possibly cut yourself off of romance, especially when you want some and when you're ready for it. You can't wait for the perfect significant other to happen because love (and life) is messy and unexpected. It never goes the way you want it to and sometimes it's actually better. Love, for a control freak like me, is something very difficult to allow because there is little to no control you can have. there is little one can do but just feel and this is it, this is the nail the hammer has to hit: You (we) have to allow yourself to feel.

So let's try this.