Resilience,
If there was a word that could define her, it would be resilience. You needed to be determined to live the life she had. Being a hunter wasn't a task most people could put up with. Not everyone could deal with the horrors and the loss. Not everyone could handle the fear that clung to one's guts and the uncertainty of the day that would come after. You needed a will made of Iron, a focus on the mission that was given to hunters: protect mankind from monsters.
It wrecked minds, ripped hearts apart and battered bodies. It was an ungrateful job, where the days you could save everyone were rare. It was a job where death was the ever-clinging companion. You could die at any moment, you could lose someone you care about at any moment and then... then.. you had to kill. You had to do the dirty deeds and soak your hands in the blood of the monsters you killed. That could quickly become heavy.
How could you build something when all you have is despair, grit and nightmares? How could you enjoy life when everything was bleak? HOw could you love after so much heartbreak? She believed that her heart was too dry for that. That love couldn't grow from the perceived barren land that was her heart. She believed that she couldn't find a new family or have a new home in the Winchesters and Dean, especially Dean... Yet she was wrong. How could she handle such a life?
Resilience...
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