Doya: "Humanity."

 Doya: humanity

//  I love those darlings.  I miss them.

"Humanity. 

Oya had been offered the possibility to erase her humanity, once. Long before she met the Winchesters, an American demon asked if she wanted to forsake her humanity in order to stop suffering. The offer was tempting and she struggled a lot in order not to give into it. Back then, she needed her rage. She needed her pain in order to find the Asanbosam and avenge her family. She needed to be reminded of the horrors she had witnessed, the powerlessness she felt because the monster was far stronger than her and she couldn't stop it when she realized that her brother had been killed and possessed by it.  She needed the rage and disgust she felt when she had to kill her fiancé after he too, was possessed by the creature.  The American Demon knew which button to press and he knew just how much she was in pain. It would have been so easy to give into him, to let the pain go away, to forget about compassion and love. She would have done so if the demon had found her after she'd killed the Asanbosam. She would have lost her soul in order to become an even better hunter.  How silly this felt now that she was sitting on the couch, in between Dean and Sam. 

Humanity was a curse. 

Castiel was sitting on a single couch, he was enjoying the conversation with the rest of Team Free Will, who was musing about mortality, humanity, and the apocalypses they had avoided over the years. It was a lovely family night spent laughing, telling stories, and Oya cuddling with Dean and teasing the rest of the family. She admitted that night, about the dilemma she faced when that demon gave her that offer. She spoke about her desire to give up on her humanity and how much of a death-seeker she was years ago. Things changed over time and she was in a much happier mental state now. She had found a family, people who could anchor her to this life, and people who gave her a reason to live. She had a newfound desire to protect innocent people and go to their rescue if need be. She reconsidered the offer. Would she give up on her humanity now? 

Humanity was a curse, but also a gift. 

Oya noted that she wouldn't try to stop feeling, even if she was going through a lot of pain. She wouldn't want to forget about her favorite boys. She wouldn't want to forget about how they made her feel, the warmth and comfort they brought her. She wouldn't want to forget about the nights spent laughing together, or the cases they worked together. She had so many good memories she shared with them, so many beautiful moments she refused to let go of. She wanted, in case one of them died, to be able to remember them. She wanted to be able to remember Dean's voice, the smiles he had on his face upon seeing Oya, or even how she felt when he kissed her. She didn't want to forget about Dean, nor did she want to lose her emotions. She wanted to give love to her family. She wanted to give them a shoulder to lean on. some sympathetic  ears She wanted to love them. She wanted to remember them. She wanted her humanity. 

Humanity is a blessing. Feeling the way I do is a blessing. Loving you is a blessing and I would protect my humanity and the rest of it.