Doya: Come find me

//All usual disclaimers//

Come find me, my love, come find us. I have been away from you for far too long. I didn't anticipate just how much I would be missing you. Come find me, my love, come find us. Ignore the assinine sentences I would throw at you, out of frustration. Ignore the tempest in my voice, the hurricane in my eyes when I think I am losing you. There was fear in my heart, fear of losing all that made me who I am. That injury was worse than any I had before, or so I thought. For the first time, I was worried because I had someone to return to, some place to go back to and people I loved once again. Would I have been on my own, I wouldn't have been that upset. I would have healed on my own and returned to the field. But I have you. I have you and being shot like that made me fear my very own death. I don't fear Death, even now. I fear to leave you alone. I fear that you will leave me too. I....Damn, we're supposed to be hardened by now. We're supposed to have seen it all and yet, I can't bring myself into thinking you might die or I might too. We are not talking about it, we avoid the conversation like the Plague but I need to find a moment to tell you that shall I die before you do, I don't want you to close off once again. You probably heard it all before, but I meant it, Dean. I mean my words.

Come find me, my love, come find us. We haven't been together for such a long time that I need to remember how it feels to have your arms around my frame. I need to remember how it feels to have your lips on my skin. I need to remember how it feels to run my fingers over your marred skin and think of the stories you told me about each and every one of your scar and tattoos. I want that Dean. I want to discover you again and find the imaginary yet familiar paths I traced on the skin of your chest. I want to discover you again and feel your heart beat faster in your ribcage. I need to smell you delicious mix of metal and menthol you always carry around you. I need you, love. I need us. I need to find the connection between us, the one I always put at risk with me pushing you to your limits, making you talk about unpleasant things, making you remember what you'd rather forget. I know I do that. I know I push you to your last lines of defense because I want to hear you.. the real you, not the polite sentences you throw here and there to dismiss my interrogation. Not the annoyed groan that escapes from your lips when you don't want to talk. And we get angry at each other, and we yell and usually, I leave our room and go to mine. I don't want to do that tonight.

I want to stay with you. So I will stay.

Come find me, my love, come find us. Tonight, I just want us to be together. Our hearts shall beat at the same time, our voices shall sing the melody of love. Our bodies shall dance together and our souls shall fuse and become one. I want to find it again, remember every inch of your body, remember every breath you take. I want to be able to feel small by your sides too. I want to feel safe and protected again. I haven't felt this way since I got shot. Night after night, I kept on having nightmares and if it wasn't for your occasional return alongside Sam, I would have lost my mind. I need to find the one who always puts my nightmares away, like a dreamcatcher, and who allows me to sleep soundly at night. I need to find us again. A happier version of me, a softer version too and one who is always so eager to please you and ready to fight for you. I want that too. I need that too.

So come find me, love, come find us. You'll see, it's easy. All you have to do is allow me to kiss your back and we'll go from there.