A tempest in the heart

I am angry and disappointed. This is the truth I am trying to ignore. I am angry and sad because I thought you would come to me. I thought you would talk to me. I thought you would be worried about me and try and reach out to me but you didn't. You didn't and I don't know how to feel if not angry and disappointed. I know you don't have it easy as of now. I know you have your head full of your problems but if I really mattered, you would have sent me a message. you would have found a way to reach out to me. You would have found a way.

My heart is heavy and full of anger. it feels as if a tempest was wrecking havoc inside of me. It is thunder and lightning and all I want to do is come to you and slap your face. I am not to be played with, I wasn't to be played with. You can slap me back, saying I made a mistake when I gave into you. I would keep telling you that those were just words and they didn't matter because nothing was done out of that. We just talked, we just exchanged words. I never truly gave myself to you and never did you. All I know is that it left a bitter taste in my mouth because I felt like I was a game for you. I was a challenge. I was supposed to be a sexcapade for you but you never got it. you never got it from me and you have no fucking idea of how happy I am that you never got /me/. 

I am watching you with contempt and disdain now that I see that you are so easily willing to ignore me. I am in the most vulnerable situation I can ever be and yet you choose not to check on me. Don't fret, I don't need you. I thought I did, I wanted you to comfort me but you refused even the slightest encouraging word. Even the simplest "How are you?". Why is that? Because you're too worried about yourself? Sure, go ahead. be worried about yourself but don't come to me and pretend you are interested or you care because you don't. I see you, I see right through you and just like I used to, I am going to walk away from you and protect myself. I need to protect my heart because you don't deserve to have it. you don't deserve to see it. you don't deserve to benefit from it. 

I don't hate you because if I did, I would have ditched your sorry ass. I am upset at you and mad and angry and disappointed and because I feel all of that, then I will ignore you, give you a taste of your own medicine up until you come talk to me. Up until I see you truly want to be with me. Up until I see you really care about me. You won't know anything because I won't talk to you straight away and I wish and swear on all the gods and the spirits who care about us, that maybe when you will try and make a move it would be too late for you. I would have found someone who would care about me. I would be happy with someone else. I am wishing it now because it would be best for both of us. you would be focused on your life and I would be on mine, with someone who would care about me the way you never really could.

I have a tempest in the heart and all I can do is to let it rage on.