I am not waiting for you

There comes the time when I reflect on what happened to us. I realize I allowed myself to dream for just a moment. It had been eons since I felt the warmth of a touch, the warmth of a smile and someone interested in me even if it just was for my body. I felt desire and I had not experienced it for so long that I allowed myself to get drunk with it. I allowed myself to get drunk with you. I want to regret it because ultimately, it does hurt that nothing could come out of it. I won't regret it. I won't because I know that actually was something I needed in my personal life. I needed to feel desired again, to see it first hand and come to realize that yes, indeed, I can be attractive to at least someone. 

I was tempted when I was with you. I was tempted to give into you because I felt that it was right but my mind knew better and I knew I couldn't just do it. I knew I would regret and thank god I didn't give into you. Today, if I had, I would be in shambles. I respected myself, you respected my decisions and I am grateful you did because you saved me the troubles and pain. I am attracted to you, very much so, but I know you're not the right person for me. You're not because..we don't match well. I am not going to elaborate because I don't need to. I just know we're not meant to be and it is liberating and frustrating at the same time. We are not meant to be, you and me and it's okay. I have made my peace with it.

However...While for the first time in a long time, I do know that I want you, I won't be waiting for you. I am not waiting for you. I can't wait for you to sort your life out and come to me. It could never happen and I would have wasted away while waiting for you to make your move. If you want me, you'll come claim me. If you want me, you'll walk the walk. If you want me, you'll make the efforts necessary to be with me. There is no prince charming, there are hard working princes. People who have known hardships, people who do value trust, honesty and truth. People who do value Love when they get it and who are able to give love as well. I have had my fair share of people who were selfish and didn't care about the people who had feelings for them. I don't want this in my life and you know it. I want truth, honesty, and trust. I want you to talk to me when you have to, I want you to open up to me and trust me with how you feel. I want you to come to me when you need to and seek comfort in my arms. I also want to be able to do the same.

And this is why we are not meant to be. We're not because you failed. I don't trust you. I don't think you're honest with me and I don't think you will ever tell me the truth. So it's jeopardized already. I don't think you will walk the walk with me. I don't think you will make the efforts you need to do in order to be with me. I don't think you are ready for me. So it's better if I stop dreaming about it. It's never going to happen and I need to make my peace with it. We just were a dream I am happy to have dreamt. Thank you for all you gave me. That's why I'm not going to ignore what happened.