jess and Asma: reflection

ALL USUAL DISCLAIMERS. Jessica belongs to my friend, Asma belongs to me, Sons of Anarchy belongs to its owners

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I found this picture while I was sorting out my picture gallery on my phone. A genuine picture of the queen taken a LONG time ago. I think it was a couple of weeks after she got her Abel and Thomas tattoo from me. That was when we started to see each other for who we really were. She wasn't a summation of stereotypes of "bad people" I had in mind. Bear with me here, I was raised by a Marine and a very religious former beauty queen. How could I not feel self-righteous and judgemental of people who led a "bad life"? of criminals? I painted them all with the same broad brush until I met Jessica and by extension SAMCRO best members.

Jessica always struck me as that fierce and free spirit. Even back then, when I was being shy and was awfully lonely, I was drawn to her. You could say, like a moth to a flame or you could say like someone in need of a miracle. I am good with words, I could say that Jessica is my religion. She makes me believe. She really did. I never thought that meeting her could be so good to me. She makes me believe in myself, first and foremost. She makes me believe in a better life, a happier future for myself.

When I'm lost and confused, she guides me. When I'm deep in my pit of darkness, she casts a light to show me the way to climb and she's shouting encouraging words from where she is. When I am angry, she helps me vent. and when I am sad, she cuddles me and allows me to be vulnerable in front of her. She broke many barriers I had and I don't think I can say thank you enough. those words don't do justice to what she truly did.

Is she a bad person? I wondered the day I took that picture. She's not a bad soul. I can tell the difference since I've seen true evil. She's not evil. Her choices aren't always the best, what she does isn't always benevolent even. She never told me in full details what she does for a living, but I do know that it involves taking lives, threatening others and collecting money for the sake of whoever employs her. I can't condone this, I can't agree with this but this is her life. She trusted me with the truth and I chose to stay by her side no matter what.That was the sign that she meant more to me than I expected.

Is she a bad person? I am certain that she's not. I realized that the world isn't black or white but a thousand shades of grey and Jessica was very nuanced. She was, just like me, a broken soul that did all it had to do to fix itself and survive. She was, just like me, someone who allowed people in her heart, knowing full well that the shambles could be turned into dust if she wasn't careful. She took the risk when she met Jax. She took the risk and look at her now. Married, pregnant, with the biological sons of her husband she adopted as her own. an uncanny family. A family of people in the business of death. A family I adore.

She's still fierce, maybe even more now that she found her anchors to this world and I got to watch her blossom into a better version of herself. I watched her feel more alive today than when I first crossed her path. I saw her....happy and that is a sight I want to see more and more and more and always. I look at the picture of her, that old version of herself that never quite left her and I smile to myself. Life is strange. Life is full of surprises and I am grateful I ended up crossing the path of the queen.. of my best friend.. of my sister.

i love her.