Pb: Late night tea(rs)

Pb: Late night tea(rs)

// My baby Arthur. had to bring him in. all the usual disclaimers

Tommy's country house, 11 pm, Sunday:

Charles had long since been asleep and the maids had been dismissed when Arthur's loud voice echoed through the house. He caused such a ruckus that maids were scared and went to fetch Frances. Arthur was screaming at the top of his lungs, visibly drunk and devastated. Another drunken night, fueled with drugs and sex. Frances reassured the maids and allowed Her employer's brother to enter the room, urging him to make less noise so he wouldn't wake up the sleeping kid upstairs.  Arthur stumbled into the living room and crashed on the sofa, expecting Tommy to show up and talk some sense into him. Today was a painful day, John's birthday and despite Arthur's best attempts at burying his emotions, he couldn't do it. He couldn't let go of the pain his brother's death brought him. He wished Tommy was there that night so that they could share a drink and talk about their brother and their time in France. He wanted to remember who John was and express his guilt for not having been there to protect him. Arthur was a mess, and he certainly didn't know how to feel. He was just a mess and hoped for his "elder" brother to come and find the right words. Tommy would surely know what to say. he would surely know how to help him, but Tommy wasn't there, so Arthur started to speak louder, throw insults at Tommy for being absent in a moment of need before he took another sip of his whisky flask. 

Frances went upstairs and informed Mary of Arthur's visit to ask for the next move. It was subtle, but Frances had noticed the connection between Tommy and Mary. He asked her to come to live with him and no matter how much Thomas Shelby wanted to rationalize his decision, the truth was, he wanted her company. He could have gotten her out of the house at any time once the threat on her life was gone, but he didn't. He let her be close to his son, the person he loved the most and for Frances, that was one of the many signs of the man's affection -to say the very least- towards Mary. The woman got along well with the maids, helped them when they got sick or injured -unless it was very serious-, and sometimes visited the kitchen to talk to them. She couldn't bring herself to consider herself above these women because she'd been at their level her whole life, therefore, she didn't act as if she was an entitled rich bitch. So, when Tommy was not there, they went to Mary so she could make decisions. Mary nodded and asked Frances to stay in Charles's room while she went to talk to Arthur and calm him down. 

She knew what day it was and she had her fair share of pain as well. John got along well with her. He had always treated her with respect and even protected her from perverts and racist patrons of their bar, kicking them out of it to ensure her safety. He spoke enough with her to confirm Finn's claims about her love for his brother and even considered having her help his wife, Esmee, with caring for the kids. She was clearly wasn't Lizzie Stark, not that John had any issue with Lizzie (he was set to marry her). She was honest, as honest as a woman could be for him. She had her secrets and was guarded but she still was honest with him and that was enough for John to trust her. She cared for the family, from Polly to Finn, and always proved her loyalty to them.  She proved her concerns for them when she patched them up after they came back wounded. She didn't mind looking after the kids when they were sick or the brothers when one of them needed attention. He respected her, and today was harder than usual because he should have been here, celebrating with his kids and wife.

"Did you drive to get here?" - Her voice was soft, as she entered the living room. She was wearing a long white nightgown and had put a silky blue bathrobe loosely tied around her waist, for some modesty.-

"Mary..?..No. I took a cab."

"How long have you been drunk?" -She asked, sitting on the couch, next to his legs."Arthur, where's Linda?"

"Fuck Linda! Fuck Linda! she's not here! she's not here and she left me with those feelings I can't deal with." 

He didn't mean his words, and she knew it. Arthur was almost dependent on Linda and her good words. He was deeply in love with this woman, perhaps, even more, addicted to the fact she could make him a better man and could save his soul and calm his demons rather than love. He didn't mean his words, in this room, at this moment. he couldn't possibly loathe his wife when he was so dependent on her.

"You don't mean it. You love Linda." -She bent forward and outstretched her arm

"She never fitted in the family. Pol doesn't like her, and Lizzie doesn't like her...Ada doesn't care about her. I don't deserve her. She's a good woman." -To which Mary rolled her eyes. It wasn't really true. Linda was complex, far more complex than she wanted people to believe. She judged people and pretended to be better than the rest of them when it wasn't true. Arthur was angry and hurt and Mary understood, so she let him speak.- "She... She's not here. She left me." -He whined and tried to drink again but Mary grabbed his flask and put it away, on the table near her.- "Give that to me, Mary! Fookin give it to me!" -He yelled, but she shook her head and slapped his hand away from the bottle.- "Mary! don't make me!" -He pointed his finger at her, threatening her before he dropped his hand on his lap-

"Don't make you do what? Hit me?" -She rolled her eyes and touched his forehead. "Let me see if you have a fever." -She pressed her hand against his burning skin, sighing deeply as he was indeed having a fever that could have been a result of drinking too much, exposure to rain, or a myriad of reasons she couldn't find right now.- "I'll be back. You have a fever." 

"Mary, don't go.." -Arthur whined again- "Tommy's gone. Tommy's not here and... John left. John left us. I don't want to be alone." -She gave him a soft smile and stroked his cheek- "Don't leave me... alone.." -He whined again before he turned his head to the left, hiding his face. 

"I promise I will be back before you even realize I'm gone." -She said, brisk walking to the kitchen to get a basin filled with cold water and a table cloth so she could dab it on Arthur's face.-

Mary returned to find him sitting on the couch, his arms on his lap, and a thousand-yard stare on. the face of a man who was reliving an old trauma. John's death in itself was already traumatic and she could understand that type of pain. It took her a while to get over the death of her son, Paul, and even to this day, she was still hurting from her loss. Losing a brother, especially someone they had a very special bond with, had to leave a hole in their hearts, a wound that started to bleed again around the anniversaries. A night like this was a night that needed company and despite how tired the young woman was, she was there for Arthur. 

She noticed he had not touched the flask for it was at the same place she had put it before. He was obedient, trusting her word that she would return. Her green eyes were soft and sad. She looked at him with compassion for she could understand what he was going through and could relate to some of it. He felt her sit next to him and slowly help him remove his tie, and unbutton his shirt so she could have access to the hottest part of his body that needed to be cooled down. He let her do as she pleased without moving an inch. Her gestures were swift and gentle and in a short while, Arthur was half undressed and she was dabbing a cold cloth onto his neck. 

"You came back."

"I did and I saw you didn't drink again." - He slowly nodded- "Good. Good. That's good." 

"You always come back.." - He whispered. "Mary, Frances said Tommy's not here."

"He isn't. there's just me. You'll have me today." -She said, cupping his cheek and stroking it kindly. " Arthur...Look at me." -He didn't want to look at her, instead he remained stoic, looking in front of him with that thousand-yard stare he still had on.- "Arthur..."

"John...John was probably the one who loved life more than us. He came back a different kind of broken man, Mary." -Arthur resumed talking in grunts.- " "I miss him... I can't! I can't..keep going. Tommy's not here, I don't know what to do!! Linda's gone! John's gone! I just...Where the hell is Tommy when I need him, uh? Where the hell is he? It's John's birthday and he isn't fuckin' here!"

"Tommy's busy working for a better future for us. Tommy's still there." -She said, gently pulling his head towards her, so he could take a look at her intense green eyes.- "I... I miss him too. You know I do. John protected me when very few people would. When they look at me, first they see the color of my skin, then they see I am a woman, and they want to take advantage of this. John never did. He protected me and we laughed and we cared for the kids. John... I miss John and it hurts every single day." -She kept dabbing the cloth, this time on his forehead-

"You were close, eh?" -She nodded and removed her hand from his face as he was now looking at her.- "You're still here, you're always here. I came to you miserable and you're caring for me, Mary. You don't even have to."

"I want to. I'm okay." -She repeated, plunging the cloth into the cold water in the basin and she dabbed it on his neck and collarbone.- "I'm okay. Charles is upstairs, sleeping. we won't scream anymore, okay?" -He nodded- "Good. No more screaming, and I'll check on your temperature."

Arthur looked at her in silence, his blue eyes were staring at the woman who was focused and difficult to read. she had always been stoic unless Tommy or Charles came in. Yet, she always managed to care for the Shelby. She managed to endure living with Tommy without his brother ever showing any visible interest in her. Arthur believed that Tommy actually liked her. He believed that he cared for Mary and wanted to keep her close. Despite being drunk, Arthur could still remember asking his brother to be careful with Mary and not break her heart. He wanted to keep her safe, and happy but he wasn't sure if Mary was actually happy with his brother. Tommy was a man very few could understand. He was a man who had the biggest picture in his mind but rarely shared it with others. 

Grace never knew everything. she never knew the darker sides of Tommy and how devouring his ambition was. She never had to deal with the frustration of having him lead the family without sharing everything with them. She never had him be paranoid about her being harmed. Mary, well, Mary met the worst version of Tommy. The man who embraced his ambition was a cold-hearted calculating man who kept his emotions to his chest. She had a man who didn't give the keys to his safe (the safe being his heart and mind). She had a man who was hurt by the loss of his brother and his first wife and who would do his best to protect her, even if that meant losing her. Mary, still at the house, was already proof enough that his brother liked her and wanted her near. 

"I don't know how a woman like you could fall in love with my brother."

"Tommy's a good man. He does bad things, I know that...but he is a good man." -She mused, running the cold cloth over his chest to cool it down.-

"We're not good. Mary.." -Arthur coughed.- "We're bad guys. We're killers.. we're gangsters and we've been at war. We saw the true nature of mankind, we saw soldiers walking with their guts out, holding them in their hands like sausages. We died back there! we died in France, Mary. We're dead men. We're dead men... You can't love a dead man." -He said, his eyes wet from unshed tears. he grabbed her hand to stop her from caring for him.- "I'm a fucking mess! I don't know if I should be sad because my brother is dead, angry because he's not here, relieved Linda left me, or upset... I don't know... I don't know.."

"I know.." -She dropped the cloth and knelt on the floor. both hands were now holding his cheeks and she looked at him straight in the eyes- "Look at me! Arthur! Look me straight in the eyes!" -His blue eyes focused on her emerald ones and he dropped both hands on the couch.- "I know what it is...to walk on this goddamn planet feeling empty. I know what it is, to feel as if you've lost a part of yourself. You chose this life, you are still in control of your lives but I haven't been. My parents gave up on me, I never was wanted! the nurses hated me, they whipped me until I bled. They reminded me that God hated me and I was nothing to God, nothing to them, nothing to anyone." -She could feel her eyes quickly fill themselves with unshed tears. "They let a grown-ass man marry the child I was. They let him touch me, and teach me things I shouldn't have known. They let him put a child in me, when I was just a wee girl still." -She cried, gently stroking his cheeks with her thumbs. "I had to hold my son.." -her voice broke- "For 30 long minutes. My little Paul was in agony for 30 long minutes... and I was alone. I was alone. my husband was drinking somewhere, borrowed money from his gang, and put us in debt.  My son died and I died with him. You know the life I led, you know what I've been through before I found you. You know what I had to do to survive. I know... what it is.. to feel that Heaven spits in your face but when I am here, with you, I feel alive." -She leaned her forehead against his forehead and sobbed. "When John died, it felt like when my Paul died. I still carry the weight of their deaths in my heart. so yes, I don't care if you're not a good man. I don't care if you're gangsters. I don't care if you're dead men. I am dead myself but with you... with you... I live. I live." 

She wiped her tears and slowly nodded at her own words, affirming her feelings. It wasn't just about Tommy and she knew that Arthur would probably bring it next, but it was the closest she could admit. Tommy made her feel better. he made her feel alive and she didn't care about his life. She wanted him to be happy and give back what he gave her. Some would say that she was looking at him with rose-tinted glasses but it wasn't true. Mary wasn't stupid and she wasn't naive. Hell, her late husband was a gangster and his lies led him to his death and almost led to her torture and death. Arthur leaned into her touch and closed his eyes, confused, sad, comforted. She was crying and that made him cry too, silent tears that just rolled onto his cheeks. 

"I'm emotional." -He said in a whisper-

"you're fucking sad... Let it go, Arthur. Cry with me. I'm here." -She whispered, sitting on her plump ass with her hands releasing his cheeks to hold his hands. 

"you're always here...Tommy's lucky, you're practically a Shelby."  -that was wishful thinking.-

Arthur was rooting for his brother to be with Mary, in a way, he thought that her good nature was what his brother needed. A good woman who didn't want to change him and who genuinely loved him. He wanted to tell her that he considered her a Shelby and a good friend of the Peaky Blinders but words died at the back of his throat. 

"I'm not a Shelby. I don't think I'll ever be a Shelby and it's okay. I'm not.." -She paused and chewed at her bottom lip. Her heart sank, mostly because she realized that she actually wanted to be a Shelby. She wanted to be HIS Mrs. Shelby. but Marrying Tommy was definitely not something she could achieve, because marrying him required him to share her feelings, to want to have a life with her. He hadn't even noticed her, so why would he want to marry Mary? Still, her heart sank and it hurt so bad, that she ended up crying harder.- "I'm just very happy to be here and to care for you. You know you'll have to sleep well, right? I'll bring you some water and you will rest."

"Mary. Mary, please, don't leave me tonight." -He spoke but he was slowly drifting into sleep. He felt her grab his ankles and shift his body to help him lay back on the couch.- "Mary... I don't want to be alone tonight. I don't.."

"I'm not going anywhere. I'll sit in the chair next to you and I'll watch after you."

"Would you.. would you sing something to me?" -She nodded, wiping away the tears from her face and taking a deep breath. 

"Yes, of course. I'll sing to you until you fall asleep." 

She said, gently pressing her lips to his forehead before she sat on the chair next to the couch and started to sing. It took a while, some tears, some whines, and groans from Arthur before finally he calmed down and ended up falling asleep. Mary leaned into her seat and rubbed her eyes, devastated about the buried memory of her son that she unearthed to bond with Arthur. He would wake up later, she knew. and she would be there to help calm him. 

-TBC-