Oya: what do you think when you look at him?

I am in love with him. I think about it. I can't say the words, we don't believe in words. although I do finish my texts with love you, bye. I am afraid to lose him. I can't accept his death you know? I don't want to survive Dean. He completes me, like no other before him. He completes me, he understands me. he soothes my soul. I thought I was alone and he became my family. I thought I had nowhere to go and he became my home. I look at him and I notice and enjoy his handsome face, I think about the marks I left on his body the night before, the bites, the scratches, each and every one of these being tokens of my love for him. I wonder if he remembers how he got those marks if he remembers how good he felt inside of me. if he remembers the cries of passion, the warmth between my legs, and how much he turns me on. I wonder if he knows just how much I fucking love him.  I want him to live. I want him to keep loving me. I am afraid of his death, to be honest. but that makes me love him even more because that's true love here."