“I was the one who found you, Tommy. I was the one who found you laying on the floor, in the mud, with a gun in your hand. I found you and I thought you were dead. Tommy… you pulled the trigger… you pulled the trigger…I was angry and terrified… and now all that is left is sadness.
I found /you/, Tommy!! Lying dead on the floor like my first husband. I couldn’t cry, I had no energy to do so. All I thought about was that I had failed you. I failed you. I failed to let you see that you had a life to live. I failed to help you see that you weren’t meant to join the dead yet. I was distraught because my love wasn’t enough. I failed to let you feel your son’s love.
I failed…. I failed to soothe your aching heart. You’re in pain, Tommy, clearly so and I don’t know what to do to help you. I don’t know if I will ever be able to soothe your heart. And I don’t want to think. I don’t want to allow myself to feel because if I do if I speak… I will fall apart. You will hear my heart breaking because I almost lost you. I can’t lose the man I love and yet I did…. You pulled the trigger….”
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