"Why do you act as if I cannot understand, Sam? Do you really think I don't know what it is when you're so happy you're afraid?" -She put her hand on her heart, her breathing sharp, her heart jumping against her ribcage-
"We always wait for the other shoe to drop, Oya. I know you know how it feels but you've never been in our shoes, you don't know just how bad it can get." -Sam tried to remain neutral but he was tense, his jaw was clenched and his fists were tightened-
"Maybe I would understand if you stop shoving me aside! Maybe I would understand if you sit down and talk to me! Sam! Please!"
".........."
"Maybe I would understand if you stop shoving me aside! Maybe I would understand if you sit down and talk to me! Sam! Please!" -She was increasingly becoming frustrated. Her tone betrayed her thoughts.-
How could he tell her that what she did was reckless? How could she fight against an entire nest of vampires on her own? She could have died if had not called for help and one of the hunters she contacted reached out to the brothers. They weren't pleased, Dean didn't even want to talk with her and Sam was still upset but more willing to communicate.
"What you did was reckless." She chewed at her bottom lip. "and poorly thought-out!"
"You mean stupid." She corrected him, but he didn't confirm her words. "Sam, what's so different from what you guys do on a daily basis? you fight gods, Lucifer, and the likes, what's so goddamn different this time?"
"I told you, Oya. What were you thinking?? If you've located the nest you should have told us, we'd have come and helped you!"
"You are not answering ME!" She said tilting her head to the side so she could set her hazel eyes on Sam's. "Do you think I'm not worried sick when you go hunting together? Do you think I don't worry you won't come home when you don't text back? You think it's exclusive to you, uh?"
"Here we go again. And you say I'm the one deflecting? Do you have any idea and I mean ANY idea of what your death could do to us?"
"....." Oya blinked and shook her head. He took her by surprise and she couldn't think of anything to spit back at Sam.
"I figured that out. You have no idea. Don't think for a second that because we have lost so many people, we became immune to the pain. We're not. When Charlie died, or even Kevin...I felt guilty. I felt empty. They were the people I was the closest too, aside from Bobby. I lost them Oya and I feel their deaths every single day. I thought that maybe I should stop allowing people in my heart because it hurts too much. I thought of shutting down, keeping people away and then you came. you came like a boulder and you crushed what little defense I had against you. You live here. It's not like with Jodi. You live here, with us." -He finally sat in front of her.- "And I am terrified every single day because I know I can lose you. I don't want to, okay? I don't."
"Sam...." He put his hand on her knee and held onto it hard.
"Imagine how hard it is for me to say that to you. Imagine how hard it is for Dean? I've never seen him this relaxed in a long time. I've never seen him share anything with someone. Imagine how he must have felt when we were driving to you?"
He had a point, she had never experienced loss the same as they way did. Oya realized that she shouldn't have gone on her own and should have asked for help. She knew Dean was angry at her for even taking the risk -when he knew she didn't have to- and knew it would take some time before he would relax again. Sam words made her realize that there was still a lot she didn't know or didn't assume.
"I'm sorry..... I didn't want to make you feel like this. I'm sorry Sam." She said as she rubbed his back and slowly pulled him into a hug. Hesitant at first, Sam wrapped one arm around her waist and held her against his frame, relaxing against her now that the adrenaline of the fight wore off.
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