"You do not always have to conceal your feelings, Oya. You do not always have to have a brave face."
Silence met Sarah's words. Oya was holding onto her phone a little tighter than before. Her eyes averted from the front door to her crappy motel room to the ceiling. At the other end of the phone, a worried Sarah spoke again.
"Oya?... Are you with me?"
"I am. I am with you. I'm sorry. I was just...."
It was 3 am, the devil's hour. When Oya couldn't sleep, she was usually thinking and when she was thinking, it usually led to a panic attack. Her mind was full. The case she was working on was stressful, more than usual because it involved children. Small towns were already exasperating but even more when they were hostile to "foreigners"; It was difficult to gather clues and even more to investigate without the local sheriff trying to interfere in her work, preventing her from making actual discoveries. Hostile and unbothered authorities were grinding her gears. Unfortunately, it only was the tip of the iceberg. Oya couldn't sleep because it was the week her family had been slaughtered. She thought she could handle it because it wasn't the first year but it was actually worse. The anniversary reminded her of how easily she could lose everything and how easily she could lose them. Sam and Dean were infamous for their epic world-saving adventures. They were known for causing trouble, for being special for being daredevils too. She knew how absolute they could be when it came to saving the world. Of course, because the job demanded it, Oya knew that each hunt could be the last and was always prepared for it. Her father taught her that, Henry Thomas -Sarah's father- taught her that, her own missions with fellow hunters sometimes ended with the death of one of them -if not all of them-. She knew about Death, but she didn't want her family to die once more. That was the thought that crippled her that night, so much so she had to call someone to talk about it.
"Oya...I'm here, but I need you to talk to me."
"I know, Sarah. I'm sorry." -She shifted on the bed and rolled on her side, but the position wasn't satisfying so she ended up sitting on the bed, legs crossed and one hand on her knee, tapping the skin of her knee rhythmically.- " I'm..."
"You're having a panic attack?" -Sarah woke up as soon as her phone rang. She took the call because Oya rarely called, and even less when it was 3 am. so it was serious.- "Oya?"
"Sarah....what if he dies? What if Dean dies?? what if...What if they die? What am I going to do?" -Her words died at the back of her throat. She knew she would survive and keep working, but her question went beyond that. How could she live if Dean was not in her World? if he wasn't in her life? If she couldn't make sure he was alright?-
"Who? Who are you talking about? Are you talking about the Winchesters?" -Silence again.- "Oya, if you're talking about them...or anyone for that matter, I think you know the answer. You've been there."
"I don't want them to disappear Sarah. I will not...I don't want that to happen, even less if I'm not here."
"I know..."- Sarah had already left the bedroom and went to the bathroom so she could speak more at ease. She crossed her legs and ran her hand through her golden locks.- "I know you care a lot about them." -She paused. Sarah didn't hate the Winchester but she always had a little bit of envy when it came to Oya's feelings for them. She considered them like Family and for Sarah, Oya was family too. She had wished for her friend to live with her in Phoenix but understood Oya's choice to stay with the Winchesters instead.-
"I do. More than I can express."
"Maybe you should express your feelings, I'm listening Oya. Maybe it's the right moment to let go of how you feel and what you fear..." -Silence again.- "You are holding back your tears, I know you are, but maybe it's good if you let them flow...I'm not going to judge."
"I know..." -Was all she could say. "Thank you...."
She used to be outspoken and in touch with her emotions. She used to freely express them but that was many years ago and she could never return to being this carefree and open. Losing her fiancé's affection, watching him fall out of love for her painfully wrecked her heart. Yet, it was witnessing the murder of her mother, realizing her brother was possessed and later on watch her father die from cancer that truly achieved to close her off for good. Feelings hurt, being upset hurt, embracing the fear of losing the Winchester was too much for her to handle on her own. So she called, at least she called. Sarah knew. she also knew that because it was the anniversary of her family's slaughter, she would be fragile, more upset than usual. She knew how important Dean was to Oya, of anyone on Earth, he was the most important to the ebony hunter. Sarah knew what Oya refused to say, just how much she cared for the Winchester. It was written all over her face, from the way she was looking at him to the way she was talking about him and the smiles.. oh the smiles. Oya smiled rarely. Her default face was always frowning and pursing her lips. Smiling was something that rarely occurred and YET it did, anytime Dean was involved. And now that she seemed to be certain of how to feel for the older brother, how she settled in at the bunker it was obvious that she realized she could lose it all. She let people in her heart and now that it became clear they were there, she realized she could lose them. Thus the panic in her voice tonight, thus the call after midnight, thus the tears her heart was crying but her eyes refused to shed. It made the blonde smile because she knew that without saying anything, Oya was telling her everything and it made her happy to see that her friend found a place to call home, someone... to call home.
"It's okay Oya. I am here. I am here."
And she was.
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