HUG: "A bad choice"

Unnamed Girl's Groove: "A bad choice"

// Girl is still traumatized by Brett. 

Sara woke up suddenly, from a nightmare she couldn't remember. She sat on her bed and turned the lights on.  Somehow, a shiver went down her spine as she suspected that something was amiss.. perhaps, the temperature dropped without her noticing. Perhaps Brett was in the flat? She could feel her heart skip a beat and then shook her head. If he had been there, she would have heard him already.  Sara balled her fists around the sheets, holding onto them mind-absently as she dreaded the return of her ex. She could still remember the day he left, his words carved into her bones as they left an everlasting impact on her.  Sara could still remember herself, a mess of tears and spit kneeling on the floor, begging for her soon-to-be ex-fiancé to stay with her. How curious, now that she could remember better, that he had already packed his things when he decided to leave. He made it seem as if it was a spontaneous decision but that little detail, that tiny detail showed that he had planned for it for a while now. "And cover those fucking freckles! You disgust me!"

He had always hated her freckles. Come to think of it, what had this man ever loved about her? Why didn't she realize that he wasn't honest with her? Oh... right, he showered her with compliments when they first started to date. He love-bombed her so much that she was blindsided for the rest of their relationship and forgave every single abuse he subjected her to. She clung to him and to the belief that he could go back to the loving man she once knew. How naive of her to think like that! How naive!.... How D-- why was she crying now? Sara put her fingers on her cheek and realized that she was indeed crying.  Her wet fingers ran down her cheek and to her lips to muffle a sob that threatened to escape them. Tara had broken her heart so badly that she wanted to believe Brett was a good and decent man who genuinely loved her. She didn't think that she could find better and that low self-esteem led her to a miserable path.  She pulled her legs up, her feet now laying flat on the mattress and her sheets-covered knees at chest level. her arms wrapped around the knees and she leaned her head against her knees, hiding her face there so she could sob. 

Her love wasn't cheap but Sara felt like she undersold herself. She acknowledged that her desire to make her own family was so intense, that it blinded her. She had this folly idea that perhaps, if the family she was born into wasn't able to love her for who she was, because she was a supe, or because they couldn't exploit her, then she would make her own. She wanted to be the mother she never had to a child who would be loved unconditionally. She wanted to be the wife of someone who would love her for who she was and would not expect her to mask it. Was it asking too much? Was it being delusional? It did lead her to pick the worst people she could ever find. One was a narcissist bitch whose only concern was to use people around her to her personal satisfaction, and the other was a sadistic asshole whose only desire was to be better than anyone else. Tara broke Sara but ultimately pushed Unnamed Girl to new heights because the more she hurt Sara, the more Sara found refuge in her art. Once free from this relationship, her heart was in shambles, and her popularity was so high that she became a target for Brett. She was ripe for the picking and picking he did.

Unfortunately, unlike Tara, Brett loved to put his hands on Sara. He would always physically assault her whenever he got frustrated, forcing Sara to walk on eggshells with him and to always seek to placate his emotions. She put his needs before hers, she disappeared into her Unnamed Girl persona and suffered in silence for a while. Sara realized just how bad this choice had been for her, leaving her traumatized and suffering from PTSD. She also realized she had way more strength than she gave herself credit for. She resisted him, several times at that. She couldn't suffocate the core of her personality nor could she hide her freckles eternally. She couldn't reject everything that made her who she was for the sake of another because it was what she did with her parents. Sara tried to break free and Brett realized he couldn't mold her to be the perfect doll he wanted. He couldn't break her into the submissive woman who would dedicate her whole life to him. He wasn't the star of the show, she was. She was the megastar and he couldn't shine that light on him. So he left. So he left in the most brutal way possible, ensuring that she would never recover from it.

"I hate you! I hate you!!! I hate you... I hate youuuu...Fuck!!! I hate you!" She yelled into her knees. Her arms held onto her legs tighter and she screamed her frustration and pain into the void. 

She started to shake and ran her hand through her hair. She held her long black locks in her fists and wiped her tears off of her face with the back of her hand.  Things were different now. She was different now. Brett was a thing of the past! He couldn't hurt her now, could he? She was dating another man, one who never made her feel unsafe. He never hurt her nor did he try to make her change for him. He loved Sara and that was the most important for her, wasn't it? Wasn't it? So why was she sobbing?