SoA: What could have been

(SoA)

I sometimes wonder what could have been. If Cody had been alive and turned his life around. He was a good man, clean ( As in he didn't use drugs), kind, loving and law-abiding before he joined the Niners. He was funny, I still remember the last day we spent together. He didn't wear his kutte, he didn't even ride his bike. We simply walked and he showed me Charming and we laughed so much.

I still smile when I see his favorite restaurant. I still smile when I stop by the place we used to hang out at. I miss him. There is a void left since he was murdered and I tried to fill it the best way I could. At first, booze was a solution, but it caused me more troubles than anything else. And now, since I became sober, I'm trying something else. You'd think sex with Tig would help, but that motherfucker isn't even in town right now and now I'm horny and frustrated! Well done Asma!

You'd think inking would bring me peace, it doesn't. I love my job but it doesn't help me forget, it doesn't numb me like booze did -why would I want to be numb anyway? Docs said I had to feel everything- Spending time with Jess does help. We make beautiful memories along with the jellybeans and I think it helps a lot. She treats me good, she loves me too. It feels nice to feel loved once again.

Cody, I promised you I would lead a better life. I promised you I would get my shit together and I would. Give me some more time so I could learn to properly make you proud.