Sara doesn't like to see her when her baby is hurt. She is willing to go to great lengths to either help him feel better or destroy whoever made him feel that way.
Obviously, it doesn't mean that she would risk her life and face the boys for example. She wouldn't put herself in danger, at least not willingly, because she's still a scaredy-cat and still very passionate about surviving.
But if she can confront the person and read them to filth? oh, count her in!
Covens...
How long had it been since Nëela had a coven? Centuries, yes centuries since she was cursed. A coven was to a witch what a family was for a human: Vital. The witch had a coven when she was born. Her parents were her first coven, and they belonged to an actual coven of witches that felt like an extended family to the young witch. She grew up loved, cared for... and protected, up until Klaus went on a killing rampage and slaughtered her whole family and almost all of her coven. The survivors took her under their wings and helped in her upbringing. She still had a coven. They still taught her the ropes of being a witch and she excelled in the task. She was a quick learner and she managed to quickly prove to be powerful and knowledgeable. Despite the loss of her parents, Nëela never felt alone because her coven was with her day and night, all year long. She always had doors opened for her, sabbaths celebrated together, and a sense of belonging that gave her a meaningful life.
It was unnatural for a witch to live without a coven...
What went wrong? She helped Elijah Mikaelson protect his family. In her mind, she didn't do anything wrong. She simply repaid her debt to the Original who saved her life several years ago. It was always taught to her that no good deed should go unrewarded and for Nëela, saving another's life was her way to reward the good action that led to saving her life. Still, the witches of her coven didn't agree with her because she helped the enemy. Witches from her coven decided to punish her the best way they knew. They would grant her immortality but in doing so, would strip her away from her right to a family, to a coven, and to meaningful and deep connections. They essentially cursed her to a life of pain and solitude, which were the worst things to happen to a witch. A life without companions. A life without a family... A life spent in pain.
It was the worst punishment a witch could get, to become covenless...
It hurt, to watch these young witches talk about their covens with excitement and pride and to be unable to join them. It hurt, to witness them celebrate Samhain and dance in the full moon with fellow witches. It hurt...To see them be embraced by their peers and willingly share across covens what they knew. It was a painful reminder of what was lost and what could never be recovered. Nëela was banished from existing covens and could never ever enjoy the joys of fraternizing with fellow witches. She would never be able to find comfort in the arms of her kind and would never be able to make her own coven because she was cursed to be hated by all. So what was left for her? She was to walk the Earth for all eternity, unable to form a coven of her choosing.
Yet here she was, the Cursed one!
Here she was, the Covenless witch!
As soon as Ryan saw Sara he ran to her and gave her a big hug. He was happy to see the older woman who offered to take him on a date so they could bond and eat ice cream. Homelander dropped his son at her apartment in the morning and informed the pair he would come back when he wouldn't be needed at work. They kissed briefly before he flew off to the tower. She then turned to look at Ryan who was already staring at the pictures scattered around the apartment. He noticed that there were very few pictures of Sara as a child or with her family. He saw the one she took with Dotty at the swimming pool and pointed at it while looking at Sara.
"It's the only picture of you with someone."
"I don't have a lot of pictures I like." She replied earnestly. - "But it's not really the question you wanted to ask, is it?" -He shook his head and walked to the kitchen counter.- "Go ahead. Ask me what you really want to ask."
"Why don't you have a picture of your family?"
Sara smiled and gently walked towards the fridge. She grabbed some ice cream and put a couple scoops in two bowls. She didn't expect to be asked a soul-piercing question so early in the morning and was wondering how she was going to respond to him. She had to be honest, to answer truthfully because Ryan would not appreciate being lied to. She didn't want to hide that part of herself either but was afraid of how she would talk about it. She pinched her lips together and slowly put the bowls on the kitchen counter. She then went and grabbed some spoons. She handed the spoons and sat on the stools at the kitchen table.
"It's a long and not-so-nice story, Ryan. Are you sure you want to know?"
"yeah. I want to know."
"Well....My parents always told me that my powers were a gift from god. I didn't know any better because I was just a 5-year-old girl. They were very stern and cold parents to me. When I didn't perform well, they punished me very very hard." -She paused for a second and then took a deep breath- "it felt like a prison rather than a family. I grew up without having friends and because I became the sole breadwinner of the family, I had to work hard every day and earn money for my family."
"They never celebrated your birthday?"
"They only did it once, when I was 5 years old. Most of the time they left me at my aunt's place and with my cousins while they spent the money I earned for them. My cousins hated me, so I always came home with bruises and wounds but my parents never cared for this." -She took a spoonful of ice cream and ate some, while Ryan mimicked her and took some too.-
Sara's voice started to crack as she told her story. She didn't want him to see her lose her composure or try and dig deeper into her past. Being truthful and clinical seemed to be the way to go as it allowed the supe to tell her story without feeling like crumbling down. Ryan was perceptive, he realized that it was hurting Sara to remember her past but before he could tell her to stop if she didn't feel like it, she resumed talking.
"Then, when I was 15 they were murdered. Back in the day, we didn't know who did it, but rumors had it that they had wronged Vaught. I learned not so long ago that it was true. Mom stole from Vaught the Compound V that gave me my powers. Nobody in my family wanted to take me in, thinking I was the child of the devil, so I went to an orphanage and stayed there until I turned 18 and met Dotty, the blonde woman in the picture you saw on my fridge." She then furrowed her brows- "That is why I don't have any picture of my family." She then gave a faint smile at Ryan who nodded quickly.
"It sucks..."
"It sure does! But hey, I'm alive!" -She grinned and gently reached out to his head so she could stroke it gently. Ryan gave her a crooked smile and resumed eating his ice cream- "And I'm with you today, so more reasons to be happy. I have been wondering, do you think that you'd like it if we took a picture with your dad? I've been wondering if this was a good idea, you know?"
"I'd like to have a picture, an actual picture, and not some PR stunt! If we took one, where would you put it? On your fridge?" -She shook her head- "You're going to frame it?" -She nodded and he grinned- "Cool!"
"Cool!" -Sara grinned and then looked at her fridge. She understood why the child would have asked her about the lack of family pictures. She never really thought about it before, about the lack of candid shots that showed she had an active and happy private life. Sure, she didn't have her family, but she had been in relationships before, she had a life before...And nothing to show for it. Her black eyes moved from left to right and she furrowed her brows.- "Ryan. Be honest with me. Did you ask to come here or was it your dad?"
"I asked to come. I wanted to spend the day with you. Why?"
"I'm happy you chose to be with me. I can be a little boring though. There's no video games here. I read mostly. I also cook, and I watch TV."
"It's okay. I don't like boring. What do you like to read?"
He was laid back, far more than she thought he would be for a teenager his age. She tucked some hair behind her ear and gave him a sheepish smile while he kept eating his ice cream. Her fingers tapped against the marble table and she licked her bottom lip. Well, she liked to read fantasy books and romance and sometimes she bought books because she was petty and wanted to laugh, like the Deep's books. She chuckled and pointed at the book that was still on the couch she was sitting on moments earlier.
"I like fantasy and romance, but these days I am laughing at the Deep's biography. He sucks and his book sucks even more." She then leaned her cheeks against the warm palm of her right hand and smiled at Ryan who smiled back at her. He didn't have a definitive opinion on the Deep, mostly because he didn't spend much time with him but he knew that his father hated the supe with all of his guts. He knew that a lot of people didn't like the Deep so it wasn't a surprise to see that Sara laughed at him.- "Maybe we could read it together today and we can have a good laugh?"
"We could! or maybe I could ask you some more questions about your family?"
"Only if I can ask you one about yours!" -He nodded and took another spoonful of ice cream- "Alright. What do you want to know?"
"Well... How did it feel when your parents died? Now that you're a megastar, did your family try to reach out to you? And...Who is your family today?"
"You really pull no punches, do you? mmmhhh, let's see. I was the one who found my parents' bodies. I was scared, but I also felt relieved that they were dead. I was old enough to realize that my parents never loved me and only saw me as a tool for them to use as they saw fit. I didn't like it. I didn't like it at all. I wanted to have parents, people who were supposed to love me, people who were supposed to care for me... instead, I got people who hated me and wanted to use me. So at first, I was shocked. I cried for them. I was scared that whoever did this would try to come for me. But then... I simply sighed and it felt better. I felt warm. I was free! Does that make me look like a monster to you?"
"No. I got it. I understand. They were never your parents, they just brought you into this world but they never were your parents."
"yes..." -She replied, wiping a rogue tear that fell down her cheeks- "As for your second question. My Aunt and cousins tried to reach out to me. Recently. At first, they wanted to undermine me and my success. They called me the devil on TV, they got paid to tell the press about my past and the tabloids loved them for that. Recently, my aunt became very sick so they decided they would try to bully me into giving them money. I refused. I'm not giving them a cent."
"I'm glad they can't hurt you anymore." -He said while taking another spoonful of ice.-
"They will still try and I am sure they will get creative but I am not afraid anymore. I'm not alone." -She then paused for a moment, so she could eat a little bit of ice cream- "And to answer your last question. Dotty is like a mother to me. I consider her like my family and for a while she was the only family I had but then I met your dad and I met you." She then cupped his cheek. "And if you want to be my family, I would be very happy." -He blushed and gave her a crooked smile- "Do you want me to be part of your family?"
"You're...You're pretty cool yeah." -He said, still sheepishly smiling. She understood that he was being coy and didn't insist.- "I know you care about my dad and I know you care about me too. I can feel it." -He added, his blue eyes now set upon the older woman.- "And it feels good to know that."
"Yeah? I have been wondering...Do you... Does your mom have a grave? I was thinking that maybe you would like to visit it sometime and talk to her?" -She watched him stiffen at the mention of his mother and his face darkened a little.-
"I don't want to go to her grave. I don't want to see it! She's dead, Sara! She's dead and I killed her! You said you were a monster, but I am a monster! I am a monster!" -He yelled-
Sara realized that she pushed the wrong buttons on this child and shook her head. She stood up and immediately wrapped her arms around his shoulders to press his head against her heart. He was just a child, he didn't kill his mother on purpose, how could he think that he was a monster when he was far from it? She pressed a kiss to his forehead and then cupped both of his cheeks.
"You're not a monster, Ryan! You're not a monster! if anything, you're a wonderful kid, okay?! I know you feel responsible for your mom's death but you aren't responsible for it. The adults in your life, Vaught, the boys..even your mom put her life on the line. She knew the risks and she wanted to protect you, what happened wasn't your fault and I refuse to let you think otherwise." She held him so tight in her arms that the child couldn't help but cry. He held onto her and cried harder. "I know you miss her. I know you miss her. I'm so sorry."
He didn't speak but he nodded and Sara knew that he was listening to her. Her heart broke for the child because unlike her, he had a family that he lost and was missing. She couldn't relate to it but was well aware of how heartbreaking it was to lose someone they cared about. She wanted to protect Ryan and found out that it pained her to see this child hurt. Could it be that she was genuinely attached to the kid? Of course, she was! Of course, she was!
"Come again, Mary! Who talked to you?"
Mary stopped herself mid-sentence as she didn't expect Tommy to interrupt her in the middle of her monologue. He was livid and held his chin with his large hand, making her blink several times. She put her brush on her vanity desk and turned around to face the gangster who had put the newspaper he was reading on the night desk. The gangster stood up and ran his hand over his face while Mary tilted her head to the side, confused about Tom's reaction to her story. Why was he restless all of a sudden?
"What's going on? Did I say something bad?" -He shook his head- "I was telling you about my encounter this afternoon. Ultimately, we didn't agree on anything and he left. I refused his offer. Did I do wrong?"
"No. No Mary you didn't do anything wrong. Please, tell me again what was his name?"
"Alfie... Alfie Solomons. Tom...What's going on?"
As she confirmed what he heard the first time, Tommy Shelby's face became even paler. He couldn't fathom that his woman had been in contact with one of his frenemies. Could he consider Alfie like a friend? They have been associated and they fought against common enemies in the past. He had betrayed him several times and nearly cost him his life and the lives of his brothers. Alfie couldn't be trusted and while Tommy and the man had some level of respect for each other, he couldn't possibly be happy to learn that he snuck into the institute, managed to isolate his Mary, and went as far as threatening her. He didn't call her slurs, which would have meant to anger the Peaky Blinder but he still threatened her. Tom pointed his finger at Mary, looking for something to say to her without alarming the woman. They weren't enemies at the time being and Alfie did compliment Mary on her level-headed judgement. Still, he figured out that Tommy loved this woman, and that put a target on her back.
"Tom! Stop pacing around at once and tell me what's going on. Do you know that man?"
Tom stopped and put his hands on his waist. Mary stood up and walked to The Shelby who clenched his jaw. He didn't want to scare Mary and it bothered him that he had to throw her into the violence of his world. For years the family agreed that it would be best if she knew nothing about their business. The less she knew, the less she was in danger. For years it worked and she had been able to stay safe and keep her beautiful soul. He didn't want to ruin it but Alfie forced his hand and he was left lowering his head. Mary furrowed her brows and gently cupped his cheek. She lifted his head so she could stare at his face and ran her hand over his hair.
"Alfie Solomons is a very dangerous man, Mary. We... did business together and he's not really someone I trust. He had no right to come to you and threaten you. He had no right to come and put you in danger."
"Do you think he would have killed me at the institute?" -He shook his head- "Then, why are you scared?"
"It's the possibility that you could have been hurt. It's the possibility that you could have been used against me. It's the fact you were thrown into a world I wanted to protect you from."
He cupped her cheeks with both hands and gently lifted her head so he could set his blue eyes on her green orbs. Mary's eyes shifted from left to right and dropped her hands so she could hold onto his shirt. She didn't like to see a worried Tom, especially now that the event had happened and he couldn't do anything about it. He couldn't change the outcome, he couldn't prevent Alfie from meeting Mary and he definitely couldn't keep his own feelings for the woman from his "friend". She blinked for a moment before he ended up sneaking her arms around her frame and pulled her into a hug. She wrapped her arms around his frame and kept him tightly held against her.
"I see. It's alright! I'm fine! I didn't realize that you knew the man but I assumed he wanted to reach out to you. Somehow."
"And it worked. I will find him and tell him to never step foot at the institute ever again. I will make sure he leaves you alone and...I will tell you to keep you out of his business."
He would have a conversation with the man, and perhaps, knowing Alfie, they would strike a deal to ensure Mary's protection. He didn't want to admit that Alfie managed to circumvent the presence of the peaky protection he put in the institute and if he managed to do it, Tom's enemies would also manage to do it and he couldn't have it. Tom relished in Mary's scent, the little notes of vanilla filled his nostrils and he felt reassured to be able to hold his woman in his arms. For a brief moment, he relived the death of Grace, the fact she was killed by a bullet meant for him. He had always feared putting Mary in the same danger of losing her life and he refused to face his feelings for her for fear of going through another loss. She could tell that he was afraid. Tommy was rarely pale like death so to see him turn so livid was enough for her to try and comfort him. Her hand stroked his back at a slow pace and she pressed kisses to his shoulders.
She was fine.
She was fine.
She was scared.
-TBC-
Mary's discomfort about his prolonged absences. He knew that she embraced him as he was, with his secrets, with his wanderlust, with his PTSD. He knew that she would not leave his side, regardless of her own desires but he wasn't so blind that he didn't see how much it was hurting her.
Mary was left behind by every people she needed in her life. Her own mother abandoned her. The nuns who raised her never comforted her. Her own husband, once he made her work for both of them, never met her needs. And her own son died in her arms thirty minutes after his birth. Tommy did his best, he really did his best so she wouldn't feel lonely but it didn't work the way he wanted it to. He still left her to satisfy his need for wanderlust. And she never complained.
But he could see it in her eyes. The hurt. The sadness. The disappointment and the exhaustion. He could see it in her eyes and he tried to make amends. He tried his best but deep down he believed that he didn't do enough. He believed he could never do enough.
When Bäahal saw Jaime with a baby nephew, the only thought she had at this moment was to see him become a dad. The dad of their children. She hasn't expressed her thoughts just yet but it's just a matter of time.
xxx
My favourite smile is the one he has in the early hours of the day. It is when I realize how lucky I am that he loves me and how I don't want to change this life for anything in the world. I love him. I love you, Jaime.
