got (modern) She couldn't afford to lose her -Dany x Baahal-

Daenerys tapped her fingers against the wooden table of her office desk. She had not heard from Bäahal in a while and was panicking. Their relationship had genuinely improved, and she was happy about it. For once, they could have normal conversations that didn't end in tears and screams. For once, they could share a meal without being at each other's throats. For once, she was given enough space to think about what she did to her sister over the years. Perhaps she owed it to Jon Stark, who actually showed her what healthy relationships with your siblings were. He encouraged her to make amends with her sister and try to get to know her better. Little by little, she stopped seeing her as a burden to carry and more as a person to actually get to know.  

This made her reflect upon the things she did to her sister. She ignored her at times and turned a blind eye to the pain she felt and the violence their brother, Viserys, inflicted upon her. Daenerys indulged in violence as well. Unlike Viserys' physical violence, Daenerys' was mostly psychological. She would hurl insults at her, would force Bäahal to remain financially dependent on her, and would treat Bäahal like a stain in the family. With hindsight, it was clear as day that she carried the guilt and rage of both her parents. Rhaella hated Bäahal, not the child herself, but what she embodied. Every time she looked at Bäahal, she saw her husband's infidelity. She felt like salt was rubbed on an open wound every time she looked at that other child and took it as an insult to be forced to welcome her into the family and pretend that she had always belonged there.  

Aerys' guilt was overwhelming. he messed up with both of his families. He couldn't bring himself to leave Rhaella for Sunni because he didn't want to break his family apart but he also didn't want to stop seeing Sunni because he was in love with her.  He felt a duty to both and because he refused to make a decision, everyone ended up suffering. It was easier to hate on Bâahal than to love her and for more than a decade, Daenerys did everything in her power to keep her sister on a leash. She even went as far as to break a relationship she had with a young dornish heir by buying his loyalty. He didn't hesitate and dumped Bäahal with such quickness that it made Daenerys nauseous.  She bought her sister's heartbreak and that wasn't the only thing she did to hurt the silver heiress. She used her for a deal with Bronn and sold her body for some piece of land to repeat what Bäahal accused her of.  Before Jon, it didn't bother her.  Now that he had opened her eyes to the reality of what she did, she felt disgusted with herself. 

How could she repair her relationship with her sister? How could Bäahal trust her again if she ever learned that she bought her breakup? Daenerys was worried about losing the budding loving relationship between the two of them because of her actions. She was worried about losing her sister for good. It sent her shivers down her spine and she grabbed her phone to look at the latest texts they exchanged lately. The conversation was nice, trivial even, they were planning a dinner together and Bäahal insisted on cooking something for the two of them. Daenerys' lips trembled and she put the phone against her chest. No one should ever know what happened and she made sure to remind the dornish prince to always keep his mouth shut lest he wanted to feel her wrath but she knew she couldn't control people to such an extent. Sooner or later the truth would be revealed and Dany didn't want it to blow up in her face. 

She couldn't afford to lose her..

She couldn't. 

Phoenix (Dragon) -Plagued by Dreams

Dreams of burning this whole world into ashes plagued the princess' nights. She yearned to breathe fire and was desperate for the freedom to assume her dragon form again.  The situation was dire and she knew that it would be ill-advised to reveal her dragon form (and the dragon blood in her veins) when everything and everyone wanted to either bind Dragons to their will or erase them from existence. So she had to wait. She had to yearn. She had to endure.

Lucretia - How did it feel?

How did it feel to be the last of one's kind? How did it feel to know that there would never be another being like you? 

Despair. 

That was how it felt to know that you were the only one who could keep the culture alive. That with your death, there would be nothing but legends, rumors, and in the worst case, nothingness.

Lucretia wanted to join her people in death. She wanted to die and be comforted in joining the spirits of those who went before her. She wanted to but also felt the desire to protect and preserve what was left of her culture and her people. She wanted to honor the dead and decided that if she survived, it was her duty to keep the memories of her people still alive. 

Still... 

She felt despair. 

She felt a hole that didn't grow smaller with time. 

She felt alone. 

She was alone.

COPG: Life and Death of Ayasha: Aftermath of the death of Jupiter

 "Could you feel it, Ayasha?"

The stern voice of Gaea echoed through the walls of the Prima Donna. She appeared out of thin air, in front of Ayasha who was sitting at the fountain. Despite her attempts at locating her sister, the goddess of knowledge was not able to locate her. The only explanation she had was that Pride found a way to cast a spell that constantly kept her cloaked from her Eye, but how could he achieve such a feat? His magic was powerful, but to cast a cloaking spell that covered the whole Earth was a feat unheard of. Ayasha was so deep in her panic that she didn't even think about the possibility that Elpis was carrying a magical object that allowed her to remain cloaked while walking the mortal realm. Instead, what she did feel was the death of Jupiter and that concerned the goddess because she had an idea of who killed the god. 

"I felt it, mother. I felt the death of Jupiter."

"You're livid. I thought it was to be expected that no inferior god would be a match to your sister."

"Did you come here to gloat, mother? How easy it must be for you to walk around and laugh at my attempts to save our lives when you do nothing for us!" She pointed out. Gaea wrinkled her nose and she crossed her arms above her chest.- 

"Watch your tongue, child."

A brief flash of light crossed Ayasha's eyes and she clenched her fists as a biting tongue to stop her from talking back to her mother. The golden goddess put her hand against her chest and she tried to regulate her breathing.  Gaea was upset. Flowers started to grow through the concrete at her feet. Ayasha picked it up and focused on it to rile her mother up some more.

"Or what, Mother?" -She lifted a brow and tilted her head to the side, allowing some of her blonde strands to fall on her chest- "Are you afraid that it would set things in motion faster than anticipated?"

"No! I don't! I just don't understand why it's taken so long for you to find and deal with Elpis."

"She is well protected! that's why! Her Sin is with her and he is very powerful! Jupiter was supposed to simply tell me where she was. He was supposed not to engage with her because I knew that if he did, she would have killed him. He couldn't stop himself from talking to her.

"Elpis is vindictive. If anything, it is one of her fatal flaws. She is relentless when it comes to punishing those who wronged her. Jupiter beat her to an inch of her life a long time ago. Did you think that she would have forgotten about it?" - Gaea chuckled. She wanted to laugh at her daughter's lack of hindsight.-

"I did not. I assumed that he would be clever enough not to engage with her and just tell me that he spotted her. I guess I underestimated the male ego."

"No. You overestimated yourself. " -She lifted her upper lip and walked closer to her daughter- "I think that you should instead help your brother preparing the war. There is no way to avoid the war so we should try to focus on it instead of trying to locate her." -She then crossed her arms above her chest-

Ayasha blinked, ready to throw venom at her mother but found herself unable to. Gaea was right,  no matter how hard she tried, she couldn't find Elpis and it was indeed wasting her time to try and locate her. Deep down, Ayasha knew that she was terrified of a confrontation with her sister. She was terrified of death and the end of her existence as was Gaea but instead of being honest with herself, she hid behind schemes and plots so she wouldn't have to articulate her thoughts and face her fears. her mother caught her at her most vulnerable and for the first time in a while, she couldn't reply. She had no comeback, nothing to say to her mother, and was just left speechless. 

"That's what I thought. Ayasha, if we put our head where it matters, we should come out of this victorious."

Would they? Ayasha desperately needed to believe her mother. She desperately needed to be comforted and she couldn't hold herself back and threw herself at her mother's feet. Gaea looked at her daughter and shook her head. Ayasha cried and whispered demands for forgiveness. Gaea grinned and asked her daughter to rise so she would see her face and she wrapped her arms around her frame to pull her into a hug. Gaea was delighted to see that Ayasha's mind was broken and she could use it for her own benefit and she would.  She would. 

Doya: shorts -About Thanksgiving.-

 With Thanksgiving around the corner, all I can say is that I am grateful for you. I am grateful for your presence in my life. I am grateful for Team Free Will. I am grateful  for everything we've lived together for nearly a decade now.

xxx

Here comes the holiday season. I hold onto some of these because they remind me of those I lost. I hold onto some of these because while I don't remember faces and voices anymore, I can still remember my feelings. Still.. we don't like the holidays in our house unless we spend them doing our job.

COLBY: I don't know how to tell you

 Sometimes words get stuck at the back of our throat and I would look at you, and you would look at me, and silence would settle in between the two of us. 

Sometimes, I don't know how to tell you that I love you and because I do, I am ready to sacrifice everything so you could be happy. I don't know how to tell you that I am very aware that you can't be satisfied with the life you lead because you will always seek more. You will always...always... be on the move because you can't handle settling down. 

This is who you are, a black stallion. This is who I love. The gangster, the soldier, the MP, and the Father. This is you...who I love and while I can't always articulate the way you make me feel... I can still look into your blue eyes and let you know.

HOTD: confronting Aemond part 3: what to expect?

How can you still love me after I've done?"

He was self-aware of the very person he became. He decided that it was out of necessity and that remorse couldn't be allowed in his heart. Aemond convinced himself that he did it for his family, for his people, and his realm but deep down, he knew that these were nothing but words in the wind. Ceryse told him that power had corrupted his soul, that she didn't recognize the man she used to know and love and he met her words with contempt and silence. That was until their last conversation where he almost hit her as her words felt like venomous knives thrown at him. Bitter truth he refused to acknowledge until the half-blind Velaryion reminded him of what he had become. 

He expected Ceryse to leave him, to be so disgusted by the man he was that she would refuse to associate with him any longer. He expected her to spit in his face and tell him that she would give up and let his grandsire do whatever he wanted to do with her. What was the point in fighting when she was effectively without any ally left? Still.... Still... She didn't leave him. Still, she was there, cupping his face and looking at him with a warm and loving gaze instead of contempt and hatred.  Still, she claimed that she loved him despite everything that had happened. Still, she refused to leave his side, even when her very life was at risk.  Aemond's purple eye softened its gaze and he bent a bit forward to plant a kiss on her lips. He repeated his question, this time in a whisper. 

"We do not choose who we love. My heart beats for you and I know your heart. I know your heart...." -She then closed her eyes and put her other hand on his chest.- "However, I see that you're losing control and I cannot sit and watch you destroy yourself and everything that you are and love. Please. Please....don't get lost in the depend."