GoT: Silence
A/ N: This is just me musing around. It's not happened (save for Viserion's death and Bäahal's reaction to it) but I wanted to put it into context with terrible Jaimie when he would act less terrible actually:p Oh yeah, you didn't know? I'm a heartbreak specialist!
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Silence...She only remembered the deafening silence that filled the air after Viserion was hit by the Night King's Javelin. The princess heard the sound of the wheezing winter winds as she fell. She couldn't see clearly what was happening but before it all faded to black, the huge shadow drawn by Viserion's body vanished from the sky. She didn't hear the loud noise made by his corpse as it hit the ground, nor did she heard the ice break under his weight and the lake swallow him whole. She couldn't hear anything. She couldn't see anything, it all just faded to black. But she knew. From the moment the Night King hit Viserion, she knew he would not survive. Her heart stopped beating at this exact moment, her leg was impaled along with Viserion but the dragon's struggle against his wound broke the ice javelin and allowed for her to fall. In a way, he cared for her until the end by tossing her body off of him as he fell to his death. She fancied this idea, the idea that he didn't die in vain.
Bäahal never mourned for Viserion's death. She didn't cry when a distraught Daenerys told her what happened after Drogon caught her mid-air. All the princess saw was the red face of her crying sister, trying her best to keep her composure while delivering the news to a still injured Bäahal. The leg was recovering just fine, she could still walk, so it was not important to the former slave. Daenerys' lips moved but Bäahal was unable to register her words. The wind carried her words but all she felt was a shiver that never left her spine. She felt cold, she felt...empty. Viserion died and the only thing she could do was hug her sister because she knew it did hurt her more than it could ever hurt Bäahal. Viserion was the queen's son. He was her blood and she lost him. The queen furrowed her brows, still upset at the outcome of the conversation because she realized that Bäahal was just trying to comfort her, instead of allowing herself to be comforted. She tried to reach out to her but it fell on death ears.
Bäahal kept her feelings to herself, unable to unearth them and properly mourn for the loss of her companion. At first, everything went fine, but the more she heard Rhaegal and Drogon shriek, the more she saw them freely fly above her head, the worse she felt. She was missing Viserion, she was missing the sensations she got when she was flying with him, next to Drogon and her sister and Rhaegal. Her fingers still remembered the sensation of his scales against her fingertips, the warmth of his breath over her skin. She thought that maybe she would be able to avenge him if she rode Rhaegal but he chose Jon Snow and it added some cracks on the shell she built around her heart. Today was perhaps the worst. She had never attended a council meeting because it never was something she enjoyed. She wasn't made for sitting around and listening to people discussing tactics and strategy. They all were talking, Grey worm, Lord Tyrion, Jaime, Jon, Daenerys.
They were all blabbing about the Night King when she heard it for the first time: The Night King tear down the wall with the help of the undead Viserion. All of a sudden, the words Daenerys told her back at the Wall surfaced and she realized that Viserion wasn't even allowed to know peace. Drogon flew above their heads at this exact moment and his familiar shrieking sound was enough to make her stand up and leave the room in a hurry. Jon wanted to stop her, but they couldn't just interrupt their council so he decided to let her be. Intrigued, Jaime asked about the princess once the meeting was over and Tyrion simply explained that she never was comfortable with councils and meetings. His worried tone, however, achieved to tease Jaime's curiosity so he decided to find the princess and have a conversation with her. He found her upstairs, outside. She was shaking because of the snow and the biting cold. As he drew closer to her, she drew her dagger out of her sleeve and relaxed as she realized it was the most hated man of Winterfell who happened to be at the same place as she was.
« Is this a habit of yours to run away from meetings? »
Her blood boiled at the sight of him. She couldn't truly explain why he would make her feel this way, why he would lit that fire in her eyes but he did. She suspected that it might have been the name -He was a Lannister- or the fact he was Cersei's twin brother. Her hatred for Cersei truly boiled down to one thing and one thing only: She not only tried to kill her sister several times and almost succeeded, she also was the wife of the man who slaughtered Daenerys family. She was the mother of the King who slaughtered Jon's family and she didn't keep her promise to put aside their hatred to fight a common enemy. She and her rotten family caused the two people she devoted her life to, a great amount of pain and suffering. It was enough for her to want them dead, all of them... Except for Tyrion.
«Did you walk all this way to insult me, Lord Jaime? » -Her purple gaze burning with a thinly veiled rage but her voice betrayed her emotion. It had cracks in it as if she was on the verge of crying.-
«It wasn't my intention, princess. You left the council very abruptly and if I recall, we did hear your sister's dragons shriek and flap their wings moments ago. » -She became as stiff as a rock and looked away from him, down so she would focus on his sister training with Ser Bronn.-
« I see you pay attention to details... It's a good thing you still have good eyes, they can compensate for your lack of hands. » -She spat back, angry and flustered-
Her fingers clenched and she put her dagger back into her sleeve. Jaime was used to being insulted, especially since he lost a hand so it flew above his head. He noticed she wasn't looking at Drogon who clearly was flying just above them. She was wincing at the sound of its voice, and he realized she was holding back tears. It started to make sense in his head. She was mourning for the third dragon, the one that was slain by the Night King. It had not been a long time since the hand of Queen Cersei had joined the North but he did watch Daenerys interact with her dragons and noticed her close bond with them.
« Tyrion told me you also possess the Dragon blood. » He bluntly said, forcing her to look at him with her eyes wide open. For a brief minute, he thought she would jump on him and try and kill him but she didn't move. She just shook. « I believe I understand why you left the room. »
« And what do you know? What can you possibly know and understand? » Her voice wanted to sound biting and spiteful but she couldn't hide the cracks in it. She recoiled at the corner of the balcony, unable to find a place to hide so she tried to keep a strong and cold face. It would have worked if she wasn't so upset, instead, it only revealed that she was shaking even more and was fighting against her tears.
« I know what loss is. » -Was all he could say. At this very moment,-
Jaime knew about Loss for he did lose all the people he cared about. His children were all dead, from the unhinged Joeffrey to the sweet Mircella. He buried his mother and his father. He almost buried Tyrion. Kyra, Tyrion, and Cersei were the only members of his family he had left and he would cling to any chance to keep them alive, regardless of how problematic they might be. He had the chance to mourn for Joeffrey and Mircella, not so much for Tommen due to the chaos that reigned. At least, they buried their children, they buried their parents and he had a chance to be at peace knowing they were protected by the seven gods. At least. Bäahal hated him more than anything.. not because he was a Lannister or her enemy...no. She hated him because he understood. She hated him because he was right. She hated him because he put words to her feelings. She was feeling the weight of Viserion's loss. Still not as fully as she should have, but her shell was cracking and she knew it was coming.
« There was a deafening silence on the day he fell. I was riding him and we were rescuing Jon. Viserion was excited, it was something new for him, a new weather, new enemies...We were winning. Well... I thought we were. » Her voice was soft, almost as if it was a whisper and her eyes became even more vibrant. Jaime noted her foreign and exotic beauty, her features were unusual and yet complimented each other very well. He noted the change of stance, how her shoulders were dropping, her body was giving up bit by bit but he remained at a respectable distance. « And then we were hit by a javelin...And I think he screamed. I don't remember the sound he made, I don't remember the sound he made, or what happened clearly. He...I had my leg impaled by the ice javelin but he flapped his wings and it broke and I fell and...silence...and darkness. I couldn't hear anything else. I didn't even see him...I didn't see... »
She covered her mouth with her warm palm and bit back a sob. Viserion was not just Daenerys' son. He was Bäahal's best friend. Her companion. He chose her on that beach at Dragonstone. He could feel when she was in distress and helped her calm down with his comforting presence. He could feel when she was angry and translated it with his shrieking sounds. He was her protector and so deeply connected with her that she didn't need words. When she had a meltdown because she was frustrated by her inability to open up to Daenerys, he comforted her. And when she informed her sister that she bonded with him, it helped the two get closer. They would ride together, laugh together and bond over the bond she had with one of Daenery's sons. Viserion truly helped Bäahal open up to her sister and allowed Bäahal to feel more and embrace those emotions. Lord Varys warned the princess not to use him as a crutch but he was no such thing. He was her friend...And she lost him.
« Enough! ENOUGH! Stop it Drogon! Go away! » -Drogon shrieked again and that was when Bäahal lost it. She covered her ears.- « ENOUGH!! Please! Stop! »
She ran her hand over her gracile neck, confused as to how to feel, fighting the emotions still. Jaime cleared his throat and walked closer to her.
« I think it's best if you actually embraced the pain, Princess. Ignoring it would make things worse. » -He wasn't judgemental, his tone unlike usual wasn't sarcastic or even distant. He saw she was tormented and while their relationship wasn't stellar, she had not attacked him or threatened his life. From what Tyrion told him about the princess, she was just as fresh at it as he was when he welcomed Tyrion in the family. And she had lost a companion.-
« No..no. I can't. » Her voice trailed off, and she ran her hand over her face. Tears were already rolling onto her cheeks, unable to stop. « I can't...I can't.. »She shook her head and moved from the corner. Bäahal took a few steps forward, and then looked away, anywhere but at Jaime's face. « I can't feel it again... » She had already lost someone she cared about, her mother when she was just a teenager. It devasted her and she swore to never shed a tear and yet, here she was again, years later. It was the dawn of a new war and she realized that she could lose those she cared about: Jon... Her sister, and Missandei.
« You have to, princess. » -Jaime added as he walked closer to the distraught woman. She took a step back as he walked closer and opened his arm. His eyes, his eyes were trustworthy, reassuring even, he meant no harm. As confused as Bäahal was, she still could rely on her sight and instinct and he didn't want to harm her. « You are allowed to feel the way you do. »
« Viserion...Viserion is dead...and he can't even rest in peace. »
She finally said, sobbing. She couldn't help herself but just cried her eyes out. It didn't matter to her how he would perceive her. The tears, the snot, the saliva dripping down her lips as she cried without restraint. She wailed and almost fell because the grief was overwhelming her. Jaime caught her in his arms without saying a word. Now wasn't the time to speak. She needed to cry her heart out and truly grieve for her dragon. Jaime didn't quite know why he did it, Maybe it was seeing the princess so upset mellowed the man enough so he could give her some comfort. Maybe, it was because she agreed to train Kyra that he wanted to return the favour by doing something good. His sister told him that the woman had been nice to her, a good teacher with a clumsy sense of humour. Maybe, just maybe, it was because Jaime saw a glimpse of who she really was -not he distant princess she tried to convince others she was or the emotionless badass she pretended she was- a woman with complex emotions, emotions she still refused to express to some extent. He saw someone who cared deeply for her chosen ones. He saw someone vulnerable and yet strong. He saw a lot of things in Bäahal and for the first time since he had arrived, she had not seen Jaime « the Kingslayer » or Jaime « The lovestruck lion » but just Jaime. A man who simply was there and offered her a shoulder to cry on.
And then, there was yet again another silence but unlike when she lost Viserion, this time, Bäahal could hear the sound of her heart breaking again.
-TBC-
