Windora trivia : Anger

Anger: 😤  Lux can control her anger. She has to when she navigates the vampire high society. Her anger bubbles to the surface, and only a keen eye could actually notice it. Usually, when she's angry, she would bare her fangs,  her tail would wag violently, and she would become violent. You better not be in her way because she would obliterate you. Only a few people can calm her down. Her father, her brother, and Jake.

Trivia and headcanon: Lux: Sex// Anger// addiction and coping mechanism

Sex: Lux enjoys sex. She is very in touch with her sexuality and would never shy away from it. She loves exploring it and has been for the past 2000 years. She knows what she wants and what she hates, and would always seek pleasure wherever it is. Unfortunately for the vampire, the 20th century has been dry. She encountered really bad lovers who left a sour taste in her mouth. She is yearning for someone who can break her spirit and make her feel pleasure like she never had before. She wants to be manhandled and to turn her partner into her private fuck toy. Jake seems to be the perfect candidate for it, and she knows she will have fun with him. Perhaps he can match her freak. Perhaps he can make her lose her mind and give her the fucking that would turn her into a needy slut. 

Anger: Lux can control her anger. She has to when she navigates the vampire high society. Her anger bubbles to the surface, and only a keen eye could actually notice it. Usually, when she's angry, she would bare her fangs,  her tail would wag violently, and she would become violent. You better not be in her way because she would obliterate you. Only a few people can calm her down. Her father, her brother, and Jake.

Addiction and Coping Mechanism:  Lux is addicted to blood. Obviously, she's a vampire, so of course, she would be addicted to blood. She's very sensitive when it comes to its taste and can tell the difference between good blood and bad blood. Jake's blood is exquisite, so she is clearly addicted to it.  She's also addicted to his cum, to his taste, to everything about Jake. She's addicted to him. Through and through. 

When she's under stress, she tries to drown those feelings with alcohol or a fight. If it doesn't work, she would have sex, and if it doesn't work, she would go on a killing spree or just fight. 

Judith le Fay: anger

Judith had a very hard time keeping her temper under control. She still had flashbacks of the Blue Fairy telling her to calm down but it was starting to feel more and more appealing to make these bastards pay for insulting her. 

Anger had been bubbling within her for a decade now. They kept saying she wasn't a faery and the young girl was determined to prove them wrong. Now humans were doing the same, calling her a freak, mocking her appearance, mocking everything about her. If only she could just twist their tongues and make them regret their words! If only she could snap their backs in half, effectively hurting them beyond repair... Oh, how tempting this was for her. How tempting this was!

Klasma: An uncanny alliance - Rogue witches

 Klasma: An uncanny alliance - Rogue witches

// We're back with the Rogue witches. 

xxxxx

Mystic Falls - Mystic Grill- Sunday - 9:30 PM

Abigal's jaw clenched as she set her green eyes upon Matt, the bartender. He was getting her cocktail ready and seemed every bit like a normal human being. She wasn't sure if the man was aware of his friends being supernatural creatures. The witch tracked the Cursed One to Mystic Falls and she started to realize that it made sense. She pinched her lips together and grabbed the cocktail Matt extended her.  She scratched her chin because she felt a familiar sensation in her chest. A fellow witch had entered the bar, one from her own coven. Abigal turned her head to the left and found her fellow witch. It was a tall and lanky redhead with a dark green top and a pair of black leather pants. She sat next to Abigail and ordered a beer. 

"What brings you here, sister?" -Abigail asked as she brought her glass to her lips-

"I have been following you since New Orleans. I wanted to see if you were determined to find the Cursed One."

"Is that so? Why is that? I thought I was the only Rogue witch of our coven?" -She mused and lifted a brow.-

Abigail was considered a traitor by her coven because instead of focusing on her sisters, she was chasing a ghost. Very few witches believed old legends, especially not the one about an 800-year-old witch who had betrayed her coven. They thought that Abigail had lost her mind when she claimed the Cursed One was real and was responsible for way too many witches' deaths. How could her coven allow this abomination to roam the world freely? Abigail thought that ignoring the problem was only going to let it fester and become worse and worse over time. She thought that they should have killed her upon learning that she helped their enemies. For Abigail, there was no forgiveness, no fraternizing with the enemy and helping them! The Cursed One worked with the Mikaelsons, she saved their lives, she was punished but it didn't feel enough for the Rogue Witch. It was far from it.  

"You're not the only one. I saw the truth in your quest a while after you left. We can't allow a witch this powerful to still be alive and work with our enemies."

"Are you doing this because you're scared of her?" -The redhead shook her head.- "You're not afraid?"

"Fear is a hindrance. I know she's powerful and far more than any of us could be on our own but she doesn't have the advantage of the number and genuine support. My name is Elaine, nice to meet you." She tilted her bottle of beer towards Abigail who hit her cocktail against the bottle. "She is alone. We aren't."

"Abigail Jones. You can call me Abby, sister. And you're right. We aren't alone. We have each other." She then shrugged. "The Mikaelsons won't help her. They would leave her stranded and that is when we would strike. When she's alone, vulnerable and powerless. We will need a plan."

Elaine laughed and she patted Abigail's shoulder. She was happy that their encounter went so well. Abigail felt relieved to have some support. She wouldn't be hunting on her own and she would be able to fight the Cursed One with backup. it made her furrow her brows for a minute because she noticed Stefan and Damon Salvatore but since she didn't have beef with them, the witch decided it was best to save her strength for something more meaningful. Something bigger. 

Colby : A thorn in his foot -Michael's plan-

 // A/N: We know Michael is an asshole. We know he wants power. We know he doesn't listen to Tom. Well, he is with Gina here already and at the beginning of his shit, but I needed to give a little more context and explain/ introduce Archie. at least mention his name. 

XXXX

"Let me guess, Michael, You are still looking at the picture of this woman in Great Britain?"

Gina walked into Michael's office, her slender figure wrapped in a lovely pink dress. She was leaning against the door, arms crossed above her chest and a pout on her face. Mary wasn't per se, a rival. She knew from Michael himself about his failed attempt at seducing the woman. He would lament about his failed attempts at catching the woman's attention. She was a broken bird, a lovely woman who was so nurturing that Michael wanted her...At first. Mary was beautiful, kind, funny, and gentle. She got along well with everyone, including his mother and that meant everything to the young man. Polly approved of her and if Michael were to choose Mary, he knew he would have had his mother's blessings. She was supportive and loyal and that was attractive to the young man. He fell for her, at least at the beginning. 

"You know I am." -he put the picture on the table and watched as his wife walked into the room. She smirked at him and closed the distance between the two of them. Her hands cupped his cheeks and she lifted his head up, so she could watch her.-

"And what does that picture make you feel this time?"

"Gina. I love you. I married you." -He leaned into her touch and gently pressed his lips to her warm palm.-

Gina had been made aware of the existence of Mary pretty early in her relationship with Michael. She knew that for a good while before he met her, the young man was obsessed with this woman. Upon seeing the photograph, she understood why, but that didn't deter the blonde woman to keep pursuing Micahel and seducing him. Mary went from being the legitimate object of his affection to the catalyst of his frustrations. She wasn't the woman he fell in love with -That would be Gina, or so he said-, but she was the woman he should have had.  Everyone was fawning over Tommy, treating him as the Alpha and the Omega of the whole family. It was as if he knew everything, planned ahead and cared for everyone. It had always been about Tommy and everything he could give, everything that he was. Michael was upset because Tommy refused to see how important Michael was and how far he could take the family if he was given a chance. Michael was upset because Tommy refused to acknowledge that he was the old generation and a cursed danger to the whole family. Tommy's hand was lethal, people around him died and they all kowtowed to Tommy's ambition. Michael needed more than just the position of the elder Shelby's valet.

"You married me, yes, but your mind is not here in America with me. your mind is in Great Britain with Mary Fucking Colson and Tommy Shelby." -Michael shook his head and wrapped his hands around her wrists.- "Michael, darling... You can't lie to me."

"I'm not lying to you, Gina. It's not Mary-- It's not her I am looking at when I stare at her picture. It's my cousin. It's Thomas fucking Shelby I am looking at when I look at her."

"She is far more pleasant than Tommy Shelby." -Gina chuckled and pressed her lips to her husband's forehead.- "Now now... let me know what is bothering you."

"Mother told me that Tommy's been had a gin distillery and it's quite good actually. I would like to take it from him without his knowledge. I happen to have a friend who will soon return to London and I was thinking that he could be interested in buying this business from Tommy. If I do this, and with the people, I know here, we could sell the gin in America. Steal his market, become rich ourselves off of Tommy's labor."

"A friend? Do I know him?" -He shook his head and gently wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her against his face- "Who is he? I could perhaps, talk to my uncles who would happily help."

"It's going to be okay, Gina. His name is Archibald Worthington III but we call him Archer. He is a British businessman operating in London but he has a sister company here in New York. I will send him to Birmingham to meet with my mother."

"Careful, love. She might be willing to help Tommy. She was close to him long before you came back in her life and I wonder if--"

"My mom's loyalty is towards me. She's always been loyal to me." -Michael shushed his wife and furrowed his brows at the idea that his mother could betray him. If anything, she'd saved his life countless times and it was only fair that he looked after her.- "And she will come to live with me once she's sure the family is safe. I trust her with my life, Gina. Don't ever doubt her." -Gina pressed a kiss to his forehead and rolled her eyes as she yanked her head back. 

"I didn't mean to disrespect her. All I was saying is that you should be careful. You don't have plenty of allies in Great Britain. My uncles could provide your friend, Archer, some protection if he needed some. Do you really think he would be able to buy the distillery from your cousin?" -Michael shrugged-

"Maybe. I'd hope so." -He furrowed his brows and pressed a kiss to his wife's belly.- "I would like him to meet with Mary as well."- This made Gina shake her head and pull away from the young man.-

She didn't like the idea of having someone turn around Mary Colson. It was known across the ocean that Mary Colson was in love with Tommy Shelby and he might not have been indifferent to her either. She lived in his house and raised his boy. She became a nun at the Grace Shelby's institution and there had been rumors about a slap Lizzie Stark gave Mary Colson. Everybody knew Lizzie was in love with Tommy and he used to return to her whenever he felt lonely, so.. going after Mary might be riskier than Michael realized. She rubbed her arms and shook her head. 

"Try something else. Don't go after Mary. Tommy seems to be very close to her and perhaps she's just a glorified nanny for his son, or perhaps he's really attached to her, we don't know yet. What I do know, however, is that he trusts this woman because she lives in his house. She raises his son. She isn't just anybody and if anything happens to her, we're toasted. So please! Don't mess with Mary. leave her alone."

"I-- just wanted to know a few things from Mary. She knows him, she lives with him and she probably might know a few things about his business. I thought that if I sent my friend, I could get to learn... Gina! Gina! you're not listening to me!" -He stood up and caught his wife's shoulders in both hands. He forced her to look at him with his blue eyes wide open.-

"You're hurting me!'" -She said, furrowing her brows- "I don't want you to be reckless! I know you hate your cousin and you want to overthrow him. I understand it, I support it. What I don't support is your lack of control when it comes to that Mary Colson. You pretend you don't love her anymore, yet you keep looking at her picture! I'm not stupid!"

"I am not in love with her, Gina! I am not in love with her! I wanted to possess her years ago, yes! I wanted her because I thought she was what I wanted in a woman. I thought she was what I needed but I realized that she wasn't. I realized even more how destructive Tommy Shelby could be, to have her choose him instead of me.  Tommy corrupts anything he touches, he brainwashed people into doing his bidding but he is a danger. She's lost to me, Gina. She's lost to me. I told you that I married you because I loved you and I mean my fucking word. But you are right." -He lowered his tone and pressed his forehead to hers.- "You are right...I shall be careful and not involve Mary in a situation she did not ask for. I'll focus on buying the Gin distillery from Tommy and build my own empire off of his hard labor". -He pressed a kiss to her forehead- "Do you trust me?"

"......" -She sighed and rolled her eyes before she wrapped her arms around his waist and pulled him into a soft hug.- "I do. Let's hope Tommy won't ever find out that you're the one behind Archer's presence in Great Britain. I wouldn't want him to start a vendetta against us, not when he's still strong.-

"I will be careful. Come, let's go to our bedroom. I think a little moment with my wife is long overdue."

And he took her out of his office. What he failed to mention, was that he was, indeed, obsessed with Mary and her relationship with Tommy but not for the reasons he gave Gina. Part of him resented Tommy for taking everything from him, His mom Polly, his wealth, his power, and even the woman he desired. He was upset at  Tommy for being seen as the best there was when Michael was as capable as Tommy ever will be and he could use his youth and cleverness to actually drive the family into becoming even more powerful than it already was.  He should have had Mary, he should have had power but he had been punished by the Elder Shelby to a life full of nonsense. A life Gina saved him from and he would honor his wife, any which way she pleased. 

-TBC-

headcanon: Anger

Anger

B: Bäahal doesn’t get angry. Not really. She could shout at people or sulk, but she doesn’t really express anger. It’s actually something that needs to be worked on. She cries a lot, however, and perhaps that is the way she found to release her intense emotions. She’s usually very disappointed and sad rather than angry.

M ! W: Mary IS anger incarnate. She’s been angry from the moment she lost her family to Klaus’ rampage. She remained angry when her coven cursed her because she felt it wasn’t fair. Her anger causes her pain, and trying to reign it in, also causes her pain. So please, and helping people, actually help her soothe her body and soul and feel less pain.

M: Mary doesn’t really show her anger with words. However, when she is angry, she will give you the silent treatment, the angry/ shocked gaze full of judgment, and would put some distance between you and her. (I.e; physically she’d take steps back. Or she’d call you by your last name)

V: Viserys is unpredictable. He can go from 0 to 100 in a blink of an eye. His anger is usually hot and sudden, and he could be very nice and smiling and the next second, he could stab a guy who looks at Kyra the wrong way. He is trying to learn how to deal with his angry fits and has slowly started to improve. But he could still get angry enough to break a guy’s face.

COPG She was anger - She was Danger

Elpis x Pride :

Elpis had been waiting for weeks now, carefully biding her time before she would try to leave the Underworld. She realized that until she had recovered completely, it would be useless for her to try and leave her golden prison. Pride made sure to cast a spell that locked her in his realm. Fine! It was slowing her down but she wouldn't be kept in the Underworld until this new version of the creature she fell in love with would consider trusting her. He had not come to see her, not even once, which didn't improve her mood and turned her quiet and gentle aura into an aura full of anger and venom. The goddess was becoming more powerful over the weeks, so much so that he could feel her psychic print from his chambers. He knew that seeing her like this should have made him feel otherwise, -if he had still been the same Pride.-, but instead of being aroused or at the very least stimulated and encouraged by her emotional state, he was intrigued. Like a cat toying with its prey, the sin wanted to see how far she was able to go. He didn't believe that his old-self could have been attracted to her kinder side. This sweet and sensitive part of the goddess couldn't possibly be made him stay and even worse, soften him up. She went to the balcony of her chambers, determined to fight the magic that was confining her in there and outstretched her hands. Before she could start, Pride appeared behind her, which made her furrow her brows and put her hands on her waist.

The room reeked of anger and vengeance. It sent shivers down his spine and turned his blue eyes into purple hues as excitement took over. He had not even seen her face yet, but he knew the goddess was boiling from the inside. She said as she turned on her heels and finally stared at him. Her eyes were golden pools, and the sight that would have been scary for any other soul staring at her made the sin smirk even wider. His purple hues were even brighter as he took a step forward, closing the distance between the goddess and him. She was angry, and rightfully so, but as soon as she saw him, he realized that she calmed down. She did not expect to see the Sin, especially not so suddenly, but he took advantage of her surprise and stood inches away from her. Her eyes returned to normal. He could see the black sclera again and cupped her chin with his forefinger. His touch made her shiver and she bit her bottom lip. His eyes averted from her eyes to her sugary lips, kissable and lovely buttons he wanted to taste. That quick thought escaped his mind as her anger resurfaced and she pushed him away again. She wasn't happy to see him. She wanted him to finally talk to her and give them an opportunity to finally get to know him. He didn't seem inclined to speak so she tried to push him away but he held her wrist.

« Careful here, Elpis. You do not want to hit me. »

« What if I do? What are you going to do that is worse than what you're already doing to me? » She spat at him, struggling to break free from his touch.

« You're upset. » He acknowledged, releasing her wrist as she frowned her brows a little harder. « I understand wh- »

« You don't understand, Superbia. For 2000 years I have been waiting for you, locked inside those humans I happen to still care for. The only thing that helped me handle captivity was you. The memory of us, the desire to avenge us. I am captive again! »

« Not captive. You do know why I keep you here. I have explained already and I do not like to repeat myself twice. » He warned her, his purple hues glowed brightly as he was now upset.

« It isn't enough! It ISNT enough! » She growled and sighed deeply. « I cannot remain here like a beautiful bird you keep in a cage! This is not who I am. » She said as she looked down. She felt powerless at the very moment, unable to make decisions for herself because her very life was in his hands. She was frustrated and felt unfulfilled as her desire to avenge herself became stronger as time went by.

« This is where you are at the moment. You haven't recovered fully and I haven't had the opportunity to sit and talk with you. »

«Talk? You now want to know more about me? Why haven't you tried to talk to me before? » She asked while he freed her wrist. He still stood before her, his hand now grabbing her waist and pulling her frame against her. « Nevermind...It doesn't matter now because you are here. » She felt his hand stroke her cheek and then lost itself in her luscious pink mane.

« I am at war with my siblings. This is nothing new to you. » He said as he wrapped a fistful of hair in his hand and tugged at it, forcing the goddess to yank her head back. « War requires focus. They are powerful and no matter how great I am, I couldn't let hubris cost me victory. They already almost got me twice. I wouldn't want a third time to happen. »

« Then let me help you. »

« I do not recall you as being one to make plans Elpis. » He said as his lips brushed over her neck in a teasing manner. She gasped and relaxed against his frame. « I do remember seeing you be either very soft towards all living creatures, either bloodthirsty like you were with the Sumerian gods.  You never made plans. You're emotional. »

« Efficient you mean. » She moaned softly as he grazed his teeth on the tender skin of her neck. «Angry as well... »

« And powerful, I know. I can sense your power rise as you recover in your chambers. I do know that you possess tremendous power but you are a goddess and they are sins. They were made to kill the likes of you. » He dryly stated, which made her squirm against him.

« Do not underestimate me Superbia. » She growled, an orange glow covered her hands and a wave of energy escaped from her and made her room shake. His eyes turned into a brighter purple color. « I could be more useful than you think in your war against your siblings. I have a revenge to take on Envy if you do remember. He was the one who messed with my host,. »

« I remember. » The Sin said as he pulled away from her. His ministrations didn't distract the goddess whose anger kept reaching a new level. Since he couldn't have her with Lust, he would speak to the very emotion she was displaying at the moment. Her Wrath. « I take note that you want to express yourself and you are frustrated... »

«Finally! We are starting to have the conversation I have meant for us to have. »

« I'm all ears. » He said as he walked towards the biggest chair in her bedroom. She smirked and followed him inside the bedroom so she could be more comfortable talking with the new King of Hades.

-TBC-

Chronicles of the Primeval Gods: Hope was restored.

Chronicles of the Primeval Gods: Hope was restored.

A/N : How did Ayasha and Ishtar react when Elpis was set free? Well, let's find out. just following our storyline, Babe <3 

Xxxxxx

« No... »

Ayasha eyes grew wide and she curled her fingers into fists as she felt the energy signature of her little sister. It couldn't be mistaken with another one, this bright and powerful energy that spread on Earth like wildfire. The golden-skinned goddess ran towards the fountain of Truth in order to see it with her own two emerald eyes. She couldn't breathe and she felt her throat tighten at the thought of Elpis being free. The fountain was glowing, and the brightness almost blinded the goddess of Knowledge who squinted her eyes to be able to see through the mirror. She couldn't see anything for the fountain couldn't locate Elpis, but she saw the impact the awakening of the goddess had on Earth. She saw the hearts and minds of humans change and fill up with Hope. She recognized her sister's essence and it brought her to her knees.

« NO !! NO !!!!! » She held onto the fountain.

Ishtar crossed the front door, alarmed by what he felt too. They had already talked about the possibility of Elpis being set free by the Sin but counted on him being undone by Hades to eventually not care about their sister. It was a long shot but there was a chance that Pride would never want to set Elpis free since he was so hell-bent on destroying gods. They were proven wrong ! Now their sister was alive and her curse was lifted and both Ayasha and Ishtar felt her bloodlust as she manifested herself in this plane of existence. She was coming for them and she wouldn't even need to convince the Sin to fight by her side. Ayasha let an inhuman sound escape from her lips, a mix of a painful cry and an angry roar that pierced through Ishtar's ears. He was silently watching his sister, the words of his fallen brother still ringing in his head. Was Ayasha playing him like a damn feeble? Or was she genuine? Did she orchestrated the fall of their Pantheon and used him as a weapon to eliminate their sister or did she truly believe it was for the good of all Primeval gods? It was hard to tell, espêcially not when he was seeing her react to the awakening of Elpis.

« NO !!! NO! Elpis! » She screamed, her emerald orbs scanning the floor and the fountain. Her mind wasn't back in its place as rage-filled it and she wasn't in control? She grabbed rubble with her bare hands and was ready to throw it at the fountain when a strong hand held her wrist. She gasped and turned her head so she could see her brother's unreadable face. For a minute, she lost her composure and her lips quivered as she knitted her eyebrows. « Ishtar... »

« I know. » Was all he could say. He had never seen his sister like this, enraged beyond reasons, disheveled and with her beautiful green eyes injected with blood. Circumstances could explain her reaction to the awakening. After all, He was supposed to kill Elpis and he didn't. Now, because of this moment of weakness, she was about to bring those Sins to their door. « Ayasha,,. » He whispered as she started to pound her fists against his broad chest. Bless his soul, he wasn't reading her mind, because if he was, he would see a maelstrom of thoughts, and among them, the truth behind her every move. He would see the true face of his sister, the ugly face of Knowledge used for power and selfishness and it would crush his soul because Ishtar would finally realize that Leviathan, the brother he so deeply hated, was right.

« She's coming for us Ishtar... She's coming... » She gathered her thoughts and regained her composure. Ishtar was there and she was going to turn this bad news into something better. « And she's angry. »

« I will face her and those so-called sins. I am not afraid of Hades' creations. Why would I be when I am the All-Father? »

Khaos preceded all those other gods, he preceded Hades and he preceded the Sins. He was a being of extraordinary power and while Ishtar was in no way near his level, he still was a threat. He would have been unrivaled if it wasn't for the sins which had powers that could exceed that of a god. They were able to corrupt their minds, manipulate their emotions and worst of all, they had god-killing weapons...Well, Pride did. Elpis was a threat too, and while he didn't voice his concerns about his estranged sister, Ishtar knew she was a force to reckon with. She destroyed a very strong and ancient pantheon by herself, out of pettiness. What could happen when she was motivated by anger and a thirst for revenge? He dreaded facing her again, seeing her gorgeous face look at him with disappointment and disgust.

« She was supposed to be DEAD! » Ayasha spat at him, her fists stopped pounding against his chest as she tried to remove herself from him. « /None/ of this would have happened if you had done your /mission/! »

« I /failed/you! I know that Ayasha. How many times would I have to apologize for showing compassion to Elpis? »

«Compassion? Compassion? You dare call this compassion? You are in love with her, always have been. Don't you remember calling her name when you were fucking me? » She rubbed salt on his open wound, turning tables on him so he wouldn't even question the fact /she/ sent him on this mission. Her venom worked on him and had Isthar release her wrist and lower his head. She turned on her heels and bared her back at him for dramatic effect and also because she didn't want him to catch up with her true emotions.

« We have to get rid of her before they come to our doors. » He stated, his tone still apologetic to Ayasha, who he thought he hurt. Her emerald eyes scanned the area, the rubbles of the old divination sanctum, where Ayasha would consult the fountain and find out what was happening in any realm or plane of existence. It still retained the peaceful atmosphere that allowed for the goddess to plan everything and an epiphany crossed her mind.

« We might not even have to wait until she comes to our door. She is free and her memory is still anchored to the past. Everything changed, and while Hope filled the heart of humans, they have been living for millennia without it. They would not worship her as they used to...She can't possibly be as strong as she used to be. »

« What about her alliance with the sin? »

Ayasha's face was smiling, happy because she realized she found a way to neutralize her sister. She was still able to stop her before Elpis managed to come to the Elder's realm. What pleasure it would be to actually crush her sister's mind and soul before she crushed her body. The Sin would provide the much-needed help without them having to lift a finger. Pride would disappoint Elpis. He would break her heart and along with it, the desire to get revenge. She would lose everything and along with it, the will to live. How could she survive such betrayals? How could she keep her will to live? She couldn't and Ayasha was counting on it. And her face that was stricken with fear and anger was now smiling. Her eyes found their natural gleam and she turned around to face her brother. She wiped her tears off of her face and walked towards her brother who welcomed her with a tight embrace.

« It is going to break. Pride isn't the same as he used to be and Elpis is going to learn the hard truth. She is going to be disenchanted and you know how our sister can be a little extreme with her emotions. Pride will break her and he can even potentially kill her if she proves to be a nuisance to him. There is no way he would feel the way he did before Hades unmade him. There is no way he can believe he's in love with her, there is no connection anymore, nothing... but dried tears and bittersweet memories. Elpis will break and she will die, alone. »

Ishtar smiled at his sister, now that the blonde goddess finally found her strive back, he wouldn't mess with it. She was smiling and had a plan, which in turn reassured him because his mind was too clouded to eventually think about the situation. The shock was gone and soon, Elpis would be too.

-TBC-

COPG: Underworld Blues

Elpis and Pride: Underworld Blues

A/N: Finally, after so long, our goddess is finally free <3 This would take place right after the scene we're writing. <3

xxxx

As soon as the sin left his chambers, the goddess stood back up. Her legs were still too weak to support her newly formed body, but she stubbornly tried to take a step forward. She stumbled but kept going. One step..two steps before she fell onto the floor and started to wail. The reality was cruel and cold just like the Sin she met after 2000 years spent locked in human vessels. He wasn't her beloved, at least, not from the inside. His perfect physical form remained the same as she remembered, up to the way he liked to style his hair but his core, what made Superbia who he was, had changed. Well...not really. He was a worse version of the Sin she encountered all those millennia ago. A version that knew nothing but cruelty and a never-ending appetite. How cold he was when she kissed him, despite his curiosity about her, she could feel he wasn't really into it. He kissed her back as if he was discovering her for the first time, forever tainting this first kiss into nothing else but a failed attempt at connecting to him.

But the words he used hurt her the most. The truth was his secret weapon... She realized that he wasn't the one she once loved and it brought her excruciating pain. Pride was gone, the one she knew and loved. Everything was gone, everyone who truly loved her...killed by her enemies. She was left with nothing, no one to rely on. No one to spend the rest of her immortality with. Despair choked the goddess who couldn't seem to be able to stop crying. Her tears and screams echoed through the chambers and her sadness fueled the always hungry Underworld and resonated with the tortured souls of this realm. The silent walls of the Castle listened to her pain, welcomed it and strengthened it as she cried her all. The beautiful goddess cried until she couldn't make a sound anymore. Her throat was burning, white streaks covered the black sclera of her eyes, her hair was spread on the floor like pink snakes, Her fingers slowly stroked the floor she was laying on before she curled her fingers into fists. Hades was no more so she couldn't take her revenge on him, but her family was still standing. Pride made it sound like he would be the one dealing with Ayasha and Ishtar but Elpis could never just stand by and watch him take what was hers.

Flashes of an older and happier time crossed her mind as she remembered the hugs and the kisses of the sin. She remembered how safe she felt with him and how much his ambition fueled hers. He was inspiring her, he was motivating her to become more than just the sweet and loving sister she always was. He talked about crowning her queen and making her live the life she was meant to live. He always saw the truth about her and yes, he might have been an asshole, he still cared for her. He cared for her...and she lost this, that special connection she had with the sin. And why? Because of jealous siblings? Because of Hades who couldn't control his sin anymore? Elpis screamed as she pushed herself back onto her feet, anger now running through her veins. She survived because of Pride, scratched her seal and waited for him to set her free from her curse because of her love for him. Now that she was free, she would do anything to avenge her beloved. Hope became Despair, anger-fueled with Love washed through her body. She was determined to destroy anything that stood in her way and until she learned more about this new version of her beloved, anger was the last crutch that was helping her stand on her two feet so she would keep using it. She would keep standing.

-TBC-

COPG Revenge

Revenge was nothing if the loss was insignificant. The bigger the loss, the more rewarding the revenge. In Elpis' case, Revenge would feel like a rebirth. Long before she was born her path was decided. She would become the sweet love child of Gaea and Khaos. She would become a goddess who would serve and satisfy her family's desires. She was built to serve, comfort, soothe and induce enough willpower into the hearts of the mighty that they would never stop. Hope was meant to keep them powerful, drive their hearts, maintain the faith of their worshippers at all-time highs. She was a tool and nothing else, whether or not her siblings loved her was beside the point. She couldn't choose.

Until she could.

Meeting Pride was akin to setting a bomb off. It destroyed everything. The goddess was set free, from her golden cage. she was liberated from the control forced upon her by her peers and for the first time could choose for herself.

She chose Pride, of course. She chose Love. For the first time since she was born, she felt a true connection with another being. Pride was complicated, he always had been, but she still was able to build something with him. They were strong, they were powerful, they couldn't have been stopped and because their love stroke fears in the heart of her family, they were denied their love. She was cursed and erased from every being's memories and he was unmade and remade. She lost the Sin she was in love with; She lost the life she was promised, the one she so fiercely thought to protect and live. She was betrayed by her siblings, both in the past and millennia later. The allies she had died by the hands of her enemies, Khrön, Sitäa... and the several other siblings she had were all killed by Ishtar and Ayasha. Nothing was left but dust and bones. Nothing was left

But she was reborn. She was back into the mortal realm and she was hell-bent on reclaiming all that was stolen away from her. All... including Pride.

Chronicles of the primeval gods: Life and Death of Ishtar: Pitfall

Chronicles of the primeval gods: Life and Death of Ishtar: Pitfall

A/ N: Waking up to the primeval god's new All-Father's voice in my mind:)

xxx

«Leviathan, old fool. »

Ishtar was at the balcony of his luxurious palace, his azure eyes were looking at the gorgeous garden below them. It had been weeks now since his brother was defeated by the Sin and not once his anger had decreased. Leviathan was powerful, that was certain, but he was as arrogant as his power was phenomenal. God of the oceans, father of the typhoons, master of the monsters that lived underwater... none of this mattered when he was defeated by a Sin with a god-slayer sword. The new All-Father expected a defeat, but he was taken aback by the death of his brother. Their relationship was complicated to say the very least. Leviathan and Ishtar were rivals, they always wanted to be on top of the other, be revered by their brothers and considered the most powerful gods. They encouraged each other into being the best versions of themselves so the honor and glory they would get from their victory would be greater. They also loved each other. Leviathan was born before Ishtar and had always taken care of his brother for as long as Ishtar could remember. He would guide him, raise him when Khaos would not give them any split second of his attention.

« Your arrogance got the best of you. As expected the Sin took advantage of that and now you're dead. »

Leviathan's death was certainly a shock for the primeval god. It was sudden and despite the rage-filled relationship they shared, and as hard as it was to admit, Ishtar was devastated. He had lost a brother, one who planned to overthrow him at the first chance he got, but one he still loved. Leviathan was a fool who was destroyed because he wasn't as careful as he bragged he was. He didn't have a chance to say goodbye, let alone give him proper funerals. Leviathan's body was nowhere to be found, which frustrated the All-Father. So he drank himself to sleep and woke up gulping down the precious ambrosia as if it was going to quench his thirst, appease his soul and heal him. It did not. Instead of forgetting his fallen brother, it forced the all-father to look at the situation with a clearer mind and realize that the Sin was actually a far bigger enemy than he thought he would be. Pride was dangerous, not only did he have a god-slayer sword, but he also had the unbreakable love of his sister. Another frustration for the god who let a growl escape his lips.

« I wished you would be the one to handle Elpis. Turns out I have to do it myself. »

And he would. Ishtar might not have made peace with his feelings for his sister, he still would destroy her should she try and come to her pantheon. She betrayed them first, the day she fell in love with a weapon and despite his true and deep love for Elpis, Leviathan couldn't allow her to endanger his pantheon with what she thought was « love ». She didn't love Pride, she was rebelling against her own people. She didn't love Pride, she was confused, that was all. Real love was what he -Ishtar, the god of war- was feeling for her. Torture, pain, endless hope to have her turn around and forgive him. Endless hope to see her smile again at him, in spite of him stabbing her and cursing her away. He was hopeful...him...The god of war..Hopeful. The emotion felt like a sting in his heart and he crushed the glass he was holding in his left hand. What a fool he was. A fool in love.

-TBC-

Chronicles of the Primeval gods: Life and Death of Ishtar: Resentment

Chronicles of the Primeval gods: Life and Death of Ishtar: Resentment

//He spoke to me! so I let him speak!

It only was a matter of time before Elpis was finally free. Only a matter of hours before she emerged from her vessel. What were hours compared to the life of a primeval god? Nothing, mere dust. Primeval gods existed before life ever happened on Earth. They brought life, they brought civilizations, they were at the dawn of the universe so truly, a couple of hours meant nothing to them, less than a grain of dust. Elpis, arguably, was already there. Her upcoming arrival achieved to fill the New All-Father with worries. He had nipped rebellion to the mud, effectively killing the last of Elpis' supporters so he didn't fear an uprising. What he feared was more vicious. He feared his own memories. He was overwhelmed with guilt from the moment he stabbed his beloved sister. He watched as she disappeared, cursed by the dagger of Fate but very aware of what had just happened and what Ishtar took part to. He justified his action with the preservation of the Pantheon. Elpis' love was dangerous. Elpis love was almost bringing the enemy at their door. Elpis' love was reckless. Stabbing her was the right thing to do, wasn't it?

"Maybe when she comes back, she will not be mad." Wishful thinking that was. The god of War knew that his sister would seek revenge. She would want to destroy him for what he did to her. Anguish and regret quickly left room for anger. The god of War knew that his hand was guided by something else than just concern for his pantheon. He stabbed Elpis because he was jealous and angry. It was no secret that he wanted Elpis but unlike Leviathan and most of the Gods of War, he would never have forced himself on her. His frustration was better spent on the battlefield where he would slaughter the lives of the guilty and the righteous the same. He had always seen her as some sort of a saint. The last born of Khaos and Gaea who used her warmth to calm her siblings and Hope to motivate gods and humans alike. She was good at her core, delicate, sweet and very much his opposite. He wanted her like Khaos craved Gaea's balance. He wanted her like darkness wished he had Light. And then Superbia happened.

Ishtar didn't like Leviathan but he agreed with him on one thing: Pride was the scum of the Earth. He was nothing more but the wet dream of Hades that came to Life. He wasn't an abomination because that would give him too much power, no, he was an aberration. A mistake. An error. He was the regrets you felt after a peculiarly drunken night. He was the accidental murder you committed while your life was thriving. He was a mistake that should never have happened. Hades created something that escaped his control and went on a rampage against him and the Greek Pantheon. To have something like Pride sweep Elpis' off of her feet made Ishtar nauseous. Was she this blind? Was she this naive?  He tried to reason with her but she refused to listen to reason. She was in love, deeply in love, to the point of risking everything, including her life for that love. When he looked at his sister, it wasn't the innocent and pure goddess he used to see. She became the whore of Babylon, soiled with the Sin's essence and ruined forever until the whole father decided to make her clean again. She was a whore, not a saint and because she was that meant he had to punish her. Stabbing Elpis became an option he considered. Ayasha convinced him but it didn't take a lot from her to do so.

And now Elpis was mere hours away from him. Mere hours away from his grasp. The guilt that never left him was still palatable, but so were his anger and disgust, so was his desire for her, so was his hatred for the Sin. He would welcome "it" properly and nip the Sin to the mud. He would make him watch as Elpis would be tortured and killed in front of him, punished for escaping her prison and for foolishly being in love with something that couldn't love him back. He would make her pay for the humiliation he felt, the anger, the resentment he still had towards her and when he's done, he would lock the sin's soul away somewhere he couldn't break free. He had plans. .. He had plans.

COPG: Impatient little Goddess

A/ N: Elpis is out and about, she really wants to avenge herself but her thirst for blood somehow makes her very impatient. Fortunately, Pride is here to calm her down:p

xxx

Their little « honeymoon » didn't last long, several days after Elpis was freed from Asma, Pride's siblings tried to kill him again. The goddess insisted in staying a little longer on Earth so she could catch up with mankind and restore Hope in their hearts. It had two goals, the first one was to, of course, better their lives, restore the bright light in their hearts and push them further than they went. The second goal was more selfish because she wanted to gain more power and the best way for an old god to be powerful was to be worshipped. The more people would feel Hope, the more powerful she would be. So Pride and Elpis stayed on Earth, despite Pride's annoyance at « blending » with humans. He tried to cover their tracks, make sure that they would not be noticed by his siblings so the pair could take a much-needed break, but it didn't last long. Greed and Wrath worked together again and attacked Pride and Elpis while they were walking in the streets. Since she performed her ritual a few days ago and the whole planet was aware of her presence and was blessed with Hope, there was no need for them to remain on Earth, so Pride took them back to Hades.

Elpis wasn't pleased with the situation. Greed and Wrath thwarted her plans and ruined the little break she allowed herself to have with the sin. They ruined their reunion, forced her to go hide again to a place she couldn't escape from without Pride's consent. Trapped! Again! Their reunion had a few bumps along the way, mostly because she wasn't like Asma, she wasn't like her old self, she was so hardened and uncooperative at first that it threw off the Sin. She was a challenge, that was for sure, one who made it difficult for him to hypnotize like Asma so easily was. He could speak to her, say words he knew would bring Asma down to her knees and she would look at him with a stoic face. Angry at her siblings, angry at the whole world except him. She wasn't angry at him, no, she wasn't sure. He was different from the Pride she used to know and because he was, getting closer to him proved to be more challenging than she thought it would be. The goddess still wasn't satisfied with the way things went. And she didn't shy away from Pride. He could feel it in her aura and the way she was carrying herself that Elpis was boiling inside and hated the current situation. He couldn't blame her for she had been locked away for millennia and the minute she finally was free, she was confined in his chambers.

« Would you stop brooding, Elpis? I can feel the energy from where I sit. » He complained. Elpis put her hands on her waist and pursed her lips into a pout as she didn't agree with his words. She didn't want to stop brooding, she didn't want to stop being angry. She wanted him to know how upset she was at the situation she was forced on. He lifted a brow. « It's not going to make me stop working on a plan »

« Well, maybe it should. » Elpis was upset. She really couldn't understand why he wouldn't stop what he was doing and give her some attention. She would have endured being locked in his dungeon if at least he would give her some attention but he wasn't. She was angry and became angrier by the minute. « Maybe you should take a minute out of your damn scrolls and give me some attention. »

She crossed her arms above her chest, eliciting a groan from the sin who finally looked up at her face. Even angry, Elpis was gorgeous, maybe even more than before because she really shined through. Her hair was glowing, bright, like a pink flame in the darkness of his chamber. Her skin was beautiful, flawless and contrasted so well with her hair that he would need to force himself not to look at her. She furrowed her brows and walked towards his desk. The goddess bent forward and put both hands on the table.

« Elpis, I do not have your time today. »

« You will. You will make some time for me. I am disappointed Pride. Disappointed and angry because I am forced to remain in your castle while all I want to do is roam free and destroy my pantheon. You promised me we will. »

« I know. »

« And yet, here I am, locked again! »

She insisted on the last word, pouring as much venom in it as she could. He furrowed his brows at her words, a flash of purple light crossed his gaze as he stared at the goddess before him. She grinned, satisfied because she provoked the sin and finally caught his attention. Elpis meant her words, she didn't want to hold her anger back. He made her angry and she wanted him to pay for this. She wanted him to feel just how desperate she felt. He actually didn't like this situation as much as she did. They had a great plan, they would take care of her family first, and he expected his siblings to be quiet until her situation was dealt with, but they just couldn't be. Those ungrateful sins refused to give him a break and now he had to both deal with them and the primeval gods. It would have been fine if Elpis wasn't throwing a temper tantrum, but it would not be wise to expect her not to.

« I know it is an inconvenience for you and believe me when I say that it is one for me too. However, I cannot take the risk to put your life at risk. Any of my siblings could end your life, regardless of how powerful you are. We are sins and because we are, it is in our very nature to destroy gods and sins alike. I wouldn't want to... » He trailed off as her eyes flashed a brief light. « Elpis... » He called her name again, this time in a softer manner. « This is not a prison. »

« What is it then, Pride? What is it if not a prison? I am not allowed here, I shouldn't be. Yet here I am because you somehow managed to allow me inside but it is restricted. I am confined in your chambers like a pet you will keep around. I need to go out! » She growled, her eyes flashing brightly again.

« How many times are we going to have this conversation? I am trying to keep you alive, this is why you are kept in my chambers until I have either killed the siblings who attacked you or incapacitated them long enough for us to have time to hunt your siblings. I tend to keep my word for it still holds a great value to me. » She puffed her cheeks with some air and rolled her head. « Elpis... » She lifted a brow to inform him she was listening. « We will destroy your pantheon and I already have an idea of how it's going to happen. »

He said it. He said the words she wanted to hear. Her curiosity took the best of her and Elpis' face became less tense, less angry. She was still staring at him but with attention now. Her senses were acute, a shiver went down her spine as she was anticipating his very words. How many times did she imagine killing Ayasha or Ishtar? How many times did she fantasize about bathing in their blood and relish in the feeling of having defeated those who cursed her many moons ago? She had not shared her thoughts with the sin just yet but he anticipated it. He knew her violence needed to be expressed and he knew that once she would be able to let it go, she would finally be quieter, or at least more pleasant to be around with. He grinned when he noticed that he caught her full attention and leaned onto the table, his cerulean eyes never leaving hers.

« How is it going to happen? What do you have in mind? » -Elpis seemed unsure but curious-

« I promised you that you will have Ayasha delivered on a silver plate. I will get rid of Ishtar like I did Leviathan. I will kill your sibling, perhaps, behead him so I could throw his head at your feet where it belongs. » His voice was seductive yet sinister. He did enjoy the way she reacted to his words, especially when he was describing the ways he would destroy pantheons or kill his enemies. She was very sensitive to it and he enjoyed the way the goddess was receptive to him. « I will bring your whole pantheon down, Ishtar, his followers. One by one, I would kill the gods until there is no one left but Ayasha. »

« Oh Pride... » Elpis grinned at his words and slapped her hands together with excitement.

« Yes, Elpis. Yes. She will try to kill me. She would probably be wielding a godly weapon but she's not a capable fighter, she doesn't know much about me. I will subdue her easily enough and I will rough her up, just enough for your sister to know she's doomed. Then I will bring her down to Hades and present her to you. »

« I cannot wait for this moment to happen. For you to kill those traitors and bring Ayasha to her knees. I do want to kill her, I want to take my time doing so. » She pursed her lips into a grin. « I can't wait for you to bring her to me. I don't need her to be bound because she is nothing compared to me. »

« Her words are venom and she knows your heart. » Pride warned her but Elpis shook her head. « She doesn't? »

« She has not fully seen me angry, she has not tasted my wrath. She's going to learn on the day you bring her to me. » Her tone was sinister, her eyes were glowing brightly and her lips were still smiling.

« That would be a day to remember. » He mused. « Ishtar might be the new-all father and the god of war of your pantheon, I will still bring him down, Elpis. »He warned her, his eyes flashing a bright purple light. He had already taken a god of war down, despite Ares' power. Ishtar was overpowered but the Sin saw it as a challenge more than an issue. Elpis purred at his words and bent forward so she could put her hand over his.

« If you have thought of a plan, then I should be more patient. I can wait, I will wait if you promise me this is how things will happen. »

« I promise to do everything I can to make it so. » Pride said, smirking at the feel of her hand over his.

« Fine. »

He could feel her anger subside as the idea of her revenge overwhelmed her. Satisfied, the goddess smiled and turned on her heels, satisfied by the fact the sin did not forget about her and was indeed working hard in order to make it happen. Of course, it would calm her for the moment, maybe a couple of days until her solitude took another toll on her and she ended up frustrated again. She walked back to their shared bed and stared at the sin as he resumed working on his files. Taking down Wrath and Greed would prove to be harder than it looked, but maybe he could buy them some time, at least enough to bring the revenge to the goddess as she wished.

-TBC-

A tempest in the heart

I am angry and disappointed. This is the truth I am trying to ignore. I am angry and sad because I thought you would come to me. I thought you would talk to me. I thought you would be worried about me and try and reach out to me but you didn't. You didn't and I don't know how to feel if not angry and disappointed. I know you don't have it easy as of now. I know you have your head full of your problems but if I really mattered, you would have sent me a message. you would have found a way to reach out to me. You would have found a way.

My heart is heavy and full of anger. it feels as if a tempest was wrecking havoc inside of me. It is thunder and lightning and all I want to do is come to you and slap your face. I am not to be played with, I wasn't to be played with. You can slap me back, saying I made a mistake when I gave into you. I would keep telling you that those were just words and they didn't matter because nothing was done out of that. We just talked, we just exchanged words. I never truly gave myself to you and never did you. All I know is that it left a bitter taste in my mouth because I felt like I was a game for you. I was a challenge. I was supposed to be a sexcapade for you but you never got it. you never got it from me and you have no fucking idea of how happy I am that you never got /me/. 

I am watching you with contempt and disdain now that I see that you are so easily willing to ignore me. I am in the most vulnerable situation I can ever be and yet you choose not to check on me. Don't fret, I don't need you. I thought I did, I wanted you to comfort me but you refused even the slightest encouraging word. Even the simplest "How are you?". Why is that? Because you're too worried about yourself? Sure, go ahead. be worried about yourself but don't come to me and pretend you are interested or you care because you don't. I see you, I see right through you and just like I used to, I am going to walk away from you and protect myself. I need to protect my heart because you don't deserve to have it. you don't deserve to see it. you don't deserve to benefit from it. 

I don't hate you because if I did, I would have ditched your sorry ass. I am upset at you and mad and angry and disappointed and because I feel all of that, then I will ignore you, give you a taste of your own medicine up until you come talk to me. Up until I see you truly want to be with me. Up until I see you really care about me. You won't know anything because I won't talk to you straight away and I wish and swear on all the gods and the spirits who care about us, that maybe when you will try and make a move it would be too late for you. I would have found someone who would care about me. I would be happy with someone else. I am wishing it now because it would be best for both of us. you would be focused on your life and I would be on mine, with someone who would care about me the way you never really could.

I have a tempest in the heart and all I can do is to let it rage on. 

I'm running out of patience (part 2)

It's a short little trail of thoughts (someone called it an essay <3 thank you) about anger and gender.

I suggest you read the first part!

It's already complicated to be a woman (transgender and gender fluids inclusive, it goes without saying. I don't know enough about nonbinary to add them to the mix because I do not know if, like the previous ones, have integrated the social norms regarding anger and gender)

It's even harder to be a woman of color because that anger is denied even more, even from Non-POC women. Different dynamics are at play here. One could argue that sexism doesn't see color but it does. It does so extremely well. If it didn't, do you think we would have had the "Angry Black Woman" trope? Black and Brown bodies (read non-black POCS) suffer from an even harsher form of sexism. They do not even have the luxury to be listened to or have their arguments valid because as soon as they open their mouths, they fall into that trope. If you think it's hard enough when the male benefactors of the patriarchal system use this trope to dismiss and ignore POC women's plights and demands. It's even harder and viler when female benefactors of the patriarchal system (you'd have to lace that one with white supremacy which is predominant in western societies and the pursuit of whiteness in non-westernized countries such as India or China or even some African countries who practice colorism.) These women, when opposed to exasperated black and Brown females -curiously those who request intersectionality or basic respect you know?- always fall back to the pits and folds of the comfortable trope created by white supremacy: the Angry black female.

This is another topic (when tackling feminism and the lack of intersectionality in many major white feminists movements) for another trail of thoughts, but I was using it to illustrate my previous point. To keep going, however, I'd continue with the trope and some of the conséquences easily observable if you pay attention. Some I have witnessed or experienced myself. See, there is a term that was coined to talk about the sexism towards black women: Misogynoir, which clearly underlines the violence that black women do experience both because of their gender and because of the color of the skin. Many authors and more eloquent people have tackled the issue, I suggest you do your researches. However, it has been noted, observed and experienced that the anger of women have even less sympathy when it comes from a woman of color. If it's already overlooked on their Non-POCs counterparts or disqualified as non-heroic, hysterical, unhinged then with Black and Brown women it's even worse. It's either weaponized against them " Ah, if you were hit/beaten up/ killed for speaking up it's because you are an angry black woman." or the infamous stereotypes those Hotep love to use when describing us "I don't want a black girl because she's not submissive or is out of control" (read, she has an opinion and doesn't take my bullshit). When they are not weaponized, then they are dismissed, ridiculed and swept Under the rug. " there are far more important issues than your petty ghetto argument" or "well they fight for everything and Nothing so why should we listen to them?"

You have to put things into perspective here. The problem with racism, slavery, and colonization is that it left a very huge print into people DNA. their thoughts, their behavior are direct results of these centuries of oppression. I'm not even touching the disturbing fantasy some descendant of oppressors still entertain (they would do to us what we did to them aka, murder, slavery, genocide, rape and any type of violence without retribution like we see today). I'm talking about self-hate, colorism, coons as some would call it. I'm talking about the fight to approach whiteness and be protected Under the umbrella of white privileged or just be seen as a human being with the right to look, sound, live differently. I'm talking about the criminalization of Black and Brown bodies and the justification of their murder and any types of violence. I'm talking about the systemic attempt at condemning them and tarnish their memory/reputation vs the pristine, saint, innocent Non-POC perpetrator (alleged or not). I'm talking about victim-blaming them, sexualizing their bodies, ensuring their oppression with a judicial/police partnership designed to keep them in a negative loop, the spread of stereotypes and such. When it comes down to women being angry, there is this extra discrimination and straight up hate for women of color being angry.

The sickening impact of it is that not only does their anger justify the violence they experience "she was a black bitch and she riled me up. she deserved it." and "if only she had done this/said that instead of doing this/say that, she wouldn't have been in this situation". There is an indifference surrounding their expression. they are urged to act like Mammy in Gone with the Wind and demonstrate A LOT MORE PATIENCE than it's required for Non-POC women. And this is only to be heard. (to have their demands met and fulfilled is yet another story I won't cover here)

I am sick of it. I am running out of patience and to hell with sexism and racism. To hell with that trend. I would NEVER shut up, let alone comply and submit and if that makes me an Angry black woman, then I'll own that bitch and run in these shoes! 

Patience, I am running out of it. (part 1)

I have learned two things, growing up.

Patience is most likely to be taught to girls at an early age. Patience has been attached to the gender so much that transgender people identifying as women, do give into this trope that a woman should be demure. She should always take the time to listen to the other, do the emotional labor for them, be understanding if the other (especially men) can't or won't open-up, soften-up, take their needs and desires into consideration. "Be patient, you know him. he's always a little hot-blooded", "be patient, your turn will come.", " a woman's virtue is her patience" (or some derivative bullshit). Women are less likely allowed to NOT be patient because then, they become hysterical.

They become bitchy, bossy, angry (must be their periods eh?). They become unhinged and have to be tamed. Because this is un-ladylike. This has to be stopped, this is scary. "nobody would love you Hunny if you get angry all the time" or "if you're always this impatient, it will be difficult to trust/give you something/ listen to you/etc..". A man (or people who identify as such) would more likely be listened to. An angry man usually has a reason to be angry. "He's just an honest guy. If he gets mad, it's because something unfair happened to him". You'll never hear the words "hysterical" or "Bitchy" if a man gets angry. Anger sometimes tends to be glamorized if it's from a male perspective. It often can be tied to "justice" or "heroism". The male character would suffer from an incredible trauma (usually, the death of the family) or an injustice (he was kicked out of his job despite working his ass for decades.) The character would be in his right to be angry. Audiences would connect to him because male anger (carried over by the protagonist) is relatable! Sadly enough, it also is for a female audience since we've been taught to glorify the justified anger of our heroes.

A woman, however, could never. She would always be wittier, softer, kinder than her male counterpart (unless we're in a fetish power fantasy which had female characters empowered but basically not allowed to be nuanced and have flaws). She wouldn't get angry because she's somewhat "Smarter" than the males and shouldn't resort to pure raw anger. This is a trend I call bullshit and that should stop, freaking stop. Unfortunately, why do you think this transpired to today's world and societies? We don't have to go too far to understand why. Take for example some of the women who were forced into mental institutions. Some of them were sent there because they were "hysterical" when most of the time, they just had an attitude about them. A desperate need for freedom, the guts to express their anger and derive from the norm. They were sent there to be re-assessed and forced to act like the other ladies, the "proper" ladies.

We don't have to go too far to read in the cesspool of sexist assholes you can find on the internet, to see how they react to a female in power. They feel emasculated, threatened, angry because these women have the nerves to be commanding, at times angry at them for their incompetence and just behave the way any other boss would. Why do you think rape fantasies where female characters in power are dehumanized, humiliated and brought down to their knees exist? Because anger and ultimately power in a female don't sit well with people whose model had always been patriarchy.
but the second lesson I learned, is even more frustrating.