Half-full glass

I have never felt the way I did in years. I felt empty, shellshocked and had the worst mental breakdown in a while (probably exacerbated by the suicide of my friend three days ago now). Anxiety so bad I couldn't breathe, let alone sleep. I lost Hope. straight away. Hope in Mankind I mean that was carefully initiated years ago but culminated today. Or so I thought.

While the half-empty glass is terrifying because so many people gave into their hatred, fear, bigotry and can't feed themselves anymore so they attack others. I genuinely am worried for some of my friends and wish them to remain safe and thrive in spite of the hard times. I can see people who are frustrated that racism, xenophobia, homophobia are being open and shameless now and do react with the same violence which isn't helping (but oh so tempting). Violence isn't the solution. standing by in silence isn't either.

The good news is that the glass is also half-full. There are tons of people who are wonderful decent human beings, people I know, people I don't. People who fight the good fight and try to include everyone so everyone could have a decent life and be happy. everyone could be respected, everyone could be taken care of if they need help (especially disabled and long-term diseased people and those suffering from mental illnesses -yes it's a disability but I do single it out because most often it's ignored-)

The hardest for me is to keep hope and faith because I lost it. It was so hard to struggle against the breakdown and be half-functioning again but I made it. I made it thanks to people who kept faith in the world and in people. I made it thanks to people who walked me through my meltdown and listened and kept me from hurting myself again. Thanks to people who spoke with wise words and restored Hope in my heart. I started to feel the sparkle of hope in my heart when a friend cheered me up today and gently reminded me of her artwork (below) and of the concept behind it. She reminded me that there is something I am doing that gives Hope to many. Something that gave /me/ Hope when I was wasting away and about to die. Asma that is. Goddess of Hope, main character of my book. One whose Journey involves becoming mature, finding hope and embody it and change the world she lives in into a better world than the one she wakes up to.

The concept made me smile today and cry a bit, because yes, Asma is mostly known for now as a Marvel OC, until my book comes out. She often has those trust exercises where she free falls to see if Steve would catch her. He always does. He never fails to catch her up. Because their bond is strong and he really loves and cares for her. it's an endurance test but he never fails. She knows and he does too.

That simple drawing truly helped me today and I hope it does help you too. I still feel hopeless today but I believe in good people. I believe good will prevail. I believe empathy isn't fully dead. So.. it would be better.

Hopefully, we would feel less bitter and worried as time goes by and we'd still be superheroes in time of need, calling out all the horrors we can witness, helping out those who need our help and protecting the weak and the vulnerable. I know many of you who are superheroes. I know many of you who are regular heroes. I know many of you who are full of love. Thank you for helping me see the half-full glass. Thank you for fueling my fire back. 

we got this! be good to one another!

This is going to be my last post-US election post.

(credit to the artist, if anyone knows who he is, let me know)

I have to remind you that I'm not really into politics even though I do know how they work since I studied them. I'm for the greater good. I stand for decency and love. I stand for people regardless of where they come from to have the right to breathe and exist and for EVIL people (you know, murderers, rapists, people who doxx others, domestic abusers, pedos, those who hurt animals etc...) to be PUNISHED.

But I do have my limits. I sadly had to depart with many people I thought were good people (French people especially), who were violent and wished death/ rape threats upon ethnicities, women (and men) and other religious groups. (including my own, Catholicism). I can't remain friends with people like that, people who are dead serious about that or take it lightly (rape isn't a joke). Man, I studied war crimes, genocides, old and new. I SAW where hatred can lead to. I come from a country which used to be a colony until 1960 and in some ways still is today. I experienced and witnessed despicable acts of racism on a daily basis when I lived there, perpetrated sometimes by beloved teachers we accidentally met at the grocery store. No.More of that shit!

After the shock and the worries [because unfortunately, it has impacted greatly in my country and nervosity is palatable even more now. I recall 2002 and 2012. Let's make sure we don't have it in 2017], I had the time to digest and think.

The first option was the easiest one, fall into despair. Hey, I'm suffering from mental illness, so trust me it was even more tempting to do. It beat me all Tuesday and Wednesday but I stopped right there, thanks to amazing people who gave me hope back and walked me through it in this time of need.

The second option is what I decided to go by. I finally slept through it and thought to myself what was the best thing to do. What I stood for and what I truly wanted. I always say and will always believe that we all think we're better than the rest of the world or people we know. We believe we're so righteous and so strong and we can't-do no wrong. But we can. We're weak like that. We're human like that. We are not perfect and can easily (oh so easily) fall into the pits of rage and hatred. I don't condone violence. it's not going to help. Yes, you're frustrated with the results. I am more concerned and worried about the zealots who could try to force their narrow-minded views on others. Not saying everyone is a zealot (of course not, come on!!!!!) but some are. But violence isn't going to help. It's only going to fuel violence and hatred and do more damage than good.

So what is left to do then?

I will continue as I always have before. I will still post silly memes, pictures, my sketches, more about my book! I will keep making art! Art saved my life literally and still does every freaking day. and I had a project I shared with you and it's still going on! I don't give up on this one.

I don't give up on pointing out what's wrong. Animal cruelty? Rapists, who walk away because "prison would be too hard on them"? Victim-blaming? (cause I have been. I surely should have just died when my ex-strangled me that very morning)? anti-pro-choice? anti-poverty/classist rhetoric? Xenophobia and racism? always against it! sexism? Ableism? anti-LGBTQ+? Injustice in general! I might simply post a status from time to time that tackles these topics or shares an article about a very terrible event (like NoDAPL going on) but in real life, be sure that I'm advocating for every one of these and debate and argue and call out when I see it happen. I will sit next to a woman who's been harassed by a shady guy to give her support. I would sit by a transgender kid who's being picked on by other kids on the subway. I'd always help a pregnant woman who fell on the pavement or an old person on the bus. I'd help as much as I can those around me who are not like me or who are like me.

But I will always keep sending love and positive vibes around. Because that's who I am, that's what I did before and that's what I'll still do. Every minute of me feeling good in a life where my mental illness drags me to the bottom of the pit every second, feeling good is a joy I want to share around. Feeling good is a victory and making sure I'm here for my friends when I can be there is also a priority.

I'm not giving up on this, so please don't give up on this as well.
Don't be an empty promise, keep fighting the good fight and ensure that everyone can exist and feel safe in this time and era. Make sure you don't turn a blind eye when someone is assaulted in front of you. make sure you spread love as well and you call out injustice when you see it. Compassion and empathy aren't dead, unlike what I thought a while ago. you can be beacons of Hope, so please be it.

we got this!