Tribute to RaSen

 

RaSen and I have been friends for several years now, actually since 2011. I am absolutely fond of them because as a person they've been so open-minded, so kind, so funny and fun to be with and taught me a lot. They motivated me early on in keeping sketching and improving (and I did improve a lot thanks to their constant support and motivation) so naturally, I ended up wanting to have work from her. Back in 2011, I was extremely broke (not fully out of the woods, but not suffocating either these days), so I have to thank my friends L. and D. for their kindness and willingness to get some artwork for me as well as they did get some for their characters.

I loved RaSen's style because it was pretty realistic and I was looking for a way to have a realistic version of my character Asma Jensen done by them. Talk about perfect. Back in the days, Asma Jensen was still a fanfiction character -I didn't dare dream of her own universe just yet, but she was already talking to me.- I tried her in several universes, through different names, but the one that stuck to her was the Marvel universe. [Those who are curious, can see a few artworks involving licensed characters winks] I am not going to shy away from those origins, yes, she was a marvel OC character. I felt the most comfortable with the X-men franchise, that spoke to me on different levels, I could be related to their struggle, I could relate to some of their traumas... I grew up with the x-men, so writing in that universe never was difficult for me. Asma quickly picked up and is mostly known as a Marvel OC online.. although word finally got out that she had her own universe and people are starting to see her less of an OC and more as my creator own character.:) phew!

Over the years, I was able to come together with her with a few requests. I wanted portraits of Asma and I wanted Wolverine and Asma. (The one with Cap was a gift to me, by my twin who wanted to see them together... yes, I know, how dare I make them an item?) Those are really special to me because for the first time, I was able to actively contribute and help her as she helped me. I could support her work and she gave me ten times what I gave her with her gorgeous illustration. She knows how to draw my character. She knows how to channel her emotions, either when she's stoic, or when she's smiling. Have you seen Asma and that smile? She has the best smile I've ever seen, bright, calm, happy. I know that I was actively trying to build myself back up after a traumatic event and seeing so much hope and positivity on my character, truly helped me. I loved the hair color, the skin color, Asma was gorgeous.

I am extremely fond of the two illustrations she did of Wolverine and Asma and Cap and Asma. Two different vibes, two different costumes, two different relationships. Wolverine and Asma always had that mentor/father/ brother/protegee/daughter/sister type of relationship. They worked well together, understood the other, always were blunt towards one another. Asma could pack punches and Wolverine could withstand them. He helped her with her anger issues, he guided her when she was lost, he comforted her when she needed it the most and he was always able to see through her silence and white lies. I enjoyed writing the two of them to discuss philosophy and the place people like them had in such a hostile world. She sometimes reasoned him, he sometimes brought her back to reason. They truly checked and balanced with each other. But they had some chemistry when they fought together and RaSen beautifully illustrated it. She went above and beyond for her friend and that moved me beyond tears. I still remember how I felt when she sent me the final file.

Asma and Captain America, in that small circle of friends who could read my fictions, they were quite popular. An item, as I said. My version of Cap was that of a man displaced in time, who struggled sometimes with how the world turned into, never waived from his convictions, still was traumatized by what he saw during War and progressively opened up to the new world and a potential new life too. He was a man married to the job -with a failure with Peggy Carter-, who allowed himself to try something else, to give himself a chance when Asma came into his life. They went from « short-term teammates » during a short stint as an Avenger, to « full-blown » the power couple, not without issues. I really loved to have their worlds clash a bit, have him fully grasp the ordeals mutants went through, the impossible complete acceptance from mankind, the traumas from war, slaughters, massacres and dehumanization. I liked to have them talk, openly talk about their emotions and beliefs, argue, reconcile, rejoice, experiment, and yes, have various types of intimacy. I really loved writing their story, so much so I spent 5 years on it. I love to see them together, to see them smile to each other, to have them hug. It's my favorite illustration to date with them.

Yes, I have moved from my early days as a fanfiction writer, but I really loved the memories, the joys, the excitement, the fear I felt when I was writing and enjoying my character in such a universe. I remember and love the feedback I got after each chapter, after each horrible what-if scenarios I wrote, after each loving moment..it was cathartic and to this day, helped me shape her personality and the character into her definitive version. Through the fiction, she became her own character and thanks to the likes of RaSen, I was able to put a face to my character and her world.

I wanted to give her tribute, because I've been holding back since 2015 but no more. I know you will read this, Nik, so whenever you're around, please know that I love you and I can't wait to see what you can come up with when you get back to drawing again. I love you so much. Thank you for all the emotions you gave me, for the joy, for your friendship, for our laughs, and for your care. <3 I love you, Always.

-May-

HAPPY 12TH ANNIVERSARY ASMA

Anniversary : 12 years.

I know that for some people, I feel like a big talker, like someone who's just bragging here and there about a story and a character I've been writing for a decade now. I understand why they would think of me like this. I don't mind. I know my story, I know how difficult it is to write when you're crippled with severe anxiety, depression, and when you're navigating through traumas. It's not an easy journey, this book is literally my sweat, tears, self-doubt, and self-loathing working against me. The goal for me is to finish it. I want to finish it, at least put it out there and tell her story.

In the video, I'm talking about what Asma meant to me for it had been a question asked by the people who follow my work for years. Semi-pro or professional friends I know, people who also are amateurs like me, people who simply like art. It was a couple years ago and I had just started to convince myself that I had enough material to write my story. I was terrified, even then (you can clearly see in the video) because I wasn't sure my story could be readable. The themes I'm trying to talk about, the way it could be conveyed through dialogues or narration. I wasn't sure people would be willing to read me and it stopped me more times than I want to admit. I've been asked to go public, to add social media accounts, but my social anxiety prevents me from even considering it for now. A friend set up an internet page on her own website to showcase the work she did for my character and that's about it... again, for now. I take it slow.

But I'm taking certain steps. I'm moving forward. Someone asked me why in 12 years I wasn't able to put my book out. I guess it takes time. With the struggles I am facing right now, I think achieving « 100 pages » is miraculous. It's encouraging. I love Asma, I love what she brought to me. I love the Hope she kept giving me and those around me. She literally did save my life, in ways I would gladly talk about sometimes later when I feel ready. She's a project that keeps me going, and to this day, I am still very happy to have positive feedbacks on her, on what she did to other people too.

12 years is a lot of time spent on a character and a world. I have art I've showcased over the years on my FB page and Deviantart page. Some from me, some from others. I have her book I'm writing and reached page 100, I even started a very small poem collection I'm selling on the side, for those who are interested. It wasn't a BOOM, but it was something. (Thank you to those who bought those booklets). I am set to finish the book and work on communicating about it more in the next two years. I'm doing something. Maybe for some of you, it'll be in vain, or not enough because I'm still secretive about it -I really want to wait until I'm sure I'm done drafting it before I talk about it- but truly, I'm in no rush, my primary goal is just to finish my baby, make sure she's ready to go to the world. She's my legacy, after all, the one thing I want to leave behind and leave well. So no matter how long it takes, it'll be finished because I'm fully committed now and I am full of Hope too. That's the power of Asma Jensen, the beacon of hope.

So, darling, Happy 12^th anniversary, thank you so much for having been such a wonderful supportive companion over the years and allowing me to work on you. Let me please, keep going so I can present you to this world. Proud to have achieved something. Happy anniversary, beloved.

-May-

SOA: the inks on my skin

"Many would believe that I became an inker because I wanted to escape from Oscar. He had ruined my chances to become an astronaut and I needed to get away from him and his abusive hands.

It's not completely wrong. I actually was looking for a way-out and knowing Oscar, he would have found me if I had a job close to what I used to be interested in. Space engineering.

But Inking people wasn't a random choice either. I believe that when you ink your skin you are telling a story. You are telling who you really are and wear it proudly. It never goes away, that sense of pride and that genuine joy you could feel when you look at your tats. I wanted to be the means people could express themselves and become their true selves.

I wanted to tell their stories and in a way empower them the way that was denied to me. I think I did a pretty good job. I can be proud of it. I tattooed myself, Of course, I didn't do the pieces on my back but I designed them so it's all the same. I told my story, wore my heartbreaks and fears on my skin like a testament of who I was. I told my dreams and joys on my skin like a testament of who I wanted to be.

It set me free. Fuck yes it did!