MOET : BURN OUT

He watched as she came home exhausted, holding back tears and fingers curled into fists.

He watched as she relaxed her body and peeled off the layers of exhaustion and pain.

She wouldn't say a word for they lied; she wouldn't cry a tear cause they dried.

But she knew he knew and he knew she was at the end of the rope, every single night.

For months he'd watched her light dull out. He watched her lose her colors due to stress

he knew how focused and invested she was, but he also saw how it backfired at her too.

For months he helped her through his, with love and care and affection. He really did.

So he knew, yes, he knew.

His heart was aching to see her this tired, yet amazed by her resilience.

He watched as she pushed herself further, harder and tried his best to help her not burn.

There were days he wasn't sure about it, he didn't know if he was helping her for real

he didn't know if it was enough, and doubt crept on his mind. He didn't know, but it was.

She knew that once she would be home, she would also be safe, she would always « be »

she knew that work wouldn't find her there, she wouldn't let her mind play silly games

She wouldn't let her failures define her nor would she forget how to breathe again.

He would remind her to exist, he would remind her to « be », and she loved him for this.

He knew loving her was a piece of work, it was never going to be easy yet he kept going.

He always told her that it wasn't asking too much from him to just be there for her

He always told her that he wanted to love her wholeheartedly and nothing could ruin it.

Not even her own head, not even her own doubts, not even her own fears.

She was a burning flame but he would make sure not to let her burn herself out.

Who is she?

I lost a girl who I once knew,
Not really understanding how and why it happened.
I always hear about her, from people who she once knew
But I forgot everything about this girl, I lost her.
Me... I lost myself.

I am the girl of that story, the one everyone knows a piece of.
I am the girl of that story, the one who got lost over the years.
Could it be that growing up made me lose that girl? Could it be?
I highly doubt, because when I look deeper into it, I realize that I don't know.
This girl, I never knew her.

Who is she?

I realized that I never knew her. As far as I can remember, there's nothing about her that stands out.
She was there, she existed, but she always was just a mist, nothing tangible, nothing real.
She was whoever others wanted her to be, she moulded herself after someone else's desire.
This girl wanted to be loved, to be accepted, she felt so inadequate that she tried to erase everything.
But that's the irony of it, there was nothing, to begin with.

Who is she?

I wept a lot for this girl I don't know.
I look at all the things she could have been but never was.
I look at all the hardships she had to overcome, just to make herself a place under the sun.
I look at her tears and her anger, I still feel the shivers she got because she felt empty inside.
I lost this girl. I lost her. And I have tried to find her again.
But I can't. She never was, to begin with, she just can't be.

Who is she?

There is only one way to go from now. It is forward.
I will move forward, reinvent myself in the process and I have been doing just that over the years.
Gliding through life, jumping from one trauma to another, destroying and rebuilding everything.
I did that! I reinvented myself, for every piece of me people took with them was nothing but a facet.
I'm a diamond. That's what I am. I shine too hard, I can't break that easily, I'm the hardest that is.

I am a diamond.

That's who she is. That's who I am. I have many facets, as many as there can be. I am complex.
I have to be worked on, over and over again until finally, I can reveal myself, my true shiny self.
I am a diamond, there's nothing else that I can be. Life knocked me out so many times but look at me.
I'm still here... I'm still here... I exist! I reinvent myself and live another life as my new me.
Yet I still need to know who that girl was and if I have truly lost her. Truth is... I haven't.
I have never lost her. I clawed my way through the dark, cut myself a piece of the sun.
I am still alive and kicking, alive and breathing, alive and trying. I simply am.

I never lost her, but I never took the time to know her. This girl. Me.
Now I have just started to unpack everything and by Gaea, she's a badass!
I'm a badass.

I'm a diamond.