Klasma: A bad encounter

Before handling Elijah, the witch wanted to close her shop. After all, becoming Klaus's companion implied she would never return to Mystic Falls, and she had to give up on the life she used to lead. The witch agreed with the terms. After all, what exactly did she have to protect here? She opened up her shop but never made meaningful connections here. She was, for lack of better words, akin to furniture inside a house.  Well, not exactly.  She still struck an odd friendship with the resident witch: Bonnie Bennet.  The relationship remained superficial, as Bonnie suspected she was a witch, but never received confirmation (and frankly, never had the time to investigate, given how messy her life was). The others only saw her shop as a convenient meeting spot, so leaving would not put them in distress. Nëela was certain they would not even notice that she was gone. 

One of them did. Damon Salvatore. He had always kept his distance from her since she settled in Mystic Falls. He watched Stefan talk to her, out of concern for Elena, but also because he could smell that she was powerful and a supernatural creature. He wanted to assess her threat, but realized over the years that there was nothing to worry about the apothecary at the corner. However, that vanished the day the witch met with Klaus. That day flagged her as more dangerous than she looked for both brothers, and while Stefan tried a direct approach, Damon remained in the darkness to observe her from afar.  He noticed that she remained the same, aloof, not really caring for the Salvatore brothers, unlike the rest of the lot, who seemed to be attracted to them like moths to a flame. She was living her own life, and perhaps that was the bit that really drew Damon towards her. He tailed her one day, when she made herself very pretty and went on a date that never happened with Klaus. Her genuine upset reaction caught him off guard so much that he decided to keep following her.  Did she fall for the monster? Could it be that someone could genuinely love someone who caused so much pain as Klaus? If there was a chance for the Original, maybe there was some for him? 

"Leaving us so soon?" -He walked into the shop, unannounced. It made her gasp, and she turned around to face him-

"So soon? If you knew me, then you'd know I have been around for years. There's nothing for me here, so I'm leaving."

"What a shame! Bonnie really liked this place." 

"She will find another. I've met a very curious vampire a while ago. His name was Stefan Salvatore. I heard there were two brothers, and since you're as curious as he is, I assume you're Damon Salvatore?" -She knew who he was; she saw him interact with Elena and the gang. Of course, it was Damon, and he knew she was bullshiting by pretending not to know who he was. He grinned and shrugged his shoulders. The witch pushed her sunglasses up her nose and lifted a brow. 

"Guilty as charged. I am Damon. I have a question to ask, and I hope you will give me an answer."

"It depends on what you ask, but please, try me."

"I know you're a supernatural creature. I just couldn't figure out what you were. Care to tell me?"

"Will you stop stalking me, Damon?" -She asked, bemused. He lifted both arms and chuckled at her words. Would he? Perhaps he would, perhaps he wouldn't. He was just itching to know what she was and why Klaus seemed to gravitate around her-

"I can promise I will try." -She rolled her eyes and chuckled at his answer.-

Well, if she were to believe all the intel she got from observing Elena and the gang, he was too busy wrapped up in his drama to eventually try to find her again. So she decided to bite the bullet and reveal her true nature to him. Slowly,  the witch removed her glasses, which revealed her closed eyes as she wanted to be dramatic. Damon crossed his arms against his chest and waited for her to open her eyes. The uncanny gold color took him by surprise, and he was left with a clenched jaw and a piercing blue stare full of incomprehension. How could she have eyes like this? They weren't typical of vampires. They weren't even typical of the Originals. The only creature he saw with eyes like these was Klaus, but only because he was a hybrid. He looked at her with eyes wide open and growled at the sight of this little witch's uncanny gaze.

"You look as if you've seen a ghost, Damon. Ahah!" -She laughed and put both hands on her hips- " I am sure that you're wondering what I am, so let me tell you." -She closed the distance between them but stood a couple steps away from him- "I am not a vampire." -She cleared that one question he had- "I'm not a werewolf- "Another option cleared- "I'm not human either" -She grinned- "I am a witch. A cursed witch, so I can't really identify as a witch anymore."

"Then what are you?"

"A cursed soul and a badass!" -She chuckled and put her sunglasses back on her nose.- "Now now, I have given you exactly what you requested from me. You can now leave." -She shrugged-

"What's your deal with Klaus?"

"And why should I answer you? Oh, let me guess, are you afraid that I'm plotting with  Klaus against you?" -She laughed and shook her head- "Lighten up, Damon! Not everything is about your family. I know who Klaus is. We have... History. All I want is to leave Mystic Falls and hopefully never return."

"You didn't like the town, uh?"

"Oi... It's none of your business, Damon. I'm not going after you or Elena and her gang. I'm just trying to get out of here as fast as possible. So let me finish and I'll be out of your hair."

Damon snorted. She had never been in his hair. As a matter of fact, she was never in their business. Damon knew that the witch was minding her own business, always kept to herself, and never made a fuss. She was so discreet that had it not been for Bonnie and her two other friends gravitating around the golden-eyed witch. Still, Damon knew from experience that he couldn't trust anyone, especially not supernatural creatures, because they tended to lie and have ulterior motives.  She was a bit different, brash, genuine, and salty. He realized that she was not lying and had no reason to.  He stroked the tip of his nose and grinned. 

"You're not in my hair, darling. But yes, I'll keep an eye on you. If I see you with Klaus, trying to come at my family and friends, I'll become nasty. You know that, right?"

"And I'll ask you one more time, do you really think that you're the center of the world? I don't care about you and your posse. I don't think Klaus cares either, but I won't speak on his behalf. What I know is that we're getting out of here, and I hope we don't cross paths anymore. Now, shoo!"

Damon gave her a bitter chuckle and slowly but surely walked back. He didn't want to fight because there was no reason for him to try it that night. She was determined to close her shop for good, and she even went as far as to reveal her true nature to him. He couldn't exactly ask her for more than this, so he simply didn't. Instead, he left the shop, now convinced that Nëela was dangerous. Damon was determined to watch her until she left Mystic Falls, and he was certain they would hear more from her simply because she was associating herself with Klaus, and Klaus was trouble.  He was always "trouble".

-TBC- 

All I want for Christmas: Part 2: Let me love you.

A/N: Finally, 2^nd and last part of that little bit between Asma and Jessica. <3

xxxxx

How long had Asma been in the kitchen? Jessica couldn't tell anymore. The quiet noise of the clock on the wall was becoming harder to handle. The brunette tapped her fingers against the table, impatiently waiting for her sister to return from the kitchen. Her blue eyes averted from the wall to the front door but Asma didn't come back. She laid her hand flat against the table and turned it around so she could stare at her blood-soaked palms. She had cleaned everything else before she came home, she always made sure to clean herself before she set foot in her house so her children wouldn't witness how much of a bloody mess their mother was and wouldn't suspect anything. She always did, but that night, she forgot to scrub her hands. Asma was aware of what she used to do -what she was still doing-, but Jessica didn't mention she was still killing.

Truth mattered to her, more than anything else, but she couldn't bring herself to be fully honest with the tattoo artist. The night she confessed about her past deeds was already risky. It could have gone sideways, Asma could have rejected her and Jessica remembered how nervous she was back then. Today was no different, her stomach was tied on a knot and she was holding her breath. She knew Asma would be mad for keeping the truth from her. Opie told Jessica how difficult it was for Asma to cope with her absence. She knew her sister tried to find answers and was frustrated by the silence and secrecy surrounding SAMCRO and the KNIGHTS. It was what it was, Jessica tried to rationalize. She couldn't tell the whole truth but that didn't mean she wasn't true. Wasn't it all that mattered? To be true to each other? Yes, it was...

Still...

Tonight, she wished the floor would open and swallow her whole. She ran her hand through her hair and held a fistful of honey locks, while her eyes were glued to the main door. Asma was washing her hands for a while now. They were clean already but she couldn't stop scrubbing her skin, to the point of irritating it. It wasn't so much the sight of blood that triggered her. It was the fact Jessica came home, seemingly unharmed and clean, only to leave a blood print on her skin. It felt like a white lie had been exposed. It felt like the truth jumped on her face and knocked her down. She was upset, her stomach was also tied on a knot while her mind was so filled with noise she couldn't hear her thoughts. Panic had her repeat the same gestures in order to calm her nerves but it was starting to hurt so she stopped the stream of hot water and bit her bottom lip. For a split second, she thought the blood was Jessica's and it wrecked a nerve. She still remembered that time they went to the hospital -how she hated hospitals- when they found a severely beaten up Jessica. She could have died that night if someone had not found her; She would have been dead and the whole family would have heard the bad news from very sorry doctors. Tonight just reminded her how mortal Jessica was. It also exposed the big fat ugly truth of Jessica still running around taking risky jobs and playing with her life every damn night.

Her lips were shaking and she hit the sink with her hand, making a noise that alarmed Jessica who straightened up on her chair. Asma ran her hand into her black locks and looked at the ceiling. She was pissed, but was she pissed because of the secrets, or was she pissed because she was worried? Her mind was still buzzing with noise, so she decided to act on instincts and let the words out. They had to talk, Since she returned from wherever she was, Jessica and Asma didn't have time to sit and have an actual conversation, so now was a perfect time. Asma nodded to herself and quickly left the kitchen. Jessica stood up, unable to sit still once her sister returned to her.

«Asma... »

« Every damn night... » -Asma started.- « Every damn night I wake up from a nightmare I have about Alex, about you...Every night I wonder if you will come back in one piece or if I will have to attend your funerals. »

« Asma... » Jessica lowered her head, her eyes shifty-eyed from left to right. « That's the-- »

« That's the life, I know! I have always known. I am not stupid! » She said, as she rested her hands on her waist. « I knew long before you told me about your past that you were doing this kind of shit! I had a brother, remember? He was a sixty niners, so I knew deep down that you were in the same business, that Jax was in that business too. » Jessica felt cornered. What could she actually say when she knew Asma was right? She didn't want to argue, not right now, so she decided to ask a question and get this over with.

« Are you mad at me? » -She anticipated the answer but still wished it was a 'no'. -

«YES! Yes, I am! I am mad because you all decided I shouldn't know the truth about you. I am mad because you willingly left me in the dark, all of you. I have patched the boys several times already. Bullet wounds, stabbing wounds, you fucking name it. Do you think I didn't do the maths? Do you think I didn't know what was going on? I did ! I fucking did but I said nothing because I wanted /you/ to tell me. Then.. then Jessica you disappeared on us. For weeks we didn't know where you've been! Jax was going crazy here! He was scared for you, anxious, nervous, empty without you! How do you think I felt ??? »

« Asma... I really couldn't tell Jax where I was. If I can't tell Jax, I can't tell anyone else.» She honestly could not have. In order to protect her family, she had to keep her mission a secret. Hearing Asma's finally vomiting her emotions hurt Jessica. She knew it was to happen, somehow, someday, but she had not anticipated it to be this early and even less to be this violent. She could see the pain on her sister's face, the fear that transpired in her shaky voice, the defensive posture she took to protect herself, her heart. Jessica knew Asma was mad at her, but hearing the words felt like a slap in the face. So she lowered her head again and took a deep breath.

« You could have told me when you came back! You should have. You should have told me you were still working so I didn't discover it by accident! You should have told me with your words and you should have trusted me! You don't, not even today, not even after all we went through. You do /not/ trust /my/ love for you Jessica. And it hurts you know that? It does... hurt...so... much. » She said, finally sobbing as words escaped from her lips. Jessica was shocked at the words, for they have been far from the truth. Of course, she trusted her, why would she ask her to keep the kids if she didn't trust her? Her eyes were wide open and stared at the sobbing woman in front of her.

« I didn't want to hurt you. Asma, I tried to tell you, I rehearsed in my head the words I was going to say but I just could not. » She said, as she pulled Asma into a hug. Her arms wrapped around the inker's shoulders and her head, while Asma's arms wrapped around her waist and kept her close. For a few minutes, the only noise that filled the room was Asma's sobs. Jessica comforted her the best she could but emotions got to her, the guilt she tried to rationalize yet again. Did she really behave in a way that would make Asma think she didn't trust her enough to tell her the truth? Her mind was racing, trying to understand the situation and walk in Asma's shoes. If Jax had been pulling this shit on her, Jessica knew she would have reacted like this, even worse than Asma did. « Look how worried you were when I didn't tell you what I was doing. Imagine how worried you'd be if you knew everything? I didn't want you to live with fear in your guts, like when Oscar was still alive. »

« It's not up to you to decide for me, Jessica. We're family and I mean my words. That also means I have to know what's going on. » Asma managed to say in between sobs. « I know that the less I know, the better it is. I understand that. I don't need you to tell me everything, I just need you to be true to me Jessica, please. » She said as she pulled away from her to look into her blue eyes.

«I know... » What more could she say? Asma had a point, she had to be true, but sometimes the whole truth could cause more damage than a little bit of it. She knew Asma meant well, but there was still a chance that she would leave. Her eyes were filled with fear and her body stiffened as she stared at her sister. Asma moistened her lips and gently cupped Jessica's cheeks.

« I'm not going anywhere, Jessica. I know you're afraid that knowing the truth would tear us apart, but it cannot because I know you. It cannot bring us apart because I know that life. My brother was part of it, my father was military so I know what it is to put your life on the line and for your loved ones to be worried about you. I know that life. » She said stroking Jessica's pale cheeks. « I need you to be true to me, so I can love all of you, including that part. » She said, as she gave her a smile through her tears. « So please, let me love you just as you are. » She whispered, her hazel eyes stared into Jessica's who opened them wide and chewed at her bottom lip.

It seemed like nothing at first, A couple of words, but it was enough to have Jessica tear up. She suddenly realized she had been holding her breath for so long and sighed in relief. A tear rolled onto her cheeks but was quickly wiped out by Asma's thumb. Her hands held onto the ebony inker's wrists and she nodded again. It seemed like nothing at first, but now that the truth came out, it felt like a rebirth.

-TBC-

OYA AND DEAN : Heartbroken

A/N: Castiel doesn't play around! all usual disclaimer! SPN belongs to its owners and Oya belongs to me

xxx

Oya fell asleep a few minutes after Dean and Sam left. She took her meds and quietly walked back to her bedroom. Truth was, the exchanges she had with Dean since she left him to follow that lead had not been pleasant. She had no idea of where they stood at except that he did care enough for her to stay nearby. He allowed her to be in the bunker, allowed her to recover inside safe walls. He allowed her presence around him but put a distance between the two of them. Understandable. She couldn't blame him for it but it sure didn't feel great to be the bad guy. She cursed under her breath for having held his hand and for the kiss she forced on him in a moment of panic. It was an impulsive move, one that came from her daydream about the moment of passion they shared during their hunt.

He didn't seem like his usual self. He could try to fool her all he wanted, Oya was cunning and she knew something was off. He didn't eat his food, skipped eating bacon -Dean, not eating bacon? very unlikely.-, looked like he received a severe beatdown and was at the end of his life. It scared Oya from the moment he came back and it didn't sit well with her. She was scared. From the outside, the African beauty might have looked like a looney, but she trusted her instincts. She was right about Dean. But more than that she was worried. The mere idea of losing him was driving her crazy but she couldn't process it just yet. She knew the hunter was a hothead and most likely would run towards danger if given the opportunity. She had the time to observe him and could recognize the common traits of someone who blamed themselves for all the evil in the world. He was carrying the world on his shoulder, the pain of the deaths surrounding him, the pain of being left alone and she.....obviously ripped open the wound. She drove him away and because of that, he would throw himself towards danger like he always did.

« You have to wake up Oya. It's time for your meds. » Castiel's voice pierced the silence. It was monotonous as usual but loud enough for her to actually open her eyes.

« Castiel.... You came. » Her voice was cold to the angel. He always welcomed her cold attitude with the classic stoic attitude he always displayed.

« Dean asked me to. »

« Yeah...I know. » She painfully sat on the bed and leaned against the headset. Castiel handed her the pills and a glass of water she chugged down swiftly.

It was stiff, it was uncomfortable between the two of them and Castiel never really asked her why she was so pissed off by his mere presence. He never did anything to her, they barely spoke but anytime he did open his mouth, the African hunter always rolled her eyes at the back of her eyesockets or grunted or came up with a snarky remark. She hated him, or so he thought but he didn't care much about her, he didn't care much about what the world thought of him unless the opinion came from people he truly valued like the Winchesters or his fellow angels. Castiel sat on a chair near the bed and stared at her blankly, which unsettled the hunter who looked away from him, at the window and the pitch black of the night. The brothers possibly have not arrived just yet, which was a temporary relief for the woman. Castiel didn't care much about her being cold to him because usually it only stopped at banter. She never attacked him physically or tried harder in her attempts at bickering. This time seemed to be the same so he shrugged it off.

Her mind was wandering off, towards Dean and the desire she felt for him. The shivers his touch sent to her spine, the goosebumps on her skin were evidence of her affection for the man. She craved these, she craved his lips on her skin, his arms around her waist and his voice in her ear cracking up jokes to make her laugh. She dreamed of her wearing his red tiled shirt and straddle him on a bed with a beer in their hands. She dreamed about an intimacy she lost when her fiancé died by her hands. And that was confusing the hell out of her. That was scaring her. It was silly but it exactly was the very same she had with Sam except for the sexual attraction and Sam was a friend. He was a friend right? So Dean was a friend with benefits.. so why feeling irrational about losing him? Her hands starting to move as anxiety overwhelmed her. Oya clenched and unclenched her fists as she tried to calm herself down to no use. Wendigos weren't easy enemies, quite the opposite and Dean looked like Death when she saw him that morning. Why did he go? Her legs shook but she tried to keep her mind focused on something else and glanced at the angel who was minding his own business ;

« We had sex. » It came out wrong, it came out too fast and it made her groan and blush. Castiel lifted a brow in genuine confusion but didn't ask about it. « Dean and I... We had sex that other day during our hunt. » She repeated, mostly talking to herself now. Her heart was racing and she held tight onto the sheets.

« I.. don't care? » He began with, eyeing the mortal in sheer incomprehension. « Why do you tell m-- »

« We had sex and it was.... mind-blowing and I didn't expect it to happen you know? »  She sounded excited as if she had discovered fire or something. He didn't really understand why she was telling him all of this or why, but he could feel a small relief from her which changed from the cold she welcomed him with. Besides.. Dean had sex with her? Castiel wasn't the type of being who would enjoy chatting about anyone's sexual life. Although he had a taste of it when he briefly was human, that didn't mean he would want to gossip about it, especially not when it was about the Winchesters. It still was quite the surprise given the loud and brash personality of this lady here. Castiel didn't think they would ever but it did happen.

« ….Okay? »

« No, you don't get it Castiel. It was warm, it was.... it felt like home. We didn't make love, I'd know if I was making love but it sure felt like it. We argued. »

« First, I don't need details. Then, you always argue with people. You argue with me constantly Oya. » He tried to stop her from talking by pointing the obvious but she shook her head and kept talking.

« I don't care! You don't get it! You don't get it... after all these years I thought it would never be possible...to feel this close to someone. I let him see me. I let him hear me. I let him touch me in ways nobody had in the past...I looked him in the eyes while I always made sure I didn't even put a face or a name on people I fucked before. I.. said his name Castiel. » She blushed harder and pressed her lips against her forefinger as she started to think.

« What do you want me to say? » He looked at her unsure of how to interpret her babbles. He wasn't her best friend, didn't want any detail, didn't even want to enter this conversation. All of it made him shrug. « Oya, listen. »

She wasn't listening, she wouldn't listen because she realized that the way she cared about Dean was a lot more complex than she first expected. Her heart was racing against her ribcage and she shook her head. No ! Oya didn't want to care about Dean that much. He couldn't come close to her heart, no one could. Those she cared about always died, like her mom who was killed by her possessed brother. Like her dead who was killed by cancer because he lost a son to a demon, he didn't notice. Like her fiance, she had to kill because he was possessed by a demon because he went on a hunt without her. Dean.. Dean was now rushing towards his death because of her. Because she betrayed him and he hunted alone.. because she hurt him and he didn't want to stay in the same place as her. Her eyes grew wide and she shook her head. Her fingers went through her black locks and she groaned loudly. Castiel straightened on his seat. What was wrong with Oya? She was a bit hard to follow and it might have a lot to do with him being unwilling to really getting to know her since she was so venomous whenever they talked together. But he wasn't heartless and he wasn't an ass so of course, he tried to know what was wrong.

« What's wrong Oya? »

« you have to help him Castiel! You have to go help him fight those Wendigos! »

« What are you talking about?  He has fought them before and he can handle them. » His tone was trying to remain his usual monotonous self but she was growing even more worried now.

« You haven't seen him Castiel! He looked like Death. Ever since he went to fight the witch on his own he came back wrong. He didn't eat his bacon this morning, he looked sick.. he.. he.. we argued... »

« Arguing is your second nature. How could that be unusual ?» He stood up and came close to her frame. It was a shot fired at her

« I swear on my life if something happens to him and you didn't go and help, I will kill you! »

« Stop! » He said firmly but Oya was worried and blinded by her fear, she refused to calm down. She pushed aside the sheets and put her feet on the floor. « Calm down, » he commanded, exasperated by her defiant attitude. « Right now! »

«NO !!! » She yelled at him, visibly furious that he didn't want to do as she requested. «  You don't get to tell me to calm down Angel! » It was his cue that she wasn't ready to listen to him. « I'm telling you that Dean is in danger and you are NOT listening! You are NEVER listening, you angels! You come around feeling haughty and powerful because you have a nice pair of wings and some white light but you are fucking poison! You're unable to manage your bloody place so monsters can sneak out like those Leviathans did or whatever it is you're hiding there! You look at us with disdain because we are so small! And we are here, left to suffer from not even some hope in our hearts! You're not listening! Is God even listening when we pray to him? » She forced herself back onto her feet, opening her wound in the process but she was angry and desperate because of Dean's situation. Castiel stiffened when she mentioned God but he still took a few steps forward so she would back down and sit on the bed, which she didn't.

«You are so full of yourself Oya. Look at you, playing the righteous hunter who gets to tell others what to do and what to say. You weren't there! You do not know of the sacrifices we all made! I lost several brothers and sisters because of Lucifer, because of Metatron, because of the Leviathans and all of the bloody creatures that roam the Earth. I experienced pain too and at a level, you can't even comprehend. You don't get to tell me who I am because you don't know me. Now I could care less about your opinion or even your presence but Dean asked me to keep an eye on you and that's what I'm going to do. I would not let your fears make me break a promise I made to him. » he pointed out, ignoring her question about God. He didn't want to think about their latest adventures, the Darkness and the near-end of the world. He didn't want to talk about how traumatic the whole event was.

« I don't care about you either ! You're a self-entitled asshole who goes around crying because you couldn't handle the power of God. Of course, you couldn't! look who's not going to help his friend while he can do something about it! » She spat at him, furious that he actually had a point in this heated argument. She clearly saw she hurt him

« I might be, but you're trying to boss people around like you own them. You are a suffocating self-absorbed bitch Oya. This is who you are. You're the one who broke your relationship with Dean, not me! I am not going to run around and fix your mess! You should work on it alone! » He spat back and it burned her hard. He didn't need to add anything to this burn because it was true. She invaded the Winchesters life and was trying to make it cozy for her. It might not have been true but she perceived herself this very way as he spoke, her anxiety only increasing by the seconds. Her fists clenched and unclenched at a steady pace despite them becoming stiff like wooden sticks. Her breathing became more labored and her eyes were filled with unshed tears.

« You are even worse than I thought you'd be. You're the one talking about me bossing around people and suffocating them when you're not even able to fucking speak your damn mind! I do, I make mistakes, I try to fix them and show it, but you're emotionally frigid! That's what you are and that's why you'll always be a pathetic and lonely loser !! shunned from your people forever » At this point, she wasn't even thinking anymore, she wanted to hurt him. She wanted him to feel her pain and coupled with her incoming panic attack, she was worse than usual, slamming the angel with all of her might. She wasn't saying the truth, or maybe a tiny bit of it, but Castiel wasn't lying though and maybe that was what hurt her the most.

« Ah! This is old news Oya, maybe you'll need something fresh and I'll deliver. Newsflash, you ruined your relationship with Dean when you ran away. Yes, you betrayed him and how is that? You didn't think about him when you took off. You are the reason for your own mess and there is no turning back. He's never going to trust you again, he's never going to open up to you again, he's never going to give you his heart! Do you think I hadn't noticed? You trying to pretend you're not falling for Dean? I stop you right here, don't. He won't give you. He never did before and never will. Give up that silly dream of yours and return to reality. You're suffocating him, that's what you're doing. You're not trusting him, you're entrapping him in a relationship he never wanted and never would. So I might be constipated emotionally, at least I do have a family. Sam and Dean are my family but you don't get to call them yours yet. »

It snapped inside of her. Oya was genuinely terrified about losing Dean and what he might represent to her. He was a chance at a new life with people she cared about. A family she could share her life with. Sam her and Dean would go hunting, they would drink beer. They would save the world and she would be with Dean.. as in.. she would have sex with him. She would make love to him. Flashes of his warm lips against her neck, of his forehead against her, of his hand into her hair or his body sleeping next to her in a spooning position. She coughed and shook her head. Castiel sucker punched her and she did have that panic attack. His words were a bitchslap to her and she realized that he was right. She wanted to say something but the words died at the back of her throat. Instead, she stood up and started to walk towards the dresser so she could pack. She wouldn't leave yet, maybe when she would recover, if she ever did. He was right, she shouldn't be around, she shouldn't...

« What are you doing? » He asked before she looked up to his face barely containing herself.

« Packing.. preparing my stuff. I'll be gone as soon as I have healed. » Her voice was broken, her heart was I shambles. Why was it hurting so bad? Oya didn't know. Castiel was defending himself and maybe was he driven by the need to snap back at her but he still did say the truth. She was a foreigner. She kept spending her time screaming at Dean or worrying over him. She broke his trust and now was convinced she would never get it back. He noticed she was shaking and decided to walk towards her and stop her from packing.

« I stepped out of line. » She looked at her back and sat on her heels. Her stomach was hurting but the wound didn't open itself which was a good sign.

« I did. And you were right.. all the way. » She grabbed a pair of boots and stuffed it in the bag. « I don't get to call them a family when the first thing I do is break the trust between Dean and me. I don't get to call them a family when my confused heart wants... we don't care about it. »

« He'll come around.  He always does for people he cares about. »

« He shouldn't.... You were right about something earlier. I am scared. I am scared about him dying Castiel. Everyone around me dies... my brother was possessed by a demon because we argued and he wanted to prove me wrong. He killed our mother. She died thinking her son wanted to kill her when in fact he died when the demon possessed him. She died because of me! Our father got cancer. He never could forgive himself for not having seen Kalusha was possessed.. for not saving mom.. for letting me down. I.. I... he died because of me. » She was sobbing uncontrollably. « My.. fiance. I thought I had earned myself some happiness you know? Someone who cared about me, who was okay with my job being this risky because he was a hunter too. Went on a hunt without me and came back possessed. I … /I/ had to endure him insulting me, saying hateful shit to my face.. /I/ had to kill him with my bare hands. I did it Castiel...So..Dean, maybe it's best if he never wants to see me again because I deserve it. » She started to bawl her eyes out « But please. please.. make sure he is okay. I don't care if he hates me. I don't care if I don't belong here.I just want him to be okay. » Castiel looked at her and didn't know how to comfort her. He put his hand on her shoulder.

« He's not going to die. I am very sure about it. You don't have to pack right now.  Get some sleep Oya. »

She nodded silently and cleaned her face with the back of her hand. Maybe it was a mistake to spend some time with Dean. She wanted Sam and him to be happy and live a little more like they deserved to. She wanted them to know peace, see the job from a different angle.. but they were too different. Her stomach was upset, she wanted to throw up but Castiel would have sworn he heard her heartbreak when he uttered those words he couldn' take back.

« I'm sorry Castiel. I wasn't mad at you, I was mad at angels in general. I was mean, horrible really... I'd understand if you don't want to see my face. » But before he could answer anything, she passed out from the pain she ignored for too long.

(TBC)