Doya: By the sea

Doya: By the sea

A/N: Just a lovely moment between Oya and Dean, by the sea and with beers. Still during the Thomas” case.

XXXX

“I like the sound of the ocean...I don't like the beach, but I like the sound of the ocean. Is it weird?” -Oya asked as she sat on a bench with a beer in her hand-

“Not at all.” -Dean replied as he stood in front of her, his beer in his hand.- “I don't really like the ocean, as a matter of fact, I hate the beach too, but I get that you like the sound of the waves crashing on the shores.” He raised his beer and drank to that.-

“Yeah... I guess the human mind is really weird..” -She chuckled and chugged some beer.- “Dean, have you ever wanted another life? Something different from what you have now?” She asked, with both arms laid on her legs.

“I have...I even experienced it but it wasn't for me. Have you?” -She shrugged. She knew he was talking about his time with Lisa and her son. Yes, he had tried the apple pie kind of life and it didn't work for him. He was meant to be a hunter after all.-

“I haven't...I have?” She scratched the back of her head. “In my country, we were who we were, it wasn't a big deal. I see it now, that we were more tools than actually accepted by our people, but at least we could have families, strong communities... we were still somehow valued and seen...I was engaged.” She furrowed her brows. “And for a while, I thought I had it all. I thought I had it good, you know? Engaged, maybe even a mother very soon, happy... but it was all an illusion. As soon as I wasn't useful to Fabrice, he just dumped me... my community crumbled, my family was slaughtered. I couldn't have the apple pie life I wanted.. it wasn't meant for me.”

She sighed and leaned her head back so she could chug some beer down. Her eyes quickly turned empty as she was wondering if it was what she wanted. Kids had always been something she wished she had someday, up until she drank that potion that made her barren. She knew she wouldn't be able to have any and gave up on this dream as soon as her mind was filled with revenge and guilt. Over time, the desire to procreate just vanished as she lived in the USA. A hunter's life here was crap, there was no sustainable future for a potential child there, and back in the days, there was even no one to share this dream with. So she gave up on kids.

She accommodated to her new situation, she even enjoyed her life as it was. Seeing Sarah and her family, listening to Joshua, and his desire to have his own family shook the hunter who questioned herself. Was she really okay with the life she was leading with Dean? He was a dad already, twice. He was not a “good” dad too...in his own words, he screwed up with his kids like he screwed up with plenty of people in his life. It wasn't meant for him. Would he try to do differently if given the choice? Oya believed he would. Would he try differently, if she became pregnant? She knew he would. But the question wasn't even in the air because she was unable to have children. A spell was a spell... consequences were permanent and she made her peace with it. Oya didn't want kids..anymore. She wasn't the same person she was a decade ago.

Dean gave her the life she wanted to live. A life with a solid partner, someone who would always be there with her. Someone who cared for her, someone who loved her. He was her family, alongside Sam and Castiel and she didn't need more to feel complete. Dean was there, always. He was there when she had nightmares, he was there when she needed comfort and he let her in when he needed some. He let her love him. He let her be in his life. Dean hunted with her, and by Chuck, Oya loved hunting. Hunting was akin to a sport for her. It was all about the style, the difficulty, the fighting techniques she was perfecting. It was about the least casualties possible and saving the most people as well. She didn't mind her scars -except for the one she got from the Asanbosam, she still had trouble with-, for they were a testimony of her hard dedication to her work. Being able to hunt with the best hunter that ever excited was a privilege and a chance for the woman, so why would she complain?

“..........You said you were happy with me.”

“And I mean it. I am. The apple pie kind of life, for me, is the life I am leading with you Dean. I thought, yeah, for a long time I thought that eventually, I would want to have kids or that maybe I wanted the white picket fences kind of life Sarah has... but I was wrong. I don't need any of this as long as I'm hunting with you. As long as I'm with you. I don't need more. I have a family who loves me, people who would go to hell and back if that was for me. I am with people I can sacrifice my life for...shit...” She looked at him and smiled a wet smile. “...I wouldn't want it any other way, okay?” She shrugged and drank her beer. “I have my dream life...this is my life, the apple pie life..” She added before he grinned at her and walked closer. He sat on the bench near Oya and patted his thigh so she could sit on his lap. She rolled her eyes but ended up sitting on his lap. Face turned towards the beautiful sea before their very eyes.

“ I guess that means you don't want another life than the one you have right now.” She gently poked his shoulder and nodded. “Ouch, how violent you are!”

“I didn't hurt you Dickhead! Quit crying.” She poked his shoulder again before she wrapped her arm around his neck and watched as he took a sip of his beer.

“Alright, Bitch, I won't protest.” -He chuckled and set his emerald eyes onto her hazel ones. Oya was beautiful right now, relaxed, happy and he could tell by her body language that she wasn't pretending. She felt good by his side, she felt right on his lap. He sighed and leaned his head against her chest, burying his face in her bosom while she let her hand run over his dirty blonde hair. “Why did you ask that question?”

“I wanted to know if you were happy with me. I felt that maybe I wasn't offering you what you needed.” She started before she planted a kiss on top of his head. “ I just wanted to make sure you knew you had a home in me too... You have somewhere to return to, someone to come home to...I want to be sure that you know that Dean...You're not alone anymore, you never will from now..” She said as she planted another kiss to his forehead while he wrapped his arm tighter around her waist.

“I'm aware of that. I know...You always make sure I feel home with you;”

He added, clearing his throat as he didn't know how to channel his emotions. As a matter of fact, the Winchester realized that Oya simply needed to be reassured. He wasn't excellent at calming nerves, but he would still give it a try. She was giving him more than he wanted, more than he could ever ask. She was giving him the freedom to be himself, and she was giving him the ability to not have to choose between love and work. With Oya things were easy, the easiest they've ever been. With Oya, things just went smoothly and he didn't need to compromise himself, or the life he was leading. He didn't need to pretend. He didn't need to hide. With Oya..; he simply was. She was giving him the comfort of knowing he was loved and no matter what happened, she wasn't leaving. She chose him, and very often let him know that she did, but he realized he wasn't saying it enough. Dean was a man of actions, not a man of words, but from time to time, he acknowledged, that saying a little something was actually more helpful than not. He gently let his hand move from her waist to her back and then lost a few fingers into her thick black curly mane. He massaged her scalp and leaned his head better against her chest.

“Oya, Nzi Mulenge.. please, forgive me if I fucked up your name... O... You're giving me more than I could ever ask for. You've been in our lives, five years now? It's the longest someone ever stayed with me... the longest, and the best..” He cleared his throat and looked up to her face. “I don't want more because I don't need more. I have the best already with me.” He gave her an earnest smile and leaned his chin against her chest. “I have the best there is and ever will...I can't express how much..how happ—happy I am with you. But it's there and I beg of you, O, to look at all the things I do that I can't say. I'm here... I'm here with you.” He managed to say before he leaned his head back against her chest. “Always... and forever.” He ended his sentence and watched as she wrapped her arms around his shoulders and gently sobbed against him.

“Forever and always...” Was all she could whisper before her sobs took over and she just cuddled with him. She felt relieved, he could tell by the sigh she let out, but she also was happy by the confirmation that he had what he needed and she was making him happy. It was all the hunter needed to feel okay. She needed to know so he said something, by the sea.

-TBC-

PrAsma: Kiss me

A/N: Today I was in need of a little levity and I noticed that I haven't written enough non-conflictual situations with my poor babies. They existed, those good moments between the two of them and they still exist, but I am not very good at telling those good bits:o Lou gave me a little push for today so this little sugary thing came out of it:D cause one way or another, she loves that bastard and he does give her enough reasons for her to keep on loving him.

Xxxxxxxxxxxx

« Stay still Pride. Just a couple minutes more and I'll be done with your portrait. Okay ? »

He was posing for her, at her request. She was able to grab hold onto him during a break he took from his Underworld business and decided that she wouldn't let go of him unless it was an urgent matter. Pride noticed how alive she was as if he'd lit up a flame once he got home. He didn't quite know the impact his absence had on the human and couldn't really appreciate the joyful behavior she displayed on his return, but he wasn't dense. She very obviously felt relieved when she was in his presence and the joy she displayed was genuine and heartfelt. He wasn't used to being greeted with such enthusiasm and without a hidden agenda. Asma was simple, she was relaxing. She was predictable to some extent. She never asked for more than she already had, for him to be next to her and sharing mundane activities so she wouldn't be driven mad by the imposed solitude due to her situation.

She never asked for more than his arms wrapped around her smaller human frame and for maybe his eyes to stare into hers. She knew what she had signed for from the very beginning. She knew she was standing in between a goddess and a deity but she didn't care and it probably had to do with him influencing her despite his best efforts to keep her the way she was. Asma grew feelings for him and owned them despite him not giving them back. He never said he loved her and she knew he couldn't because there was Elpis in between them. She knew he could never say them back because he couldn't understand her emotions or the human concept of feelings. He took.. and took.. and took until there was nothing left. He was vanity made flesh after all and she fed it to him.

Asma fed his ego, his vanity by loving him so much that there might be nothing left of her. She consumed herself with the cruel fire of love and one could ask her why she wanted to keep going despite him about to ruin her? How could she love a thing that posed as a man whose only purpose was to destroy mankind and the rest of the pantheon of gods? How could she? How could Elpis even? Such a bright goddess whose purpose was to bright light around her and yet who lost her ways for love. Asma didn't have the answer, but she knew that deep down, Pride was more than he posed as. She knew there was something inside of him worth loving. It wasn't just because of Elpis and the memories of them together she projected inside of her. It wasn't just because he saved her from a certain death. She felt it somewhere while staying with him, that there was something inside she could love and could at least appreciate her existence. She felt it so it must have been there and she chose to believe it was. He wasn't a « thing » or a « creature » in her eyes. He was him. He was someone she grew close to and she fell in love with. It didn't matter if he wasn't human, she could care less knowing he was from another world or a god. She wanted him, all of him.

« I am sitting still Asma. I have been for quite some time now, aren't you finished? »

« I am now.» She said with a soft smile on her lips before she put the brush aside and ran her hands over her pink locks. He watched as she stretched her limbs and walked towards him. She was done and probably had been done for quite some time already and simply wanted to keep him next to her for some time. He tilted his head to the side and let her come to him. Her hands stroked his shirt-clad chest while his fingers grabbed her waist. He was sitting on a high stool, towering the human even more but she didn't mind. Her eyes were intensely looking at him, at those majestic blue orbs that kept changing with his emotions. She learned how to decode them. She knew when they were filled with anger, with contempt and satisfaction or with lust. She knew when he was concerned about her or when he felt a sudden urge to be tender with her. Maybe tenderness was the most she could get from him and for the human who thought he would never look twice at her, it was quite the accomplishment. He cared and it was more than she could afford so of course, it gave her hope.

« Are you? » His infamous grin crept on his lips, making her heart melt and her knees weak. Asma nodded quietly and moved her hands upwards so she could wrap them around his neck. He pulled her up, forcing the human on her toes as his hands wrapped around her waist and secured her in this position, against his frame. She kept staring at him, her fingers mind-absently stroking the back of his neck and his shoulder, causing goosebumps to cover his skin. Pride shivered and pulled her closer to his frame, pressing her supple flesh against his toned one.

« I am. » Asma whispered, not really willing to interrupt such an intimate moment when there was nothing between them to interrupt. « You seem relaxed?» She suggested, semi-asking a question to make sure he wouldn't throw a fit or anything would come up and ruin the short time they had together. He pondered her words, knowing full well there was no rest for a sin and he couldn't possibly tell her the dangers he was trying to protect her from or the fact he nearly died a couple of times due to rebellious siblings.

« Things seem to work in my favor today, so yes I am. » He said as he stroked her soft cheek with the back of his hand. Asma shivered and looked down at the floor for a minute. He was larger than life and in a moment like this one, when she was close enough to look at him straight in his eyes, Asma realized that she really was a small thing compared to him. She was mortal, weak and filled with emotions she couldn't always understand or control. Her eyes shifted from left to right, her lips trembled and she finally felt his fingers push her face up so she could look at him again.

He didn't want to see her worry about his business in the Underworld, or fill her pretty head with ideas of her potential death like at the beginning of their 'relationship'. She wasn't questioning him like she used to and didn't look like she was afraid anymore and an Asma who wasn't afraid was actually an Asma whose company he enjoyed a lot. The golden highlights of her eyes seemed to glow a little more and she gave him a sheepish smile. His gaze was intense as he studied her face for a second and wondered why on Earth he grew this attached to this mortal. He couldn't say. Of course, it was easier for him to pretend he wasn't attached to her and it only was because Elpis inhabited her but he couldn't help but think that it had everything to do with her, being herself. He cupped her cheek with his large hand and leaned a little bit forward, so his face would only be inches from hers. Her heart started to beat fast and she put her hand over his. Pride felt how anxious she suddenly got and furrowed his brows.

« What's wrong? »

« Nothing. It's just. » She bit her bottom lip and shook her head. « I'm intimidated all of a sudden. » She admitted to him, as her fingers gently stroked the skin of the back of his hand. 

« Why is that? Are you afraid of me? » He wondered, his brows furrowed as he didn't know what she meant. She shook her head.

« No. » He cupped her other cheek, his azure gaze never leaving her face. Asma shrugged and kept rubbing the back of his hands. She looked so tiny compared to him and filled with doubt. Asma bit at her bottom lip, unable to get the words out of her chest. Pride noticed she was hiding something and curious about what she didn't tell him, Pride insisted a little bit. She always needed a little push. « Maybe. When you're angry I am afraid of you. But I am not, not now... I am not afraid of you. » She said as she finally looked into his eyes. She let a sigh escape from her lips and held onto his hands. « It's just... sometimes I don't know how to express myself...I don't know if you understand just how much I am in love with you Pride. It beats me, it really does. I don't understand how it is possible and yet it is... and yet I am in love with you... and yet I want you. Now, tomorrow, yesterday. » She bit her bottom lip harder, stress building up inside of her to the point of having trouble breathing. She loved him but she knew her words meant nothing and it hurt, so she bit her lip until it bled so she wouldn't cry in front of him. Pride watched her, his intense dark blue eyes were staring at the blood trickling down her chin and he set her left cheek free so he could clean it up.

«You're right about something, I don't understand why you feel that way for me. You don't know what I am. You don't know what I can do. You don't seem to understand that I am not human Asma. I would never be. »

« I don't want you to be. I don't need you to be Pride. » She said, releasing her wounded lip from her teeth. He cleaned it up with a touch and straightened on the stool.

« What do you possibly want then? » People always gave to receive something in return. Asma didn't seem to want anything specific. She never asked for him to say the words, to return her affection for her and yet never failed to whisper to him « I love you » here and then whenever they became intimate or whenever they could sleep next to one another. She always claimed her love and he could tell by the way she painted him that she thought the world of him. It could have been devotion and in a way, she was devoted to him, genuinely so. Pride was curious because while she didn't voice her demands, he did catch the frustration in her face, the anxiety, and the sadness. He knew she did want something, dreamed about it but until she expressed it openly to him, the Sin couldn't tell what it was, he couldn't really guess. Or maybe he could but didn't want to guess. It would force him to question himself about his own feelings.

« Kiss me, please. » She managed to say while her hazel eyes stared at him. « I just want... I just want to feel you.. touch you, hug you.. kiss you. I just want to feel. I just want to feel that. I just want to feel... I think. I think. » She felt her eyes fill themselves with unshed tears. She didn't know how to convey her emotions or let him know that what she felt for him was so strong she couldn't contain it. She wanted him to feel things the way she did, to realize just how much she was willing to give him, but what if he already knew but didn't want any of it? She tried her best not to cry, thinking that it was giving away too much of her heart and she might have been vulnerable to him but Pride, somehow, knew she needed just a little nudge to feel reassured so he would give it to her.

« Asma. Asma, it's alright. Just breathe it in. Come on, breathe. » He said as he patted her cheek and pushed himself off of the stool so he could stand up and she could put her feet flat on the ground. She did as he said but couldn't prevent herself from crying a couple of tears.

« It's not alright.... I long for you to tell me I matter to you. I long for you to tell me that when you kiss me, it's not Elpis you kiss but me. I am full of desire for you and it's burning me from inside and there is nothing I can do for that. I love you Pride. I do.. and it's hurting me you know. »

« I know. » He said, his throat tightening while he still cupped her cheeks. « I also do know that you are not disposable. You're not just Elpis vessel. I know that. » He didn't know what she was, not yet, it was too soon. He already had to process that Elpis existed and he had been robbed of millennia with her and now that he had found her, he grew attached to her vessel. To which extent he couldn't say. But he knew that he wanted her alive and he wanted her well. He loved when she was happy, was able to right all the wrongs were done to her and enjoyed her presence. He might have been falling in love with her instead of the goddess or all of that was just a huge misunderstanding and confusion because she looked exactly like his goddess, save a lot less godly like Elpis was. Asma shut her eyes tight, so she wouldn't look into his and stiffened at the sensation of his digits sinking into the skin of her face to hold her tighter. It made her shut her eyes tighter as she refused to open them to look at him.

« What am I to you Pride? What am I if not just her vessel? Am I your pet ? » he scoffed and shook his head.

« No. Of course not! You're not my pet. »

« Then... what am I? » She asked, opening her eyes to stare at him again, her voice strangled with a sob that refused to escape from her throat.

« I don't know.... yet. » He decided to admit. It wasn't much but it was enough for the pink haired artist to realize that maybe, there was a tiny chance for her to become something more than just his devotee. He groaned, annoyed at feeling uncomfortable in front of her. The sin told her the truth. He didn't know what she was to him or what he felt for her. All he knew was that at this moment, he didn't want her to be worried or sad. He didn't want them to part with her thinking even less of herself than she did at this moment. She made her demands clear, she wanted to be kissed so he would kiss her.

« I see... I understand. » She said, opening her eyes again while fresh tears kept on rolling onto her cheeks. He wiped them out with the back of his hands and planted a kiss on each of her eyes. « I understand really, you can.. you can let me go. I'll be in my room. » she felt like he would deny her a kiss and was mentally preparing herself to go back to her room so she pushed herself away from him and tried to leave but he grabbed her hands and held them tightly. Asma looked up at him again, confused as to why he was acting this gently towards her but he gave her a smile.

« You wouldn't leave without your kiss now, would you? »

« Are you ?... » She didn't finish her sentence as he bent forward and pressed his lips against hers. It was a soft kiss, almost just a peck as he pulled away from her, only a few inches so she could look at him again. It sent a shiver down her spine and she cupped both of his cheeks for a second one. She pressed her lips against his for a harder kiss and then pulled away. She was panting, eyes almost glowing as she didn't quite know what to make of this.

Everytime Pride kissed Asma, it sent shivers down her spine. For a minute she forgot everything that made her sad or worried. She forgot everything that made her wonder and unsafe. She forgot how dangerous her life became.. how empty without her dog Rosie it was when Pride left their home. She forgot that she was a vessel and a living breathing goddess was trapped within her. She forgot that by the end of her journey, Pride might leave never to return. She only focused on how he made her feel. She focused on him, on how good he felt against her, on his taste in her mouth and his warmth. She focused on how much she didn't want to spend another day without him. Her heart raced inside of her ribcage, her stomach felt like a billion butterflies tried to escape from it. She couldn't stand so he held her tightly. He smiled at her and pressed his lips to hers once again, this time allowing his tongue to lick against her entrance so they could deepen the kiss for a proper make-out session. She allowed it, closing her eyes to relish in the moment while he lifted her above the floor and slowly walked towards the table he laid her on. She moaned in between their kiss and when he broke it, she smiled at him, coyly so.

« Kiss me again...and again.. and again. » She whispered as he wiped her tears off of her face.

« You don't need to ask for a kiss Asma. » He said with a chuckle, nuzzling her neck while she let her fingers slid into his thick luscious hair. He rested his forehead against her shoulder, sniffing her delicious soft smell -Fresh grass and wet ground like Elpis- and kissed the sensitive skin there. « I do want to kiss you most of the time. »

« I felt the need to. It's the only moment I get to feel like I matter. When you kiss me like there is no tomorrow. » She admitted, stroking his shoulders and planting a couple of kisses on his neck.

« You matter to me. Despite what you might think. You do matter to me as yourself, not as a vessel. » He pointed out, which made her heart stop and her lips tremble. « Why do you look so sad now Asma? Are my kisses that bad? » He teased her, knowing full well his kisses were perfect. She shook her head and chuckled softly. « Then what is it? »

« I matter to you...I never thought I did.... but I do. » She said pressing her lips against his before she leaned her forehead against his chest.

« Yes, you do. » He said, petting her hair before he wrapped his arms around her chest to embrace her completely.

« I don't think you understand Pride. It's you.. every time I have to think about my life and what I'd choose to be happy, it's you I choose. It's always been you. It will always be you. I want you. I love you. I choose you. » She said before she hugged him again. « Obviously you don't. I get it...you will never.. but.. when we kiss, I get to pretend you choose me and if that's all I can get from you then so be it. You make me feel alive, you make me feel..so much. So, to know that I matter to you as well. My heart is happy.. and scared but mostly happy, so... so yes I matter. »

« You very much do. » He said in a chuckle before he leaned his chin on top of her head and kept the embrace for a while.

(TBC)

he fell out of love -angst/sad-

He fell out of love

A/N: Bear with me, please. I thought my up phase would last longer but I guess it only lasted a week. I am in a pretty bad phase right now but all I can do and write is what I have in my heart. I can't do more. Please bear with me.

xxxxxxxxxx

I watched it at the best seat, no really the best seat.

I watched as he started to grow distant with me and then requested more and more space.

I gave it to him, his space, thinking I might have been asking too much from him.

Yeah, whose fault would it be if it wasn't mine? I clung to him, I needed him too much.

So I gave him space, a lot of it.

I watched it at the best seat, no really, the best seat.

He used to hug me, kiss me goodbye and comfort me when I wasn't alright.

I saw him stop caring too much. He didn't ask anymore how I was feeling.

He didn't want to know. How could I blame him? He's been doing this since the first day.

So, I decided I wouldn't let him know how I felt and keep it to myself.

He didn't have to watch my drama unfold in front of him. He didn't need to worry anymore.

We used to eat together too, but always he would make excuses not to sit with me at the table.

He was avoiding me and there was nothing I could have done to prevent it from happening.

I tried and tried so hard to ignite the fire that linked us together, restore the old flame between us.

I couldn't grab his attention anymore, I couldn't kick start our love again...

So I watched it slowly decay. I watched it die like a nurse at a patient's bed.

He stayed with me because of his sense of duty, he told me later.

He wanted to make sure I didn't break when he would leave, that I would be okay.

That was... that was yet another blow. He pitied me, what else would that be if not pity?

What did that say about me? That I couldn't handle him leaving me? That I was too fragile?

I succeeded in making the man I was in love with, a prisoner of his own relationship. Well done!

My heart ached for him. It bled at night because even when we were sleeping he still was distant.

He still didn't want to hold me, he became a complete stranger with a face I used to know.

I wanted to touch him, kiss him, hug him. I was still burning with desire for him but he had stopped.

He was like a beautiful fruit hanging on a tree that I would never be able to reach anymore.

He was... he was... rejecting me as if I was not desirable anymore to him.

I couldn't blame him though, but, he used to make me feel like the most beautiful woman ever.

He used to make me feel like I was the only one on Earth and now... now I just felt like garbage.

It wasn't his fault, he simply fell out of love with me. It happens you know? It does hurt though

I would never have thought I would have to experience it again, with him, but I was wrong.

Frozen as I was, it took me several months to realize that I was holding him back.

I ate alone, drank alone, slept alone... I still lived with a man whose heart was closed forever to me.

It all ended so brutally, I didn't understand how he could so quickly fall out of love with me.

Yet, when I thought about it, all of them quickly left me after a while, so it must be me. My fault.

I caged him up, the man I was supposed to love the most on Earth. I caged him up.

Freedom is the best gift you can give to someone you love, so I had to give his freedom back.

So I lied.

I had to let him go and he wouldn't go if he wasn't sure I was doing okay. So I decided to pretend I was doing okay. I stopped moping around when he was around. I started to smile more.

I worked really hard to make him feel like I moved on from him so he could go. He bought into it.

So I helped him pack his stuff, kissed him goodbye, wished him good luck, called him a friend.

But when I closed the door and looked at the empty flat I now lived in, it hit me hard, like a truck.

I let him go. It really was over.

I never thought I would have to experience it once again, not with the man I loved this much.

But it became clear that it couldn't have gone another way, it had to end up like this.

He fell out of love with me like so many before him and maybe more after him.

But unlike the others, I noticed it way before it became too critical and I took action.

I tried to save our relationship but it was useless, so I did what I had to do: I let him go.

Alone in that flat, I could finally accept my own feelings, my true emotions.

I didn't have the energy to do more but sit on the floor and contemplate my life.

See, he might have been gone but he loved me the best. He genuinely loved me.

So, in a way, I should feel lucky to have experienced it shouldn't I?

Love is a tiresome game, one I keep promising myself to never play again.

It's a freaking Russian roulette where Pain is the only thing at the end.

I feel like I'd rather take a bullet and end everything, but the beautiful moments hold me back.

I simply laid there, against my front door, wondering what I would do now that it was over.

But all I could think about was that he fell out of love with me

and I didn't... ohno.... I didn't.