SEPTEMBER 2020: Of Love and Devotion

Elpis: what kind of question is this? Aren't 2000 years sealed away proof of how I feel about him? Maybe you would want me to tell you that I am proud of the relationship I now have with Pride. There is no remnant of the past, there is no nostalgia anymore. There is only the present. There is only Superbia. My love became truer because I grew from the past golden years. After spending so much time trapped inside humans I realized I wasn't loving him with open eyes. This time there is no romanization of my feelings or of who is. Only the truth. Pride and I are power incarnate. We are revenge, we are luxuria, we are all of the seven sins when together because we have a purpose. We can't be restrained to Earth and earth gods. We can't just allow ourselves to be limited. Back to my emperor. Superbia is magnificent. Obviously, he is perfect but truly his mind is remarkable. He managed to fulfill his dreams and has this ability to always find new challenges that I admire. He is a true leader, he is the one worthy of my undying of Loyalty and love. He is my everything. He is my alpha and lyrics omega. He is my beginning and will be my end although I hope there won't be any end. He gives me a purpose, he helps me grow even more than I wanted. He helps me reach new heights. How can I explain how I feel? How can I explain my feelings for my emperor? What do you want me to say? Except that I laced my destiny with his?

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Jaime has always been misunderstood. I guess people had always been quick to name names and blame him without taking the time to see why he did what he did. I am not saying he is a saint. He isn't. But at least I see him for who he is with his flaws and qualities. Jaime is cunning, clever, a true fast thinker. He's knowledgeable and affable. He still a sharp mind, I feel safe by his side because he knows this world is am a newcomer to and he can fend for himself. But he's more than that. Jaime is a man of passion, of love. He is a man who will do whatever it takes to protect his loved ones. He's a man who did terrible things in the name of love. But when he loves he is sincere. He is honest and fully committed. He's loyal and supportive. Jaime saved my life at Winterfell because he was empathetic and took a liking in me, enough to shake me up. I love him. I am in love with him. I don't think there is a limit to that love actually. We always find a way back to each other. That's what I believe in. No matter how hard we try to stay away, love finds a way. ..life brings us back together. With Jaime, my life has meaning. He gave me a purpose. He guides me. He heals me....and I want to do the same for him. He's sensitive you know? And he keeps to himself but I will always make sure he can speak his mind, even to say the most hurtful things because I will always be there to listen. Oh, it also doesn't hurt that he's very beautiful. I have never seen a man like.him. a man who wasn't a Targaryen be this beautiful. I.....yearn for him, verily but I won't let us go this far for now...

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Oya: "Dean is my partner, my other half. It's ride or die with him. We ride together and I hope we will de together. Dean is kind, he has a rough exterior but is soft inside. He's concerned, he's loving...he cares. Even when you think he doesn't, Dean cares. He cared for me.. he still does you know. With Dean, I know that we can face whatever Chuck has for us. We can face it, he makes it easy even dying. Dean is charismatic, he draws people in but you have to be tough to crack through his walls of protection and it's worth it. It's worth fighting for him. Dean....dean gave me something nobody could. He gave me a home. He gave me a reason to live. I can return home to him, I know he will wait for me. He manages to make space for us. Dean...made my life, much less miserable, and I am grateful every day for him. Also, it's noteworthy to say he's hot. He fucking is. I have a strong appetite but never had I wanted to be close to him. Physically and spiritually. I'm overwhelmed with lovely feelings when I see him but I also very much want to fuck him too. He allows me to be myself and to be in charge... and we get along very well...we match. He's my soul mate, I am now very certain of that

Love and whatnots: shower

Love and whatnots: Shower

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Your strong hands cupped both of my cheeks while I turned the water off in order to have a better look at you. Your taller figure was towering mine, engulfing me in a comforting shadow. My panicked hazel hues stared at you but you smiled at me. You always smiled at me. Your thumbs stroked my cheeks, slightly distracting me away from the stress I was feeling that day. You always understood me, my silence and the words I couldn't say when I couldn't cope with life. You always knew what I needed, how I needed it; An anchor to reality. I needed to feel real again, myself again and you were always there. Your hands-on my cheeks guided my gaze to yours, where I could see your beautiful baby blues. For a minute, there was nothing in the world but you and me in that shower.

I wanted to apologize on that day, say that I couldn't help but feel sorry to put you through this ordeal. I wanted to say that you deserved better than a wife whose mind sometimes broke into a million pieces. I wanted to apologize, for not being as strong as I was supposed to be... A beacon of hope who had lost all of it...but you never wanted me to. You never let me finish my sentences, you never felt that I had to apologize for this. Your hands.. on that gloomy day, your hands healed me. As you were washing my hair, I slowly got anchored back to reality. I was back in the moment, with you in that shower. I remember my hands running over your strong back, I remember my fingers sinking into the hard skin of your shoulder blades and my body pressed against yours. I remember holding you so tight that I feared I would break you at that moment and I remember you holding me back.

I kissed your shoulder and I leaned against your chest, while the warm shower was running down her entwined bodies. I love you, for you can see me at my most vulnerable and still love me. I love you, for you never gave up on us when I always gave you a way out. I love you  because you said you didn't want a way out and would always choose me, all of me..all the time.