Doya + Pride and Elpis + Jaime and Bäahal

// Courtesy of my beloved Dean <3 Thank you!

Wherever you go, I go too. I've never been so certain of something in my life until you. I tried to deny the comfort I felt when I was by your sides, but it didn't work, did it? I couldn't hide the fact I loved borrowing your shirts, sleeping in them at night while you would hug me and stroke my hair. I couldn't hide the fact I was always looking for a good time with you, whether we were hunting monsters and I got some adrenaline kick out of it, or during our downtime, when there was nothing between the two of us. I love both. I love the adventure you and me are. I love the thrill of the hunts and the shivers you send down my spine when you look at me. I love when your powerful arms wrap around me and pull me into a hug, against you, where I feel safe. I wouldn't trade those moments for anything in the world. Don't you see? wherever you go, I go, because life means nothing, when you are not in it. Life means nothing....when you're not with me.

xxx

"People change. It is very true to human beings. They would change, become new people, reinvent themselves over the course of their lives. Us, gods, never changed. Or so I thought. We were supposed to remain the very same from the moment of our birth to the moment of our death. Case in point, my brother Leviathan had never once, been different from who he was. Arrogant, Selfish, violent, those traits never disappeared. He didn't even, consider himself as flawed and therefore wasn't inclined to become different. if he couldn't change, why would the others do it? Why would /I/ change and why would Pride change?

Pride had always been the same. Selfish, vain, arrogant. There was no room for growth, no room for change and yet, somehow, when he came to know me, I was able to smooth the angles. I was able to make him see life differently. I was able to make him....care for me. So he did grow, he did change. he did become someone new, someone, different. I loved him through his change, didn't I? I accepted he was different. So why was I confused and afraid we wouldn't like each other because we were different now?

"I will find you," I swore on my vanishing breath. I knew I would find him and I would love him regardless of how different he was and how different I was. People change, men and gods alike.

xxxx

"Are you even listening?"

Lord Tyrion looked at princess Bäahal whose gaze was focused on a rolled on a message she was holding onto her fingers. She wasn't listening to the Hand of the Queen because her mind was lost in the past. They were a couple of weeks before the war against Cersei and a strategy was absolutely needed to defeat the queen. Cersei realized that Daenerys dragons could be killed and had put her trust into a very dangerous man she made her hand. He was without a doubt, able to bring the dead back to life, so of course, he would be able to find ways to kill Rhaegal and Drogon. Therefore, they couldn't put the dragons at risk and had to use them very carefully. It was frustrating to say the very least but what was even more frustrating was the "disinterest" showed by the princess.

"I am listening to Lord Tyrion... I am."

Was all Bäahal could come up with. It was a lie, a very big one given how distracted by the message she was. Tyrion's green eyes set upon the woman and then quickly glanced at the note she was holding. He wasn't an idiot, he knew that since his brother left Winterfell with their sister, Bâahal had tried to get in touch with Lady Kyra, in hopes to hear from her. It was foolish, dangerous even and certainly, a faux-pas Tyrion had to cut down. He took a deep breath and walked towards the princess, his eyes planted into her purple hues.

"Under any other circumstances, I would have entertained the idea of you being friends with my little sister. I have seen how much you cared for her..."

"But?.." She looked away, quickly shuffling the paper in her hand.

"We are at war, princess. This... what you're doing right now, is a weakness we cannot afford to have. "

The truth was, Her mind was filled w with Jaime Lannister. How a nobleman and skilled warrior was to be lost because of Love. She was missing him, his presence in the castle, his sarcastic banter, and his blunt opinion. No matter how hard she tried to take the memory of him out of her mind, it was still coming back to her. He was still haunting her. Tyrion sensed it. He knew it and he knew that while she genuinely cared for Kyra, she dangerously cared for his brother too. Bäahal swallowed a lump and clenched her fists.

"Princess..." Tyrion's voice was a little softer, although still firm. He put his hand on top of hers. "Princess,...I am sure you do understand. You need to let it go."

"I don't know what you are talking about Lord Tyrion. I am focused, my sister's goal is mine. Are you so afraid of me giving up on Dany for some confused emotions? I would never sacrifice her dream because of petty feelings."

Tyrion paused for a while, his hand still holding onto the princess. He squeezed harder and gave her a sigh.

"I know you are loyal to the queen and you would sacrifice your life to help her achieve her goal. I am not worried about your resolve. I am worried about your..."

"My heart?... What possible outcome should there be when you appreciate an enemy? I already know I shouldn't appreciate your brother. I shouldn't feel grateful for killing my father. I shouldn't feel sorry for him or...I shouldn't wish he wasn't in love with Cersei because she's wasting him away. I already know all of this."

"....Doesn't make it any easier to know it." Tyrion said with a shrug. "It actually makes it worse." He quietly said, patting her hand with his before he removed it. "I know we can't really choose what our hearts want, but I told you, Princess, pain is..."

"I'm used to pain, Lord Tyrion. What I would be afraid of, would be joy and pleasure. It would be.... happiness. This, is worse than any pain in the world because I don't know how to react to it. I don't know how to handle it. I don't even think I deserve it. This.. this is worse than pain. Don't worry about me and Lord Jaime. There is nothing to lose, nothing to be afraid of. There is...nothing, really, but respect and gratitude." She smiled at him and gently patted his shoulder. "It's just a shame he will die if he meets me, unless he kills me."

"It's a shame really."

And everybody says

"And everybody says "I love you" but not everyone means it.

I always wondered if you questioned me whenever I uttered those words, but you never did. You believed me the first time I said so because you knew I didn't throw the words lightly. Do you know... Do you know how much I want you to be happy? That I want to bring a smile to your face whenever you read a text or see my name when I call you? Do you know how much I want to feel your touch? A gentle stroke of my cheek or a hand on my knee? A hug also maybe? Do you know how much I need a simple contact to anchor me to reality? Because... that's how you make me feel. That's what you are to me.. my anchor to this reality.

I never tire to see you happy. I never tire to read your texts, see you be excited about something. I never tire to see your name on my phone or hear your voice...I never tire of you. My agenda is simple, I want you to feel loved and cared for. Is it too much to ask for? Is it too much to want? I don't think so. And I try to convey those emotions, let you know that "hey, you're my friend and I adore you so much." but I feel that words are failing me. They wouldn't come out. They are stuck in my throat and I am frustrated. And you tell me that I do plenty of it already. That you feel loved alright. You tell me not to be frustrated because my message reached out to you. they always do.

And everybody says "I love you" but not everyone means it.

And I never expect you to say those words to me but always you do. And I believe you like you believe me because I know you don't throw the words out like trash. They mean something to you and I value them. I treasure them. I adore them. And when you say you want the same thing for me...it feels like you said you love me for the first time all over again. And you mean it... And I love you.

Oh, I love you. <3"

be kind to yourself

Ah! short "essay" this time, but as the conversation happened a little today, I felt fitting to at least say my piece. I have noticed that most of the time it's very difficult for someone to eventually love themselves. I don't know if it's in our DNA or if it's something that comes with the experiences and environment we grow up in. I can't say for sure and if you'd ask me, without thinking I would say it's both.

Society at large frowns upon people who are decently confident in themselves (so we are excluding the cocky types, the self-absorbed people as well.), and even more when they belong to "minority groups" (I hate this word, just like the whole concept of race but it's another topic). They do scold black and brown people who do feel themselves just alright, same with women, same with LGBTQ+ people.same with fat/extremely thin (we're not talking about clinically ill people here. but mostly natural chubby/very thin people because people have another opinion on them. a very harsh opinion and you have to intersect it with gender as well) You simply can't be content with the way you are, there has to be something you don't like or "hate" about yourself to make you feel as they put it "more down to Earth" or "normal like us." Because apparently, loathing oneself or lacking confidence is the mandatory human trait we should have?

BUT Society also does praise people who are very confident in themselves. -this is a weird love/hate relationship here. bordering with idolization and the pervert urge to tear your icons down.-They would put on a pedestal those who exhibit exaggerate traits of self-confidence and would turn them into icons who (through the lens of media, especially entertainment media) would quickly become a goal impossible to achieve. They would turn into this "person" you have to become but who can't exist. Flaws are most often praised, rewarded even in movies and tv shows, the hero has to be a certain way, look a certain way, be a heartthrob, successful, irresistible "perfect" macho./creepy man and the heroine also have to be a superwoman, whose flaws are endearing but only because she's already perfect.

Where does that leave us? You can't be too happy about being your imperfect self because you should strive for more, be the "best of the best version of yourself" but at the same time, if you come close to being like those modern heroes, you will be praised and lifted up and then torn down because icons are always stomped on. (with some exceptions but usually, some people would still manage to spit in the face of the modern heroes) THEREFORE, the only option left is to never be satisfied with who you are at any given time because it's never "enough". you are never "enough." and it ruins a good chunk of your life because you have lost the caring way you used to look at yourself.

And it's even worse when you suffer from some form of MI (mental illness).I am not an expert so, I can't speak for all of these, but definitely, if yours include depression/anxiety/suicidal tendencies then I can speak of that. The lens with which you see yourself is deformed and twisted and it only accentuates everything to the point of being unable to live with yourself.

There's where I say I think it should not be that way. We should be able to learn how to appreciate who we are, the whole package. With our quirks and goodness, with your bad habits and the good ones. We could improve course (there is always room for improvement) but we should learn how to love ourselves EACH step of the way. We should learn how to say "hey, you did great here. you know how to do that" and not feel guilty or cocky or self-absorbed. Hey, you have the right to love yourself. you have the right to have your good days too, you have the right to be content with where you are as well. Just... remember, you need to be kind to yourself.

Be kind to yourself.

You are worth every effort <3