Colby: getting closer.

Mary was reading a book. Curled into her couch, she had a tall glass of homemade lemonade sitting on the small night desk on her left. She had wrapped around her curvy frame her favorite cardigan and had lit up the little lamp on the night desk. Tom was on the small office desk he had set up by his corner of the bed and was reading newspapers and planning strategies for the weeks to come. A comfortable silence had settled in the room, each adult enjoying their activities with only the crackling sound of fire as background noise.  Mary was deeply immersed in her book, so much so that she had not noticed her black stallion staring at her. 

He had stopped working and decided to turn his attention on the woman across the room. Mary was so quiet, yet she lit up the room with her warm presence. She had regained her usual weight and along with it, her colors. She was glowing under the dim light of the lamp. Her brown hair crowned her brown face perfectly. Her green eyes were gleaming with interest. Her plump lips… Tom licked his bottom lip because he wanted to kiss them. He would have crossed the distance between them, would have cupped her cheek and would have crashed his lips against hers. She looked peaceful there, and comfortable in her duvet wrapped around her frame, and Tom felt relieved to see her like this. 

She turned her page and slowly pinched the bridge of her nose. She stopped reading and softly smiled while she wrapped her duvet tighter against her frame. Her green eyes set upon the Shelby who was caught staring at her.  She tilted her head to the side, and a curled grin graced her features.  Tom smiled back and put the newspapers on the office desk. 

“It’s good to see you smile, Mary.”

“Mmmhh…. I think I am simply happy tonight. I have a good book on my lap. I have a lovely and vivacious  son, and my black stallion is back home.” -She  gave him a sheepish  smile and  put the book on the couch-

“I made you a promise. I had to keep it.”

She smiled at him. A soft and understanding smile. He did promise her he would try to make shorter trips and be more present at home, and for a brief moment she decided to believe him. Mary was aware that in his line of work, he could not possibly come back home every night at the same time. So she didn’t ask for it to be permanent. What she hoped for was to have at Least a couple of days spent with him and Charlie, so their son could see his dad.  She wanted him to give Charlie the childhood he didn’t have with his own father, and that included spending time with the child. 

“I realized something last week...” 

“When I was at Ada’s?” He nodded. “You realized that you had a nice weekend without me?” She grinned and tapped her fingers against the book cover. Tom shook his head and stood up. He crossed the distance between them and gently cupped her cheek with his calloused hands.

“Arrow House isn’t really a home when you aren’t here.” A simple sentence made her open her eyes wide and gasp. She did not expect him to feel

This way and even less to say it. It was so simple and yet so deep. 

“What are you talking about, Tom!? Of course it’s a home. It’s your home with Charlie.” She blushed and tried to avert her gaze from Tom’s face to the floor, but the hand on her cheek stopped her.

Instead, Tom pulled her hew dup( so she would be staring at him.  Her heart was beating hard against her ribcage, and she licked at her bottom lip. 

“No. We are simply two lads living in a house. You, Mary, are the heart of this family. You are our home. I realized that, and I felt stupid for not having seen it sooner.” He cupped her other cheek and leaned his forehead against hers.

“ I was so busy that I did not see. I did not see that you were the glue to our family. You were our Home, Mary. Without you, the house felt empty and cold, and I was unsettled by it all.” 

Her green eyes welled up as the man kept talking to her. She wanted to tell him about the sweet dream she had the night before. She wanted him to hear about how she dreamed of their child together. A baby she was holding in her arms while Tommy was doting on it. She couldn’t see clearly if it was a boy or a girl but could remember its features. Curly brown hair, intense grey eyes, and a charming smile with the skin a warm  caramel color. She imagined herself smiling, singing lullabies to her baby and cradling

Its head. The dream was so vivid, so joyous that she woke up with tears in her eyes to the reality of her life. It wasn’t sadness. It was joy. 

Mary realized that she was able to dream of a baby after so many years being triggered by a baby’s cry. She was able to dream of a happiness that filled her with joy rather than dread. That child, in her dream, represented the future for Tommy and her. It represented a better life, a life spent closer. A life spent without any doubt creeping into her heart. Tom loved her. She knew it. No matter how many times Lizzy Stark tried to make her think otherwise, Tom’s love was true. Tom’s love was deep. That love would flourish and grow over the years. It will be stronger as time will go by and they will be lucky to grow old together. 

She couldn’t share that dream with Tom. Not as it was because he might believe she wanted to have a literal child with him. These things could only be decided by God as she did not plan to get pregnant. The idea crossed her mind; of course it did. And she hoped one day they would have their little one. She hoped that perhaps they would be happy as a family of four.  But when Tom held her like that? When he leaned his forehead to hers and told her she was their home, she found herself with unshed tears filling her eyes and a wet nose. Her hands found his wrists, and she smiled softly. 

“I have missed you when I was away. You do know that my heart is only whole when you are here. I didn’t think you would notice I was gone.” She teased him. Her hand moved from his wrist to his flannel long-sleeved shirt.

“You thought wrong. I notice everything, Draga.” -He spoke Romani again. She identified the words he sometimes uttered.  Draga was such an endearing term. It made Mary shiver. Her mouth slightly opened as she wanted to say something, but words died at the back of her throat. “I have missed this… you. I have missed you.” He pressed his lips to her, kissing Mary in a possessive kiss that took both their breaths away. He didn’t care about it as the only thing he wanted was to taste her, to show her that he couldn’t go on without her, that she was indeed the glue that kept their family together. She was the one he loved. She was the one he loved, and she had to feel it. She had to feel it with every fiber of her body. He had to make sure it would be etched in her soul.

And that, he did that night. 

-TBC-

Windora: make me forget.

There was an eagerness in the way Jake kissed Lux that made her forget the worries in her heart. There had been so many things to think about. Her father was restless, and her investigations led her to find a solid lead about the threat that was looming over them. An elder vampire was trying to take over the vampire society and held a grudge strong enough against the Adora family that it had its current patriarch fear for the lives of his fledglings.  When Jake kissed her forehead, Lux forgot about the mismatch of their couple. He was a human hellbent on keeping his humanity, and she was a vampire who refused to turn back into a human. They should not survive the next winter as their couple wasn’t sustainable. When Jake kissed her ears and made them flutter, Lux forgot about her fear of losing him to human illnesses or monster attacks. He was a Winchester, but he still remained mortal. He still remained vulnerable.

When Jake kissed her collarbones, Lux forgot the fears of introducing him to the vampire society and the cruelty she was subjected to. In the human world, Lux was revered as being an uncanny beauty. She was worshipped, adored, and thrived off the praises and adoration. In the vampire world, even her more tamed appearance was not enough to earn her basic respect. She was both desired and hated for her power and true face. And Lux feared that the incessant mockeries would make Jake recoil in disgust. In the vampire world, she was seen as a lost cause, someone who should only be used as a political pawn and stay hidden in the attic.  

When Jake kissed her breasts, she forgot how self-conscious she was about her true form. No one ever looked her in the eye, looked at her tail and her claws and teeth and told her she was beautiful. No one ever wanted to have sex with her in that form, and her own peers talked about her like she was a prehistoric animal. But Jake told her she was hot the first night he saw her true form. Jake kissed and hugged her after he saw what she truly looked like. He sought her touch. He sought her company, and with him, she simply could be herself. 

When Jake touched her body, there was nothing else in her mind but him. He owned her heart, even if he didn’t know it. She had given him her heart, her soul, and her love.  She wished they could live in all eternity, wished that this love was her last… oh, wouldn’t it be sweet if Jake was the last soulmate she would ever have? Wouldn’t it be sweet? But isn’t it impossible? A human and a vampire. A hunter from a legendary family and an exceptional creature… everything should have told her to give up on Jake, but love persevered. Love made her stay. Love made her want more. So in the burning passion she and her favorite human indulged in,  Lux forgot about her wishful thinking and hopes and focused on the moment. She focused on the love they shared with each other. She focused on how good it felt to be in his arms because otherwise the world would swallow her whole. So she lost herself to his passion and embraced her own burning fire for Jake. This moment was real. This moment was theirs. 

-TBC-

GOT: a thousand young and dashing men

Jaime rolled on his side, his emerald gaze set upon the curvy silhouette beside him. His eyes took in the divine sight before him. The princess looked unreal, with silver hair that shone bright under the moonlight. Amethyst eyes, a color so uncanny it looked like jewels adorning her face. Her smooth and mostly unmarred brown skin he was tempted to kiss all over. Her youthful face, beautifully round with plump lips that asked to be kissed and worshipped. Truly, the princess was otherworldly, and overtaken by the urge to cup her cheek, Jaime lifted his maimed arm and then realized that only his stump was pressed against her cheek. Baahal didn’t recoil; instead, she smiled at him, but Jaime felt overwhelmed with self-loathing.  What a vile sight that was. A maimed limb over the most beautiful face he had ever seen. Yet she didn’t seem to have issues with it. She didn’t seem to notice. It was only in his head, and perhaps that was the worst for Jaime. How could she not see the obvious? 

“My love, you seem troubled.” -her gentle voice forced the knight to focus on her again-

“Yes, princess. I just wonder what drove you to pick /me/ instead of another. Why me? Why an old crippled war veteran rather than a young and dashing knight? Princess… look at me. Truly look at me. I can’t make a reason in my mind other than eyes colored with love or perhaps pity.” 

His words felt like a slap in the princess’s face. Did he truly believe that she was oblivious to who he was and how he looked? Did he think she was with him because of pity or a misplaced sense of gratitude? The flash of shock transformed into something sweeter. She understood where he was coming from. Before they met, Jaime was a young and dashing man. He was the most sought-after bachelor of the Seven Kingdoms because of his uncanny beauty. He was a skilled knight who was hard to best in a joust or in a sword fight. He was a skilled lover -at least that’s what he told her the first night he bedded her- one who was able to make his lover melt under his skilled fingers. But he lost his good hand. He lost his golden locks. He aged faster due to worries and pain. Trauma creased his skin, turned his hair darker, and left him with a bitterness he had not realized inhabited his heart before. 

“Do you sincerely believe I  pity you? Do you, Jaime Lannister, believe that I am disgusted with you? That all I see when I look at you is an old decrepit man who deserves my pity? Do you hear yourself? My love. Do you hear yourself!” 

She sat on the bed, her silver hair cascaded on her chest and back, almost covering her like a thin silver blanket. Her eyes were alight with a fire he was so familiar with. His firecracker. His impossibly beautiful firecracker was positively burning with indignation. 

“I did not intend to offend you. I just can’t resolve myself to accept that you chose me….. that you lay with me every night and I can’t hold you like I want to. I can’t touch you like I want to. I can’t show you how good I was in my prime. I wanted to show you, my love, just how good I could make you feel with my good hand. I just… can’t understand why you chose me, when you could have been with younger and more handsome men than me.” 

Baahal blinked and put her hands on his chest. She let her fingers run through his beard and then into his hair. He expected her gaze to be full of reproach for speaking such awful words, but he saw none of it. He expected the princess to look at him with eyes filled with pity for him, and he saw none of it. Baahal was looking at him with a gaze full of compassion. She understood how he felt, to some extent, because she was self-conscious about her own branding. Iron burned her flesh and marked it with the name and sigil of her owner. It was a reminder that once upon a time, Baahal had been property. She had been used and abused by men who traveled the seas for a piece of her. Yet Jaime had never seen her unworthy of him. He never saw her as beneath him or tainted. He never saw her as soiled and in need of purity. 

“To the seven Hells with the young and dashing knights! I do not care for them nor do they move me like you do. If I were looking for that, I would have been married with children ages ago! I am /not/ the woman you used to be around. I am not superficial like they are. I chose /you/. I want /you/. I think— no, I know that you are handsome. Handsome is what makes my legs quiver, and they do when I look at you. 

I see a strong jaw, and green jewels that set upon me anytime you look at me. I see the sun rise with each gaze I catch from you. I feel the sun’s warmth whenever you smile. Dashing man that you are! A man of his word, a man of passion, and a man with a chiseled jaw I never tire of tracing with my fingers. A man I saw with different hairstyles, each bringing about a side of him I love. From the long-haired peacock you used to be, I fell for the more mature and experienced knight with shorter hair. I fell in love with the man whose life made him see heaven and hell, and yet he pulled back. He came back, and he still did the right thing. I see hair I can hold onto, a scalp I can get easier access to when passion takes over….

Jaime! Come on, my love. Look at me. I am not done yet…”

He had looked down, unable to stare at her while she was talking to him. He could not believe his ears, and yet she was genuinely talking to him. She was sincere; he had always known it. After all, the princess only met him after he had lost his hand. But Baahal thought he was handsome. She thought he was even more than what he lacked. Jaime opened his eyes wide and looked at her amethyst eyes. Her eyes were filled with unshed tears, and Jaime knew that it was only a matter of time before his adorable crybaby started to cry. A sure sign of her sincerity. She stroked his cheek with her thumbs and slowly lifted his head up so he could sit straight. 

“I love you, my Golden Lion. All of you. I never saw what you lacked because for me, you were already realized. I have never met the Jaime you used to be. I did not fall in love with the Jaime who could have been. I fell in love with the person you are. I fell in love with the brave man who fought the White Walkers, the man who saved me at the siege, and the man who kissed me in that ship at dawn. I love the man who made me feel desire before even touching me. You haunted my nights from that day, and you still do when you are away.  I desire you, Jaime. “

“ Princess… but—“

“Didn’t you feel his wet? I was because of you, my love? Didn’t you hear my moans and gasps and pleads? Didn’t your cock feel how welcoming and hot and wet I was for you?”  -she stroked his cheek with the back of her right hand- “Only/you/ can make me moan; only you can make me lose strength in my knees. You are a strong man, with strength shaped by decades of practice and discipline. You are beautiful, with your scars, with your stump, with the proof that you have lived, laughed and lost. You are the most handsome man I have ever laid eyes on. With your devastating smiles and your proud gaze. You stand tall. You stand proud.” 

Her emotions became hard to hold back. She was so sincere that it was difficult for Jaime not to believe her. Tears rolled down her face, and he used his valid hand to clean them off her face. He pressed a kiss to her forehead in a tender gesture and pulled her into a gentle embrace. She sobbed against his chest, and he ran his hand through her scalp, in an attempt to soothe her. 

“It must have been so heavy to bear…all this self-loathing. My love. I don’t know if my words soothed your heart, but at least they are the truth. I love you. I desire you. I think you are the most handsome man to ever exist. Please… don’t see yourself as someone who lacks and can’t give me what I need because you do. Your love is priceless… your heart is uniquely beautiful, and you make me positively obsessed with you. So please… I beg you. Look at yourself through my eyes rather than what the world wants you to see. Please…”

“I—I will try, Princess.”  Was all he could say in hopes of comforting his princess. 

Jaime was still processing her words. He was still trying to apply them to him and see past his self-hatred. His beautiful princess was genuine. Her love was bright, and her words were true. Perhaps he could try and see himself as the man she said he was. Perhaps he could find some peace in her love. That night he certainly found comfort. 

-TBC-

Nixus: falling in love

“Something interesting happened today. Debbie wanted to send me to a blind date, and I told her no.  I don’t want to go. Why would I when I have you? Obviously, I am writing that down in my diary, but I want to say it to Marc. I’ll keep writing as if I were talking to him. When she asked me why I did not want to give a chance to that other guy, I simply said that I could not imagine myself meeting other people when I wanted to be with you instead. She asked me what that meant, and I was left blushing and hiding my face behind my hair. 

There is this chemistry between us. Something I am sure you feel too. Something that draws me to you. Something that makes me want more with you. I told you once that I wanted to know every little thing that could make you feel good. I meant it. Back then I was talking about sex. Today I mean something different. I want to know every single thing that can make you happy and what you would not like. I want to… as silly as it sounds,  I want to share your life with mine. I don’t know what it truly means because I never experienced it, but I believe that means we would be together and that no matter what happens, we would make sure to solve any issue that comes our way, together. 

Is it early to want these things? Is it deluding myself? I want to say that I feel it deep inside me, in my heart, that you are my soulmate, because no matter what I do, I always come back to you. Isn’t it… Isn’t it what you are supposed to feel for your soulmate? Maybe I read too many romantic books, but it describes best how you make me feel. I fear nothing when I am with you. I feel at peace when I am in your arms. I feel alive when we are together, and I feel that I can forgive myself for things out of my control. You make me believe in second chances, Marc. I feel that I can have them with you. 

I ache when it’s time to go back to my place or when I have to let you go back to yours. I hate it when we can’t be together, and some nights I want to ask you to stay… to come back to my place. To move in with me… but it’s early, and I don’t want to spook you just yet. And it makes no sense since you have your own place…. Perhaps if you would prefer to ask me to move in with you, I will do it gladly. 

Diary…. Does that mean I am in love with Marc?

Marc, I think I fell in love with you. 

But I know it’s early and I don’t want to fuck up. 

So I will keep it someplace in my mind and will wait until I can say it to you.”

Narrator: She wasn’t able to wait and slipped up a few weeks later in a text she sent Marc. 

Too much red on the ledger; chapter 7

Meeting Karen was not as complicated as Hayley thought it would be. Matt and Karen had history, but they managed to remain friends above anything else.  Hayley was nervous the first time the two women met, but Karen quickly made her feel comfortable. She showed great concern for her friend and proved to be extremely supportive of him. Surprisingly so, the women bonded over their vision regarding the broken justice system and how criminals were to be dealt with. They both went through immeasurable loss, and both carried an invisible pain that manifested itself in anger. Karen was angry; she wanted the world to change for the better, and it wasn't changing fast enough. Fisk was trampling on everything she held dear, and as a journalist, a native of New-York, she simply could not let him get away with this. 

Branded a fugitive, the redhead welcomed the extra help Hayley could bring. She welcomed her to the resistance, put *Widomaker" in contact with the network, and devised plans with her that could help stop this madness. Yet, in the middle of this, Karen and Hayley became "friends". In the middle of this, they managed to make time for each other and cultivate their bond.  It was a bond made of trust and mutual understanding of the unfairness of life. The innocent always suffered to benefit the corrupted and crooked. The innocent always died first, cruel and unjust deaths that justice could not compensate. A life lost was already too much, and no amount of jail could eventually bring it back. No walls were strong enough to hold the likes of Kingpin locked inside. No walls were strong enough to stop Bullseye from breaking out of prison. So Karen stopped believing in Justice. At least for the time being. Matt saw and chose to ignore it as long as Karen did not act on her impulses, but it was only a matter of time.

"As cliché as it sounds, Karen, I was terrified of meeting you." -She said, drinking from a bottle of beer.-

"Afraid? Wait... what?" -Karen chuckled and grabbed a beer she uncapped before chugging down a couple of sips.-

"Don't make me repeat myself. You heard it fine the first time." -She blushed and dropped her head a little to avoid looking at the redhead's blue eyes. Karen lifted a brow, and her grin grew wider.-

"Don't tell me you thought I was going full psycho ex-girlfriend on you? Come on, we're adults here." 

Hayley took a sip of her beer and chewed at her bottom lip. How could she even begin to tell the redhead that Matt was what she considered her first serious relationship? Unlike that short-lived romance she had with an innocent civilian, Matt knew the truth about her. He knew what she did, what she was forced to do, and still remained by her side. The last thing she wanted was to piss off one of his friends and create drama. The last thing she wanted was to make Matt feel that he had to choose between her and his friends. They weren't official, per se, because Matt still needed time to clean things up between him and Heather, but there was no denying their desire to be together. There was no denying the connection between them. There was no denying the need for the other. Still, how to tell Karen? 

"I've never been in a situation like this. So I don't know what's proper or not. I didn't want to cause  a rift between you and Matt."

"Based on what? Of you two bumping uglies? I would need a lot more than just you two having sex to be upset. We had a nice thing going on with Matt, a long time ago. I have moved on from that. We both have. We're friends now who don't really see eye to eye about what to do with Bullseye." -Karen furrowed her brows and took another sip of her beer.-

"Is that why we became friends?" -She grinned, clearly joking.-

"Ah! You betcha! But in all seriousness. I was actually surprised Matt found someone new. He rarely talked about Heather, you know? I mean, he did, when they first started dating. I didn't really feel him in that relationship. I mean, he cared for Heather, but he was trying hard to love her."

"I'm not going to ask you what that means..." She chewed at her bottom lip and stiffened. " I mean... When we started to see each other, he told me that he was still in love with Heather. I can't expect him to--"

"Hayley, he would never admit it, but when he came to your office after you met, he was already smitten over you." -That made Hayley blush, and she shook her head- "I'm serious. I think he was falling for you but could not say goodbye to his old relationship when they clearly were over. I knew the first time he said your name. I knew it was different, and now seeing that you're also a vigilante.. I am not surprised. You understand him."

".... Mmmphhh, you certainly know how to play with words, Karen. Here we are talking about Matt again. All I can say is that I know what you lose when you start to take lives. I don't want Matt to lose his humanity."

"See? This...  This is why I think that you two can do good things together. I trust you with him. However...  It brings me back to what I was saying. You and I both understand that we have to kill these bastards if we want them to stop hurting our people. Officer Powell... Bullseye... I can't take the chance to let him live and kill again. I want Foggy to be the last victim."

Karen's eyes were wide open and filled with fury. She was unable to cope with Foggy's death. The redhead first tried to leave Hell's Kitchen (and she did leave, but she came back) because every corner of that neighborhood reminded her of her friend. She had PTSD from the night Foggy died, and every time she came close to the street he was killed at, Karen would freak out. She had to go. She had to go to protect herself. She had to go and find herself, and for a while it helped with her grief. 

But her tears turned into a dry anger. Karen simply could not forgive Bullseye. She was obsessed with finding and killing him. He had to pay for what he did, so she trained to become stronger. She did not want to be prey anymore. She wanted to become a predator. She wanted to be the one to track down Bullseye and to watch him cower in fear and be bested by her. She returned to Hell's Kitchen with a hunger for revenge, but Matt was trying his best to stop her. Anytime she wanted to cross the line, here came Matt, eager to stop her and lecture her about morals, her soul, and guilt. Every time he did that, Karen gave up on her idea but only temporarily. 

« I am not Matt, so I would see no problem with letting Bullseye kill Fisk. However, I do not want Fisk to become a martyr. It's easier to take out smaller fish like Officer Powell, and I am more than willing to do so.  Matt wants to save my soul, and I think that it is cute. However, I don't believe in redemption. At least for me.... » 

Her face turned somber, and she furrowed her brows. Karen was not a killer. Hayley noticed it the first time they met. Karen was heartbroken, angry, and vengeful, but she did not lose her humanity. She could not allow the redhead to become like her and lose her humanity. She could not become a broken husk of a human; Hayley would never allow it. Yet, she could not completely deny Karen her revenge. 

« Lee.... »

«  I don't want you to take that path. It's destructive, and you will suffer from it. You might not come back from it, and I don't want you to lose your humanity. Not for scums like Fisk and Bullseye. Killing him would not bring Foggy back, you know it. It will instead take away from you. »

« I can’t…. You don’t get to… You don’t get to tell me what I can and can’t do! No! » - She pointed her index finger at Hayley and stood up in a hurry. Upset. Anxious.-

« That’s not what you wanted me to say, uh? But hear me out, Karen. I might not want you to kill Bullseye, but I will do it for you. I know that Matt might try to stop me… I… can’t guarantee I will succeed in killing that man, but I will try my hardest to get to him. I can promise you that. » 

Karen put her hand over her lips and muffled a groan. She hated that condescending and hopeful stare they all share when looking at her. Matt, Hayley, Frank, Cherry…. Even Foggy when he was still alive. They all wanted to protect her heart and save her soul from damnation. She furrowed her brows and let out a pitiful moan into her palm before she moved her hand off her mouth and placed it on her hip.  Hayley watched her pace around, visibly debating whether or not to give in to the former assassin’s supplications. What the hell?  Hayley then moved her gaze from Karen to her hands. 

« You don’t have to say anything right now. Just… consider my offer. I have been to Hell, damnit; I still am in Hell. I do not want you to be like me. An empty shell of a human being.. a wraith among men… a sad and pathetic excuse of a woman. Don’t throw a life away because you want revenge. »

« So what? I let you kill again? Didn’t you seek redemption? If you go down that road again for me, how do you think I am going to feel? Uh? Have you thought about it? No! Yet here you are lecturing me about saving my soul. How /annoying/ you and Matt can be sometimes. »

« Karen…. Okay. We were having a nice banter literally moments away. I don’t want you to be angry. »

« I’m not angry. I’m…. Upset.  I can’t even cry anymore. I feel like I have cried all the tears I had for Foggy and now… All that is left is…. A void. And rage. I need a way to release that rage, Lee. I need a way...»

« You have one. You are a journalist, Karen. You are the voice of the people, and you have the ability to attack Fisk where he is the most vulnerable. Don’t ruin it with blood. Let me handle that for you.”

Karen pinched her lips together and slowly nodded. She didn’t say anything, and Hayley knew that it meant nothing except the acknowledgment of her offer. The former assassin nodded and resumed drinking her beer. Karen sighed and sat back in her chair and grabbed the beer she had left.  They would have to come back to that conversation later, but right now, all she wanted to do was to share a nice moment with a friend. 

-TBC-

The Odyssey Nolan

Once again, I'm back on my bullshit ehehe :D

You already know I loved the movie the first time I saw it, and  I was toying with the idea of sharing my thoughts about Nolan and what I call his war trilogy. 

I'm not an expert on Nolanology. Still, after watching most of his work and listening to plenty of his interviews, I can safely say that I know his affinity for the following themes: the love for his wife (he absolutely loves his wife, more than anything else in the universe, and ALL of his movies reflect on that)  he is terrified of losing her (and subjects his male main characters to either the death of said wife, or the threat of the loss of her); his fascination with Time and the necessity to make non-linear movies, his love for cinema, his relationship with his work (past, present and future) and the need to conceptualize "characters" in the movie so the audience could see them more like concepts rather than characters. 

You can absolutely see these themes play out in The Odyssey (just like you could see them play out in Oppenheimer), but this is not what I am going to talk about here. 

While watching The Odyssey, it dawned on me that it was connected to both Oppenheimer and Dunkirk. All 3 are talking about War but through different lenses. 

Dunkirk throws you in the heat of the battlefield, at a time when the nations at war saw the others as enemies and nothing more. The movie doesn't sugarcoat the tragedy that it is: the loss of humanity, the absurdity of it all, the need for survival, and the way humans would do the worst to one another to survive. The movie doesn't glamourize war. It's ugly, it's dirty, it forces you to strip your humanity down to the raw desire for survival. It forces the audience to see beyond the passionate speeches and political tactics... it is humans killing humans. It is a void that swallows everything that makes us human. It is a horror that should not be happening. 

Then came Oppenheimer, and along with the movie, you are thrown out of the battlefield into places where you make decisions and contribute to them. The horror of the movie and the destruction that the atomic bomb brought down on Japan is not truly shown, but suggested. Oppenheimer might not have detonated that bomb himself, but as soon as he created it, it was used with extreme prejudice by the military high ranks. These deaths and those who will follow from the use and development of more powerful bombs (whether nuclear or thermonuclear)  and weapons of mass destruction all rest heavily on the hands of a man who wanted to help and ended up signing the worst Faustian contract one could think of. Ultimately, you start to understand that you only need one idea, one awful idea, to strip humanity of people and to bring about the apocalypse on Earth. 

And now you have the Odyssey, which expands on that idea of responsibility, of one man's idea being responsible for yet another apocalypse. This time it is a myth, a legend, a way for Nolan to enshrine in a movie the idea that the first man who decided to strip the others of their humanity has opened Pandora's Box. Mankind is condemned to repeat the same mistake Odysseus did by denying others their humanity, tricking them into thinking they were treated as equals only to destroy them.  Odysseus is Oppenheimer because he's the engineer of the fall of Troy, but he is also a veteran of the war, one of the soldiers who came back alive to the UK at the end of Dunkirk. A broken man who suffers from War-related PTSD. A man who knows that he can no longer remain among the ashes of Civilization he helped destroy and who goes in exil. This type of man cannot remain among us. Our society can't remain as is: belligerent, dehumanizing, without empathy for people who ultimately are our kin. 

He's extensively taken a very humanist stance over his interviews and denounced the rise of violence, bigotry, and dehumanizing discourse in the UK (and the rest of the world). So it is not too far-fetched, I think, to consider that the man who wovens in his art- the immense love he has for mankind, the fears that cling to his bones, his hopes and dreams and deepest desires; to want the world to be a better place and to ensure we don't repeat the mistakes of the past. 

I'm doing my English teacher again XD I know Nolan isn't everyone's cup of tea, but I had this in my head for many days lol 

Have a lovely day, darlings :) 

Ludwig Göransson appreciation post

I realized that I have liked all of Ludwig Göransson's most recent work, but the works that really got my attention when I listened to them are: Black Panther 1 & 2, Oppenheimer, Sinners, Tenet, and The Odyssey. 

Ludwig, for me, is what I think art is all about. You explore, you experiment, you convey emotions. Your work always makes others question it, feel it. Sometimes it can be instantly loved and sometimes even hated, but some of Ludwig's work grows on me over time.  I did not love or even notice Tenet's soundtrack when I first watched the movie. My understanding and love for it came after I listened to the whole album in one session this summer. I found the musicality in this heavily electro-infused soundtrack. (My least favourite genre). I found a pattern, a conversation, and suddenly I realized that I loved the soundtrack. Oppenheimer's whole album took hold of me after I read an interview where he explained that, per Nolan's request, the soundtrack was to be "felt" rather than listened to. It took me two listening sessions to finally get it. The leitmotif and the conversation happening in the soundtrack. How "Oppenheimer - Can you hear the music- Destroyer of worlds" was a conversation, and the story it was telling. 

Black Panther(1 & 2) and Sinners probably made me fall in love with his creative mind. The research he put into it, the desire for authenticity, connection, transcendence, and community you can feel while listening to the soundtrack. The Odyssey simply confirmed what I thought of Ludwig and cemented him in my heart as one of my favourite composers. He genuinely gives his all in his work, and he never takes it for granted. I think, and I say this as a very big Hans Zimmer fan, that if Ludwig keeps himself on track, he would not reach the "I sometimes parody myself and I have stopped pushing myself further" attitude Zimmer had until Dune popped up. 

Is Ludwig Göransson everyone's cup of tea? Non. And he doesn't have to be, which is the beauty of art. I can only wish he keeps exploring, and perhaps, as a former pianist myself, I hope he would favor this instrument a little more in his next projects :p 

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