Windora trivia: Soothing

Soothing 🥲 : When Lux becomes angry, very few people can actually soothe her. Her anger stems from fear. She usually fears losing her father (or Sire) and brother. She fears their deaths at the hands of his enemies in the royal court. She also fears being rejected, and usually lashes out instead of crying. She would only be calmed by her father's embrace or her brother's quips. When they are not around, and she has to deal with her emotions on her own? Oh, she kills. She breaks her own rules about not going after innocent humans and kills anyone who crosses her path.  When she doesn't kill, she fucks, or she indulges in hedonism and alcohol. It doesn't help her feel better, but at least it can quell the rage and fear. Jake can soothe her if he sings to her. His music truly makes her feel. She has access to emotions she thought were long dead. It would calm her. It would make her cry, maybe. It would make her hope. If Jake hugs her, she would also calm down. If he makes her feel welcomed and accepted, she would be calmer. She dreads the day he sees her as a monster. She dreads the day he will die, too.

Trivia and headcanons (lux): Marriage // heartbreak // soothing

Marriage:  In vampiredom, marriage is a serious matter. You can't marry anything that isn't a vampire, let alone a human - the weakest species-. If you get yourself attached to a human being, to the point of considering marriage, you have to turn them into vampires, or else, the union is doomed to fail and rejected by your peers. Lux only considered marriage once, with her human lover Paolo. She wanted to turn him into a vampire, but he always refused, preferring his humanity to eternity without his soul.  It never occurred to her mind to marry after Paolo died. She never fell in love after him -until she met Jake- and isn't thinking about it. However, should she want to get married, she would not do it under vampire laws. She would marry in a human courtroom and would live with her significant other until they die.  It is a serious matter to her. while she never thought about marriage since Paolo's death, she's been proposed to several times by other vampires. Her Sire always respected her choice because he knew that Lux wanted to be loved instead of used; She knew they wanted her status and the prestigious name of her family rather than her and didn't want to give up her freedom to her suitor's whims. 

Heartbreak: Lux had her heart broken into pieces so many times. Starting with the day she turned into a vampire. Her old life was traumatic, so much so that she doesn't remember a lot of it and avoids any memory that could trigger the rest. She also had her heart broken when her human lover, Paolo, died, murdered by a jealous human. She was so heartbroken that the vampire tried to walk into the sun to die. On a different scale, the reception to her true form by vampires has been a source of pain for Lux. Many consider her to be a runt (half-baked vampire)  or non-orthodox looking ( Claws? a tail? without wings and without horns to complete the look? Bat-fangs, rather than the typical vampire's longer canines?) What many fail to realize it's that her physical appearance comes from the ancient blood that coursed her veins, and that her being a direct descendant of that elder vampire. Even Lux doesn't know about it and simply considers her appearance to be monstrous and disgraceful when presented in public. The other vampires, especially the elders, very often request that she present only as a semi-transformed vampire, with her bat-fangs being the only disgrace they can suffer from her. So she doesn't expect people other than her Sire and brother to actually care about her and see no problem with how she presents herself. She hides that discomfort with a bold attitude, but expects disgust when in full transformation.

Soothing: When Lux becomes angry, very few people can actually soothe her. Her anger stems from fear. She usually fears losing her father (or Sire) and brother. She fears their deaths at the hands of his enemies in the royal court. She also fears being rejected, and usually lashes out instead of crying. She would only be calmed by her father's embrace or her brother's quips. When they are not around, and she has to deal with her emotions on her own? Oh she kills. She breaks her own rules about not going after innocent humans and kills anyone who crosses her path.  When she doesn't kill, she fucks or she indulges in hedonism and alcohol. It doesn't help her feel better but at least it can quell the rage and fear. Jake can soothe her if he sings to her. his music truly makes her feel. She has access to emotions she thought were long dead. it would calm her. It would make her cry maybe. it would make her hope. If Jake hugs her, she would also calm down. If he makes her feel welcomed and accepted, she would be calmer. She dreads the day he sees her as a monster. She dreads the day he will die too. 

MOET : BURN OUT

He watched as she came home exhausted, holding back tears and fingers curled into fists.

He watched as she relaxed her body and peeled off the layers of exhaustion and pain.

She wouldn't say a word for they lied; she wouldn't cry a tear cause they dried.

But she knew he knew and he knew she was at the end of the rope, every single night.

For months he'd watched her light dull out. He watched her lose her colors due to stress

he knew how focused and invested she was, but he also saw how it backfired at her too.

For months he helped her through his, with love and care and affection. He really did.

So he knew, yes, he knew.

His heart was aching to see her this tired, yet amazed by her resilience.

He watched as she pushed herself further, harder and tried his best to help her not burn.

There were days he wasn't sure about it, he didn't know if he was helping her for real

he didn't know if it was enough, and doubt crept on his mind. He didn't know, but it was.

She knew that once she would be home, she would also be safe, she would always « be »

she knew that work wouldn't find her there, she wouldn't let her mind play silly games

She wouldn't let her failures define her nor would she forget how to breathe again.

He would remind her to exist, he would remind her to « be », and she loved him for this.

He knew loving her was a piece of work, it was never going to be easy yet he kept going.

He always told her that it wasn't asking too much from him to just be there for her

He always told her that he wanted to love her wholeheartedly and nothing could ruin it.

Not even her own head, not even her own doubts, not even her own fears.

She was a burning flame but he would make sure not to let her burn herself out.

(got) Bäahal: The greater cause

A/ N: Tyrion and Bäahal discussing before the war against the Night King and his army. It's a bit heavy because of the themes involved in, but oh so damn needed. All the usual disclaimers

xxx

The winds of winter seemed colder than usual, perhaps the seven gods were already weeping at the loss of their children lives. Perhaps it was just the weather that became more difficult to handle for the Southern Child. Bäahal hated Winterfell for its weather. She had seen how resilient the people of the North were, but also how curious and uncomfortable they were with the daughters of the Mad King. It took Daenerys some efforts to convince the Northerners of her good intentions. Yes, she came as a queen, earned the trust of their previous leader Jon Snow and brought with her savages from the South in the form of the Dothraki and former slaves in the form of the Unsullied. She was a foreign queen, this Daenerys and yet, her compassion shone through with each and every one of her speeches. They knew Daenerys agreed to come to the North and help them defeat the Night King's army with her two remaining dragons and her fantastic army. They felt grateful for her genuine interest in protecting them and little by little it became easier to see her walk around Winterfell with Jon or the Stark children. It became less tense between her army and Jon's people. It just became easier. Bäahal praised the people but hated the place nonetheless. Yet, the winds whipped her face that night and for the first time since she arrived at Winterfell, she tolerated them. The night fell upon the North and only the noises of dragon glass being shaped into weapons filled the air.

« I was certain I would find you here, your grace. » -Tyrion's voice tore the silence that had settled around her.-

Bäahal was mildly annoyed by the interruption of her sister's Hand. He always found a way to get to her but tonight, of all nights, she welcomed his company. She found comfort in the relative silence surrounding her and the solitude of the balcony she was standing at but having someone to talk to in the dying hours of the night was more than appreciated. Tomorrow, the great war will begin and everyone around her spent the night with their loved one. The princess already said goodbye to Daenerys and Jon earlier today. She renewed her vows to protect them with her blades. It was solemn, perhaps too much as it did sound like farewells. Daenerys confided in Tyrion that she was afraid her sister might actually seek death on the battlefield and wouldn't return to her. Tyrion comforted the queen as much as he could but he himself was uncertain about tomorrow. He tried to rationalize his fear, thinking that it was normal to be apprehensive about the next day. He had not fought many wars but had already been in a life-and-death situation. He vowed to never find himself in such ordeal and managed to not appear on the battlefield. He wouldn't tomorrow, because what good would an imp be against the white walkers? Instead, Tyrion would be more useful at Winterfell.

« We have to admit, Lord Tyrion that this is the ideal spot for introspection. I figured that maybe, I could use it one last time to clear my mind before the battle. » -Her voice was soft, softer than usual. He came closer to the silver princess and looked up at her face.-

« I figured you would. I was expecting you to bid farewell to your loved ones. » -He said, looking past the balcony.-

« I already had... » She clenched her fists. «I was expecting you to spend time with your family. »

« The night is still young... »

Tyrion wasn't sure about spending time with Jaime. Had they not already said all there was to say about them? Seeing him for the first time after Jaime helped his younger brother made his heart soar. They were on two opposing sides, but Tyrion championed his brother and believed that he wouldn't die against the Dothraki and Drogon. He feared for him when the blonde Lannister charged on his queen but sighed in relief when the ever loyal Bronn pushed the man into the lake. Seeing him again, to convince him to set up a meeting with Cersei warmed Tyrion's heart, for he could finally talk to his brother, express his gratitude for saving his life and show him that he did quite good on his own. He might have been disowned by his own family, he still remained a Lannister at heart, he still wanted to protect his siblings and ensure their survival. Even Cersei.....Even her. So why would he speak to Jaime tonight? Wish him good luck? He already did. Speak of what would happen once they return victorious? They already knew Jaime would return to Cersei and he would, once again, become an enemy. So what was there for them to talk?

« Yes it is... » -Bäahal answered, her purple eyes glowing slightly- « I have always thought that prior to the war, my mind would be focused on all the happy moments I've ever shared. I don't have many, Lord Tyrion, but I have a few moments where the pain wasn't the center of my life...and yet, all I can see when I close my eyes is the moment I took a life. »

Memories of that day overwhelmed the silver-haired princess. Memories of an endless stream of blood that soaked her dyed pink hair soaked her hands and arms and tainted the torn toga she was wearing. Memories of a man with foam at his mouth, who couldn't contain himself when she saw her perform her famous dance for him, alone, in his room. She could still feel his eyes filled with lust, undressing her as she went with her dance routine and remembered the sense of danger that overwhelmed her all of a sudden. Physical violence was not new in the slave's world, she had been flogged, branded, slapped around and her body used against her will to satisfy her previous owners. The new one was more gentle than the others, demanding but gentle. Exclusive too. Nobody but him was allowed to touch her and those who didn't comply had to face his wrath. So nobody dared. Nobody but this man who requested a private dance. He threw himself at her like a beast, not fast enough for the dancer to escape from his grasp. She ran, hit the table where fruits, meat, and some other edibles were on display. Bäahal fell on the floor, on top of a knife. The cold metal sent shivers down her spine but she saw a sign of the gods. The man was twice her size, a blonde giant with green eyes who held onto one of her wrists while his other hand was busy ripping her clothes off. She tried to scream, but her voice betrayed her, nothing but the wind escaped her lips so she knew she would have to rescue herself. Fantasies of freedom became more and more intense in the previous weeks and with it came a newfound desire. She refused. She REFUSED!

«You are going on the battlefield tomorrow. You're going to put an end to abominations.  I suppose thinking of the last time you had to be this violent comes with the territory. » -Wise words from the Hand of her sister. He was right. 

« Or perhaps, it is a way for my mind to remind me of my purpose and my dreams. Of what's to come next... »

It was a real carnage people said, the room was messy, there was blood everywhere. She was found confused, shaking and covered with his blood and bruises from his angry fists. She did struggle against him and he made her pay her resistance with a few gifts of his own, but she was still impressed by the moment. She took a life, she killed a man and from this moment on, she was free. She closed her eyes and ran her hand through her silver hair. Tomorrow would be the end, she was certain of it. Tyrion stepped closer to her.

« What is it that comes next, princess? »

« My death. » She simply said, her eyes staring at the distance.

« I beg your pardon? »

Had he heard her well? Did she just casually say to him that she was planning to die tomorrow? He couldn't know for sure if all of the men who would fight this war would return alive. He didn't even know if the wrighs won't succeed in invading Winterfell and turn each and every one of them into the undead. That didn't mean Tyrion was willing to die tomorrow or any other day. The princess, however, seemed to be seeking her demise. He had seen it happen with animals who grew up in captivity and once freed rushed to their deaths. Freedom had a bitter taste for the princess, she wasn't used to it, she didn't know what to do with her life now that it belonged to her and he could tell she was scared. Murdering her master was her first choice as a freed slave, joining Daenerys was the second. He suspected that helping the queen get on the throne became the only thing that defined the princess' life. Once that was done, he dreaded she would not have anything more to do and without a purpose, she would try and end her life.

« I am not going to make it. I know it deep down Lord Tyrion. All my life I have been wondering what my calling was. My horizon was limited, my options even more. I was born a property, meant to entertain and amuse. And while I thought this was it, that they had broken my spirit, then came the thoughts of freedom. It was my only purpose, survive long enough so I could see myself as a free woman, fulfill my mother's dream and make sure her sacrifice wasn't in vain. When I did... » She paused and shut her eyes tight. « When I did, freedom tasted heavenly. I was free, I owned myself, I could write my own destiny. I wanted to leave Mereen, see the world and decide for myself what would be best for me. Repaying my sister with my devotion seemed to be fitting. Her goal became mine. We would fight together until she was sitting on the throne. I couldn't think past this, I couldn't think of me. I didn't see /me/. » She said hitting on her chest with her fist.

Her voice was cracking and she covered her mouth with her warm palm and looked away. She didn't quite know why she was telling him so much about herself. She and Tyrion always had a complicated relationship. They started on rocky grounds, with mistrust and anger but as time went by they learned how to trust each other and ended up forming a relationship based on respect. Tyrion sighed and shook his head, definitely not pleased with what he was listening to.

« You have the chance to see yourself and think for yourself. You changed your life when you killed your masters, you changed your life when you joined our queen. You decided for yourself, why wouldn't you do the same once she's sitting on the throne? » -His voice was encouraging as if he wanted her to consider living some more.-

« I would have accomplished everything I had to accomplish. Fate willed Aerys II to have a child with my mother, a slave. Fate willed said child to be free and meet Daenerys. Fate willed this child to help protect Life itself in the battle that will happen tomorrow. I will give my life for the greater cause that is Life. How more noble could I be? » She asked, swallowing back a sob and forcing a smile on her lips.

« You haven't even begun to live, princess. The greater cause is fine for mortals like us who have ambition, but we hide behind this noble cause because we're afraid to look inside ourselves. We're afraid to discover that we're just ordinary men with hopes and dreams. »

« Isn't your dream to be able to reconcile with your siblings, Lord Tyrion? Your brother is here, your little sister is with him. You have the chance to repair your relationship with your estranged family, change the narration imposed by your ascendants and write your own history. You love Ser Jaime and Lady Kyra and I know you're worried you might lose your brother again to the Night King. I would say, go see him tonight... Go see your loved ones tonight. » She said looking away from him.

She was right and Tyrion refused to admit she was, so he stubbornly looked away from her as well, to give her some space. He tapped his fingers against his thigh and then cleared his throat.

« I will, like I said, the night is young. My point, your grace, was that you have hopes and dreams too and if you can't see them now, maybe with time you will find out. Life is mysterious, painful, surprising and I wouldn't stand there in front of you and say that it's worth living if I did not believe my own words. You are a young princess, and you have your whole life in front of you. You have a sister who loves you, a sister who opened her heart for you and one who truly cares for your well-being. We can guide you if you're lost or confused. We can guide you through this free life if you allow us to. »

He then grabbed her hand and pressed his lips to it. Bäahal turned to face him and knelt in front of him. The wind was blowing on the opposite side of her body. Tyrion looked at her intensely but didn't move. The princess moved her hands and gently cupped his cheeks. For the first time since they first met, she was warm to him. His body, stiff like a rock, relaxed against hers as he felt her thumbs stroke against his cheeks. The princess then pulled him into a hug and held him tightly against her frame. He leaned into her a little more and relaxed against her touch. He didn't quite know what to say to the princess for he felt he had said everything already. She was clearly afraid of life without someone to decide for her, but he was hoping that she would trust her sister and him to guide her.

« Thank you for your words, Lord Tyrion. I still believe that tomorrow I will meet my fate, but I won't forget what you said if the seven gods want me alive and Fate wills me to survive, I shall....try. »

It was the best she could say under such circumstances, but it was enough.

-TBC-