GOT (regular): She longed for her mother.

GOT (regular): She longed for her mother.

The bitter cold of Highgarden echoed a distant memory of Winterfell. The princess allowed the freezing breeze to blow on her face. It felt as if tiny knives were cutting her face everywhere at once. She realized, alone at that balcony, just how far she had gone. Her eyes were swollen and filled with unshed tears as she remembered her mother.  What would Sunni tell her daughter if she could see her today? Bäahal didn't have the answer to that question, but she wished she could see her mother's face once again. She died more than a decade ago, with hopes and dreams of seeing her daughter free. It made the princess whimper as she remembered a vague portrait of her mother. She didn't remember much of her, aside from her distinct albino features. There were very few that Bäahal could remember. It had been so long that she couldn't remember her voice. She couldn't remember the feeling of her skin under her fingers. She stroked her cheek and noticed how cold it was because of the breeze. It motivated the princess to turn around, so the wind would whip the back of her hair instead. 

Her heart sank in her chest, and she felt that she couldn't hold back her tears any longer. Her mother was gone; that was the reality of the situation. Her beliefs in the gods old and new somehow offered a little bit of comfort because she fancied the idea that her mother was under their care and no longer suffering. The reality was different. She wished her mother were there. She wished Sunni could see what her daughter had accomplished. Who would have thought that the child of a slave, herself a slave, would rise to fame and become a princess? Who would have thought that the child of a slave would have songs written for her? Who would be praised as a hero? Who would have thought that her child, Bäahal, would one day be free to do exactly as she pleased? Who would have thought that she would actually have a life out of slavery? Her mom hoped for it, and Bäahal lived it. She was free. She was finally free, and Bäahal wished her mother were alive to witness this. The princess put her hand on her belly, thinking about how she wished for her mother to attend her wedding and hoped that wherever she was in the afterlife, she could watch her walk down the aisle and take Jaime Lannister as a husband. She wiped her tears, but the simple acknowledgement of these tears was enough for her to break down into tears.  She did it! She was free! She was happy! 

SoA : Dear Mama

//Because it had been a while and it's a quite personal tragedy.  Jessica, the friends she made at her club, Alex.. all are her family and she would need them now that her last blood-relative is gone. it's bittersweet.  

xxx

Where were you when this happened? It was the question of the millennium. Asma had heard it for most of her life. Where were you when the Berlin Wall fell ? Where were you when the two tours collapsed? Where were you when Diana died? Where were you when you heard this new? Where was she when Oscar died? She was in the basement of Jessica's house for her protection. She didn't witness the fight but she heard the screams and grunts and groans and painful moans as her sister fought against her abuser upstairs. Where was she when her father died? She was by his side and watched him take his last breath. Where was she when her mother died? She was at work. It was a day like the others. Funny how a day filled with routine, the kind you would forget because it was the same as the day before, became impossible to forget when a tragedy happened.

She could remember the metallic and menthol taste of Tig when she kissed the skin of his shoulder. A taste she got used to it, to the point of not paying attention anymore up until that day. She could remember what people around her wore at the shooting practice. Usually, she would take one look at her surroundings before focusing on shooting her targets. Yet, on that very day, she could remember the color of the dress that blonde woman on her left was wearing or the color of the chewing-gums that old man on her right, pulled out of his jacket. She could remember how hot she felt in her parlor and what she was thinking of before she got the phone call. Funny how one could think of something as trivial as vacations with their significant other before a phone call destroyed their whole world. She was thinking of going to fucking New-Mexico... and was musing about what she could get Alex to wear once they would get there.

She was in pure bliss, a newfound happiness that made her dare think of her future. She was thinking of how good it felt to be loved and gushed over Tig when she got that phone call. Was this life? One minute you were in pure bliss and the other you fell into a pit of darkness? Was it fair? No, it wasn't. She could remember that after the nurse told her that her mother passed away, she didn't hear anything else. She hung up the phone and sat at her office desk. It was to be expected, she knew a day like this would come. She prepared herself but Asma realized that you could never be ready. You could never be ready to learn that your loved ones were gone for good. She sat still, barely moving a muscle for an hour, incapable of calling or texting anyone. She was alone in that room, alone in her heart, alone in her life. At least, that's how it felt during that excruciating hour, where she couldn't even cry.

After her father died, Asma cleaned the house. She refused to do anything but clean the damn house. After her brother died, she was a confirmed alcoholic and drowned herself in Jack Daniels before she curled into a ball of shame and slept in her own puddle of tears and vomit. After Oscar died, she was a recovering alcoholic, so she didn't drink. She cleaned her office so much that she irritated the skin of her hands. After her mother died, Asma sat there for an hour before finally she grabbed a piece of paper and started to write a letter to her mother. She poured her soul into her words, telling stories that had yet to happen with Tig -such as how she was seeing them with eternally entangled lives- and telling stories that had already happened -she opened up about Oscar, the abuse and suffering, the first step to salvation with Elias Tobbins and finally, the fact she found an actual family in Jessica, SAMCRO and now Tig-. She thanked her mother, for the years of peace and love she gave her, for the life and the fight and even the loss. She thanked her mother and promised to meet her soon. She then put the letter in her drawer and closed it back. That letter wasn't for her mother, she realized. It was for her, for when she would have doubts and would be afraid, for when she would be lonely and would need comfort. For when life was grim.

She then took her phone and texted Jessica.

#Mom died.#

#Do you want to come home? I will make your favorite cake and hot cocoa. We'll watch movies and I'll give you a hug. #

#I'm coming home.# She said.

There was no question asked, no hesitation either. Like she mentioned in her letter, Home was where her family was. Her mother might have passed away, she still had a home because Jessica and her family were there, Alex was building a life with her and she herself was still alive. They were her home and she knew that her mother would rest in peace, knowing her daughter wasn't alone.

-TBC-

Doya: mother

//All the usual disclaimers//

"Mother, 

I keep trying to write you a letter but words fail me. The only thing that comes to mind is "I am sorry" for all I put you through. I am sorry for not saving you when I should have. I am sorry I let Kalusha hunt on his own and run towards his death. I regret that very night when I was frozen and unable to move. The Asanbosam could have killed me... no wait.. he did kill me. The day you died and my dear brother lost his life, I lost my life too.

Dad was strong. He tried his best to protect me and help me move on but then I lost Fabrice because I couldn't conceive and my world crumbled. My world crumbled mother. I wish you were there. I wish you could hold my hand while Father passed away. I wish I could cry against you and you would tell me everything would be better. But you couldn't. You were already dead.

Mom... I wish you were there. I wish you could guide me. I wish you could help me stay on track. I don't know why I am afraid. I am.... I am happy, mom. For the first time in.. I'm happy with Dean. We have our ups and downs and we bump heads every day but I am happy.

I miss you, mother...I miss you. I don't know what to do but I'll try and follow your lead."

love and whatnots 2

//imaginary lives and imaginary people//

"I remember when he said he was in love with me. I didn't expect it to happen. To be honest, I had a low-key panic attack and I had to keep it casual so he wouldn't think I was losing my mind. My heart...I felt it soar into my chest and I had butterflies in my belly and tears in my eyes. I think it was so intense that I puked shortly after. He didn't see me, we were on the phone when he said those words. It feels silly but this is also very unique. this is us...him being sentimental and me being sick because of love." -Carry

"My mom never loved me. I was more of a Barbie doll than a child to her. She lived by proxy and tried to force her sunken dreams onto me. It took me a while to realize she was unable to love me like a mom should. It took a lot from me to actually set myself free of her. I'm glad I could. I am glad I could." -Jonas

"I would be a mother very soon. I'm pregnant. It doesn't show just yet but... I don't care. I'm already a mom. Pregnancy is this weird rollercoaster of emotions you know? One minute you're very happy and the very next one you're worried something happens to your unborn baby...I'm not yet deep into that pregnancy and yet, I already freak out. You know who I admire? Single mothers. I'm lucky I have a very involved significant other but those who are alone? Ah, look, I'm about to cry." -Maelys

"Everything is in the eyes. I don't care what body your soul is in as long as your eyes are telling the truth. I had loved them all and all loved me too but the love of my life, rest their soul, the love of my life had the warmest, kindest and most understanding eyes I've ever seen. Honesty is a turn on baby, so you better let it all out if you want me." -Ethan

"Sexuality... Why is that when you're a certain weight, people start to think your sexual life is non-existent or bizarre. I mean it. I'm fat, there's no way around that word. I am fat but I had sex, great sex with understanding and compassionate and kind men of all shapes. They are not freaks for wanting to have sex with me, I am not used or whatever fucked up conception people have of fat people having sex. Today I'm with Jeff, in a very happy relationship. That's not weird. I'm just tired of the assumptions." -Caroline

"I'm Jeff, Caroline's boyfriend. It took me some time to assume my love for larger women. I have always thought they were beautiful but never dated one out of fear. There's this perception that you might be a freak or a loser if you love someone who isn't a skinny model. No disrespect here, I believe women are beautiful regardless of their shape. Caroline is sublime for me. It's the way she smiles at me with the dimple on her left cheek that makes my heart stop. It's the way her dress would hug her curves and tease me. It's the way she carries herself, walking with the confidence of ten brave men and bringing me to my feet with awe and fear. Caroline is amazing and I'm the lucky one." -Jeff, Caroline's boyfriend.

"I never wanted to have kids. I never felt the need to reproduce myself. Not dissing on parents here, you do you, It's just not something for me. My girlfriend doesn't want children as well and we're good just like that. The two of us are a family and I intend to keep it that way. Yet I have no heat from our loved ones or my friends. They think I'm cool. They think I'm free and they envy me but I see the way they look at Cynthia. They pity her and they pressure her into having baby envy. It's ridiculous." -Jake

"We broke up my girlfriend and I  a decade ago, but it still feels like it happened today. I loved her, more than anything in the World but love wasn't enough and I hurt her. Love isn't enough. I learned it the hard way. I took her for granted and look at me now. I'm miserable. She moved on, you know? She's engaged to another woman than me, she's successful and her name is on everybody's lips. Our common friends are gracious enough not to talk about her when in front of me and vice-verça but I don't know, man... I feel like screaming. I lost her because I didn't do the damn work and didn't want to meet her halfway despite her begging me to do so. After a while, she couldn't take it anymore. I don't blame her." -Joelle