Colby: He was afraid to fail her. - Arthur x Mary-

He thought he would be relieved now that Mary was with his brother.  For years Tommy and Mary have been beating around the bush, frustratingly so. They were deeply in love with each other, already a family along with Charlie, and yet, they refused to admit it to each other, let alone to the rest of the family. They had their reasons and Arthur could understand why Tommy didn't want to admit his love for Mary. He lost all the women in his life. All the women he cared for so why would it be different with Mary? 

For Arthur things were a bit different. He didn't want to fail yet another sister. he still couldn't get over Grace's death and still blamed himself for being drunk and allowing Grace to be murdered.  He didn't want to fail Mary and have her blood in his hands because he knew that he would never be able to forgive himself if anything happened to her. Sweet Mary pulled him back on his feet when even Ada had enough of his inability to handle himself. Sweet Mary talked to him and comforted him when Linda left. Sweet Mary made his brother happy, he couldn't allow the curse of the Shelbys to touch her... he couldn't allow him to be weak enough and fail his sister. He just couldn't... He just wouldn't. 

A vintage's touch: I have failed her

A vintage's touch: I have failed her

// Because I love me some Arthur. he would have a hard time after Mary's assault. 

xxxx

Arthur lit a cigarette and took it to his lips. his face was sunken, hardened by the anger and the stress that had overwhelmed the eldest Shelby. he couldn't sleep, not after the debacle that was Mary's assassination attempt by that cunt "Archie" or "Archer" whatever. Arthur wasn't in the mood for pleasantries, to be honest, ever since he learned that Mary survived an attack, he was on the verge of giving in to his old demons once again. Linda had returned to his life and helped him return to health but it was so fragile and his resolve was paper thin. To know that he almost lost Mary and he wasn't even there to protect her opened old wounds. The hallucinations he couldn't have when he was torched up by alcohol, he had them in nightmares. Memories of the war crept back up, reminding him of the horror humans could inflict on other humans. He remembered the dead bodies, some still in one piece but filled with bullets, while others were torn apart by bombs and other war machines. Memories of his late brother, John, one of the very few people on this bloody Earth who could understand what they went through. He still remembered his sweet and young face, so pale after life had left his body, at peace maybe... at peace at last... He still remembered wanting to avenge him and then join him in death because how else could he keep going?  Memories of a dying Grace, being held by a crying Tommy resurfaced and the guilt of that day strangled him again. 

Arthur had failed his family. He had failed Grace, John, and his comrades who fell during the War. He had failed Mary. She needed help and protection and on that day, he was so drunk that he gave her inexperienced Peaky Boys to look after her. his blood boiled upon learning that she had to use a gun and later on, a knife to kill her assailants. Because of Arthur, because of his inability to care for the people he loved, Mary was forced to kill with her hands. She was a nurse! She, who was never supposed to kill, had to because of his negligence and drunken stupor. Arthur apologized to her, and in her good grace, she forgave him, even going as far as to tell her that it wasn't his fault.  Arthur then talked to Tommy, hoping that he would be reprimanded instead and that his brother would make him pay for his mistake. Tommy did, but not in the way Arthur expected him to. He told him that he should have had his head straight on that day, that when he was out of town, the safety of his family fell upon Arthur. He told him to get his fucking head together and stay sober. however, he didn't lash out at Arthur. he didn't even get angry at him. however, there was a clear sign of disappointment and that was what got the Shelby. Arthur felt worse because he disappointed Tommy and it didn't sit well with him for more than a week. 

"Arthur....Do you understand that this is not going to help you?" -Mary's voice tore him off of the silence he forced himself into- "Hey... Look at me. I'm right here."

"I can see you just fine, lass. I'm just, not right in me head that's all." -He wanted to sound dismissive but Mary saw right through him. She pinched the bridge of her nose and gently fell on her knees, so she could hold onto the hand that was on his lap. Arthur looked at her, his tired blue eyes softened at the sight of the young woman. 

"Arthur. You have to let go of your guilt. it's going to eat at you, it's going to hurt you more than anything else. What happened wasn't your fault, you couldn't have known about the attack."

"I have failed you, Mary! I have failed you! There's no excuse for this! I was drunk out of me head! and look what that brought! I almost lost a sister again." He lamented. She held onto his hand tighter and shook her head. "Tommy doesn't trust me anymore. I'm useless..." She shook her head again. 

"I trust you, still. I need you still. He needs you, Arthur. Don't you dare think that he doesn't! he can't do this on his own. So I beg of you, get yourself together, stop blaming you for what happened to me. I'm here, I'm fine and I'll be safe. We'll be even more careful." She took a deep breath. "Promise me, Arthur. promise me that you will try your best to stay sober this time." She cupped his cheek and gently pressed a kiss on the back of his hand. "And that you'll be there for Tommy. Okay? I need you to be here for Tom. He needs you."

Arthur swallowed a lump and puffed some smoke. He wanted to promise. He wanted to be the man he knew both Tommy and Mary needed but it was difficult for him. So instead, he gently stroked Mary's hair and helped her stand back up on her feet. He stood up too and gently grabbed her shoulders. Mary swallowed a lump and nodded, understanding that he would be doing what she told him to. He pulled her into a hug and she held onto him as hard as she could. She was there for him too and somehow, this alleviated a bit of his pain. 

A vintage's touch: "Family affairs"

 Arthur made a choice. He could have left for California with Linda after they believed he was dead. He would have been given a new identity, and he would have been able to start over and raise his son. He would have been able to put his guilt for the deaths of both John and Grace, aside. but he couldn't. He couldn't leave. He wanted to stay with his family, keep an eye on Tommy and protect his little (and remaining brother). He wanted to watch after Mary and ensure her safety because she was the only thing that kept Tommy from consuming himself.  Arthur made a choice, and despite his love for Linda and his devotion to her religion, deep down, Arthur was unable to keep away from his old ways. He was a man shaped by violence, molded by Death, and unable to cope without drugs and sex. 

Mary asked him, once, why he felt compelled to cheat on his wife. She wanted to understand his behavior and gave him a chance to think things through and find an explanation for his actions. What did he tell her? What could he tell her? Arthur assumed that he couldn't help but self-sabotage. He couldn't handle being with a loving and devoted woman like Linda. According to Mary, Arthur refused to see her for who she really was and instead put her on a pedestal. Deep down, he knew that Linda wasn't perfect, but she managed to help him get sober. She managed to help him get back on his feet! She gave him a son! So in his book, Linda was perfect! She saw the good in him despite what his hands were capable of. She saw the good in him despite his tendency to try and escape reality. Still... He made a choice. 

Arthur made a choice and he was having a hard time staying sober. Mary was helping him, as a nurse, but also as a friend and a member of the family. She cared for him when no one would -except maybe Ada-  and he appreciated it more than words could tell.  While Mary was ensuring he was slowly being weaned off the drug, Arthur held onto her hand and set his blue eyes upon her green ones.  He was feverish but conscious enough to let her know that he was grateful for her. He was conscious enough to tell her that he didn't deserve her care and she should just leave him. Upon her refusal to do so, Arthur ended up sobbing, asking for forgiveness, and begging Mary to stay by his side. "Don't leave me, Mary. Please. Don't leave me... Don't leave Tommy. He needs you. he won't say it but he needs you, Mary." She smiled at him and ran her hand over his hair. "Hush Hush....Arthur, I'm not leaving you. I'm not leaving any of you... Rest Arthur...I'm here."

-TBC-

A vintage's touch: The gaze he hated to see.

This was the gaze Tommy hated to see on Mary. He knew that she was deeply hurt but couldn’t voice it. He knew she was disappointed in him and he knew that he messed up.  He hated that feeling because it brought back memories and he could feel the pang in his heart and the knot in his guts whenever she looked at him like that. Mary never lost control, she never yelled. She never screamed at him but her face, her eyes for the one who paid attention, spoke far more than any word she could have said. Tommy hated to see this on her face so he tried to do anything in his power to make her smile instead.

A vintage's touch: a brother's love -Arthur x Mary-

A vintage's touch: a  brother's love -Arthur x Mary-

// Not in a sappy mood, eh? 

Arthur loved Mary like he loved Ada. She was a sister to him, someone who understood his very soul. Mary was not afraid of Arthur, not even when he started to get loud, restless, and violent. Not even when he was beside himself, did she feel fear. She wasn't afraid of him. After Grace's death, the eldest Shelby protected Mary like a bloodhound. He wanted to make sure she was safe, wherever she was and for a while, his motivation for staying sober was so that he would be sharp enough to be able to protect her. Arthur couldn't tell his brother that he had dreams.. or most likely nightmares about the death of the young woman. How could he survive losing Mary? how could he survive being responsible for not having been able to protect her like he vowed he would? 

Arthur loved Mary like he loved Ada. She went through the same ordeal as he did. She understood his addiction for she shared the same with alcohol. She was drowning her sadness with liquid fire and was trying to move forward the best she could. She understood him and she was compassionate. She was patient. She welcomed him with arms wide open whenever he knocked at her door, looking for Tommy and drunk out of his mind. Night and Day, the hallucinations and daydreams strangled him with fear. He couldn't properly sleep because he had flashes of her bloodied and battered body against his. He had flashes of his tears, of the blood-curdling screams he would let out in the event of her death. How could he imagine losing Mary? 

Arthur loved Mary like he loved Ada. He wanted her to be happy. It tore his heart apart to see him suffer. It hurt him to see the fresh tears that had rolled down her cheeks. It hurt him to see her lose Hope. She wouldn't say it, but Arthur knew she was hurt by the lack of commitment from his brother. She wanted him to claim his love for her, to make their relationship proper. She wanted to be reassured that she wasn't just a replacement for his former wife. She wanted to be reassured that she wasn't just there to raise his child. She wanted to be told he wanted to share his life with her. Tommy wasn't sappy. He wasn't romantic anymore. War had changed his brother. War had made Tommy colder, distant, and secretive. Yet, he had a woman who loved him. He had a good woman who loved everything that he was, and who understood him more than any other person.  yet, he stalled... Yet he deflected... yet he made her wait and Mary would wait but she wouldn't do it forever. 

So she could leave. And if she left, who would understand Arthur? 

Who would see the good he could bring? 

Who would reassure him the way Mary did? 

A vintage touch: Brutal force

// You don't touch Mary. You don't fuck with Mary because if you do, You'll fuck with Arthur and he's far less pleasant than most.  This took place a while before the start of the storyline. I just wanted to show the bond between Arthur and Mary. 

xxxxx

"Mary... Mary.. look at me, please." -Arthur's begging voice was tearing down the silence that had settled between the two of them-

Mary was shaking, from head to toe, her cheek was cut and she could still feel the bruise on her stomach from a punch she had received earlier on. She had her eyes wide open, her arms were dropped and she was barely standing up.  She wasn't looking at him, her lips were still trembling but Arthur ended up cupping both her cheeks, staining them with fresh blood.  She was shocked and he realized that it was because of him. Mary had never seen Arthur lose his mind before. She'd always seen the aftermath of his fights when she patched the boys up. She'd scold them about their tendencies to fight and would urge them to be careful so she wouldn't have to attend their funerals. Tonight, things were different. Arthur was drenched in blood, her cheeks and some of her hair were soiled too.  Her green eyes were unfocused but Arthur's voice became louder to the point that it snapped her back into reality. 

"Arthur! Arthur!!!!.." -She screamed and held onto his arms. he pulled her into a tight hug and gently petted her hair with one hand while the other stroked her back. She was still shocked and he understood that he had to be in charge if he needed things to be done.-

He took Mary to the Pied Piper Pub, keeping her away from the carnage he had made on the streets. His victims were alive, but hardly recognizable because he had ruined their faces. Mary let him walk her back into the pub and sat her on the chair. He yelled at the men to clear the space and bring him a basin of warm water, and a clean cloth because he had to clean both of them up. The bar owner quickly rushed into action, unwilling to piss off the deadliest member of the peaky blinders. How could he? The rest of the men cleared the room and waited outside under the supervision of the peaky boys who never left Arthur's side.  Mary was still hysterical, still shaking, even though she was sitting at the table. She gasped and yelped when she felt Arthur's hand grab her ankle. He wanted to check if she was hurt in places he had no eyes on. She shrugged and swatted his hand off of her ankle. 

"Mary! Mary, it's just me. It's Arthur. I just want to check if you are alright."

"I... I am..." -but she snarled and he knew she wasn't.- "They... Are they dead?"

"I should have killed 'em for what they did to you, Mary. I didn't. They're alive."

"Arthur...Arthur...Are you, okay?"

"I am. Where are you hurt? where did these bastards touch you?" -He stopped focusing on the ankle and watched as the owner brought the basin of warm water and the clean clothes- "I'm sorry...I'm sorry Mary. Please tell me where you're hurt."

He smelled like alcohol and tobacco. He smelled that putrid scent of blood but she didn't care. She didn't care because Arthur came to her rescue. It shouldn't have been like that. She shouldn't have been assaulted just for walking into the "wrong" neighborhood. She shouldn't have to cower in fear of being hurt because she entered a bar. It was a very hot night and she needed to drink some fresh water. She joined the place and nervously felt the judgemental gazes of the patrons who had never seen a black patron before. They didn't accept them, no signs, but the pub was known for rejecting anyone who didn't fit the description. Mary was brave, she held her head high and walked to the bartender. He warned her that she shouldn't be there, but she told him that she only wanted to have a glass of water. He told her that he couldn't service her but she insisted on having a glass of water. If he had to make her pay for it, she could. Again, he refused to service her. 

One of the peaky boys assigned to her protection rushed to Arthur and asked him to come to the pub so he could interfere in case Mary needed some help. Arthur didn't need to be told twice. He followed the young boy, hoping that Mary wouldn't be hurt until he arrived. The bartender tried to convince Mary to leave, mostly because he informed her that he couldn't protect her if something happened but she was unphased. She needed to drink water and she needed it now. She convinced the man to fetch her a glass of water and was about to serve her when two men grabbed her arms and forbade the bartender to try anything. She protested and struggled so they would get off of her, but it only excited them. They teased her, about being a lone black woman in a pub full of horny men. She struggled harder, ended up scratching the face of one of the men, and injured him. That got him angry and he punched her in her belly, causing her to spit blood on the face of the other man. He became so angry that he pulled his knife out and started to lightly cut her cheek when the peaky boy who stayed back entered the pub and started to fight the two men.  

"I... I think I'm bruised in my belly... They punched me there." -She groaned and then put her fingers on her cheek as she felt a sting- "I think... they cut me here... How bad is it?" -She inquired, her eyes still wide open, her body still shaking as she couldn't believe her eyes. 

How could asking for a glass of water lead to such violence? As soon as they released her -and as soon as she recognized the hat of the peaky boy-, Mary ran towards the exit. She bumped into Arthur who put both hands on her shoulders "Mary! You good?" -She couldn't answer, but he noticed the cut on her cheek and the blood that was rolling down her soft skin. It was enough to push him into a berzerker rage. "Take care of her!" -He ordered the second peaky boy who took Mary out of the pub so she could get some fresh air. It happened so fast, so fast that she didn't fully realize what was happening. Once the fresh air hit her nostrils and filled her lungs, Mary slowly came back to her senses. She put both hands on her knees and bent a little forward in order to catch her breath back. She put her hand on her belly and then looked up at the front door.  

It didn't take long, some shouting, some yelling, Arthur's voice dominating the whole pub and the street and finally, she saw her assailants being brought out of the pub and into the streets, by Arthur and the other Peaky Boy. She watched as Arthur unleashed his anger and massacred the two men. She watched his fists breaking bones, getting soaked with these people's blood, his eyes dark with rage as they dared to attack Mary. Arthur's mind flashbacked to when he found her in the pub. The sight of her eyes filled with fear and disgust was enough to rile him up. he needed to make these bastards pay for what they did to his sister. he had to teach them a lesson. So his fists flew and hit hard. His fists would be relentless as he sought revenge for the young woman. Arthur's mind became blank, it was hot white with rage as he pounded into those men. The oldest Shelby didn't even realize the fear he might have induced in Mary's heart, for she saw the beast he was. 

"It's a light cut. you're gonna be alright. Let me see your bruise." -He didn't give Mary the chance to protest and helped her pull her skirt down on her waist and lift her shirt up -right under her bra- so he could see just how bad the bruise was. She had a fist-sized bruise on her belly and it crept up to her sternum. That wasn't as bad as he feared it would be, but Mary would need to take it easy for at least two weeks.- "You'll be alright. two weeks off of work and you'll be alright Mary." -He said as he grabbed the clean towel and dipped it in the warm water basin.

"I don't understand why they did it..." -She whispered as she finally let tears roll on her cheeks. Arthur started by cleaning her face, removing any trace of blood that had stained her soft skin. She was finally crying, her body still shaking from the sheer shock she went through- "I just wanted water... Arthur... I just wanted to drink some water and....and they told me that I couldn't drink because they didn't serve Black people... I just insisted on drinking water, even offered to pay for it..."- She said, shakily trying to grab her bag to show she had money in it. Arthur shushed her. 

"I know Mary. I know. They shouldn't have done it. Trust me, there would be retaliation." -he promised himself that he would burn the place down. He would talk to Tommy about the events, but he would first make sure that Mary was doing alright. He cleaned her face as she pulled her shirt back on her waist. and then washed some of her hair, her neck, and the places his bloody hands touched.

Silence fell between the two of them. Mary was still seeing the scene of a berserker Arthur beating the brains out of her assailants. She had never seen Arthur in action before. She had never seen him lose control. Part of her was relieved that he did so in order to protect her because she could tell he was furious. She could feel his rage from where she stood and knew that he was enraged because they hurt /her/. Yet, part of her was scared. She was scared of that display of violence. She was nauseous about the amount of blood she saw him soak his fists up with. She was scared of this type of violence against her -not from Arthur! but from the people who had something against her family.-  And she was scared he would be hurt the same way he was hurting others.  Arthur could feel her fear but he misinterpreted it. Thinking that Mary was in fact, scared of him. he washed his hands, and his face, and removed his trench coat so he would be as clean as possible. 

" Mary... I need ya to look at meh." -She nodded, calmer than before and more focused on Arthur's face now. " I am sorry. It shouldn't have happened like this. The...The boys Tommy sent were supposed to take care of ya. They should have gone to the pub with ya." -He made a mental note about punishing the peaky who took too much time before he intervened.- "They didn't and ya got cut. ya got hurt." -He groaned, visibly upset by what happened to her- "I managed to come because it wasn't too far away but just imagine if I came too late? you'd be..." -he shook his head- "Mary. What you saw outside. The violence, the blood. I didn't want ya to see it. I didn't... I didn't mean to scare ya like that. I know it's not pretty and I know I'm a monster... I'm sorry if I scared ya."

"Arthur... no... No... You didn't scare me." -She said, leaning her forehead to his.- "You didn't scare me. You saved me! you saved... You saved me! I'm... I just realized how violent things could be for all of you. I'm... I've just realized you put your life in danger every day, that's all. I'm... I'm... I fear to see you at the end of those fists. I fear you'll end up like those guys on the streets.." -She shook her hands so he would release them and she could cup his face with both her hands.- "I fear for Tommy...But I am not afraid of you. I am not...Arthur, please, look at me." -He set his cerulean eyes upon her, prompting Mary to give him a coy smile.- "Good, that's good... You are not a monster, Arthur. You are a force of Nature. You...You saved me, Arthur." -She repeated and pressed a kiss on his forehead while he crumbled against her. 

His bravado collapsed and he became a puppy in her arms. Mary wrapped her arms around his shoulders and pulled him into a tight hug. Arthur hated that violence. He loved that violence too. He was a man who learned how to kill in order to protect his family and later on, his country. He was a man whose inner violence and pain both built him and destroyed him. He was a man very few could accept, very few could understand and most of them feared. Arthur Shelby? just the name was enough to scare people, but when they saw him walk on the streets, they would always step aside and cower in fear. Arthur was a monster, somehow... he projected that image and he sincerely believed he was one. Yet, he was still capable of being good, of being loved and Mary... well, she might not know it, but she made him believe he could be more than just a beast. Even now, as she was traumatized by the events that unfolded, she still managed to comfort the older man. She still found compassion and love within her heart to forgive him for the brutal display of violence in front of her.  He would take her home and would have a word with Tommy. He would make sure she was safely back to where she belonged. Next to Tommy. Yes, he would!

-TBC-

Colby: Late night tea(rs)

Pb: Late night tea(rs)

// My baby Arthur. had to bring him in. all the usual disclaimers

Tommy's country house, 11 pm, Sunday:

Charles had long since been asleep and the maids had been dismissed when Arthur's loud voice echoed through the house. He caused such a ruckus that maids were scared and went to fetch Frances. Arthur was screaming at the top of his lungs, visibly drunk and devastated. Another drunken night, fueled with drugs and sex. Frances reassured the maids and allowed Her employer's brother to enter the room, urging him to make less noise so he wouldn't wake up the sleeping kid upstairs.  Arthur stumbled into the living room and crashed on the sofa, expecting Tommy to show up and talk some sense into him. Today was a painful day, John's birthday and despite Arthur's best attempts at burying his emotions, he couldn't do it. He couldn't let go of the pain his brother's death brought him. He wished Tommy was there that night so that they could share a drink and talk about their brother and their time in France. He wanted to remember who John was and express his guilt for not having been there to protect him. Arthur was a mess, and he certainly didn't know how to feel. He was just a mess and hoped for his "elder" brother to come and find the right words. Tommy would surely know what to say. he would surely know how to help him, but Tommy wasn't there, so Arthur started to speak louder, throw insults at Tommy for being absent in a moment of need before he took another sip of his whisky flask. 

Frances went upstairs and informed Mary of Arthur's visit to ask for the next move. It was subtle, but Frances had noticed the connection between Tommy and Mary. He asked her to come to live with him and no matter how much Thomas Shelby wanted to rationalize his decision, the truth was, he wanted her company. He could have gotten her out of the house at any time once the threat on her life was gone, but he didn't. He let her be close to his son, the person he loved the most and for Frances, that was one of the many signs of the man's affection -to say the very least- towards Mary. The woman got along well with the maids, helped them when they got sick or injured -unless it was very serious-, and sometimes visited the kitchen to talk to them. She couldn't bring herself to consider herself above these women because she'd been at their level her whole life, therefore, she didn't act as if she was an entitled rich bitch. So, when Tommy was not there, they went to Mary so she could make decisions. Mary nodded and asked Frances to stay in Charles's room while she went to talk to Arthur and calm him down. 

She knew what day it was and she had her fair share of pain as well. John got along well with her. He had always treated her with respect and even protected her from perverts and racist patrons of their bar, kicking them out of it to ensure her safety. He spoke enough with her to confirm Finn's claims about her love for his brother and even considered having her help his wife, Esmee, with caring for the kids. She was clearly wasn't Lizzie Stark, not that John had any issue with Lizzie (he was set to marry her). She was honest, as honest as a woman could be for him. She had her secrets and was guarded but she still was honest with him and that was enough for John to trust her. She cared for the family, from Polly to Finn, and always proved her loyalty to them.  She proved her concerns for them when she patched them up after they came back wounded. She didn't mind looking after the kids when they were sick or the brothers when one of them needed attention. He respected her, and today was harder than usual because he should have been here, celebrating with his kids and wife.

"Did you drive to get here?" - Her voice was soft, as she entered the living room. She was wearing a long white nightgown and had put a silky blue bathrobe loosely tied around her waist, for some modesty.-

"Mary..?..No. I took a cab."

"How long have you been drunk?" -She asked, sitting on the couch, next to his legs."Arthur, where's Linda?"

"Fuck Linda! Fuck Linda! she's not here! she's not here and she left me with those feelings I can't deal with." 

He didn't mean his words, and she knew it. Arthur was almost dependent on Linda and her good words. He was deeply in love with this woman, perhaps, even more, addicted to the fact she could make him a better man and could save his soul and calm his demons rather than love. He didn't mean his words, in this room, at this moment. he couldn't possibly loathe his wife when he was so dependent on her.

"You don't mean it. You love Linda." -She bent forward and outstretched her arm

"She never fitted in the family. Pol doesn't like her, and Lizzie doesn't like her...Ada doesn't care about her. I don't deserve her. She's a good woman." -To which Mary rolled her eyes. It wasn't really true. Linda was complex, far more complex than she wanted people to believe. She judged people and pretended to be better than the rest of them when it wasn't true. Arthur was angry and hurt and Mary understood, so she let him speak.- "She... She's not here. She left me." -He whined and tried to drink again but Mary grabbed his flask and put it away, on the table near her.- "Give that to me, Mary! Fookin give it to me!" -He yelled, but she shook her head and slapped his hand away from the bottle.- "Mary! don't make me!" -He pointed his finger at her, threatening her before he dropped his hand on his lap-

"Don't make you do what? Hit me?" -She rolled her eyes and touched his forehead. "Let me see if you have a fever." -She pressed her hand against his burning skin, sighing deeply as he was indeed having a fever that could have been a result of drinking too much, exposure to rain, or a myriad of reasons she couldn't find right now.- "I'll be back. You have a fever." 

"Mary, don't go.." -Arthur whined again- "Tommy's gone. Tommy's not here and... John left. John left us. I don't want to be alone." -She gave him a soft smile and stroked his cheek- "Don't leave me... alone.." -He whined again before he turned his head to the left, hiding his face. 

"I promise I will be back before you even realize I'm gone." -She said, brisk walking to the kitchen to get a basin filled with cold water and a table cloth so she could dab it on Arthur's face.-

Mary returned to find him sitting on the couch, his arms on his lap, and a thousand-yard stare on. the face of a man who was reliving an old trauma. John's death in itself was already traumatic and she could understand that type of pain. It took her a while to get over the death of her son, Paul, and even to this day, she was still hurting from her loss. Losing a brother, especially someone they had a very special bond with, had to leave a hole in their hearts, a wound that started to bleed again around the anniversaries. A night like this was a night that needed company and despite how tired the young woman was, she was there for Arthur. 

She noticed he had not touched the flask for it was at the same place she had put it before. He was obedient, trusting her word that she would return. Her green eyes were soft and sad. She looked at him with compassion for she could understand what he was going through and could relate to some of it. He felt her sit next to him and slowly help him remove his tie, and unbutton his shirt so she could have access to the hottest part of his body that needed to be cooled down. He let her do as she pleased without moving an inch. Her gestures were swift and gentle and in a short while, Arthur was half undressed and she was dabbing a cold cloth onto his neck. 

"You came back."

"I did and I saw you didn't drink again." - He slowly nodded- "Good. Good. That's good." 

"You always come back.." - He whispered. "Mary, Frances said Tommy's not here."

"He isn't. there's just me. You'll have me today." -She said, cupping his cheek and stroking it kindly. " Arthur...Look at me." -He didn't want to look at her, instead he remained stoic, looking in front of him with that thousand-yard stare he still had on.- "Arthur..."

"John...John was probably the one who loved life more than us. He came back a different kind of broken man, Mary." -Arthur resumed talking in grunts.- " "I miss him... I can't! I can't..keep going. Tommy's not here, I don't know what to do!! Linda's gone! John's gone! I just...Where the hell is Tommy when I need him, uh? Where the hell is he? It's John's birthday and he isn't fuckin' here!"

"Tommy's busy working for a better future for us. Tommy's still there." -She said, gently pulling his head towards her, so he could take a look at her intense green eyes.- "I... I miss him too. You know I do. John protected me when very few people would. When they look at me, first they see the color of my skin, then they see I am a woman, and they want to take advantage of this. John never did. He protected me and we laughed and we cared for the kids. John... I miss John and it hurts every single day." -She kept dabbing the cloth, this time on his forehead-

"You were close, eh?" -She nodded and removed her hand from his face as he was now looking at her.- "You're still here, you're always here. I came to you miserable and you're caring for me, Mary. You don't even have to."

"I want to. I'm okay." -She repeated, plunging the cloth into the cold water in the basin and she dabbed it on his neck and collarbone.- "I'm okay. Charles is upstairs, sleeping. we won't scream anymore, okay?" -He nodded- "Good. No more screaming, and I'll check on your temperature."

Arthur looked at her in silence, his blue eyes were staring at the woman who was focused and difficult to read. she had always been stoic unless Tommy or Charles came in. Yet, she always managed to care for the Shelby. She managed to endure living with Tommy without his brother ever showing any visible interest in her. Arthur believed that Tommy actually liked her. He believed that he cared for Mary and wanted to keep her close. Despite being drunk, Arthur could still remember asking his brother to be careful with Mary and not break her heart. He wanted to keep her safe, and happy but he wasn't sure if Mary was actually happy with his brother. Tommy was a man very few could understand. He was a man who had the biggest picture in his mind but rarely shared it with others. 

Grace never knew everything. she never knew the darker sides of Tommy and how devouring his ambition was. She never had to deal with the frustration of having him lead the family without sharing everything with them. She never had him be paranoid about her being harmed. Mary, well, Mary met the worst version of Tommy. The man who embraced his ambition was a cold-hearted calculating man who kept his emotions to his chest. She had a man who didn't give the keys to his safe (the safe being his heart and mind). She had a man who was hurt by the loss of his brother and his first wife and who would do his best to protect her, even if that meant losing her. Mary, still at the house, was already proof enough that his brother liked her and wanted her near. 

"I don't know how a woman like you could fall in love with my brother."

"Tommy's a good man. He does bad things, I know that...but he is a good man." -She mused, running the cold cloth over his chest to cool it down.-

"We're not good. Mary.." -Arthur coughed.- "We're bad guys. We're killers.. we're gangsters and we've been at war. We saw the true nature of mankind, we saw soldiers walking with their guts out, holding them in their hands like sausages. We died back there! we died in France, Mary. We're dead men. We're dead men... You can't love a dead man." -He said, his eyes wet from unshed tears. he grabbed her hand to stop her from caring for him.- "I'm a fucking mess! I don't know if I should be sad because my brother is dead, angry because he's not here, relieved Linda left me, or upset... I don't know... I don't know.."

"I know.." -She dropped the cloth and knelt on the floor. both hands were now holding his cheeks and she looked at him straight in the eyes- "Look at me! Arthur! Look me straight in the eyes!" -His blue eyes focused on her emerald ones and he dropped both hands on the couch.- "I know what it is...to walk on this goddamn planet feeling empty. I know what it is, to feel as if you've lost a part of yourself. You chose this life, you are still in control of your lives but I haven't been. My parents gave up on me, I never was wanted! the nurses hated me, they whipped me until I bled. They reminded me that God hated me and I was nothing to God, nothing to them, nothing to anyone." -She could feel her eyes quickly fill themselves with unshed tears. "They let a grown-ass man marry the child I was. They let him touch me, and teach me things I shouldn't have known. They let him put a child in me, when I was just a wee girl still." -She cried, gently stroking his cheeks with her thumbs. "I had to hold my son.." -her voice broke- "For 30 long minutes. My little Paul was in agony for 30 long minutes... and I was alone. I was alone. my husband was drinking somewhere, borrowed money from his gang, and put us in debt.  My son died and I died with him. You know the life I led, you know what I've been through before I found you. You know what I had to do to survive. I know... what it is.. to feel that Heaven spits in your face but when I am here, with you, I feel alive." -She leaned her forehead against his forehead and sobbed. "When John died, it felt like when my Paul died. I still carry the weight of their deaths in my heart. so yes, I don't care if you're not a good man. I don't care if you're gangsters. I don't care if you're dead men. I am dead myself but with you... with you... I live. I live." 

She wiped her tears and slowly nodded at her own words, affirming her feelings. It wasn't just about Tommy and she knew that Arthur would probably bring it next, but it was the closest she could admit. Tommy made her feel better. he made her feel alive and she didn't care about his life. She wanted him to be happy and give back what he gave her. Some would say that she was looking at him with rose-tinted glasses but it wasn't true. Mary wasn't stupid and she wasn't naive. Hell, her late husband was a gangster and his lies led him to his death and almost led to her torture and death. Arthur leaned into her touch and closed his eyes, confused, sad, comforted. She was crying and that made him cry too, silent tears that just rolled onto his cheeks. 

"I'm emotional." -He said in a whisper-

"you're fucking sad... Let it go, Arthur. Cry with me. I'm here." -She whispered, sitting on her plump ass with her hands releasing his cheeks to hold his hands. 

"you're always here...Tommy's lucky, you're practically a Shelby."  -that was wishful thinking.-

Arthur was rooting for his brother to be with Mary, in a way, he thought that her good nature was what his brother needed. A good woman who didn't want to change him and who genuinely loved him. He wanted to tell her that he considered her a Shelby and a good friend of the Peaky Blinders but words died at the back of his throat. 

"I'm not a Shelby. I don't think I'll ever be a Shelby and it's okay. I'm not.." -She paused and chewed at her bottom lip. Her heart sank, mostly because she realized that she actually wanted to be a Shelby. She wanted to be HIS Mrs. Shelby. but Marrying Tommy was definitely not something she could achieve, because marrying him required him to share her feelings, to want to have a life with her. He hadn't even noticed her, so why would he want to marry Mary? Still, her heart sank and it hurt so bad, that she ended up crying harder.- "I'm just very happy to be here and to care for you. You know you'll have to sleep well, right? I'll bring you some water and you will rest."

"Mary. Mary, please, don't leave me tonight." -He spoke but he was slowly drifting into sleep. He felt her grab his ankles and shift his body to help him lay back on the couch.- "Mary... I don't want to be alone tonight. I don't.."

"I'm not going anywhere. I'll sit in the chair next to you and I'll watch after you."

"Would you.. would you sing something to me?" -She nodded, wiping away the tears from her face and taking a deep breath. 

"Yes, of course. I'll sing to you until you fall asleep." 

She said, gently pressing her lips to his forehead before she sat on the chair next to the couch and started to sing. It took a while, some tears, some whines, and groans from Arthur before finally he calmed down and ended up falling asleep. Mary leaned into her seat and rubbed her eyes, devastated about the buried memory of her son that she unearthed to bond with Arthur. He would wake up later, she knew. and she would be there to help calm him. 

-TBC-