COPG: There she was, at long last!

Asma x Pride: There she was, at long last! 

//back to the current storyline. The big event! Elpis is finally free!

She didn't want to let go of him. Of his touch, of his smile, of his intoxicating presence. She didn't want to sleep. Sleeping meant it was the end and she refused to let it end.... but Asma was a mortal and no matter how hard she fought against her sleep, her body gave in. Pride wore her down, he made sure to give the human proper goodbyes. She had served her purpose and bravely protected a divine entity, despite the overwhelming influence of a sin that brought all the worst from her. She had protected the goddess despite her desire to keep Pride to herself and more importantly she gave him everything. The mortal was stubborn in her attempt to teach the sin about Love, and while he still didn't really understand the importance of such feeling, it did feel nice to him. She did leave a small impact on the Sin. But it was time to go, to let her return to a normal life. Their bodies were entwined, her head rested on his chest and her arms were wrapped around his waist. Her pink locks were sticking to her face, back and shoulders and her eyes, hazel with golden flakes were staring at the wall in front of her. Her fingers tried to dig into his hard flesh, holding onto him as much as she could but it was useless, sleep was slowly taking over her tired body. He planted kisses on her forehead as she still struggled against her urge to sleep. Her heart was racing, still on alert as if it knew everything would change the minute she would close her eyes, but her body was sore and her brain couldn't take anymore. Her plump lips trembled as words fought to be set free but got stuck. What was there to say when all was already said? She thanked him already, several times at that, for the life he gave her, for those moments they stole to Fate, for bringing Hope into her life again. She thanked him for bringing life back to her existence and showing her that there was more to her than what Fate had decided.

Her eyes were filled with unshed tears, the ones from the exquisite pleasure he had just given her moments ago and the ones from the infinite sadness that remained at the surface of her thoughts. It was over. It was over. He cupped her cheek and gently pressed his lips to hers into a searing kiss. This would be the last as her strength finally abandoned her and she welcomed Hypnos. Sleep took over her body, quietly drove her to the nicest place she could have been: her dreams. Sleep took over and just like that she said goodbye to the Sin. Pride sighed and placed her on the bed of the safehouse. He retrieved the Dagger of Fate and Quietly unlocked the spell that was kept hidden in the handle. The Sin took the human's hand and cut her wrist, enough to draw blood onto the blade safely. A flick of his fingers to heal the fresh wound, a few Latin words chanted by the creature were enough to activate the Dagger. Her body started to float above the bed and a body made of light slowly emerged from the human body. Long strands of pink locks appeared first, and slowly the rest of the divine body materialized. She opened her eyes for a brief second, more of a reflex than because she was actually awake, but he caught a glimpse of her golden orbs. The mortal's body landed on the bed and he caught the goddess' in his arms. Here she was, in a weakened state because she had just emerged back into this plane of existence. Here she was, real and in his arms. He snapped his fingers and teleported the two of them to the Underworld. He laid her on the bed and watched her chest heave up and down at a steady pace. She seemed uncomfortable, which wasn't much of a surprise since she had not been in her body for 2000 years, but she was doing fine. His hand stroked her pink locks and he stood up.

That was done, at long last. He had patiently waited for his moment and planned carefully for the primeval gods to give him an opportunity to get her back. Here she was, as bright as the sun and back with him again. He had to protect her from his siblings and hers, especially now that she was once again vulnerable to their attack. Pride knew that more troubles would come from his pettiness. He didn't need to have Elpis back, he could have gotten along with how things were, but she was his and she was taken away from him. Getting her back was the first step, but along with it, came the uncertainty of tomorrow. Along with it, came the unexpected. She didn't know the Pride he was today but after all, didn't she say her love was eternal? Didn't she say she would always find him? Didn't she claim to love him whole? Now was the real test for the goddess and if she wasn't able to love him as he was, then she never truly did. He furrowed his brows at those parasitic thoughts and blew them off with a shrug. What use could that possibly be when he had two wards to lead? It didn't matter if she liked him or not, she was his and she was back. He contemplated her beauty one last time, enjoying the sight of her and his own taste before he turned around and left his chambers. That was done, at long last!

Who is she?

I lost a girl who I once knew,
Not really understanding how and why it happened.
I always hear about her, from people who she once knew
But I forgot everything about this girl, I lost her.
Me... I lost myself.

I am the girl of that story, the one everyone knows a piece of.
I am the girl of that story, the one who got lost over the years.
Could it be that growing up made me lose that girl? Could it be?
I highly doubt, because when I look deeper into it, I realize that I don't know.
This girl, I never knew her.

Who is she?

I realized that I never knew her. As far as I can remember, there's nothing about her that stands out.
She was there, she existed, but she always was just a mist, nothing tangible, nothing real.
She was whoever others wanted her to be, she moulded herself after someone else's desire.
This girl wanted to be loved, to be accepted, she felt so inadequate that she tried to erase everything.
But that's the irony of it, there was nothing, to begin with.

Who is she?

I wept a lot for this girl I don't know.
I look at all the things she could have been but never was.
I look at all the hardships she had to overcome, just to make herself a place under the sun.
I look at her tears and her anger, I still feel the shivers she got because she felt empty inside.
I lost this girl. I lost her. And I have tried to find her again.
But I can't. She never was, to begin with, she just can't be.

Who is she?

There is only one way to go from now. It is forward.
I will move forward, reinvent myself in the process and I have been doing just that over the years.
Gliding through life, jumping from one trauma to another, destroying and rebuilding everything.
I did that! I reinvented myself, for every piece of me people took with them was nothing but a facet.
I'm a diamond. That's what I am. I shine too hard, I can't break that easily, I'm the hardest that is.

I am a diamond.

That's who she is. That's who I am. I have many facets, as many as there can be. I am complex.
I have to be worked on, over and over again until finally, I can reveal myself, my true shiny self.
I am a diamond, there's nothing else that I can be. Life knocked me out so many times but look at me.
I'm still here... I'm still here... I exist! I reinvent myself and live another life as my new me.
Yet I still need to know who that girl was and if I have truly lost her. Truth is... I haven't.
I have never lost her. I clawed my way through the dark, cut myself a piece of the sun.
I am still alive and kicking, alive and breathing, alive and trying. I simply am.

I never lost her, but I never took the time to know her. This girl. Me.
Now I have just started to unpack everything and by Gaea, she's a badass!
I'm a badass.

I'm a diamond.

A tempest in the heart

I am angry and disappointed. This is the truth I am trying to ignore. I am angry and sad because I thought you would come to me. I thought you would talk to me. I thought you would be worried about me and try and reach out to me but you didn't. You didn't and I don't know how to feel if not angry and disappointed. I know you don't have it easy as of now. I know you have your head full of your problems but if I really mattered, you would have sent me a message. you would have found a way to reach out to me. You would have found a way.

My heart is heavy and full of anger. it feels as if a tempest was wrecking havoc inside of me. It is thunder and lightning and all I want to do is come to you and slap your face. I am not to be played with, I wasn't to be played with. You can slap me back, saying I made a mistake when I gave into you. I would keep telling you that those were just words and they didn't matter because nothing was done out of that. We just talked, we just exchanged words. I never truly gave myself to you and never did you. All I know is that it left a bitter taste in my mouth because I felt like I was a game for you. I was a challenge. I was supposed to be a sexcapade for you but you never got it. you never got it from me and you have no fucking idea of how happy I am that you never got /me/. 

I am watching you with contempt and disdain now that I see that you are so easily willing to ignore me. I am in the most vulnerable situation I can ever be and yet you choose not to check on me. Don't fret, I don't need you. I thought I did, I wanted you to comfort me but you refused even the slightest encouraging word. Even the simplest "How are you?". Why is that? Because you're too worried about yourself? Sure, go ahead. be worried about yourself but don't come to me and pretend you are interested or you care because you don't. I see you, I see right through you and just like I used to, I am going to walk away from you and protect myself. I need to protect my heart because you don't deserve to have it. you don't deserve to see it. you don't deserve to benefit from it. 

I don't hate you because if I did, I would have ditched your sorry ass. I am upset at you and mad and angry and disappointed and because I feel all of that, then I will ignore you, give you a taste of your own medicine up until you come talk to me. Up until I see you truly want to be with me. Up until I see you really care about me. You won't know anything because I won't talk to you straight away and I wish and swear on all the gods and the spirits who care about us, that maybe when you will try and make a move it would be too late for you. I would have found someone who would care about me. I would be happy with someone else. I am wishing it now because it would be best for both of us. you would be focused on your life and I would be on mine, with someone who would care about me the way you never really could.

I have a tempest in the heart and all I can do is to let it rage on. 

To be human

She looked at her hands, unable to understand why her heart was beating so fast and when she couldn't seem to make it stop. Those hands, once as black as the darkest night were sprayed with millions of small stars, tearing apart the darkness and setting up light where once there was nothing. Feelings were overwhelming her and though she wasn't able to name all of them just yet, they were real.

« Is it how it feels to be human? » -She asked to herself-

What was being human? Was it being able to feel? Compassion, love, anger, hatred? Was it mating and procreating? Was it leaving something behind in order to become immortal? She couldn't say. To her it was a very alien notion since she spent most of her time trying to escape from the world she didn't understand. Its code was unreadable for such a strong individuality. Maybe being human was simply wanting to fit in? She never felt like it. She didn't need to find a pack and stick with it. But was it being honest?

Her hands were constantly reminding her of her vulnerability. Anyone could see her feelings, anyone could read her crystal clear. Wasn't it scary? To have someone able to strip you naked and see what you so easily concealed from them? Wasn't it a relief too? You wouldn't need to explain yourself for it would be written on you, easy to spot on and understand. Was it human to be so intimate with one's pain and fears? With one's love and hopes? Maybe.

« I kind of like it. It's warm. Sometimes it's painful but it only makes me appreciate the warmth even better. »

Maybe that was it. Those stars on her hands which sometimes made her feel good and others made her wince and weep, those stars were the silent messenger of life. They were telling her to live her life to the fullest, embrace the pain and seek for the warmth. Ultimately, she would find some balance between pain and joy, love and hatred, and all those emotions she still didn't know she could feel. It wasn't a curse. It was a blessing.

To be human... To feel alive.