GOT (modern): Oh Father

Bäahal visited Rhaegar's grave at the Targaryen Estate's family vault. She had not visited him since his death because she couldn't bring herself to acknowledge his death. She blitz-walked her way into the vault and stood in front of his grave. Unlike other Targaryen family vaults, this one was very sober. The graves were made of the finest marble with gold lettering.  Rhaegar's was beautiful and surprisingly still cared for. On the floor were offerings and flowers which embellished the place and brought some well-needed color to it. Bäahal felt a pang in her heart, the weight of her grief suddenly crushed her shoulders and like she always did when she was upset or overwhelmed, the young woman lowered herself and sat on the floor.  She put the bouquet of lilies she brought to her brother on the floor, near the other bouquets, and crossed her legs. 

Her heart was beating hard against her chest, hammering so loudly that she could hear it clearly. Her breathing was uneven, and sharp as she was holding back tears. The reality of the death of Rhaegar was setting in. She chewed at her bottom lip and covered her mouth with her right hand. What could she say to him? What could she say to make up for remaining silent during his funerals? Bäahal was stunted, unable to process the death of the only sibling who tried to make amends with her. A moment before his death, Rhaegar came to her and apologized for the way he mistreated her before. He realized that she was just a child who not only didn't ask to be born to their father but who also lost her mother to illness. She was just a child who became the scapegoat of her mother's hatred and who was bullied by her own siblings. She was just a child and he treated her like an enemy. Rhaegar was the only one who took an interest in what she loved, who encouraged her to pursue her dancing career, and who apologized to her. Then he died. 

"Hey..."

She shut her mouth and covered it with her warm hand once again. Could she really talk to him? Bäahal felt that she couldn't. It was above her strength. The young woman wanted to puke, she felt nauseous and her heartbeats went faster as she stared at the grave. Her eyes swelled up with tears and she fought a sob from erupting from her mouth.  She wanted to cry, she needed to puke... She couldn't just sit there and take in the fact that her older brother was dead and she lost the opportunity to know him better. She had worked through the anger she felt towards her father and had forgiven him for his shortcomings. He was a father who tried to be there for his children. He loved all of them and while he was not in love with his wife anymore, he still cared for her. She was still family to him. He was aware that falling in love with someone else would hurt her, but he couldn't fight his feelings for Sunni. He just couldn't. She was the one who asked him to stay with his family while she would raise their child by herself. She was the one who ensured that he didn't break his family apart to chase a feeling she knew could be fleeting. 

"Rhaegar... I..." 

Bäahal was still struggling to find her words.  Her breathing became more labored and she shook her head.  Aerys II hurt so many people with his choices. It was true that you couldn't choose who you fell in love with but his affection for her mother brought destruction to his family.  The physical and verbal abuse she received from her siblings and mother-in-law wrecked her self-esteem and her father, despite his attempt at making things better, couldn't fix it. He loved them until his death but they suffered because of him too. Rhaegar realized it and that prompted him to go on a healing path. Daenerys was slowly starting to follow their brother's steps but it took Bäahal's rebellion to get there. Viserys? Well, he was sober now and he did apologize for his violence towards her. Yet she was missing her father. She was missing Rhaegar. She needed to hear his voice again, to hear him speak to her again, and to see how proud of her he would be today. 

"I'm sorry... I'm sorry!"

She sobbed, unable to find her words. She turned around to puke on the floor as tears streamed down her cheeks. There was nothing she could have said, no coherent thoughts that could form in her mind because there only was sorrow in her heart. She was missing her older brother and only now, did she realize that he was dead, she didn't cry for him or speak at his funerals. He was dead and he would never come back to her. He was dead and he would never see how she was turning her life around and making progress with both her family and her personal life. A best friend, a lover... She was finally living instead of punishing her for existing and he was not here to witness it.  Bäahal sobbed harder, tears fell on the floor. She wiped her mouth with the back of her hand and ran her fingers through her hair.  Fuck.. Fuck.. Fuck! 

got: (modern) what would Rhaegar say?

 "What would Rhaegar say?"

Rhaegar was the golden child. His siblings looked up to him for every decision they made, even to this day, they all wanted to make him proud but it proved to be very complicated for them to achieve.     All three of the Targaryen siblings had an idea of what he would have said regarding their behavior and past decisions. 

Viserys, for example, knew that Rhaegar would be upset at him for the way he treated their sisters before meeting Kyra Lannister. He was self-destructive, he fell into an addiction to numb his pain, lived a high and fast life in an attempt to burn himself to death, and atone for his survival. Way too many things went wrong with him. He tried his best to keep his emotions at bay, buried deep into his psyche because he couldn't deal with the truth. the truth was, he was spiraling out of control and he would be able to escape this if he confronted himself. He was mad at his father for bringing chaos into the household, for falling in love with another woman, for fathering another child who looked so different. He hated Bäahal mostly because through her abuse, he was abusing his own father. It was some sort of payback, a cruel one to an innocent child who was as much a victim as they were. He was ashamed for what he did to that kid, for the violence he unleashed upon her, and for the fear he put in her heart. He was supposed to protect his sisters and yet, he failed in doing so. He knew Rhaegar would have scolded him if he was alive but he would also praise him if he saw the efforts his younger brother was making. Vis wanted to be a better man, Kyra showed him the way and he was following her lead to the best of his ability.  

Daenerys... Well, that would have been a different scolding. Rhaegar would not approve of the way she treated Bäahal since both parents died. He wouldn't like the desire to control everything around her, including the lives of her siblings nor would he approve of the vision she had of their father's legacy. Dany was traumatized, that was true. She lost her first husband to an undisclosed disease and her family crumbled. This branch of the Targaryen had to stay strong and with Viserys acting up and a bastard joining the family, Daenerys had no other choice but to put a cold mask on her face and "rule" this family with an iron fist. Did it make her happy? No! Her situation was up to a debate because while she was popular -and sycophants tried to get closer to her-, they didn't know the real Daenerys. It both annoyed her and was a privilege because she could only show her true self to a very limited audience. She thought that it was best if people feared her, or believed she was cold, rather than being openly sensitive and risking her safety the way Bäahal was. Things were changing, however. While Rhaegar would have been horrified that Daenerys used her sister like a vulgar piece of meat to gain access to the rich lands of Highgarden, he would have encouraged his sister to pursue her relationship with Jon Stark and for making small but noticeable efforts to actually treat her sister better. 

Bäahal... oh, what would he say to his youngest sister? he would apologize -again- for everything that she'd been through. He would apologize on behalf of his entire family, from the way his mother psychologically tortured Bäahal, pushing it so far that she ended up cutting her hair one day out of jealousy and anger and kept calling her "lonely" as a wicked nickname made to crush the girl's spirit. He would apologize for the physical violence brought to her by their brother Viserys, and the lack of emotion displayed by their sister Daenerys. He would apologize for the way his father behaved and the fact he died too soon. He would then scold her for her reckless behavior since Elias' betrayal. she let herself die a little when he left her for Dornes. The trust she had in mankind quickly dwindled after what happened to her and she started to increase her time outside. She was a social butterfly but was surrounded by fake people who were trying to get some of her fame, some of her money, or her sister's favors. She surrounded herself with bad people, knowingly so. After all, a bad company was better than no company at all.  He would be upset at her for agreeing to hide her relationship with Jaime and surf dangerous waves like he did. that love story ended up with his death and he would be afraid that his younger sister died because of an ill-fated love story. He would also encourage her. She was slowly becoming more mature, more cautious, more certain of herself.  He would encourage her and would wish her good luck. He might even be proud of Bäahal. 

All of them wished that their brother could see them from where he was, and prayed the seven gods old and new to protect his soul and his lover's soul from complete annihilation. He was a good lad, a fantastic brother, and a wonderful soul. And on the few couples of days, while they would honor the memory of their father, they would have thought for their departed brother. "

got (modern): To the brother I never knew.

To the brother, I never knew. 

Rhaegar, 

I wonder if the Father in his infinite wisdom and mercy saw the content of your heart  I heard of your great character and the exploits you're credited for. I have admired your honor and have wept for you upon learning you met your demise because you fell in love with a woman you should not have loved.  I can only pray for the Father to have sent you to a better place, near your ancestors and your loved ones. I can only pray that you can watch over me and that you can protect me from beyond.

I ask for your mercy, beloved brother. I ask for your guidance. I feel, still to this day, I feel inadequate. I feel that all I can do is bring dishonor to our house. I wasn't born a princess, I wasn't taught the way of the elite, and the circumstances of my birth were nothing short of sorrowful. I didn't feel worthy. I still don't. Brother, I haven't met you, nor did Dany but I am praying for your guidance today. I fell in love with a man who caused a great deal of pain to our family and our allies. I couldn't help myself and I tried to fight these feelings. 

I failed...And I failed very badly. You have been a witness to the endless nights spent crying on my bed or how heavy my heart is because I cannot ride Viserion anymore. I feel powerless. I feel voiceless. I feel so out of place, Rhaegar. I want to serve our House the best I can but deep down I cannot help but feel I am not doing so. I tried to honor my mother and her teachings as well... but even her, even her... I have failed her too.  Rhaegar, what should I do? What should I feel brother-mine? Who should I confide in? 

I apologize, brother-mine. I apologize for being alive. Perhaps, if I didn't exist, there would be no issues. Perhaps if I didn't exist, I wouldn't be a liability to this family. Perhaps they wouldn't have used me to try and hurt our sister. I can only promise you one thing: I will always put our House before anything else, especially before me. I would never betray her, no matter how I feel and I promise you that if I have to give up on my love for Jaime, I would. If I had to die for her, I would.  But I beg of you... Guide me. Please... Guide me... please...

Modern (GoT) : Her older brother

Modern (GoT) : Her older brother

A/N : Memories of Rhaegar: this song has been tearing my heart apart. I remember this anime, it was quite something, really. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oedAqSpze7I

It was just so tragic.

Xxxxx

Bäahal was at the private gymnasium of the Targaryen's palace. Since Rhaegar's death, her siblings rarely went to the gym -although perhaps once a week to maintain their physique- so she was most of the time alone. In the room dedicated to her, Bäahal was doing backflips. Just as she was doing the fourth in a row, her feet slipped and she fell on her back. The fall was quite hard and brutally cut the air in her lung, shocking her body a little bit and triggering a memory. Years ago, when she was still a teenager, Bäahal was trying to learn how to do backflips. She always failed and found herself on her ass quite often, much to her frustration. After yet another failure, she hit the floormat with her fists and growled lowly. Hearty laughter could be heard and made the young girl collect herself and sit on the floor.

Rhaegar was standing only a few steps away from her. How come she had not heard him enter the room? Was she too absorbed by her training that he was able to slip into her most sacred place? Blinking, she lowered her head and crossed her legs, taking a meditative position on the floor. Bäahal had always been on the fence with Rhaegar, never quite knowing what he wanted or who he'd defend. He usually and clearly loved his siblings and she had seen him laugh with the sociopathic angry pile of nerves that Viserys was. Yet, she also saw him protect her from said Viserys and his violence. The injuries he gave her with the metal tip of his boots left scars that were now smoothed out by time but very visible for whoever took a good look at her ribs. The crop top she was wearing didn't conceal those scars but she didn't mind when she was alone.

« Did you come here to mock me, Rhaegar ? » -She asked, feigning to be detached from his presence. But he could tell she was tense.-

« No. By the gods old and new, no! I came here because I was wondering where you've been. I know you like to train here sometimes. » He added, outstretching his arm just so she could grab his hand and stand up. « What are you trying to learn this time? »

«......No, seriously. Did you come here to mock me? » She asked, looking at his hand for a minute before holding it and standing back up. « Because I won't allow you to, not in /my/ space. The others would never bother entering my room anyway, so why do you? »

« I'm not like the others. They have their issues but I know your heart, Bäahal. » He smiled at her and grinned when she accepted the hand he gave her to stand up. « I repeat my question then, what are you trying to learn here, little one? »

« Little one ? » -She wrinkled her nose before she gave him a crooked smile and stroked the tip of her nose. It was said in an endearing way, similar to when their father called her.- « Mmmhh.. I am trying to learn how to do a backflip. » She finally told him, shrugging a little bit as he grinned even more widely and smacked his hands together.

« I'll show you how. » -He chuckled at her dumbfounded look.- « Come on, Bâahal. It's one thing I know how to do. You'll see. »

Back in the reality, Bäahal was looking at the ceiling, her breathing became more regular so she was able to sit on the floormat. Her heartfelt a pang, tugging at the strings of nostalgia. She was missing her older brother. Rhaegar was patient, loving, and caring. He spent as much time as possible with each of his siblings, including Bâahal. Her fingers traced the scars on her ribs, remembering the horrified voice of her brother as he grabbed Viserys by the collar and pushed him away from a bloody Bäahal. The incident was so horrific that even her step-mother, Rhaella, acted kindly towards the young girl and had her injuries tended by the Targaryen family's doctor.

She remembered the sharp pain, the coughs, and the tears mixed with her drool smeared over her bruised face. She remembered the anger in the voice of her older brother, who punched Viserys for what he did, much to everyone's surprise. She remembered his words as she was being stitched back together, how he said in front of everyone to treat her with respect because she was just like them, a collateral victim of all of this. She remembered the faint voice of people around her, and then just like that, the face of her departed brother flashed back in her memory. He'd just showed her how to do a backflip and was smiling, a smile so bright that it could have blinded her if it were a little brighter. He then helped her do it, first with his hands placed on her back and behind her knees so she could flip safely. After a few attempts, she finally did it with his help, so he removed his hands and took a few steps away.

«You're a good kid Bäahal. » He finally said, as he was catching his breath.- « You're a good kid. I know, I reacted badly when you first came. I was upset at dad for not telling us about you, then mom freaked out so we all did. » He then paused and put his hands on his waist. « But you're a good kid, you're a lovely sister and I hope you'd allow me to get to know you better. »

« Rhaegar.. » She tilted her head to the side, considering his words. « Let's say, that if after what you taught me I can do a backflip, I let you in. »

« Deal ! »

She did one and screamed her joy before she waved her hands and tried to do another one which failed. As she fell on the floormat, the air being cut off of her lungs, she opened her violet eyes and stared at the ceiling. A grin crept on her lips and she started to chuckle before she patted on the floor and her brother came and sat next to her. Her eyes were deeply looking at his face, a strange warmth overwhelmed her and she tapped the floor with her fingers. She had a brother, one who would look after her. She then went on and listened to how he met this Lyanna Stark and how she'd made him understand that the world wasn't only about Targaryens and he understood their father in more than one way.

It was enough to make the real one shed her tears as she felt the pang in her heart become more intense. Rhaegar was gone now, killed by a car accident. All that was left after he was gone was her dying father and then nothing. She pursed her lips and let a couple tears fall onto her cheeks. She bit her bottom lip hard and dropped her head, allowing the disheveled white locks to fall onto her chest and the floor. She simply wept, still smiling through the tears as the memory of her brother reminded her of a good day she had in these walls. She understood that loss was meant to remind the living of the dead and that in a way she was celebrating him.

-TBC-