Bäahal visited Rhaegar's grave at the Targaryen Estate's family vault. She had not visited him since his death because she couldn't bring herself to acknowledge his death. She blitz-walked her way into the vault and stood in front of his grave. Unlike other Targaryen family vaults, this one was very sober. The graves were made of the finest marble with gold lettering. Rhaegar's was beautiful and surprisingly still cared for. On the floor were offerings and flowers which embellished the place and brought some well-needed color to it. Bäahal felt a pang in her heart, the weight of her grief suddenly crushed her shoulders and like she always did when she was upset or overwhelmed, the young woman lowered herself and sat on the floor. She put the bouquet of lilies she brought to her brother on the floor, near the other bouquets, and crossed her legs.
Her heart was beating hard against her chest, hammering so loudly that she could hear it clearly. Her breathing was uneven, and sharp as she was holding back tears. The reality of the death of Rhaegar was setting in. She chewed at her bottom lip and covered her mouth with her right hand. What could she say to him? What could she say to make up for remaining silent during his funerals? Bäahal was stunted, unable to process the death of the only sibling who tried to make amends with her. A moment before his death, Rhaegar came to her and apologized for the way he mistreated her before. He realized that she was just a child who not only didn't ask to be born to their father but who also lost her mother to illness. She was just a child who became the scapegoat of her mother's hatred and who was bullied by her own siblings. She was just a child and he treated her like an enemy. Rhaegar was the only one who took an interest in what she loved, who encouraged her to pursue her dancing career, and who apologized to her. Then he died.
"Hey..."
She shut her mouth and covered it with her warm hand once again. Could she really talk to him? Bäahal felt that she couldn't. It was above her strength. The young woman wanted to puke, she felt nauseous and her heartbeats went faster as she stared at the grave. Her eyes swelled up with tears and she fought a sob from erupting from her mouth. She wanted to cry, she needed to puke... She couldn't just sit there and take in the fact that her older brother was dead and she lost the opportunity to know him better. She had worked through the anger she felt towards her father and had forgiven him for his shortcomings. He was a father who tried to be there for his children. He loved all of them and while he was not in love with his wife anymore, he still cared for her. She was still family to him. He was aware that falling in love with someone else would hurt her, but he couldn't fight his feelings for Sunni. He just couldn't. She was the one who asked him to stay with his family while she would raise their child by herself. She was the one who ensured that he didn't break his family apart to chase a feeling she knew could be fleeting.
"Rhaegar... I..."
Bäahal was still struggling to find her words. Her breathing became more labored and she shook her head. Aerys II hurt so many people with his choices. It was true that you couldn't choose who you fell in love with but his affection for her mother brought destruction to his family. The physical and verbal abuse she received from her siblings and mother-in-law wrecked her self-esteem and her father, despite his attempt at making things better, couldn't fix it. He loved them until his death but they suffered because of him too. Rhaegar realized it and that prompted him to go on a healing path. Daenerys was slowly starting to follow their brother's steps but it took Bäahal's rebellion to get there. Viserys? Well, he was sober now and he did apologize for his violence towards her. Yet she was missing her father. She was missing Rhaegar. She needed to hear his voice again, to hear him speak to her again, and to see how proud of her he would be today.
"I'm sorry... I'm sorry!"
She sobbed, unable to find her words. She turned around to puke on the floor as tears streamed down her cheeks. There was nothing she could have said, no coherent thoughts that could form in her mind because there only was sorrow in her heart. She was missing her older brother and only now, did she realize that he was dead, she didn't cry for him or speak at his funerals. He was dead and he would never come back to her. He was dead and he would never see how she was turning her life around and making progress with both her family and her personal life. A best friend, a lover... She was finally living instead of punishing her for existing and he was not here to witness it. Bäahal sobbed harder, tears fell on the floor. She wiped her mouth with the back of her hand and ran her fingers through her hair. Fuck.. Fuck.. Fuck!
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