SOA: Please come back

Radio silence....Mary looked at her phone, her fingers ready to tap on the keyboard to write a text to Maya. She pinched her lips together and put the phone against her chest. No... Not now. She couldn't write to Maya at the time. What if she didn't make it? What if she couldn't text her back because she was dead? She clenched her jaw and shook her head. No! Maya couldn't be dead! She couldn't be losing yet another family member. She couldn't cry, not now.. not until she was sure about what was happening. When Nakota texted her to tell her that Maya wasn't home because their cats had not been fed for a while, her heart sank. Maya was not negligent. She wouldn't have left their cats unattended. She wouldn't have stood Nakota up and certainly wouldn't have remained silent. They picked her outfit for the concert together, with Maya on a FaceTime conversation with her best friend. Mary remembered her girl waltzing around the room, trying on outfits she presented to her friend for her honest opinion. They picked the outfit together! They said "I love you" before Maya promised to text her when she arrived at the concert and to tell her about Nakota's reaction to seeing her. She honored the first part of her promise and then radio silence. 

Radio silence.... Perhaps she had forgotten? Mary tried not to make a big deal out of it at first because Maya was cautious and could protect herself well. So she simply worked. She tattooed her clients, took care of her dog Anubis, and enjoyed her solitude. All was well, right? Except it wasn't. Nakota texted her and her world crumbled. Anxiety took over as Mary was thinking about the worst. Anxiety took over because she knew that something had happened to her best friend. Maya had managed to escape SAMCRO. She wasn't a gangster princess anymore and she put this part of her life behind her.  She started a new life with Nakota, away from the turmoil and danger the life of a gang member could bring. So why? How? What happened to her between the moment she went to the concert and her disappearance? Mary held back a sob at the memory of her older brother Cody who fell victim to another gang. She had flashbacks of his body lying on the concrete,  riddled with bullets and soaked with his own blood. He played such a dangerous game and died because of it. Maya was out of that life, she couldn't meet the same fate, now could she? 

Radio silence... Soon after Nakota's text, he called her and they started to talk about what to do. Mary was ready to do anything in her power to find her sister. She needed to do something in order to keep her sanity because if she didn't, then she would have curmbled on the floor. Maya couldn't be hurt. She couldn't be hurt! She shouldn't be! After all she's been through, Mary wanted her best friend to finally enjoy a good life. She was her biggest support when Nakota entered her life, and she was the biggest supporter of them moving out of Charming. She needed to leave that cursed town to finally  start anew. She needed to leave to build her family, to make the life she wanted for herself a reality. Mary understood it and while the first couple months away from her friend were difficult, she got used to it. Maya was happy and it was all that mattered to Mary.  All was well... All was well until she received Nakota's text.  He told her what he knew, as he knew it. Maya had been abducted by her ex. Nakota had to go to her location and face that bastard. He was the one who held Maya's fate in his hands and that left Mary a nervous wreck, back at Charming. 

"I'm so useless... I can't help you from where I am. I don't even know if you're okay. What if Nakota dies? What if you... What if... It can't happen. It can't be. You can't be...oh Maya! Maya... If you die I would join you." She said, choking on her tongue as she bit back a sob. She couldn't imagine a world where her best friend wasn't alive. What could she do? How much more could she take?

Maya... She saved Mary's life. Plain and simple. When they met Mary was about to give up on everything. She was still an active alcoholic, nursing her broken heart with booze, crying herself to sleep at night. Her brother was dead, her parents were long gone and she was running away from an abusive ex who beat her self-esteem and drive down to a pulp.  Her shop was routinely vandalized and she didn't make a lot of money. Why did she keep on trying? When she met Maya, she took it upon herself to help the woman and stitch her up. It seemed like nothing but it was the first step towards a better life. Sobriety. Friendship. A future... A purpose. Maya became her sister, someone Mary would fiercely protect. Someone Mary would always support in whatever she wanted to do. Family...Mary couldn't lose her family again. She had to hear from Maya, maybe it was stupid, but she had to. She took a deep breath and started to type a text. 

"Hey, My favourite. I don't know in what fucked up state you're in but you better text me back and tell me that you're okay. I don't know what to do with myself and I've already ran out of theories about how you'll be back home.  I'm.. I love you. Please come home."

And she hit sent. 

And she still felt awful.

SoA: Reinvent yourself

 (SoA)

"Sometimes you need to reinvent yourself. I was a mess, long before I came to Charming. I was living on the run, hoping to find a safe haven in the town I was hiding at. It wasn't living, what I did there, was surviving my abusive ex-fiancé. I was always looking past my shoulders to make sure he wasn't around, always moving out when I felt I stayed too long or when he made himself known to me. A yellow rose, he used to drop it in front of my door and I would know he had found me. I used to suppress my emotions, pretend I was fine, put on a hard face, give into alcohol -yes, I was an alcoholic-, put on a mean mug as if I was telling the world to fuck off... All of that was bravado on my side. All of that was a way for me to pretend I was holding it together when I wasn't.

I wasn't.

Coming to Charming forced me to face my demons. Oscar found me but he died at the hand of my sister, Jessica. I opened my shop, started to make myself known, met Elias Robbins who broke my heart, I finally stopped having to deal with slurs painted on the front porch... I became sober. I found a family in the Sons, friends with the Pistons and the Dames, and Love in Alex. I guess I turned my life around.

Am I the same person I used to be before? No. not anymore. I had to start over twice. once after Elias broke my heart, and once after Oscar died. but I did it, and I'm grateful I did. So yes, sometimes you need to reinvent yourself, start over completely. erase all you used to be to have a healthier start in life and a better life. Is it easy? No, it's bloody hard. It's messy, there are relapses, regrets coming back to you, PTSD for people like me, and every day, you want to give up but hey, take it one day at a time, one step at a time. Soon enough, you'll be on top of the mountain you're trying to climb."

Asma Jensen, Tattoo artist at Charming, former Alcoholic

SoA :(Asma and Tig) The Tattoo

A/N: That conversation didn't want to leave my goddamn mind:)

xxx

Sunday morning, 6:30 am Asma's house.

Asma's chuckle echoed through the walls of the bedroom. Tig was on top of her, his strong hands wrapped around her thick leg as his waist bucked against hers. His baby blue eyes were staring at her body, focused on seeing her writhe with pleasure as he pounded into her wet petite core. Her hands were up above her head, holding the pillows as she bit her bottom lip and gently rocked underneath him. He grinned at her as she cupped his cheek and planted several kisses on his lips. She shut her eyes tight and wrapped her legs around his waist, encouraging him to keep going but his phone rang.

« Don't answer.. » Asma said, holding his cheek so he wouldn't look at his phone. « Please, don't... I'm close... » She said, but the phone kept ringing so Tig stopped and withdrew from her.

Chibs was the one calling because he wanted to talk about their current business, which of course made Asma roll her eyes and leave the bed. She was upset, mostly because it wasn't the first time that the two of them were interrupted by a phone call on a Sunday morning. Of course, that meant Tig would have to go and do whatever the club needed him to. She was... fine with it, she said she was, so of course, she was. What she wasn't fine with was the way she told him she was « in love with him ». It came out at the wrong time when she wasn't ready to say the words and since that moment, Asma had been thinking of it. Could they work as a couple? Could they be together and find a way to be happy? Wouldn't he be exhausted by her? By her lack of trust in herself? By her fears and insecurities? She had not truly looked back at her past, at the abuse at the hands of Oscar and how it broke her inside. She never even talked about his death and how she felt since she realized he was gone for good. She wanted to be committed but was afraid to do so and yet, she did confess her true feelings on a whim couple of weeks ago.

She watched as Tig walked in circles as he and Chibs talked about their current job. Asma was too lost into her thoughts to eventually listen to him, instead, she stood up, and walked towards her vanity where Tig's Christmas present was tucked at the corner of the mirror. On Christmas, aside from her own homemade kutte, he requested a tattoo from her. He wanted her to ink her name on his skin, which was one big step forward in their relationship. Both knew what a tattoo meant and how important such a gesture was but it felt like it was too soon for Asma. Why did he want to write his name on her skin, this soon? To have one's name on someone's skin was the highest form of commitment she encountered. It meant more than diamonds and gold, more than flowers and even more than a nice ceremony in front of the mayor. It was a commitment for life and beyond because even in Death the name would still be written on that skin until the body turned into ashes. She agreed to ink him, cried ugly in his arms and put the paper on the corner of her mirror to remind herself that this man was ready and willing to commit. But was he? She touched the paper with the tip of her fingers and sat on her vanity. Her smile was replaced by a worried frown as she crossed her arms on the table and sighed deeply.

He never said the words back, he never said them and it had been weeks. He didn't talk about the tattoo either, which made her believe that he simply wanted to impress her on Christmas. Tig hung up the phone, now aware of what the next move would be. Of course, a call like this killed his libido and Alex looked at his now limp dick that dangled between his legs. He sighed and looked around for Asma, only to find her sitting in front of her vanity. He furrowed his brows but before he could make up his mind, his body was already moving towards her. It always happened, he always felt the urge to make sure she was alright and comfort her, so he did and he put his hands on both her shoulders. She sighed and looked up to his face before she allowed her left hand to brush over his right one.

« I'm sorry about the call. »

« You don't need to apologize for that. It's the job... » She set her hazel eyes on him for a brief moment before she lowered her head and looked straight in the mirror. « Tig...I'm not mad....I'm not angry because of your relationship with the club. » She said, leaning her head against his chest.

« I figured that out. » He said, planting another kiss on top of her head.  « What makes you angry then? »

« I'm not angry. I'm... » She chewed at her bottom lip and gently rolled on herself, turning around so she could face him. She looked up to him and crossed her arms over her ample chest. « I'm thinking of us...I don't quite know... » She stopped talking, unable to find the right words.

« Wait wait ... » He said, crouching in front of her so he would be at her level. « Are you upset because I didn't answer to what you said when I left? » He danced around it and she opened her eyes wide.

« N...No. Not. Not that. I'm upset because I said those words when I wasn't ready to say them. I said... »

« Did you mean your words? » He asked, confused. She always confused him but he realized that she was making progress one day and took several steps back. He should know better, of course, she would. He knew her story, half of it, the part she experienced at the hands of Oscar so it was natural for her to be afraid. She was the prisoner of some sick bastard for years who tried to control every aspect of her life, from what she wore to what she said. She had to endure physical violence from that man and to top it off, she never addressed any of those issues but he knew.

« What if I did? » She asked with a cracked voice, which forced her to put a hand over her plump lips.

« It's not a bad thing, Bella. It's not. » He said, his heart soaring as he heard her confession. He did hear it right when she said it. She was in love with him and the information sent him over the edge. The biker tried to sound as reassuring as he could. His large hand cupped her cheek he started to stroke.

«Yeah? » He nodded, which prompted her to smile to him. Tig put his other hand on her cheek and gave her a tight smile. «Yeah? » He nodded again. « Then... in that case.. I meant my words. I am in love with you.....and it scares me because...I don't know how you feel, how you truly feel or if we're ready for this. » She said, wrapping her hands on his arms. « I want it to work Tig... but..I've been disappointed so much by the men I fell in love with that I am afraid to fall in love again.. but it's too late, I'm already in love with you and... I don't know how to navigate those troubled waters. » She admitted, eyes closed as she couldn't handle his reaction. It made him scoff and then chuckle and then had him stand back up and lean against the vanity.

« Well.....We're on the same boat here Bella. » He said, taking the paper and looking at it fondly. He remembered how her face lit up on Christmas when she saw this present. He remembered how her eyes filled themselves with unshed tears as she realized what it actually meant, but did she actually realize that it was his way of saying he was in love with her too? « I don't know how to do that either. It's been way too fucking long since I let someone in...Too fucking long since I actually had to care for someone else than me. I don't know how to do this or if I'm the right guy for you or if I even... » He trailed off and ran his hand over his face. «... This... this thing we have going on? It makes me feel good. » He admitted. « It makes me feel... Whole. » He handed her the paper.

« This is stressing me out Tig. The tattoo thing... it's a huge commitment you know? It means you want me to be in your life for all eternity.. it means you, love. /me/ enough to have my name on your skin. It means...we're /that/ serious. Are we? Are we? Because I don't think you realize just how. » He had her spin around again, this time facing him again and the mirror of the vanity. Her eyes were still wide open and she shook her head. She ran her hand through her wet locks and looked up at his face. « Do you love me? » She finally asked her hazel eyes shifty eyeing with him.

« I /do/ want your name on my skin...I know what it means and I mean it. » He said, holding her hand. « I-I... » She asked the question and he was left speechless for a while. She looked at him intensely, already convinced that he didn't love her and didn't want to hurt her feelings by asking her a tattoo he could remove with some laser. He knew it was a slippery slope but goddamnit, he couldn't just say the words like that. Why didn't she see the fact he wanted to actually have her name on his skin be the declaration of love he couldn't utter? She tried to remove her hand and he noticed her tears. She quickly wiped her tears off of her face and pushed the chair away but as she stood up, ready to leave the room, he grabbed her wrist, making her freeze. « Fuck that shit, Bella. You know I do. You know I love you. » He said, pulling her into a tight hug. As she held him in her arms, Asma eyes grew wide and she looked at him intensely.

« You do? » Her voice was still cracking but he nodded. « Say it again! »

« I love you, I'm stupidly in love with you okay? So much so that I want your name on my skin. » He planted a kiss on her lips and rubbed her back. « You and me, I know it's messy right now but...We'll learn together. »

« We'll learn together. » She repeated and closed her eyes.

He kissed her forehead and then kept her in a strong embrace. She was still shivering because she did force the words out of his mouth, just like hers left her lips without giving her warning signs. She felt her heart soar at the confession but also realized that he was as scared of love as she was. Both were on the same boat, as Tig said. Both were worried because they didn't have much control over their feelings. She was determined to find the confidence in confronting her past to have a better future. She knew that learning how to shoot would indeed, make her feel stronger and would have her reflect on the trauma she so nicely pushed under the rug of her mind. She closed her eyes and decided to let go of her worries and ran her hands on his back. They would do it together. Always and...

Forever.

-TBC-

SoA: Tig and Asma: I love you

//ON THE SPOT LITTLE MOMENT.That's the messed up moment she said: "I am in love with you". One she might retcon when he comes back. Ah! 

xxx xxx xxx

Tig wasn't peculiarly happy when Asma told him she wanted to learn how to shoot. He didn't want her to get hurt because that girl sometimes could be very clumsy, but he understood the need to feel safe. He couldn't always be there to protect her since he wandered around with the club and he couldn't always call to make sure she was safe. A gun seemed reasonable. She was reasonable unless she was angry, but there had been less and fewer reasons for her to be so Tig agreed. It wouldn't have changed anything for Asma, who was now determined to learn how to shoot but having his support encouraged her to be even more responsible. Jessica gave her a fake gun to carry around just so she could get used to having such weight with her under any circumstances. Needless to say, the very first days were uncomfortable at best. Now that the holidays were over and Tig was back to business with the rest of SAMCRO, Asma was once again nervous about all of this. 

She knew what they were and what they did for a living. She accepted the nature of their work and the dangers that came along with it. It did bother her at the beginning when she started to see Tig. He wouldn't always be home if they ever had a home, to begin with. He would sometimes come back injured or in a very bad mood and she would have to deal with it. She was aware of all of this but it didn't make it easier; When he told her that he would go back to working on that "car" he's been fixing with the boys, Asma took it very badly. She argued with him for a few days about how she didn't want him to go because her guts felt something would go horribly wrong and yet, she had to swallow her words because she knew already that he would never leave the club. He would never reject the life he was leading, not even for her. She didn't even know what she wanted aside from him being alive. Her heart was selfish, she was aware of that, but why wouldn't it be when finally, after years of misery she finally was happy?

As he prepared himself for the next mission, he found her walking in cycles in the bedroom. Her disheveled dyed pink hair fell onto her shoulders as she ran her hand through it. Tig observed for a while before he grabbed her arm, catching her attention and making her stop. Her hazel eyes looked up at his concerned face. He didn't want to leave her behind, but he had to go.His large hand cupped her cheek and stroked it while she sighed, defeated by her inner turmoil. 

"I'll be back sooner than you think, Bella." His voice wanted to be reassuring and soft but it didn't work very well as she remained defeated and sad.

"I know you will.." Her voice had cracks as she was doing her best not to cry in front of him. "Just.. be careful, that's all I'm asking for." She let her hand rest on his chest and felt his other hand wrap around her waist. "Just come back to me."

"I will. I promise." 

"It's a promise you can't make...Don't make it." She closed her eyes as he pressed his lips against hers. "Don't make it...Tig." She pouted as he pulled away. He felt the fake gun she had on her belt and patted her cheek with the hand that cupped it.

"Be a good girl, Asma and I will come back with a treat." He grinned, to make her grin and it worked a little bit. 

"This time, come back with a real treat. A real gift! I don't want to care about you being the gift okay?" She poked his chest and pursed her lips into another pout. 

"That's my girl. "

 He kissed her lips again and pulled away from her as he prepared himself to leave the room. Her eyes grew wide as she hated the sight of him leaving her. The hazel orbs shifted from left to right before she moistened her lips and bit her bottom one. "Be careful Bella.." He waved his hand, ready to leave but she wanted to stop him. Her heart was racing inside of her ribcage, beating so fast that Asma felt she was about to have a heart attack. Him leaving put everything into perspective, especially how she felt about him. She remembered a question Jessica asked her not so long ago about the relationship. "Are you happy with Tig?" it seemed like a no-brainer for her and she responded almost nonchalantly but the truth was... she realized the real weight her words had. Of course, she was happy with Tig but that happiness felt strange.

 It was a mix of pain and joy, of curiosity and fear, of apprehensions and relief. At this exact moment, she felt the pain of allowing him to leave her to face danger, the uncertainty of tomorrow and his survival. He played a dangerous game, one that didn't leave him unscathed and one that could also take him from her. She had just found happiness, why would Fate be cruel and take Tig from her? Thoughts were a mess in her mind, twirling over and over and over until only one thing came through. Her guts had her run towards him and wrap her arms around his waist. It was primal, poorly thought out but it was real. He stopped, eyes wide open as he didn't understand what was going on. The way she hugged him suggested she didn't want him to go, the way she was shaking informed him that she was affected by that..He patted her hands and tried to turn around but she wouldn't let him.

"Before you go...I just want you to know that I...I...." She swallowed hard and shut her eyes tighter. "I love you. I am..in love you... I love you and I want you to stay alive so I could say it again.." She shut her eyes tighter and pulled away from him slowly. "You have someone who longs for your return, so don't fuck shit up, Alex." And she pushed him forward, informing him that she had said her piece and he could leave now.  He was dumbfounded by all of this, mostly because it was the first time she actually said how she truly felt. It wasn't the cutesy "I love you". No! It was the real deal. The real one and for the first time in his life, he just realized he had nothing to say because he wasn't ready. 

"I won't fuck up." 

Was all he could say before he walked away to an anxious Asma who watched him leave her sides. As he left, she hit the front door with her fist and growled as she thought it shouldn't have happened like this. She shouldn't have open her heart on a whim. She should have.. but was it a good way to express one's feelings? Was it?

-TBC-

SOA: Tig and Asma

"He told me, 'baby let's go for a ride. I have all you need right below that belt'.

 I was interested, I didn't want to bargain. I said 'Sure baby, you show me yours and I show you mine.Just make sure you have enough oil cause this ride is going to take you places!"

He told me, 'Sure baby, whatever you need. I can last all night, I know how to drive'

And I did throw those panties away because you know, there's just so much waiting a girl can endure. I still can't believe it happened. I still have to bite at my inner cheek but damn that felt good. That felt exquisite even. He did know how to ride! trust me! I'm craving for his touch just thinking about it.

Do you think Jessica actually approves or is she just trying to be supportive? I don't know. it's just about having fun, harmless fun with someone who cares enough to treat me good ever since we met. Where's the harm in that? Can't a girl have some fun?"

SOA : Some good news and some bad

A/N: let her breathe some okay? Oscar storyline is not dead, as a matter of fact, he observed her for a year to get to know her and find the right time to make himself known. Now is the time. All usual disclaimers

Xxxxxxxx

One year sober. She did ruin this anniversary when she drank on her brother's anniversary. A moment of solitude led to a moment of weakness and she couldn't fight her demons anymore. Asma wasn't very proud of herself because she knew she would have to go through the same path over again. Start over, reset everything. It was a necessary pain and she was aware of that, but that didn't remove the bitter taste of failure in her mouth. Jax was kind, she wrongly texted him when she truly wanted Jessica's help that night and he brought her over to their house, pretending she needed a lift and their house was the closest so Jessica wouldn't know about her mistake. That was nice and it gave her a real chance to start over.

Therefore, this one year was gone. She returned to AA meetings and resumed working on herself for the last three months. The taste of alcohol wasn't the worst. It was the temptation that came back that was the worst. She had to struggle day and night not to succumb to the urge to throw some jack daniels into her throat and deal with the issue at hand the best way she could. By facing it. She had to force herself into acting instead of reacting and despite Jessica noticing a slight discomfort whenever her friend came over the house, she still had no clue that Asma did drink three months ago. It was okay, Asma was working very hard for it to work. She still went to the races where she would let speed be her new drug.

She still went to Jessica's house and spent time with her, the jellybeans and Lyla whenever the blonde stopped by and even allowed herself to spend some night at the local restaurants or discovering places she didn't know existed at Charming. It was okay, she even had it good. Since her business had been left alone and no racial slurs were painted in the last year, she even relaxed more at work. And boy did she work. Her business was good, known and appreciated. She received visits from local teenagers or young adult in soul-searching phases, but also bikers and SAMCRO members. Most of the time she fixed existing tattoos or added new ones but it was fine by Asma. Bills were paid and it was enough for her.

Something happened as well. A good new of the sort. A couple of days before Jax left town, she received a call from « Tiggy ». She couldn't remember how he got her phone number and suspected Opie for giving it to her, not that it mattered. He called and he came over for a « tattoo ». Well, he didn't actually need to be inked but he wanted to see and talk to her. They talked, she couldn't remember the conversation, her mind was too busy feeling attracted to him to actually allow her to focus on him. They kissed and kissed and undressed each other to finally have sex at her shop. Not the most comfortable place you'd argue, but it happened there. Then she went home with him and it happened again. It lasted quite a few hours before he left her place and went back to his.

But it happened. She had sex! Asma kept it to herself for a couple of days, unable to say if it really happened or if she dreamed the whole thing but a text from Tiggy brought her back to reality. It did happen, he did it, it was most likely to happen again and she wanted to have it. He was a complex man with a huge emotional baggage. There was no need to be Sherlock Holmes to notice that he was troubled. Of course, there also was the issue of him being part of SAMCRO and therefore tied to illegal activities but it was way above her head right now. They fucked so what? It wasn't as if she wanted to date him or anything -or he for that matters. So of course, she shushed that thought away and focused on being happy to finally have itched a very intense scratch.

It did make her eager to remain sober because she did remember everything that happened that night. She remembered the words they exchanged, the things they did, the shivers it sent down her spine, the relief and the pleasure of being fucked. Of course, she would want to still be able to remember so she pushed through the AA meetings. « Hi my name is Asma Jensen and I'm an alcoholic. » became her routine for the last couple of days. Tiggy left town with his crew so she had no idea of where he was and why he was away but it didn't matter. He would return. He would yes? It became easier for her to open up about the reasons that led her to drink.Since she started the programme, she always talked about everything BUT the main reason that led her to drink.

She talked about her mother being so ill she had to be taken to a medical facility. She talked about her brother being in a gang and being murdered the two weeks after she arrived in town. She talked about the racial slurs painted on her shop and the judgemental Stepford moms who had nothing better to do. She talked about her limp, her lack of sexual activities despite having found a solution lately and of course she talked about her loneliness. What she didn't talk about was Oscar. « Hi, my name is Asma Jensen and I am an alcoholic... » did come with its perks and its flaws. Of course, talking helped, and the counselor really did a good job to help bring out the most painful memories for you to talk about and understand your addiction. Of course, you needed more than just a conversation but it was part of the healing and she appreciated to be able to talk about it. She felt better, she felt more grounded and at last, she began to have a future.

« Hi, my name is Asm-- » She couldn't finish her sentence that very evening. It was such a shame, it was a night she decided would change everything for her because she would finally be able to talk about her biggest issue. She was ready to open up about her trauma and face her fears. It would do her great, it would do great by Jessica and the kids too. She wanted to do right by her friend, and by herself of course. It was first and foremost a quest for well-being, a personal quest for feeling better and be happier. It didn't take away from Asma's need to be a better person to be around, especially when kids were involved. She froze, unable to talk. He was sitting in the group she was addressing, right in front of her. At first, she didn't notice because he was wearing sunglasses, but soon enough he took them off and she could see it was Oscar. How bold did he feel to actually appear in front of her? Asma's heart sank and she quickly mumbled an apology before she headed towards the exit. Her blood pressure level increased, her legs became weak, her heart skipped several beats but she knew one thing: she had to get out of there.

He followed her quietly, walking behind her as if he owned the streets of the small town. She tried to walk faster but she knew that she'd trip and fall and it would be his cue to grab her. She took her phone and tried to call Jessica but her hands were shaking too much. As she finally reached out her car, She successfully called Jessica but before she could put the phone in her ear to cry for help, She turned around, to see if he was still following her but there was nobody. Swiftly, Asma entered her car and left the place as fast as she could. Jessica missed her calls because she had to cater to Abel needs and maybe it was for the best because the Asma she would have had the phone would be hysterical. She parked in front of her house. The neighborhood was silent given how late it was so Asma knew she would have to be careful not to make too much noise. She wiped away the tears that finally rolled down her cheeks and took a deep breath.

Yes, he was in town. He announced his presence several months ago with a yellow rose, how else did she think it would turn out to be? He was probably observing her, maybe he knew about her house? It wasn't safe for her to stay there so she didn't think twice and turned on the engine of the car. Jessica called her but Asma didn't hear her phone. She didn't know where to go, where she wouldn't put anyone in danger. She would have gone to Tiggy's place if she even knew where it was. She would have gone to Opie and see where he could keep her safe or she would have gone to the auto repair and stayed the fuck out of sight and under their protection.

But nobody was home. Nobody was there except for Jessica. Panicked and crying, Asma picked up some speed and quickly arrived at Jessica's house. She parked there and yanked her head into the headset. What could she do now? Oscar found her, let her know he was there, and finally moved on to actually meeting her face to face at her AA meeting. She took a deep breath and her reflexes had her open her purse to take a flask of whiskey she usually kept inside. There was nothing, so she searched the car and found nothing in there too. Shit ! That's what you get for leading a clean life! There was no trace of alcohol in her car which frustrated the young woman who leaned her head back into the headset and looked up to the roof of her car. It was bad, it was more than bad...

She couldn't escape from him. No matter where she was, he would always go after her. She knew that now. She couldn't even drink to forget. Her new way of life forced her to feel and what she felt at this exact moment was fear. Her phone rang again, Jessica being worried not to hear from her friend and she picked up the phone, wiping out her tears.

« Hello... Jess ? Do you have a spare room for tonight? I have nowhere else to go. »

At the other end of the phone, Jessica replied with a quick « Yes » and asked her where she was but she heard the sobs of her friend and started to ask questions « Are you alright? Where are you? I can come get you. Asma ?  Are you safe right now? » But questioned remained unanswered because Asma was still sobbing.

« I'm right outside your front door. » She managed to say before she started to sob harder. Of course, Jessica decided to come pick up her friend and went outside. She gently let Asma see her before she knocked on the door to urge her friend to get out of the car. For a brief minute, Asma thought that it might have been a bad idea to come and endanger her friend but she opened the door and quickly found herself entangled in a soft embrace.

« Come inside and tell me what happened okay? »

She would, once she would catch her breath, Asma promised Jessica she would tell her what happened earlier. Everything, from her sexcapade with Tiggy to Oscar reenacting « good omen » on her.

(TBC)

SOA: the inks on my skin

"Many would believe that I became an inker because I wanted to escape from Oscar. He had ruined my chances to become an astronaut and I needed to get away from him and his abusive hands.

It's not completely wrong. I actually was looking for a way-out and knowing Oscar, he would have found me if I had a job close to what I used to be interested in. Space engineering.

But Inking people wasn't a random choice either. I believe that when you ink your skin you are telling a story. You are telling who you really are and wear it proudly. It never goes away, that sense of pride and that genuine joy you could feel when you look at your tats. I wanted to be the means people could express themselves and become their true selves.

I wanted to tell their stories and in a way empower them the way that was denied to me. I think I did a pretty good job. I can be proud of it. I tattooed myself, Of course, I didn't do the pieces on my back but I designed them so it's all the same. I told my story, wore my heartbreaks and fears on my skin like a testament of who I was. I told my dreams and joys on my skin like a testament of who I wanted to be.

It set me free. Fuck yes it did!