A tempest in the heart

I am angry and disappointed. This is the truth I am trying to ignore. I am angry and sad because I thought you would come to me. I thought you would talk to me. I thought you would be worried about me and try and reach out to me but you didn't. You didn't and I don't know how to feel if not angry and disappointed. I know you don't have it easy as of now. I know you have your head full of your problems but if I really mattered, you would have sent me a message. you would have found a way to reach out to me. You would have found a way.

My heart is heavy and full of anger. it feels as if a tempest was wrecking havoc inside of me. It is thunder and lightning and all I want to do is come to you and slap your face. I am not to be played with, I wasn't to be played with. You can slap me back, saying I made a mistake when I gave into you. I would keep telling you that those were just words and they didn't matter because nothing was done out of that. We just talked, we just exchanged words. I never truly gave myself to you and never did you. All I know is that it left a bitter taste in my mouth because I felt like I was a game for you. I was a challenge. I was supposed to be a sexcapade for you but you never got it. you never got it from me and you have no fucking idea of how happy I am that you never got /me/. 

I am watching you with contempt and disdain now that I see that you are so easily willing to ignore me. I am in the most vulnerable situation I can ever be and yet you choose not to check on me. Don't fret, I don't need you. I thought I did, I wanted you to comfort me but you refused even the slightest encouraging word. Even the simplest "How are you?". Why is that? Because you're too worried about yourself? Sure, go ahead. be worried about yourself but don't come to me and pretend you are interested or you care because you don't. I see you, I see right through you and just like I used to, I am going to walk away from you and protect myself. I need to protect my heart because you don't deserve to have it. you don't deserve to see it. you don't deserve to benefit from it. 

I don't hate you because if I did, I would have ditched your sorry ass. I am upset at you and mad and angry and disappointed and because I feel all of that, then I will ignore you, give you a taste of your own medicine up until you come talk to me. Up until I see you truly want to be with me. Up until I see you really care about me. You won't know anything because I won't talk to you straight away and I wish and swear on all the gods and the spirits who care about us, that maybe when you will try and make a move it would be too late for you. I would have found someone who would care about me. I would be happy with someone else. I am wishing it now because it would be best for both of us. you would be focused on your life and I would be on mine, with someone who would care about me the way you never really could.

I have a tempest in the heart and all I can do is to let it rage on. 

Dear Bryan Singer

Dear Bryan Singer,

You know how to make movies, you obviously put a lot of work into it. I praise you for that. You simply don't know how to make x-men movies. I have been talking in length here and there about the atrocious trilogies and spin-offs you offered us and yet, the only movie I liked (despite the changes some characters went through and the tropes some others went through (Emma, Darwin?...) it still was better than the other 8 movies or is it 9 you made.

You don't care. obviously! You tease us with special effects and bunch of characters you wave at our faces but you don't care. Why do you want to add X, Y, Z faces we know you won't exploit, if it's only to have them killed or benched? why do you ridicule so many of them? (Storm for example? Cyclops for example? Psylocke or Jubilee too? Bishop? WOLVERINE for God's sake.)

I have been fooled way too many times by your tricks. I thought, "oh this movie would be different" but it's not. I would have been happier if you focused on these two characters you love so much, Charles and Erik. tell us a story about them instead. tell us a story that focuses on what it is to be a mutant, how the world perceives them (how their families, friends.. not just the world as a whole. we need to see the fear, the rejection or the acceptance. NOT BEING TOLD about them). I would have been happier. Build a team instead of throwing big names you don't give a shit about. give us the time to get to know them, care for them, go for something smaller.

But no. You thought, "oh Everyone loves and knows Apocalypse, let's go for him instead". you Ruined Mystique, sincerely. less in the first couple of movies (in spite of her pinning for Magneto and then Wolverine. sure, let's have her be weak for men. Have her want to be "loooooved" SURE! SURE! that's so Mystique right?) but you still managed to screw her up and what she embodies! thank you.. not!
I tried to look at your movie with a distant gaze, look for symbolism, for hidden messages, for something to analyze it but it lacks substance. it's just throwing ideas here and there and see what sticks to the wall... Nah ah. I can't like it.

I already decided not to watch any of your movies again. I might stick to Deadpool because he gave me in 1h58 more X-men vibes than any of your movies did. So I'll stick to this director and ignore you forever.

PS: Can you STOP with the Phoenix already? WHy are you so obsessed with this shit? you don't know how to tell that story, Give up on it. I beg of you. It already was so hard to go through Apocalypse without being angry and sad but the minute I saw Jean freaking Phoenix Grey... I lost it. Stop. please. And stop with your tropes too. it becomes too predictable. You have a wonderful source material, the potential to write great stories, to reach out to the core of your fans and maybe even, tell teach them a lesson or two about tolerance and self-acceptance BUT YOU MISSED THE POINT.

Stop making the x-men. I beg of you. Go make all the other movies you're good at :)

Sincerely yours,

An x-fan of yours.