Nixus: A night out

"Why are you so nervous, Cal? Is it because you're going to meet Chief Walker's girlfriend for the first time, or is it because you're hoping that her friend is as pretty as she is?" 

"Bullshit! Cass, I am just a bit nervous around Chief Walker, that's all. I've gotten on his nerves today, and I don't want to make any more mistakes." -The blonde woman nudged her colleague's chest-

"Relax, Cal. He does not dwell on mistakes. He knows you'll work hard not to make the same mistake again. We've been there before. Chill, take a beer. Oh, here they are." - He groaned and cleared his throat. Debbie Malone walked into the bar, in a gorgeous floral dress and small black heels. She had locked arms with Phoenix, who was wearing a simple long-sleeved t-shirt and a pair of black pants with loose fabric and black heels-

"Hiiii baby! How was your day?" -Debbie tiptoed while Chief Walker bent forward to press a kiss to her lips-

"I have been waiting for this sweet moment all day long." -He grinned and then looked at Phoenix and waved his hand to greet her. She nodded and waved back at him-

When Debbie invited Phoenix over for a night out with Chief Walker, the teacher agreed to go. Her best friend noticed that it had been a while since she indulged in a night out with friends, and she wanted to help Phoenix relax after dreadful "parents' and teachers '" meetings. So the honey-haired woman let Debbie drive her to a bar a couple of blocks away from the firehouse. There, Chief Walker and three of his colleagues were waiting for them.  There was a woman, Cassidy, a brunette with green eyes and olive skin, a man called James, tall and muscular with short blond hair and blue eyes, and another man called Callum, a brown-haired man with a lean build.  All three welcomed the duo with arms wide open and ordered beers for the whole table.

The bar was full, and truly, upon taking a closer look at it, Phoenix realized that it was a firefighter bar, with the occasional cops drinking there too. It even doubled as a sports bar since there was a huge TV on the wall that constantly played football games.  Phoenix greeted everyone personally and sat next to Debbie, who was already melting in her chair, next to her boyfriend.  The teacher made herself comfortable in her chair and tucked some hair behind her ear. Phoenix always took time to just observe her surroundings. She listened to everyone, watched an enamoured Debbie, lovingly staring and talking to Chief Walker. When everyone settled into a pleasant routine, she stopped talking and grabbed her phone. She felt a bit guilty because her thoughts were focused on Marc when she promised Debbie she would be thinking about herself and socializing with others. Phoenix wanted to, she tried really hard to, but ever since she had the guts to ask Marc out, she felt like she was on cloud 9. Her footsteps were lighter, her heart was full, and her thoughts were filled with memories of that hot cop. 

She chewed at her bottom lip, scrolled through her contact list and stopped by Marc's name. He was registered under the name Marc "boyfriend" Flynn. It was corny, extremely corny, but she had to write it down (and replace the other corny nickname "Hot cop" she initially used for him). She wanted to make sure it was real, that she was dating him and not imagining things. She had already decided that it would be temporary until she found a better nickname for him. Seeing his name made her heart flutter, and for a brief moment, she remembered his face in the morning, under the sheets. She remembered his smile as he cupped her cheeks.  It was so warm that she could feel the butterflies in her stomach. She could feel her heartbeat go faster and her heart dance in her ribcage. She loved the wrinkles in his eyes, the dimples on his cheeks when he genuinely smiled, the way his eyes lit up when he saw her. It made her feel seen... wanted.. and alive. 

Across the table, Cal was looking at her. When she walked into the bar, he didn't think much of her. She was pretty, but she was doing her best to be invisible, and at first, he mistook her behaviour for shyness. Yet, he heard her laugh. He watched her face light up, and that made him focus on her. She was beautiful, far more than he expected her to be. Her honey-haired was gently framing her face, complementing her cerulean eyes well,  and he was left staring at her with a growing interest. He watched her face warm up to her screen, and an elbow nudge from Cassidy tore him out of his thoughts. 

"You should go and talk to her. She is very pretty, and I don't see a ring on her finger."

"What are you, Cass? A matchmaker?"

"All I'm saying is that I see the way you are devouring her, so go cowboy, shoot your shot." -He cleared his throat and shrugged. She was right. What was there to lose? Debbie noticed Cal walk up to her best friend and decided to keep an eye on their exchange just in case. Phoenix noticed someone was standing in front of her and  stopped looking at her phone to acknowledge the man before her-

"Phoenix, right? Hello."

"Hello, uh, Cal, is that right?" -He nodded and put his hand on his chest- "How is the evening going? I'm sorry, I have been a little bit distracted-

"Well, the person who is making you smile like that is definitely lucky." - He smiled at her, and she blushed- 

"Thank you, well... It's my boyfriend. I was trying to be a good girl tonight and not text him, but I failed. Aha." -She put her fingers to her mouth,  and then gave him a sheepish smile. She said it out loud! She said she had a boyfriend. Cal's disappointment was unmistakable, and she realized that he actually wanted to flirt with her.  Did she turn down someone? Cal sighed but smiled afterwards. He took a chair out and sat next to her.

"Well, I was right. He is a lucky man. I just had to try my luck. I think you are beautiful. Tell me, who is this lucky guy?"

"Are you... Are you serious? I've just told you that I have a boyfriend and you're not mad?" -He shook his head and laughed- "What's funny?"

"Sincerely, with the type of job I am doing, I have thick skin. A pretty girl turned me down, and that's the highlight of my day. Come on, tell me more about that guy."

"He is a cop. He's a bit older than me. Uh...He's trustworthy, hard-working, genuine and safe.... He makes me feel safe. He is very clever and very observant. I... It's a very new relationship, but I'm constantly thinking about him." She said in a little confessing tone. Was it the excitement of being in a relationship that took over her rationality? Or was it the fact that she admitted to someone who was not her best friend? Cal found her endearing; she spoke as if this relationship with Marc was her very first. It reminded him of high school, and he gave her a warm smile. 

"Now, that's a hard sell! He looks like a nice fella, and you look very much in love with him, Phoenix." - She nodded and then dropped her head to hide behind her curtain of hair- "It's okay, I think it's cute. I hope that he will treat you right then, and if not, I will happily pay him a visit." -He chuckled and took a sip of his beer while she fidgeted with her hair-

"Don't worry. I'm a big girl. I can handle myself pretty well. Do you think I should text him? He's working right now, but I miss him, and I want him to know that." - He chuckled and nodded-

"Do it. I know I would have been happy if a beautiful girl like you had texted me something so cute."

[Texts: Boyfriend] "Hey, Tiger. I am sending you all the strength for your shift. I am out with Debbie, but all I can think of is you. I miss you. Stay safe."

She showed Cal her text and bit her bottom lip while he read it.  Nix blushed harder while Cal nodded and smiled at her. He gave her a thumbs up, and she hit send. She then put her phone in her bag and cleared her throat. 

"I don't have much experience when it comes to dating. I had someone before, but I can't even call him a boyfriend because he never did the bare minimum with me. He broke my heart in ways I never knew it could be broken, and I shut down completely. I wanted the world to forget about me, heck! I wanted to disappear from the surface of the planet, but then I met Debbie, and she became my best friend. I then met Marc, and now my broken heart is slowly mending itself.  I hope that my love would not suffocate him. I hope that he will be happy with me. I hope I won't make mistakes and be a bad girlfriend."

"I am sure you won't be. You care about him. Do we fuck up sometimes? Definitely.  All we can do is try to avoid making them or make up for them. You care about him, and as long as he feels it, you're good." - He lifted his beer- " Let's drink to that new relationship and no hard feelings for turning me down." -She clicked her beer to his and took a sip of her beer-

Karaoke night started, and suddenly, people gathered around the TV. Some people started to sing, and Nix's face lit up. She glanced at Debbie, who excitedly nodded and turned to Wallace, and they all stood up to join the group of amateur singers. Nix could feel her heart pound against her ribcage. She wanted to hear Marc's voice again, but knew that it was not possible. Not when he was on a shift and not when she was supposed to enjoy a night out with friends. Cal nodded and went ahead. Cassidy and James followed. Debbie grabbed Wallace's hand and walked towards her friend. 

"What was that about?"

"To quote Cal, he tried to shoot his shot with me, but I turned him down without even realizing it, ah! I told him I was smiling because I was thinking about my boyfriend."

"Aaawwwww! Did you hear that, honey? She is lovestruck." She jumped a little bit and then wrapped her arms around Chief Walker's waist. 

"Perhaps someday we would go on a double date with Debbie. I have worked with Marc Flynn a couple of times, on cases that needed us to collaborate. I would like to meet him under more relaxed circumstances. Besides, if you chose him, that could only mean that he is a good guy."

"Chief! Do you trust me that much?" -She giggled- "But thanks. I will keep that in mind. We haven't actually met each other's friends, but when we decide to, I will talk to Debbie." - She fanned herself with her left hand and pointed at the karaoke spot. "Until then, shall we go and have fun singing tonight?"

"We shall go." -He smiled and let the two women go ahead of him. 

Wallace was not the kind to speak more than he should. He was fond of Phoenix and considered her a dear friend of his. She selfishly helped him romance Debbie and know what she liked so he could pursue her the right way. They became good acquaintances, maybe even friends, now that he was dating Debbie, and he quickly became protective of her. The firefighter almost chuckled at how small the world was when his girlfriend told him about Phoenix dating Marc Flynn. He knew the man, enough to trust him and to see how professional he was.  He knew she was in good hands and genuinely wanted to meet the man. Phoenix seemed happy.  She mingled with the group, talked to Cassidy and James, and applauded the people who sang those popular songs. She even boldly took the mic and sang the next song with a beautiful voice. 

"She needed that night out, honey. I'm happy to see that she's having fun."

"You always know what to do, honey. I am glad to see her like that." 

He stood behind her and wrapped his powerful arms around her waist. He pulled her against his hard frame and pressed a kiss to her temple. Nix was happy; she was able to spend a night out with friends. She was able to relax and even mentioned having a boyfriend, and discussed it with a complete stranger. She realized that even in this setting, well, she couldn't help herself but think about Marc. She was thinking about when they would see each other later that night. She was thinking about running a bath for the two of them, about feeling his arms wrapped around her waist and his lips pressed to her neck. She wanted to see him again and felt a little pang in her heart. She would see him again, soon and would be able to tell him about her good night out with her friends. Life was good, and for the first time, Phoenix thought that she was actually having it good.  She was having it good. 

-TBC-

The Pitt: The bachelor pad: first steps. WIP

//Adding a second chapter because I want to see them in their intimacy. For this chapter, I will only call Dr. Robby, Michael, and Dr. Okwuje-Mclane, Nana.//

The Pitt, end of shift:

Once his shift ended and they wrapped things up with the night shift, Dr. Robby waited for Dr. Okwuje-McLane to join him, and the two took a cab to his bachelor pad.  During the drive, Michael remained silent, unwilling to break the comfortable silence that had settled between them and the cab driver. He needed these moments of silence -which he usually filled with music in his AirPods-, out of his mind, out of his life. She needed to recharge her batteries and rest her voice for the whole duration of the trip. Silence felt good, and as she leaned her forehead against the car window for the whole trip, the young woman focused on how her shift went. 

It was exhausting, perhaps more since she had a meltdown. It made her realize that she was, after all, still traumatized by the slaughter of her family. She lost control of herself to the point that she lashed out at her colleagues and showcased so much anger that it made her bark at them. It made her bark at him! Nana chewed at her bottom lip and furrowed her brows until they arrived at his building. After the car dropped them off at his apartment building, they kept the comfortable silence between them, and she followed him to his floor. He grabbed his keys and, in a swift motion, the man opened the door of his place. 

"Well... Welcome to my man cave." - Michael joked and let her walk into his place before he closed the door behind them- 

"It looks like you." -She whispered while she removed her tennis shoes and placed them near the front door, right where Michael put his shoes. She then walked into his living room and placed her bag at the sofa's feet.-

"What is that supposed to mean?" -He inquired with a quirked brow. She chuckled and shook her hand as if to tell him not to take her words too seriously- "No, really, Nana, what do you mean by it looks like me?"

"It's dark and mysterious..." She grinned, stretched her arms, and sat on the sofa- "I'm joking. This is a bona fide bachelor's pad. I can see your vinyls... I can see your medical books, pictures on the wall, a guitar here, and some magazines on the table. I'm very sure your bedroom looks like a worse version of the living room." -She chuckled when she saw Michael close the distance between them and  sat on the sofa next to her.-

"Well, if you behave tonight, maybe you will be able to see my bedroom." -She took a fake outraged look on her face, and he chuckled- "Yes, miss ma'am, you've been put on notice, so you better behave tonight."  He rested his elbow on the sofa and tilted his head to the side. He thought to himself that he enjoyed her relaxed features, that it felt good to hear her laugh and chuckle, that she was beautiful, and he wanted to kiss her. The impulse became stronger, but he managed to resist it.  

She set her hazel eyes upon him, and for the first time since the start of the shift, he saw her relax. His brown eyes focused on her frame, strong yet soft and curvy. He looked at her ample chest, barely covered by a tight white long-sleeved t-shirt. He then averted his eyes from her chest to her thighs, comfortably wrapped by denim jeans. Nana was quite tall and gorgeous. Her face was soft and round, her hair a beautiful afro that crowned her face. At this instant, in the living room, Michael could only think about how beautiful Nana was and how happy he was to see her on his sofa. It felt as if she had always belonged here, and that brought a smile to his face.  She gave him a sheepish smile and gently moved from her seat to get closer to him, close enough to lean her head against his shoulder.  She was indeed feeling better, now that they were alone in the living room. Michael was a tranquil and calming force in her life, and his presence helped reduce her stress. They were no longer at the ER but in a private setting, and she knew she would not be judged with him. 

Instinctively, Michael wrapped his arm around her shoulders and pulled her into a tighter hug. He wanted to feel her close to him. He wanted to lose himself in her lovely scent, in the steady rhythm of her heartbeats, and in the warmth of her body. He wanted to feel her hand rest on his chest and her lips pressing kisses to his pec, to his shoulder, to his neck. So they stayed in that nice embrace for a while, comfortable in the silence that had settled between the two of them. He used his phone to blast some music for the two of them to enjoy. An odd choice, but one that made sense since he did not want to move from the couch to put on some vinyls. She did not care for the music, at least not now, not when she was in Michael's arms, so it did not bother her at all to listen to whatever he put on. 

" Thank you, Michael... For what happened in the trauma room. I lashed out at you, at Princess... at Mel.. Everyone in that room got to see the worst version of me today. I apologized to each of them personally for the way I conducted myself in the ER."

"Good. You did not have to, but you still did it. It speaks volumes about your character, Nana." 

"Maybe... I guess? They were all very understanding. Still... I wanted to thank you as well, now, with a cooler head than in the pedes room." -She pinched her lips and looked up to his face-

"I appreciate it." - He could not find the right words, as she had taken him aback. He was expecting them to relax on the sofa, but she clearly was not done with the day, so he indulged her- "I am not upset at you and never was. Grief... Is never linear, and it never ends. It softens, that's all. Today, the case we worked on was eerily similar to your case. Understandably, you'd be affected by it. We all were. We failed this family, and I know that we will kick ourselves for it, so you won't hear me tell you not to be upset."

"I know.... Michael....Back there, you told me I was an outstanding doctor, and there are days I believe it. There are days when I feel so confident in my skills and ability to save people. I was confident I would be able to save this man, despite everything telling me he was not going to pull through. We had patients with very little chances of survival pulling through and surviving the worst. I assumed my patient would be one of them because I was on his case.  It humbled me real quick. I don't feel that I am outstanding just yet. I know I am trying." -he cupped her cheek and stroked it with his thumb-

"I still believe that you already are outstanding." -He whispered to her, his nose brushed against hers, and she pushed her face closer to his, but before she could kiss him, he added, " It's not the doctor I am concerned about. I know you can bounce back up. You always do. I was scared for you, the person. Today, an old wound was opened, and it bled everywhere."

"Shh... I'm okay..." -She pressed her lips to his and slid her fingers into his pepper-and-salt hair.-

 He groaned against her lips because she cut him short in his trail, but he was not able to stop himself from kissing her. As their lips connected and his hands stroked her back. She moaned into their kiss and wrapped her arms around his neck.  Was she okay? Was any of them okay? He went with the flow, this time unwilling to break their closeness. Something pulled him in, despite his wishing that he could stop to make sure she was actually okay. His thoughts were giving space to his growing desire, and the more they kissed, the more he was lost in her. Nana licked his lip, seeking permission to deepen their kiss. When he granted it, Michael shifted on his seat, so he was lying on his back on the couch, and she was on top of him. He let his fingers run her coily hair and held a fistful of it while he deepened the kiss.

She grinned between their lips and pulled away from him just far enough so they could see each other clearly. The woman grinned and gently stroked his cheek. Her hazel eyes warmly set upon Michael, and she slowly pulled back so she could have a good look at him. Michael smiled at her and lifted his brow as she sat back up on the couch and pulled her top over her head. She had a bra underneath her clothes, and Michael felt his blood pressure increase, his heart beating faster, and he licked his bottom lip upon seeing her. His mouth went dry, and he tried to sit on the couch. Nana was beautiful. He loved how her skin looked under the light of his living room. He loved her ample chest and the simplicity of her white bra that contrasted with her black skin.  He loved the warmth on her face, the relaxed features she had since they ended their shifts. He loved her smile, especially when she was getting worked up.  

He felt a pang in his heart, a desire that kept growing to the point that he could no longer ignore it. Nana was hot and bothered, indeed, but she knew her mind was not fully in it. Her first reaction was to pull back and reconsider going through with having sex with Michael right now. She needed a hot shower and to eat something. She needed to wash away the night to be able to find herself again. Debating with herself whether or not she should stop in the middle of something hot with Michael, Nana ended up sighing deeply.

"I know something that can help me unwind." -She grinned and stood up from the sofa-

"And  what could that be?" -He asked in a bemused tone, ready to get rid of his shirt, but she shook her index and lifted her left brow- "What now?"

"A shower. I'm gonna take a shower right now, and we'll order pizza."

"Whaaaa--Nana! Do you have any idea of what you are doing to me?"

She chuckled and walked away from the sofa, her eyes looking for the bathroom. He followed her, still fully clothed, to the bathroom and found her kicking her pants off.  His eyes averted from her chest to her legs, and his mouth became even drier as he looked at her. He crossed his arms against his chest and gave her a sheepish smirk. Well, she was right about something; they both were exhausted, and while sex was on their minds, they needed to first take a warm shower and then eat something warm.  She tilted her head to the side and slowly put her hands on her back to untie her bra. 

"Well, don't think that I am not interested in having sex with you, I am just too exhausted to do anything right now."

"I'm okay, Nana. I'm an adult and..." He trailed off when she removed her bra and dropped it on the floor. 

"You were saying?" - He blinked and cleared his throat. She stood on her toes and pressed a kiss to his lips before she pulled away and removed her underwear, then turned around and walked into the shower- "Are you going to watch me clean myself or??"

"I'll get myself in more comfortable clothes. I'll grab a shower later."

-TBC-

The pitt: Breakdown at the ER

// Nana is going through a complete breakdown after she took charge of a case that opened old wounds and induced a PTSD episode. Robby is here to help her pull through, and they have a heart-to-heart conversation. 

xxxxx

"Dr. Okwuje-McLane!"

She could not hear the voice calling her over and over again. She was still trying to resuscitate a patient, still trying to hold compressions on his chest in a desperate attempt at starting his heart again. Her scrubs and gloves were covered in blood. She had some on her face,  on her hair, but she did not care. The trauma room looked like a war zone. There was so much blood on the floor, so many machines hooked up to the body to monitor the patient's vitals, and the constant beep was tearing through their ears and adding to the stress in that room. Everyone else realized that the patient was dead and had been for a while, but none of them could reach out to her. Dr. King, who assisted Dr. Owukje-McLane, rushed to find Dr. Robby so he could quickly intervene.  Fortunately for Mel, Dr. Robby was not in the middle of an intervention and was simply supervising, so he was able to follow the blonde doctor to the trauma room Nana was intervening in. 

"Dr. Okwuje-McLane!!" 

He raised his voice. She still could not hear him. Her compressions were mechanical as if her body was on automatic pilot. Nana refused to let go and barked at anyone who tried to stop her. So they stopped trying. Mel felt relieved when Dr. Robby walked into the trauma room, but furrowed her brows when he could not reach out to the woman who was performing CPR.  Nana kept working on the body, deaf to the voices around her, oblivious to the strong presence of Dr. Robby next to her.  She was determined to save that man's life, desperate even. He had to live. She promised his daughter that she would save him. She had to make it happen. Dr. Robby looked at her and quickly decided to say her name one last time. 

"Dr. Okwuje-McLane!!!"

"No! I can still save him! I can still SAVE HIM! I promised his daughter! She needs him!"

"There is nothing more that you can do! Stop it!" -He almost shouted his order. She refused to obey, still kept doing her compressions, and when Dr. Robby tried to come closer to her,  Nana barked at him. He stopped in his tracks and kept his hands up in the air so she could see he did not want to set her off. She was not ready to give up on her patient, but he had to solve this quickly.  

"Back off!! BACK OFF! BACK THE FUCK OFF, Dr. Robby!!!" 

She was on the verge of crying, and everyone in the room could tell she was having a breakdown. His whole demeanor changed. Dr. King noticed that Dr. Robby softened his features, his shoulders dropped, as well as his voice, and he quietly closed the distance between him and Dr. Okwuje-McLane, wrapped his arms around her frame to gently force her to stop her compression, and prevent a potential violent response from her.  Surprisingly, Nana did not resist. She simply stopped moving, and the high-pitched machinery beeps were the only noises that filled the room. 

Mel looked at Dr. Robby and pinched her lips together, barely holding her breath as she did not know what was going to happen. Dr. Robby looked towards the blonde doctor and nodded quietly... His face wore a somber expression, as sadness overwhelmed him. He knew all too well what Nana was going through. He knew the immense grief that swallowed the woman's heart. He was holding her firmly but kindly, and after searching for Dr. King's eyes, when they finally locked eyes, he nodded quietly. 

"Dr. King, please call it."

"No.... She can't do that... Don't let her do that..." Nana's voice was weak, a heartbreaking sound that ripped through the team present in the trauma room. They all had somber faces, a silent understanding of the situation, and an acknowledgment that the patient was beyond saving. Mel nodded at the request of Dr. Robby and cleared her throat. 

"Ti-- Time of Death: 11:35 AM."

"Thank you, Dr. King. Please take over and wrap this up." - He then looked down at Nana, who was shaking from head to toe, and spoke with the gentlest voice he could muster at the moment- "Come with me, Nana."

He removed his gloves and helped her remove hers. He threw both pairs into the waste bin and took her hand to guide her to the Pedes Room. He knew that the room was empty and could give her some privacy.  As the captain of the ER, he had to ensure that his team was working seamlessly and nothing could break the workflow. With her breakdown, it was clear that Nana could not resume working in that mental state, and he had to make sure she wasn't a danger to herself and a danger to their patients. Deep down, however, he was worried about Nana. He went through one episode like this before, during the Pittfest mass shouting, and he knew that without support, she simply might fall apart. Michael cared for Nana way more than he was willing to admit at this moment. She was pale and depleted, yet followed the man to the empty pedes room.  He closed the door behind them and watched as Nana slowly walked further into the room. 

" I'm sorry I had to restrain you, but there was no other way to make you stop." -She did not respond and simply sat on one of the beds in the room.- "I know you wanted to save that man, and you did one hell of a job there, but there was nothing we could have done to help him. There was nothing we could have done to save the whole fam--"

"I promised his daughter." -She cut him short, with cracks in her voice. Dr. Robby tilted his head to the side, as if he was taken aback by her words.-

" You know that we can't promise this. We can't."

"She is going to grow up alone... With no sister, no mother, and now... And now...No father. I... I wanted to...I had to save him. I had to..." She was hyperventilating and trying to hold back her tears.  Instinctively, Dr. Robby walked towards Nana and sat in the bed next to her. She broke down in tears and pulled on her scrubs as if she wanted to break free, as if she were suffocating. Dr. Robby put his hand on her shoulder and gently squeezed her, in a way to let her know she wasn't alone and give her enough space. 

"I know..... I know you tried so hard to save that man. It's not fair... It's not fair." -He spoke in a soft voice, gently stroking her shoulder before he dropped his hand to the middle of her back.- "You are an outstanding doctor, Nana, but even the best of us can't defeat Death."

"I don't care!!!!! I don't care, Michael!!!! I should have saved that man, and now, because of me, that little girl is going to grow up without a family!  I wanted to spare her, I wanted..... I needed...I failed." -She unconytollably sobbed and finally wrapped her arms around Dr. Robby's waist. He pulled her into a tight hug and stroked her back as, finally, the woman expressed her grief as she needed to. 

Meanwhile, in the trauma room, Mel watched the empty room and took in the carnage that had taken place. There was so much blood on the floor that the hospital cleaners might spend quite some time in the room. She pinched the bridge of her nose, and  Princess walked to her with a concerned face. 

"Are you okay?"

"N-- Yes! Yes! I am It's part of the job, right? I have just never seen the trauma room so... There is so much blood here."

"I guess it depends on the injuries. This patient was riddled with bullets, kinda difficult not to have a blood bath when it happens." -She sighed and looked around the room again. "But I'll ask again, Dr. King, are you okay?"

"Dr. Okwuje-McLane.... What happened just now with her? I've never seen her like that before. It felt as if I had a brand new person in front of me."

"Ah... Yes. Dr. Okwukje-McLane took this case very personally. A family was transported here minutes ago, all but one in critical condition.  A mom, a dad, two daughters, all shot with several bullets. Everyone but the youngest daughter died within minutes. "

"When you say it's personal, do you mean that she went through the same thing?"

"More or less. Her family was slaughtered during a home invasion. She heard the noises, well hidden in a cabinet. When the noise stopped and the robbers left, she bravely left her hiding spot to try to help her family, only to find them dead. She still calmly called 911, believing that her family would make it. She even fought them when they tried to put white sheets on the bodies. It took a while for her to realize that she had lost everything that night. She went to the foster care system and found her adoptive parents later. This, right there, is definitely a trigger for her. She wanted to protect the little girl from the same trauma she had to deal with."

"I see... Bu--but she tried. She did her best. He just could not be saved, but that doesn't mean--"

"Sometimes facts don't bring comfort. We can't do much for her except support her in whatever way we can. You did great by getting Dr. Robby to her; he would be able to calm her down. Let's just... do what we do best here." 

Princess nodded at that and simply left the trauma room to resume her work. Dr. Mel took a deep breath, pushed her glasses back up the bridge of her nose, and left the room. She understood now why  Dr. Okwuje-McLane acted that way, and the satisfaction of having an answer was enough to prompt Mel to return to work. 

In the pedes room,  Nana was still crying her heart out. She was still holding onto Dr. Robby, and he was now gently stroking her shoulders. She buried her face into his chest and slowly stopped crying. His hug was comforting, and his steady heartbeats were soothing. He did not speak, afraid to break the silence and wreck all of his efforts. Instead, Dr. Robby wanted to let Nana come to him. She slowly pulled away from him and wiped her face clean with the back of her hands. 

"Thank you, Michael...I'm sorry."

"No need to apologize. We've all been there. It's alright, Nana."

"I thought I could hold my own and handle the case, but I simply could not. I was seeing myself all over again.  When I was giving CPR, I was seeing myself back in my house, with blood all over the place. Ah... I felt powerless. I am powerless, and it just felt so cruel, Michael." -She wiped her tears again and put her hands between her legs, so she could hold onto the mattress. 

"It is cruel. It is hard. This job right here? It's thankless, grueling, a fucking war zone where anything can go wrong. It breaks your heart, and it puts it back together. We save countless lives here; we don't remember them, but they exist. They survived, and it is all thanks to us. To you. You saved lives, Nana, and while I know it is easier to focus on the lives you lost, trust me when I say that the lives you saved are going to remember what you did for them."

"I hope they build a shrine to me. I hope they all do. You're right, I barely remember the lives I save every day. For me, they just come and go. I fixed them, and I carried on. A life lost? It simply tears a hole in my heart, over and over and over again...." She sighed and turned her head so she could look at Dr. Robby. He nodded quietly, his face now somber as he could relate to her words. 

"And you just have to learn how to live with it. That's what we do. That's who he is. We help people. We risk everything to save them. Sometimes we succeed, and sometimes we fail. It takes a toll on us, but despite everything, we simply can't stop ourselves. We have to go back there. We have to."

"We care for others...But who cares for us?" -She knitted her brows and gently put her hand over his. "You cared for me today. You did not have to, but you did, Michael. Thank you" -Her voice was softer now, with a bit of a sob strangled in it.-

"It's my job to watch after my team. You are part of my team, so obviously I would watch after you."

"And who watches after you?" -Her question made him blink. Since when did the tables turn? He did not know what to say to her and simply shrugged.- "Well...I will look after you. I want to." 

She whispered and gently squeezed his hand.  Dr. Robby pulled her hand towards his lips and pressed a kiss to her soft skin.  It wasn't a rejection on his part, but not actually an acceptance either. He wanted to express his gratitude for her concern, especially when she was in the midst of a breakdown, but he was not ready to talk about his own self-destructive thoughts or his own PTSD episodes. She stood up and took a couple of steps away from Dr. Robby. He rubbed the back of his head and slowly stood up again. 

"Nana, are you good to go?" -She nodded and rolled her head- "I don't like the idea of you being alone tonight. After our shift, why don't you come home?" 

"Are you asking me out, Dr. Robby?" -She jokingly said, finally grinning at him, a good sign of her improved morale. He gave her a sheepish smile, and he nodded slowly- " Well, how can I say no to such a nice offer? Let's uh.... let's leave together after our shift, okay?"

"Okay." -He nodded and watched as her leave the pedes room.-

That was intense, nothing they have not experienced before, nothing they would not be able to bounce back from. Nana was resilient. If she had not been, she would not have lasted this long in this job.  The man rubbed his face together and suddenly realized that he had just invited Nana to his place.  Usually, when they hooked up, he would go to hers, but this time, he wanted to care for her. He wanted to be there for her. He felt his heart falter and smiled to himself. He invited her over to his bachelor pad; somehow, that made him feel warmer. It was going to be a good thing. It definitely was going to be.  Comforted with this thought, he simply walked away and back into action. 

-TBC-

Nixus: Debbie x Nix catching up in a cafe.

Born and bred in Detroit, with only two years spent in Macomb, Debbie Malone was a very perky Michiganner. A stunning brunette with long straight brown hair, a slender build, and intense brown eyes, she was turning heads wherever she went. The woman always said that there was nothing the world could do to make her leave Detroit. It was the place she was born into and the state she wanted to die in. However, as much as she enjoyed the city, she loved the people in it even more. Debbie was friendly, and she had plenty of friends. She always lit up the room she walked into and always managed to make people smile and confide in her. People loved her, perhaps because she was the most unapologetically authentic person they've ever met. Perhaps because she genuinely cared about others, or perhaps she was always ready to help those in need.  When Phoenix was introduced as the new teacher at her school, Debbie immediately took a liking to that woman. 

She saw someone in dire need of friendship in Phoenix. After all, Nix always kept to herself, always seemed to want to be invisible, and seemed so genuinely awkward that Debbie could not help but want to help that young woman. She perceived Phoenix well, although she did not know the truth about her past. She perceived her loneliness, how guarded she was, yet so eager to meet new faces and connect with others.  She saw how devoted to the kids she taught, Phoenix was, and also how she tried to appear unassuming and plain, deliberately so. So Debbie grew closer to her, and little by little, she helped Phoenix make a home out of Detroit.  This afternoon was no exception. She usually heard Nix talk about her hot neighbor, a delicious hot candy that was haunting her nights. Strangely enough, it had been days since Phoenix mentioned the man at all, which prompted Debbie to offer a coffee date with her friend after Wednesday's shift was over. Phoenix agreed to it, and soon after the bell rang, the two friends went to their favorite coffee spot, a couple of blocks away from school.  

"You seem really strange, Nix. Has something happened to you recently?"

"What do you mean by strange?" -Phoenix almost choked on her drink and quickly put the cup down to grab a napkin. She cleaned the corner of her mouth and gave her friend a sheepish smile-

"This! Right here! Something happened to you! Usually, you'd tell me about your weekend, or about whatever you saw that you wanted to try. Come on! It's been a week, and I have not heard a word from you. Something must have happened!"

"MMhh? So I have been this quiet, uh? I don't want to worry you. Nothing bad happened to me, I have just been in my head a lot lately, that's all." -She gave her  crooked smile, in an attempt to deflect, but Debbie was on her case, she knew something was off-

"Look, I don't want to put pressure on you, but you have to tell me...Did something happen with the neighbour? Does he know you've been thirsting on him for two years now?"

The barrage of questions made Phoenix blush and open her mouth. No sound came out of it, so she quickly closed it and felt her cheeks burning. Debbie Malone was a straightforward woman who never beat around the bush when she had something in mind. Nix racked her brain to see where she failed and how her friend was able to easily read into her, and it became clear that it was the lack of communication about the hot neighbor that set off Debbie's alarm. Her shoulders dropped, and the honey-haired teacher leaned into her chair.

"I have to give it to you, Deb, you're good." - She tried to play it off cool, but her heart was racing against her ribcage- 

"Told ya I know people. And you, my dear, are an open book when it comes to people you like. You can't be talking every single day about that hot neighbour and suddenly stop unless something happened. Now, tell me what happened!"

"He knows about how hard I am lusting after him." -Nix conceded- "He knows how intensely I have been wanting him too." -She grinned- "And.... he actually liked hearing it all. Mind you, that happened in the middle of us fucking.." -She let it slip and stuck her tongue out-

"Wait.....WHAT?" Debbie almost screamed her last word. She took a sip of her coffee and put her cup down. Her eyes grew wide, and she pointed a finger at Phoenix, who chuckled at her friend's reaction.- "When???? How??? You gotta be shitting me!"

"Ahahaha, no! Honest to God! We fucked... A little bit over a week ago. We... met by accident in the elevator, and I had a rough night. I wanted to relax at home, to catch a glimpse of him and flick my bean after, but he entered the elevator at that exact moment, Deb. We started to have small talk, I offered him dinner sometime later, and he agreed, and before I knew it, I was at his door wearing lingerie and holding a big bowl of marinara meatballs and pasta I made for us."

"No fucking way!!!!!! Did you two even eat anything, or did you go at it like rabid animals?"

"Deb!!!!! You know I have patience! I actually just wanted to tease him that night, to show him the goods, ahah oh my god, I really was fearless that night. He took it in stride, and before I knew it, we were making out. From the moment our lips touched, I knew that I would want more, and so did he. It was... electric, Deb. He made me rediscover myself that night. It was so much better than I ever imagined with him. I...I... I was so terrified he would not want to see me again. I was certain it would be a one-night stand with no more contact or acknowledgment from either of us, but it did not happen like that. He came back the next day to take a look at my radiator and... We had sex again... but this time he stayed."

"And you did not want to tell your best friend after your dreams came true because?...." -Debbie lifted a brow, waiting for Nix to explain why she kept something that huge under wraps. She was happy for her friend, genuinely, but also upset that Nix decided not to share the news with her-

"I'm sorry, Deb. I was not sure if it was true, and frankly, I was scared to be humiliated if I had my dreams up and he shattered them by avoiding me....Ridiculous, I know, but there is just something about him that makes me nervous....like a teenager with her first crush."

It suddenly clicked in Debbie's mind. Phoenix was afraid of rejection. They had a conversation a year ago, right at the time Debbie had started to crush on Wallace Walker, the handsome and reliable chief of the firehouse near the school. Back then, Debbie would only talk about romance and ex-boyfriends and would ask Phoenix about her love life.  Nix readily admitted that her love life was disastrous, that she had one night stands (in truth, she was talking about her missions), one childhood love who betrayed her in the worst ways (a childhood sweatheart who faked his own death to leave the country and start a fresh new life in another one, which technically was true), and that was it. 

Debbie knew that it heavily impacted Phoenix's self-esteem.  Through their conversations, she caught several comments made out of the young woman's control that revealed a wound so deep and so freshly opened that it broke Debbie's heart. Nix believed she could not be loved, that there was nothing that could make anyone stay with her. She reasoned that she had no friends, with Debbie being the first true friend she ever had, and the exception to that arbitrary rule Phoenix cast upon herself. If she could not even have friends, how could she find someone who liked her? And while the teacher never formally claimed to have lost all hope of a decent and lovely life, Debbie could read between the lines. So it made sense that she did not want to talk about the hot neighbour because that could invite a lot of hurt in. Nix had already decided that it could not work because he could not possibly fall for someone like her. 

"Ohhh, so you don't want it to just be a fling, do you?" - Nix shook her head- "But you're afraid. I can tell."

"Marc is really a good man, Deb. He's devoted to his job, to helping people. He risks his life every single day, and I just think that he's too good for me, you know? He cares for me, at least; he acted like it. He is attentive to my needs, he listens to me, he comforts me when I am scared."

"Then why are you twisting your brain like that?  You have just started to see each other, haven't you? Why anticipate such a gloomy ending when it's barely just beginning?"

"I'm covering my bases, I guess. I don't want to make stories in my head and think that there is a chance he would want to be with me when there is none." She dropped her head and squeezed the fabric of her skirt in her fists. " Debbie, I'm alright, okay? I am actually very happy to have been able to spend time with him."

"Ye-yeah, take it one step at a time, day after day. You-- How about you tell me the naughty deets, uh? You two had sex, and I want to know how good Marc is in bed." 

Debbie smiled at her friend, a way for her to try to hide her growing concern for her. She did not expect Phoenix to actually confide in her more than she already did and kept mental notes for the time being about Nix's insecurities. It would come in handy regardless of the turn this relationship could make. Deep down, the brunette wished for her honey-haired friend to actually find a very fulfilling relationship, but it was way too soon to know if it would be the case with Marc or not.  Nix took a sip of her coffee and gave Debbie a crooked smile, announcing her desire to indulge her friend and tell her what happened with Marc and how good a lover he was with her. They talked about it for a good couple of hours, interspersed with laughter, relief, and joy, even as she shared her good memories with her friend. In truth, Phoenix felt relieved. 

She did not realize it yet, but she felt so good talking about Marc. He brought light into her existence, something she had not anticipated when they spent their first night together. He healed something in her that night, somehow; he welcomed her as she was, with the unexpected and the adorable. For a brief moment, she felt like a normal human being, like a person without a red ledger, like the teacher she wanted to become. With him, she could almost feel that she was forgiven for all the sins she had committed before. It felt as if she could put behind her the life as an assassin, and those few hours spent with him were life-saving. They were everything...But could she handle losing him if he dug up her past? Yet, talking to Debbie helped squash this thought. It just felt good to be able to share something good that happened to her with a friend. 

-TBC- 

The Pitt Oc profile: Nana Okwuje-Mclane

Main Faceclaim:  Wunmi Mosaku

Name: Nana Okwuje-Mclane

Age: 35 years old.

Nationality: Nigerian-American

Height: 162 cm 

Weight: 60 kg

Special features: Nana has warm, vibrant amber eyes. She also has burn scars on her left arm that are completely covered with bandages at all times.  Her voice is soft and compelling. 

Physical appearance:  Nana is a beautiful woman with coily black hair, which she sometimes styles with braids. She is curvy but hides her curves under heavy fabric. She has plump lips and an almond-shaped face with delicate features. Despite the harsh childhood she had, she retained her beauty and soft skin (save for the burned left arm and subtle scars on her face).

Sexual orientation: Heterosexual

Professional Information

Occupation: Emergency Medicine Physician

Position: Attending physician.

Speciality: Emergency Medicine

Department: Emergency Department

Workplace: Pittsburgh Trauma Medical Center (The Pitt)

Education & Background: Originally from New Jersey, legally blind and deaf on her right side due to a freak accident when she was young. Traumatic childhood from the abusive foster homes she went to.  

Abilities: 

• High Pain Tolerance: Due to her traumatic childhood, Nana has a high pain tolerance. She can endure torture and physical violence. 

Skills: 

• Gifted Intellect: Nana is a very clever woman. She's very observant and aware of her surroundings and situation. She especially uses that skill to navigate relationships with her colleagues or deal with her patients and their families. 

Weaknesses/Crippling fears: She is terrified of fire and would freeze if a fire broke at the hospital, thus putting herself in danger.

Family:

• Mother: [name redacted. Deceased during a home robbery]
• Father: [name redacted. Deceased during a home robbery.]
• Adoptive Mother: [Myra McLane, alive]
• Adoptive Father: [John McLane, alive]
• Sister: [Naomi Okwuje, Deceased during a home robbery]
• Brother: [Cody McLane, alive]

Universe:   The Pitt

Status:  Alive. 

Personality:

Nana is very clever. She's also determined and stubborn and would stop at nothing to save a patient, even if that means risking her own health to get to that point.  She is a brilliant physician whose fast-thinking saved plenty of dire situations. She is direct, outspoken, and does not hesitate to heatbutt her way towards the truth if needs there is. She is not cynical despite the decades of abuse she suffered in the foster system and the trauma from the home invasion that slaughtered her family. Instead, it gave her a relentless drive to save lives, sometimes putting her at odds with hierarchy and hospital politics. 

Nana is a very guarded woman when it comes to her emotional scars.  She only communicates with those she is close to ( like Robbie, Dana, Heather and Frank), and only they know about the way her biological family died and why she is extremely sensitive when she receives patients from both the foster care and who are orphans. The nurses respect her and casually joke about her nonexistent love life. The other doctors appreciate her but dread when she is not in a good mood, or they make an enemy out of her. The students are afraid of her - as in they don't want to be on her naughty list -. She respects her colleagues, students and nurses, but if one crosses her, she shows no mercy. She will remain professional and work with them, but will make the whole time miserable for both. 

She is a good listener, brave, and easily admires new things she encounters. She can also be very sarcastic and thrives in banters with Jack Landon, Dana and Robbie.  Because of her traumatic childhood, she also plasters a lot of fake smiles because she refuses to look back and truly face her emotions. She has been celibate for a decade, mostly because she does not trust men and is afraid of having her heart broken again by someone she trusts. Yet, her relationship with Robbie would blossom on the battlefield that is the Pitt, and she would open up to him, knowing that he might just break her heart again. 

Fictional Character Biography: 

Nana's life had a beautiful start, cut short way too early. Born to loving parents and with a lovely big sister, Nana spent the first 6 years of her life basking in love. She was a very happy little girl, fearless and curious about life. Unfortunately, a few days after her 6th birthday, robbers invaded their home. She hid in a cabinet inside her bedroom while robbers attacked, tied up and killed her parents and sister before setting fire to the house to destroy the evidence. Rescued by firefighters and police officers, Nana was then placed in foster homes.  She survived countless horrors in the system and went from abusive homes to abusive homes until she was finally welcomed by the McLanes. They adopted her when she was 16, and they supported her in everything she needed. They helped her heal and feel safe. They helped her achieve her goals, and she successfully became an Emergency physician. 

Nana's current life is what she considers stable and good. She has loving parents, has a career she loves and is devoted to. She did not let romance into her life because she does not trust men (except for her dad, Landon and Robbie); however, she realised that she fell in love with Michael Robinavitch and was confused about what to do with it. She knows how complicated things are with Robbie and does not know if her feelings would be welcomed positively. Everyone notices the growing sexual tension between the two of them, to the point that  Dana teases them every single time they come to talk to her.  

Current history:

The story takes place after season 2 and probably season 3. It starts after Robbie and Nana have sex in the restroom. After a year of longing and tension, they finally gave in to their feelings. It made Robbie realise that he fell in love with Nana, and it reinforced Nana's feelings for him as well. Yet, not ready to face those emotions and the surprised confession of love during their sexual encounter, they agreed to keep it casual and cool.  It's obviously not working because the two of them are drawn to each other.  Would they be able to build a safe and stable relationship? Time will tell. 

Trivia: 

TBC

Windora trivia : What I love about him. Lux edition.

Lux Trivia headcanon: what I love about them

 

Lux: " Jake is simply unforgettable. I have him under my skin, literally obsessed with my special human. Jake is like a storm. I like it when it rains and when there is a gentle storm. I like the noise of rain hitting the windows. I like the fresh wind and the smell of nature when rain comes and washes every sin away. Jake feels like it, like a gentle storm. He's comforting, fun, and exquisite with me. I like it when he humors me and follows me on my shenanigans. I love it when he tries to make me laugh and always succeeds. I love it when he plays songs for me. There is something so romantic when he takes his guitar and strums it for me. He is so skilled, so amazing to listen to. He has the voice of an angel, deep, rich, and so sensual. 

I could listen to him over and over again. I love it when he talks to me, you know, when he sees me having pleasure and wants me to keep going. Aaah.. Jake is amazing. I love that he has a darkness about him that I can feel but have not seen yet. He is effortlessly human. Effortlessly himself, flawed, yet perfect in my eyes. I love him. I love him so much that I don't know how I would be able to survive him. Jake is precious, and our love, if I can dare say it, is only going to be short-lived. And it's heartbreaking, but it's beautiful. I miss him when he's not here. I miss seeing him. I miss holding him. I miss kissing him. Aaah.. I am sappy, am I not?"

Windora trivia: how would you describe her with her flaws. Lux edition

Lux trivia: how would you describe her with her flaws

Lux: "Lux is a very stubborn creature. Once she sets her mind on something, she rarely gives up on it. She would put herself in danger if that helped her reach her goal. She lets anger cloud her best judgment, especially when she is under pressure. She is incredibly intense, regardless of what it is. When her first lover was murdered by a jealous rival, she tried to kill herself to join him in death. When Jake would be in danger, she would scorch the Earth to find him and to rescue him. 

If she were the most powerful being on Earth and anything happened to Jake, she might take her anguish and bloodlust out on humans. If her death was required to save her family, she would not hesitate to give it.  Lux is also bottling up her emotions. She rarely allows herself to express her anguish,  her fear, or even her sadness. She had to fight all her existence to look strong, to be strong; she simply had to learn how to keep to herself, to a fault.  Her inner rage, once unleashed, is a force to reckon with. She hurt people, and she hurt herself so much because of it."

Windora trivia: Secret they won't talk about

secret they won't talk about 😫 : Lux doesn't want Jake to know that she's both being coveted (for her title, her name, her lineage) and treated with disdain and contempt by the high nobility. She doesn't want him to see her in such vulnerability when she's treated like a god among humans. Obviously, Jake would witness it firsthand.

windora trivia: crying

Crying: 😢  When Lux cries, she cries blood. She doesn't like to be vulnerable in front of anyone and would only show her tears to loved ones. The last time she cried was after the death of Paolo. She would not hide her tears from Jake because she doesn't want to hide anything from him. She would first not admit she's sad, but would quickly want to be comforted by him.

Windora trivia : Anger

Anger: 😤  Lux can control her anger. She has to when she navigates the vampire high society. Her anger bubbles to the surface, and only a keen eye could actually notice it. Usually, when she's angry, she would bare her fangs,  her tail would wag violently, and she would become violent. You better not be in her way because she would obliterate you. Only a few people can calm her down. Her father, her brother, and Jake.

Windora Trivia: addiction and coping mechanism

Addiction and Coping Mechanism: 🩸   Lux is addicted to blood. Obviously, she's a vampire, so of course, she would be addicted to blood. She's very sensitive when it comes to its taste and can tell the difference between good blood and bad blood. Jake's blood is exquisite, so she is clearly addicted to it.  She's also addicted to his cum, to his taste, to everything about Jake. She's addicted to him. Through and through. 

When she's under stress, she tries to drown those feelings with alcohol or a fight. If it doesn't work, she would have sex, and if it doesn't work, she would go on a killing spree or just fight.

Windora trivia: Sex

Sex:🥵  Lux enjoys sex. She is very in touch with her sexuality and would never shy away from it. She loves exploring it and has been for the past 2000 years. She knows what she wants and what she hates, and would always seek pleasure wherever it is. Unfortunately for the vampire, the 20th century has been dry. She encountered really bad lovers who left a sour taste in her mouth. She is yearning for someone who can break her spirit and make her feel pleasure like she never had before. She wants to be manhandled and to turn her partner into her private fuck toy. Jake matches her freak. Perhaps he can make her lose her mind and give her the fucking that would turn her into a needy slut. Spoiler alert: yes, he does. Above and beyond. Not only is he her bloodbag, but he is her fuck toy, her Sir, her everything!

windora headcanon: Heartbreak

Heartbreak 💔 : Lux had her heart broken into pieces so many times. Starting with the day she turned into a vampire. Her old life was traumatic, so much so that she doesn't remember a lot of it and avoids any memory that could trigger the rest. She also had her heart broken when her human lover, Paolo, died, murdered by a jealous human. She was so heartbroken that the vampire tried to walk into the sun to die. On a different scale, the reception to her true form by vampires has been a source of pain for Lux. Many consider her to be a runt (half-baked vampire)  or non-orthodox looking ( Claws? a tail? without wings and without horns to complete the look? Bat-fangs, rather than the typical vampire's longer canines?) What many fail to realize it's that her physical appearance comes from the ancient blood that coursed her veins, and that she is a direct descendant of that elder vampire. Even Lux doesn't know about it and simply considers her appearance to be monstrous and disgraceful when presented in public. The other vampires, especially the elders, very often request that she present only as a semi-transformed vampire, with her bat-fangs being the only disgrace they can suffer from her. So she doesn't expect people other than her Sire and brother to actually care about her and see no problem with how she presents herself. She hides that discomfort with a bold attitude, but expects disgust when in full transformation.

Windora trivia: Soothing

Soothing 🥲 : When Lux becomes angry, very few people can actually soothe her. Her anger stems from fear. She usually fears losing her father (or Sire) and brother. She fears their deaths at the hands of his enemies in the royal court. She also fears being rejected, and usually lashes out instead of crying. She would only be calmed by her father's embrace or her brother's quips. When they are not around, and she has to deal with her emotions on her own? Oh, she kills. She breaks her own rules about not going after innocent humans and kills anyone who crosses her path.  When she doesn't kill, she fucks, or she indulges in hedonism and alcohol. It doesn't help her feel better, but at least it can quell the rage and fear. Jake can soothe her if he sings to her. His music truly makes her feel. She has access to emotions she thought were long dead. It would calm her. It would make her cry, maybe. It would make her hope. If Jake hugs her, she would also calm down. If he makes her feel welcomed and accepted, she would be calmer. She dreads the day he sees her as a monster. She dreads the day he will die, too.

windora trivia: Marriage

Marriage 🫶 :  In vampiredom, marriage is a serious matter. You can't marry anything that isn't a vampire, let alone a human - the weakest species. If you get yourself attached to a human being, to the point of considering marriage, you have to turn them into vampires, or else the union is doomed to fail and rejected by your peers. Lux only considered marriage once, with her human lover Paolo. She wanted to turn him into a vampire, but he always refused, preferring his humanity to eternity without his soul.  It never occurred to her mind to marry after Paolo died. She never fell in love after him -until she met Jake- and isn't thinking about it. However, should she want to get married, she would not do it under vampire laws. She would marry in a human courtroom and would live with her significant other until they die.  It is a serious matter to her. While she never thought about marriage since Paolo's death, she's been proposed to several times by other vampires. Her Sire always respected her choice because he knew that Lux wanted to be loved instead of used; She knew they wanted her status and the prestigious name of her family rather than her, and didn't want to give up her freedom to her suitor's whims.

Windora Headcanon: Love

Love: ❤️  Lux has been in love once with a handsome sculptor called Paolo, during the Renaissance. She was his muse, and Paolo sculpted her. He was a gentle soul who wasn't scared of her true form and who wanted her to embrace her true features when they were together, whereas others before her wanted her to forget about her true nature or to have her hide it from them. Paolo's love helped Lux reconnect with her inner self and humanity, and she was able to express tenderness and kindness. She was able to cry again, to feel again, and to find meaning in her life. Her sire and sibling noted that she was the most vibrant she's ever been in centuries and encouraged this relationship as Lux was her most pleasant. Unfortunately, he was killed by a jealous sculptor who wanted his fame. It broke her heart so bad that she tried to kill herself by stepping into the sun. Her sire and brother stopped her, and it took a while for Lux to recover. She swore to never fall in love ever again. Did she have acquaintances and relationships before and after Paolo? Yes, she did, but it wasn't love. It was infatuation that didn't blossom, mostly because of the other party. When she met Jake, she didn't expect to fall for him. She was attracted to his voice, to his trauma, to his blood, and his jokes, and the more time she spent with him, the more she was in touch with her humanity. She grew so attached to Jake that she became overprotective of him. She is struggling with her feelings because she knows he will die, and she doesn't want to suffer from the loss of him. Yet, she can't help but love him. She can't help but want him. She can't help but wish for him to share her life for however long he can.

Windora trivia: Death

Death 💀 : Lux died once. She had to become a vampire. She doesn't remember a lot of what led her to willingly choose death, but she remembers her despair and the sensation of being trapped in a situation that was worse than death. She embraced vampiredom with grace and thought nothing of immortality for centuries. Yet, after 1000 years as a vampire, it started to wear her down. Everything became meaningless; her life felt meaningless. Then she fell in love with Paolo, her Italian sculptor in the Renaissance. She felt alive again, and she tried to live the moment to its fullest, given his fragile nature as a human. His death devastated her to the point that she tried to step into the sun and was saved by her Sire and "sibling".  She recovered from her heartbreak and returned to her life, thinking that it was meaningless to live for this long for basically no purpose. Since meeting Jake, however, Lust wants to die. She wants to experience life with him, give it meaning, and then die afterwards when he's old and about to die. She wants him to become her last. But at the same time, she's also not ready to die and would fight for her life. It's complicated with her. complicated.

Phoenix trivia : What I love about him. Nixus edition.

Trivia headcanon: what I love about them

Nix: " Marc's kindness is something I really love. It was the first thing I actually noticed when I saw him for the first time. He was so kind to the children that I could not ignore it. I love that he is a good person. I love that he is trying to be. We are not perfect, but he really is trying. I love that he is tender and sweet to me. I have never had that level of tenderness towards me. Anton... liked my presence, but he never made me feel wanted. Come to think of it, the fact that Marc is so transparent with his feelings and it's so clear for both of us is something I appreciate a lot.  I love his sense of humour. He makes me genuinely laugh and chuckle when we spend time together. 

He is cozy, you know? Cozy like a home... like a place I never really had to myself before. He feels like safety, like gentleness, like protection. I feel safe with him, and I love it.  I love... the way he hugs me, and tells me I am beautiful. It makes me feel beautiful. It makes me feel wanted. And you know, the passion he has for his job is truly incredible. He is a good man who wants to do good, and to listen to him talk about it and watch his face light up when he tells me he put some bad people behind bars has got to be the thing I love the most.  I love how much of a good listener he is. I always feel understood by him... I love...him.. I mean, I love this about him."

Phoenix trivia: how would you describe her with her flaws. Nixus edition

Phoenix trivia: how would you describe her with her flaws

Phoenix, "She is very guarded. Phoenix has been so used to mistrusting people and to protecting herself from heartbreak and betrayal that she is very difficult to get close to. She has been traumatized by what Anton did to her and refuses to have it happen again. Phoenix always assumes the worst of people and situations because it is her way of coping when things go awry. She also does not open up to people because she is afraid they would not like the real her. Phoenix casually runs towards danger. She does not consider her life to be of any importance and would not care if she ends up dead, as long as she protects those she loves and cares about. She is also very stubborn and would not listen to objections if she considers herself to be in the right."

Nixus trivia: What activity do they want to do with their boys // A fantasy that they have

What activity do they want to do with their Boy? 

Phoenix is very romantic at heart. She longs for dates with a boyfriend, where they would woo each other, make each other's hearts flutter. She wants long walks in the park, to go to the beach, and to watch movies together with her legs on top of his. She wants to go on hikes with him and to go to romantic restaurants they can afford as a teacher/ cop. She wants to sleep next to him and cuddle him. She wants to read her book while he watches his favorite game, and both would ask the other how it's going. She wants to listen to him talk about his special interests, to talk to him about hers, and to share a wonderful meal together. She wants to train with him and obviously wishes they could investigate together, and she could put her skills to good use for him. 

Now, a fantasy they have 

Well Well Well... Of all the fantasies that Nix had actually realized in her past, she actually wants to fully give in to him, in a way that would make her feel completely vulnerable. She wants to be tied up, perhaps even blindfolded, and be at his mercy.  She wants to be reduced to a begging mess. She wants to curl her toes, try to close her legs but be forbidden to, and even try to reach out to him but be unable to. She wants to be praised, to be tasted, to be turned into a puddle of nerves.  She wishes to have him use his cop handcuffs on her ehe. As for what she wants to do to him, she wants to make a mess out of him, to tease him until he begs her to stop doing it, and to give it to him. Perhaps he would be tied to the chair or the bed, perhaps she would simply work him until he comes undone. 

Nixus: Sweet trivia (Phoenix)

Sweet trivia

Phoenix likes to cook for Marc. It is one thing she loves to do the most for him. After his very long shifts, she likes to welcome him to the delicious smell of the warm dishes she made for him. She also likes to massage his shoulders and neck when he sits on his chair. Phoenix likes to sit on his lap and wrap her arms around his shoulders. They would talk, and she would pepper his face with kisses and pecks. She would love to massage his scalp and rub her nose against his.  She is a very romantic person and would sometimes bring food to his precinct for him. Phoenix would slowly take the habit to text him every morning (and sometimes at night), some very sweet texts. 

Nixus: Christmas trivia + spicy one

Christmas trivia + spicy one

1) If God exists, I wish he could actually bring peace to Marc. I think he's been through hell already, and I want nothing but a sweet life for him. I want to alleviate his heavy heart and shoulder the weight he carries on his shoulders, too. 

2) I would love to spend Christmas with him. It is a holiday I actually love. I love seeing people try to be better. I love how softer the world becomes.  I love the snow coat that makes the world prettier. I love the hot wine, the hot coco and all the sweets we can eat during the holiday. I want to put up a tree and to cozy up at my place (or his) and exchange presents. Yeah... I want that. I would love that. 

3) So far? I love the way he grunts and moans when he is inside me. I love the way he intensely looks at me, as if he is studying my every reaction. I love the way he calls me his good girl, and he encourages me. He is so hot, so handsome, so sexy! And you know what I love the most? When he smiles at me, our eyes lock in each other. I love his smile. I love it so much that it turns me on. Oh, and when he fingers me and his lips and tongue work their magic inside me? I lose my mind. 

Nixus headcanons: Marc edition

// From N's mouth.

Crying: 

Marc does not cry often. It's not that he's afraid to cry, or due to any sort of suppressed male emotion, because he thinks it's not okay for men to cry. If he is brought to the point of tears, he will cry. Though he would prefer it if this happened privately. 

Marc doesn't cry often because it takes a lot to bring him to tears. He has seen a lot of bad things. A lot of tragedy. As a cop, he had gotten used to showing up on the worst day of people's lives. It changes a person, and Marc is exceptionally good at compartmentalizing. Something would have to affect him deeply and personally for him to cry.

Heartbreak: 

Not something he has had to contend with since his high school sweetheart dumped him a week before prom so that Chris Sanderson could take her instead. That was a rough time, but the sting has long since faded. 

His casual attitude towards relationships has not left much room for heartbreak of the romantic sort. 

The fact that his beloved Detroit Lions have never made the Super Bowl, however? Truly devastating.

Secret they won't talk about:

Some things happened in Afghanistan that Marc will simply never be able to put into words. He couldn't burden another person with the reality of the things that he experienced, and anyone who wasn't there would never really understand it. He lives with it because there is no other choice. He will never speak of it in detail, not even to Nix.

Sex: 

Marc enjoys sex. However, it has been a very long time since sex was anything more to him than a necessary physical release. Relationships have been few. And always casual. Little more than friends with benefits for a period of time. 

Marc believes in mutual pleasure and leaving his partners satisfied, but it has been so long since he had a deep and meaningful connection. He truly doesn't know how good sex can be when it's with someone extra special.

Anger: 

Marc knows how to keep his emotions in check. Suspects try to provoke him at all times when he is on the job. Marc knows how to keep himself squared away. 

The only time his anger is going to show is when it's personal.  His only real raw nerve is his father. Fortunately, it rarely comes up, since he hasn't seen the man in 25 years.

Addiction and coping mechanism: 

His work. Marc has thrown himself completely into his job. There is no work/life balance. The army brought order into a chaotic life, and Marc clung to that order, the way everything just made sense. It made things simple, easy. Becoming a cop was a natural next step. A strict set of rules to follow, a certain way to be... without it, he would be lost.

Marriage: 

He is not against it, but has never really given it much thought. If he met the right person, marriage would probably feel like a natural next step to him.

Soothing: 

Not one to rely on others, Marc turns to work when he needs soothing. He has made good friends on the force. Those he is closest to are the closest thing that he has to family. Being around them is good, and the job serves as a more than adequate distraction from most things that bother him to any serious degree.

DDBA chapter 5: Stressful questions

Matt ran his fingers through Hayley's hair. It felt surreal, there in the comfort of her bedroom. He enjoyed her calm and steady heartbeats. She was content in this moment, curled up against him. Her right hand was cupping his cheek, and her thumb was slowly stroking his stubbled cheek.  Her soft skin was warm against his, and he leaned into her touch.  Matt felt her gaze on him. Hayley was intently staring at him, but he felt that she was comfortable with him. It felt as if they were a couple, both enjoying each other's company. This moment felt like a bubble of fresh air, as if Fisk wasn't terrorizing the city and stoking the flames of hatred and paranoia. It felt like a bubble of fresh air, as if he were not going through a nasty breakup with Heather. He was falling in love with that woman, and she decided to rip his heart apart. Well... Could he fully blame her?

 He lied to her when he hid Daredevil away from her. He lied to her when he pretended he was fine when everything was fucking off around him. Still... She chose Fisk. She chose to go on a crusade against Daredevil. She chose to paint everyone under the same brush, maybe even going as far as considering Daredevil responsible for the creation of vigilantes and villains in town. Matt rejected her thesis. He refused to accept that his very existence brought all those lunatics and damaged people here... He was not the first and would definitely not be the last, so why did she decide to crucify him like that? It broke something in Matt, but Hayley's hand on his cheek soothed his aching heart. She brought him back to the present, to that room, to her, and he smiled at her. 

"I don't want to leave the bed, Matt."

" I don't want either. It's good... This.... This is good, Lee."

She moved closer to his frame and rubbed her nose against the crook of his neck. Her arm wrapped around his waist, and her cheek pressed against the hard skin of his shoulder. Matt wrapped his arm around her shoulder and pulled her into a tighter hug.  He could feel her warm breath brush against his skin, and he smiled. It was comfortable here, with her. He kissed the top of her head and let his fingers sink into the soft flesh of the young woman.  He knew that he could not stay there for more than one day. He had so much to do at night, as Daredevil and Matt Murdock were still missing, so staying here was putting her in danger. She felt the conflict that was tormenting him and slowly lifted her head to have a better look at Daredevil. 

"A penny for your thoughts, Matt." 

"I'm not used to mornings like this one. Few people know about my double identity, and you might be the second one who actually doesn't judge me for being Daredevil."

"Why would I judge you? Did you forget? I beat up abusive spouses on my downtime." -She chuckled and lost her fingers in his black mane- "I could say the very same about you. You are the first person who knows the truth about me, and you are still here. Many would have left."

"I guess I am not afraid."

He was used to it. Elektra was the best and worst thing to have happened to him. She knew Matt, knew Daredevil, and understood both of them. She loved Daredevil more than she did Matt, and she always brought the worst impulses out of him. Elektra was intense, perhaps too suffocating.  Being together with her was thrilling, unexpected, and always kept Matt on edge. He was attracted to it, to that darker side of himself she embodied. Here, with Hayley, things were different. There was peace. There was warmth and an understanding that he could never get from anyone before her. 

"Me neither. " She  smiled at him and gently rubbed her nose against his chest- "I think we should just get some questions out of the way, shall we?"

"Right now? I wanted to keep the good memories of the night alive." -He grinned, and she hit his chest with her palm- 

"Who said we won't come back to that? I just suggest that we put that conversation behind us... Ask me anything. I will answer truthfully." -She planted a kiss on his pec, and he took a deep breath-

"Were you raised by the H.A.N.D? " 

"Yes. They took me in as a baby and raised me to become an assassin. Your turn." -He nodded- "When were you trained by Stick?"

It surprised him. Matt expected Hayley to ask him questions about his blindness. Everybody wanted to know whether he was born blind or had become one. Everybody wanted to know what happened to him and how he managed to survive all these years.  Instead, she wanted to know how he knew Stick. That made him grin, and he stroked his chin. 

"I was a kid. My dad had just died. He took me from the orphanage and became my guardian."

"Given the way you speak of him, I would say he's more of a father figure. He raised you."

"He trained me." -He tilted his head to the side- "He raised me." 

"It's complicated. I get it." -She planted another kiss to Matt's shoulder and nuzzled his neck- "I both hated and loved my mentor. They were ruthless, but I learned how to defend myself, and how to protect those I love, at least that is what I want to remember." -Matt kissed the top of her head again-

"How did you leave the H.A.N.D?" -He wasn't sure it was the right question to ask.-

He wanted to know how she could walk the streets of Hell's Kitchen freely.  The H.A.N.D would have chased after, and he suspected that it was still the case. Usually, when you joined it, you could not leave it. Elektra did not fully leave the H.A.N.D somehow, she was still tethered to it. He felt her stiffen against his frame, and she hid her face against his chest. 

"One day,  I decided that I did not want to be a pawn anymore. I did not want to serve someone else's interests. I wanted to live for myself. I wanted to be... myself." -He held her closer to his frame and stroked her back- " They are looking for me. I have to be careful and look past my shoulders. Always."

"Did they find you here?" -She shook her head and  sank her fingers into the taut flesh of his chest- "If you need me, I'll be there."

" Yeah.... Thanks...Were you in love with Heather?" -The question took him by surprise.-

He did not answer as fast as he wanted. He could not. Did he love Heather? Yes, he did. He fell for her, and that was why her choice to side with Fisk hurt him more than he wanted to admit. He loved her, but she betrayed him, and while that love could not vanish with a snap of his fingers, Matt was not thinking about her when Hayley was in his arms. She pulled away from his chest and narrowed her gaze as he was taking too long to answer. 

"I... I was. Yeah.. I loved her.  I thought she was going to be Mrs Right, but I was not being fully transparent with her. I was being Daredevil behind her back. It could not last."

"You are trying to reason here... My question was simple..." -She sighed and pulled away from him so she could pull herself up by the hands and hover a little bit above him- " Were you in love with Heather?"

"Yes. I was.... Still am." - He reluctantly whispered. It did not hurt Hayley as she was expecting Matt to still be in love with his girlfriend. She knew, through her conversations with Heather, that it was something serious. They both loved each other, and both felt wronged by the other. She knew now that the relationship was not going to work, but feelings did not end just because a situation ended.-

"It is not going to change that easily. You don't fall out of love with a snap of a finger. You will love her for a long time. I... We...." -He put his forefinger to her mouth and smiled at her-

"Did you ever fall in love with someone?" -Why did he want to know? It made him wince at his own cringe.-

She blushed and sucked on her bottom lip. Well, did she? Being in the organization had not allowed the young woman the chance to live a full-blown romance. She had flings, yes. She even had favourites. People she fell in love with? No... Yes! She fell in love once. No. It did not last long. It could not last long. A melancholic expression tainted her features, and she tucked her hair behind her ear.  He cupped her cheek and gently stroked it with his thumb. 

"I did.... Once.  It is just... it was a folly on my part. I fell in love with a civilian, and for two months, I was in a little bubble. It was just impossible for us to be together because of my... because of who I am." -It would not happen with him. She wanted to tell him, but the words got stuck at the back of her throat-

She sat on the bed, crossed her legs, and folded her arms.  Matt sat as well and held onto her shoulder. He could feel how nervous and heartbroken she was.  She leaned into his touch and put her hand over his.  He slowly moved his hand from her shoulder to her neck.  He did not want her to retreat into her own mind, to feel that she should be upset because she had to be vulnerable. 

"We don't choose who we fall in love with.  Hell, I was in a relationship with an anti-vigilante shrink while hiding the fact that I was Daredevil. Delusional much?" -He gave her a sheepish chuckle, and she chuckled back.-

He was right. She fell in love with that man, wanted to have a normal life, but nothing about her was normal. How could it be normal when she was an assassin? It made her sigh, and she swallowed a lump. Perhaps she should not read too much into this relationship. Perhaps she should not expect much from it... Perhaps... Perhaps.....  Matt pulled her into a kiss, a soft one, full of promises. They talked about the hardest topic, at least for the time being. He wanted to put her fears to rest. He wanted to show her that it was okay to just be in the moment.  And little by little, she melted in his arms. Little by little, she felt whole again.