It's okay

I thought I would have forgotten about you by now. It would have been so much easier for me to just ignore everything that happened between the two of us. Unfortunately, this isn't how life works. I tried to forget you, I really did try hard but I could never pull that off. I don't know, it probably had something to do with you always being in my mind? Whenever I tried to move on, I found myself attracted all over again to you, to your words, to your voice, to your presence. I still remembered how it felt when you were next to me, the electricity in the air, the smiles we exchanged, the warmth of your words, the warmth of our laughter, I was in a dream. 

I was in a dream where you would be there next to me. You would talk to me, cradle me, comfort me and protect me. I was in a dream where you would have been there for me. I know I'm asking a lot, I'm probably asking way too much from you. After all, how can you comfort me, tell me that everything would be alright when you yourself are a mess? It can't be, it can't happen this way. I have to be the person who would pick myself back up and I have to be my own savior. I can't wait for someone to magically fall into my lap and take me away from my misery. With that said, I still think of you.

You're not a savior, not at all. You could have been a companion if you were honest about how you felt and who you really are. I don't want artifices, I don't want pretense, I just want the truth. I want your truth. I see you for who you really are but I am not sure you really want to see yourself in the same light. It's not difficult to understand, but it surely is difficult to live through. I get it. I'm not mad at you for not being ready to see yourself as you truly are. I do have to acknowledge that you never tried to lie about your circumstances. You've always been very clear about what you wanted, what you were going through, and what you didn't want. You have always been very clear about what you were looking for, in me, in us...But you thought you were sly and that we were looking for the same thing but we weren't. I wanted something serious. I wanted something real. I wanted something that mattered. I didn't want to be a sexcapade. I didn't want to be one number on your cell phone. I didn't want to be that sweet and naive conquest you had when you came to my town. I wanted to mean something else, something more. 

But all of this looks so... trivial now. I do dream about you, sometimes. I do read your words again, sometimes. I do feel your presence and your breath and your smiles... sometimes. I surprise myself thinking of the next time we would meet and how I would behave but this time is different. I am not looking forward to being with you anymore. this... I have understood it could never happen. We are not meant to be and it's okay as well. I miss your touch, but it's okay too. I miss your voice and your humming and good mood and your passion.. but it's okay too. I'm honestly trying to find my way through this, move on from where we were. move on from my dire need to be with you. I am fully aware that I deserve better, that if it didn't work out when we met, then it just wouldn't;  We both know it's true. We both know we can't plan on the comet and wish it'll come true and solve our issues. it's not how the world works and it's okay too.

With that said...I am thinking of you. Of your touch, of the kisses we would never share, of the hugs we wouldn't share either -not as much as we could that's for sure-. I think of your laughter and of how much we've been talking over the phone and we won't be doing it anytime soon. It's okay, I have other people to talk to. I don't depend on your calls and I've learned better not to count on you. You weren't there when it was important. people saw, people read. people know. you weren't there and I can't pretend you were. I was deeply hurt and upset that you didn't show up and didn't act half the decent man you were supposed to be. I hold it against you. You being a coward when it actually mattered that you weren't one.  It's who you are, it's okay. I understand. I don't want that in my life, not in a partner, but I understand.

Ultimately, I guess what I was trying to say is that I miss you. I really do. I miss everything that was "us" that happened last year. I miss everything that could have been "us" but would never be. I miss you and I think of you sometimes. I think of your kisses and your hugs and everything glowy and beautiful and bubbly about us but then I remember how dark things could get between the two of us and I remember how complicated our situation is and I remember how you behaved and what I need right now and later on in my life and then it becomes crystal clear that we're not good to each other and we're not meant to be more than friends.....And it's okay.

It's okay.

It really is.

Chronicles of Lux and Tenebrae: The mother

A/N: Last of the last. Last main character to be presented before I kickstart the story.

xxx

Life was the most powerful being in that universe, alongside Death. They both were two sides of the same coin. She created and he destroyed and the two were supposed to keep some balance in this world. There was a golden rule that prevented Life and Death from fraternizing, despite both of them developing growing feelings for one another, it was decided best for them to focus on other people and their own realms. For Death, it became a necessity when he wanted to have an heir. He chose one of the most beautiful -living- woman to carry his child. She later died during labour and joined Elysion for the great service she gave Death but he never felt anything for her. How could he? when all he had in mind was Life? She herself, chose a mortal man, called Prince Happy, who gave her several children over the years their relationship lasted. Her last born, Lux was the only daughter she had. Her precious little girl who brought Life so much joy and pride. How could she not? 

Life was the most powerful being in the universe, alongside Death. She was known for her timeless beauty. Her dark skin complexion and long black hair that was only highlighted by the white eyes of hers. Life was the warmest creature to ever exist, kind and gentle and celebrated by every living creature. She was feared, treasured, cherished for how fleeting she was and how fragile mankind was. She reigned with an iron fist on her realm, ensuring the survival of all living creatures and the respect of Time and Fate. Over the years she gave more work to her children, making them find anomalies on both Earth and in the Realm of all beginnings to ensure that no abominations could exist and disrupt the natural course of the CYCLE. Life started it all, Death ended it all and spirits joined the End realm for their final rest. It was supposed to happen that way. Of course, you'd think that Life would have avoided Death at any cost. Their old flame should have died when Time told them they couldn't be together if they wanted to avoid a major catastrophe. It didn't happen this way. Life was in love with Death and so was he but they decided to bury their feelings for the well-being of the whole universe. That was until their children met and fell in love with one another. Tenebrae was young, brash, reckless in his feelings and so was Lux. Both were aware of the golden rule and yet it didn't stop them from falling in love with one another. It was crystal clear for the two younglings that they were meant to be and the fatal attraction caused the parents to be scared of the potential repercussions of their love coming to fruition. 

Locking Lux away wasn't the smartest move her mother did, but it was the result of a deeply rooted fear inside of the deity, one that refused to leave her guts and kept her awake at night. Her child couldn't fall in love with Death's child and repeat the same mistake their parents made. Fraternizing was forbidden and she knew it only was a matter of time before the children were punished for their foolish action. She expected Time to confront her but instead of him, fear, death and rotten flesh invaded the Omega realm. It never happened before but Tenebrae's birth and the romance that was born from his relationship with Lux attracted Life's enemies even faster. She should have seen it coming but it was too late. Powerless, she watched Conquest kill her daughter in front of her, and was severely injured by War. She couldn't hear them well but realized that they had been fomenting a plan to overthrow both Death and Life. They were successfully driven out by Life's last effort but it had her fall into a coma shortly after she brought her daughter back to life, with amnesia and sent her to Earth. Aware of her surroundings but unable to communicate, she couldn't tell Death that their children were in danger or give him the identity of her assailants but she knew he would investigate and would protect their heirs. He had to.

Life was the most powerful being in the universe, alongside Death and yet she got herself surprised by an attack of the three remaining apocalypse riders.She had lost two of her sons who joined Death's End realm, but three were still alive and rebuilt the Realm of all Beginnings while their mother was recovering from her assault. Lux was very capable and they knew that even without her full memories, she still was able to handle herself well. Life found solace in thinking she would make it and that Tenebrae would find her and would protect her. Until her awakening, there was way too much uncertainty for Life's liking. Nobody knew what would happen next and that was the scariest part, nobody knew. 

-TBC-

Max and Phoenix: Stitches

Max and Phoenix: stitches

xxx

A/N: Ah.. these two. Finally talking about the elephant in the room without actually naming it :p All the usual disclaimers! Max belongs to my friend M. and Phoenix belongs to me.

xxx xxx

Max, once they arrived at his apartment, helped an injured Phoenix walk into it and sit on the couch. She leaned her head against the headrest of the couch and looked up at the ceiling. She wanted to know if Kara made it but knew that she should not go the hospital and take the risk of being busted by police or even walk into a trap. Whatever happened from now would, either way, be a victory against Cesare? Kara would have died if she didn't intervene and if she hadn't then her death would have fueled Phoenix need for revenge. Saving her thwarted Cesare's plan to come legit or at least try and win the hearts of his target audience. Saving kara was saving a little bit of her own soul. Even if Kara died now, Cesare would have lost an asset. 

Nevertheless, she realized that Max sacrificed a perfect opportunity to get Cesare. He came to her and rescued her from a certain death. It became crystal clear as soon as she entered his car and she couldn't shake her guilt off of her mind. Cesare was Max's end goal. He wanted to find him and make him pay for what happened to his family, so she realized how big of a sacrifice he actually made to save her life. Her eyes grew wide and she looked at her hands and injured knee. Max walked around, she didn't pay attention to him and instead moved her leg away to take a better look at her injury. After a while, Max finally puts a stool in front of Phoenix and sat on it. He grabbed her leg and poured some alcohol on a large cotton disk. She looked at him, chewing on her bottom lip as she anticipated the pain He started to clean the wound, making her hiss at the sensation of the stinging alcohol on her torn flesh.

« Max.. max... » She began with before Phoenix rolled her eyes and bit her bottom lip.

« You're used to worse. C'mon, don't be a baby. » He said with a chuckle before he stroked her smooth leg. « Considering what you went up against, it's great you didn't get more injured. »

« The toughest job I've ever had to do...keeping someone alive,... » She sighed and leaned into the couch. « I'm a killer... that's what I do. Saving Kara....if I have saved her... »

« You did your best. You saved her back there, from the OD, from her bodyguards. Don't be so hard on yourself. » He said as he'd cleaned up the whole leg area from her blood. He pushed himself a little further so she could rest her whole leg on his and he used a wet towel to clean her leg from all the blood that rolled down her soft skin.

« If you say so... »

She said, crossing her arms over her chest. She wasn't convinced that she did enough to protect Kara but he was right about something, she at least... tried. She hissed again and watched as he grabbed some needle and some surgical thread to start stitching her up. She glanced at his hands, working fast and steady on her leg and stitching her up quite fast. Max was right, she had been hurt in way worse ways before and endured extreme pain, this was almost like a peck on the lips and she didn't feel much. As he worked on her leg, the brunet looked up at her face, seeing guilt she didn't want to express just yet.

« Maybe we can talk about the elephant in the room? » He said, putting the final touch on his stitches.

« Which elephant? » She asked as she rolled her head to the left. « Oh... you mean that one. » She said, looking back at Max.

« Yeah. I mean that one. I know you've been trying to say something since you got into my car, so say it. » Phoenix pursed her lips into a pout and watched as he put her leg back on the floor now that he was done stitching her up.

« You didn't have to come back to me. » Phoenix finally said, her voice barely hiding her guilt as she spoke.

« Of course I had to. » He countered and sat on the couch next to her.

« You didn't have to. I had it under control. You.. you helped me and Cesare escaped you. It was a-- »

« I chose to come back. »

« It was a one time opportunity! You could have killed this son of a bitch instead of coming to my res...help »

« I /chose/ to come back. » He repeated but she grew more agitated and sat straight on the couch.

« I don't care! You let him run away and what for? »

« I did it for /you /! I chose to come back for you! It was a suicide mission and you know it more than I do. I couldn't let you die.»

« What the fuck? »

She was dumbfounded by his words and looked at him with eyes wide open. Max scratched the back of his head and growled, unease at his own words. He admitted that he decided to go back and find her rather than let Phoenix handle the rescue mission on her own. Of course, he knew she was a very capable assassin, he heard about her reputation, he saw her in action. He just couldn't live with himself if she simply died while trying to do the right thing. Her hazel eyes stared at him, almost getting wet from unshed tears as she didn't understand what his words implied, or maybe she did but refused to acknowledge it. He cupped her left cheek to make her stop moving and stroked the soft skin with his thumb. Phoenix was shaking, internally screaming at what she'd just heard. He gave up his one shot at revenge to save her life? He did it for her? Because he wanted her alive? Why did he want her alive? She looked confused, scared even but his hand on her cheek was soothing so Phoenix held his hand there, leaning into his touch while she kept giving him questioning looks.

« I did it for you. » He repeated again, cupping her other cheek. « Because I couldn't live with myself if you had died back there. I couldn't. I refused. Do you understand? » She nodded softly and then shook her head.

« I do. I think I do.. I'm not sure I fully understand why you did this Max. I'm an assassin...I have so much red on my ledger... I deserve to die. » She looked down and shut her eyes tight. « Are you saying you care about me? That you couldn't let me die because you care about me? » -He lifted her face so she would look at him and nodded-

Max wasn't ready to say too much, these kinds of things took time and he wasn't even sure of how he truly felt for her. All he knew was that holding her face, being in front of her, being sure she was living and breathing was enough to put his mind at ease. He knew she would have done the same, how many times did she come back to save his ass when they were working together? How many time did she put herself in danger just to ensure his safety? She would have come back to him just like he did and he would be in her shoes wondering why she did that when she didn't have to. His heart was beating faster in his ribcage and he wrapped his hand around the back of her neck. Her lips were still trembling but she nodded as he answered her truthfully. He cared for her and because he did, Max came back and saved her from a certain death. She rubbed his hands and gently pressed her lips against his inner wrist.

« You would have done the same. » He finally said, searching for confirmation from her. Phoenix nodded quietly and looked back to his face.

« I would have. I would have done the same thing... I would have come back for you too. I wouldn't be able to live knowing I let you die and I could have prevented it from happening. »

She finally said, collecting her thoughts and saying what she was the most comfortable saying. He grabbed the back of her neck and gently pushed her face closer to his, so his lips could crash on hers for a kiss he had been wanting to give her since she left him. She closed her eyes and wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him towards her as she laid on the couch. It was the first time she didn't stiffen against him, the first time she kissed him in such a soft fashion. Max made sure he didn't press his whole mass against hers and kept giving her small pecks, all the while stroking her cheeks. She sighed in the kiss and closed her eyes again as he rested his head against her chest and wrapped his arms around her waist.

« I will get Cesare. Missing this opportunity won't make it any less easy for him. I'll have another. »

« I'll help you. My journey with Kara is... » She picked up the radio that was playing in the background, talking about the events of the evening and how many people really got injured. Curiously, the only injuries that occurred were the ones that involved people being stomped on by running victims. Nobody died but there were many injured. Kara was said to have OD'd but thanks to a good Samaritan, she survived that night. They also reported the heavy presence of police to ensure the reporter's protection since it was common knowledge that the mob had kidnapped her, which made Phoenix sigh in relief and run her fingers through Max's hair. « Yeah.. just like I said, my work here is done. She's safe now... Cesare and the drug traffic need to be stopped...for good. »

« You need to rest up. You've done enough gymnastics tonight. » He said, planting a kiss on her chest and then her neck. He smiled at her and gently pulled away from her. « Are you hungry? » She nodded and rubbed her belly. « Gotcha. I'm gonna getcha burgers so you can have your fix. » He said, standing back up. « Phoenix... »

«Yeah? » She asked, tucking some black locks behind her ear.

« You did great tonight. »

She gave him a sheepish smile and waved her hand as he left the apartment. Now with herself, she leaned back on the couch and wrapped her arms around her waist. A lot had just happened in less than an hour and her mind was confused as to how to proceed all that information. She ran her fingers over her plump lips, relishing in the taste of Max. A smile crept up and she covered her face with her hand. How on Earth could she, an experienced assassin, find someone who actually cared about her to the point of coming back. She chuckled at her own situation and curled into a ball to a corner of the couch, falling asleep a little bit while waiting for Max to return with food. They still had a lot to deal with, but tonight eventually, they could rest some and enjoy what they had: Each other.

-TB C-