Nixus: Debbie x Nix catching up in a cafe.

Born and bred in Detroit, with only two years spent in Macomb, Debbie Malone was a very perky Michiganner. A stunning brunette with long straight brown hair, a slender build, and intense brown eyes, she was turning heads wherever she went. The woman always said that there was nothing the world could do to make her leave Detroit. It was the place she was born into and the state she wanted to die in. However, as much as she enjoyed the city, she loved the people in it even more. Debbie was friendly, and she had plenty of friends. She always lit up the room she walked into and always managed to make people smile and confide in her. People loved her, perhaps because she was the most unapologetically authentic person they've ever met. Perhaps because she genuinely cared about others, or perhaps she was always ready to help those in need.  When Phoenix was introduced as the new teacher at her school, Debbie immediately took a liking to that woman. 

She saw someone in dire need of friendship in Phoenix. After all, Nix always kept to herself, always seemed to want to be invisible, and seemed so genuinely awkward that Debbie could not help but want to help that young woman. She perceived Phoenix well, although she did not know the truth about her past. She perceived her loneliness, how guarded she was, yet so eager to meet new faces and connect with others.  She saw how devoted to the kids she taught, Phoenix was, and also how she tried to appear unassuming and plain, deliberately so. So Debbie grew closer to her, and little by little, she helped Phoenix make a home out of Detroit.  This afternoon was no exception. She usually heard Nix talk about her hot neighbor, a delicious hot candy that was haunting her nights. Strangely enough, it had been days since Phoenix mentioned the man at all, which prompted Debbie to offer a coffee date with her friend after Wednesday's shift was over. Phoenix agreed to it, and soon after the bell rang, the two friends went to their favorite coffee spot, a couple of blocks away from school.  

"You seem really strange, Nix. Has something happened to you recently?"

"What do you mean by strange?" -Phoenix almost choked on her drink and quickly put the cup down to grab a napkin. She cleaned the corner of her mouth and gave her friend a sheepish smile-

"This! Right here! Something happened to you! Usually, you'd tell me about your weekend, or about whatever you saw that you wanted to try. Come on! It's been a week, and I have not heard a word from you. Something must have happened!"

"MMhh? So I have been this quiet, uh? I don't want to worry you. Nothing bad happened to me, I have just been in my head a lot lately, that's all." -She gave her  crooked smile, in an attempt to deflect, but Debbie was on her case, she knew something was off-

"Look, I don't want to put pressure on you, but you have to tell me...Did something happen with the neighbour? Does he know you've been thirsting on him for two years now?"

The barrage of questions made Phoenix blush and open her mouth. No sound came out of it, so she quickly closed it and felt her cheeks burning. Debbie Malone was a straightforward woman who never beat around the bush when she had something in mind. Nix racked her brain to see where she failed and how her friend was able to easily read into her, and it became clear that it was the lack of communication about the hot neighbor that set off Debbie's alarm. Her shoulders dropped, and the honey-haired teacher leaned into her chair.

"I have to give it to you, Deb, you're good." - She tried to play it off cool, but her heart was racing against her ribcage- 

"Told ya I know people. And you, my dear, are an open book when it comes to people you like. You can't be talking every single day about that hot neighbour and suddenly stop unless something happened. Now, tell me what happened!"

"He knows about how hard I am lusting after him." -Nix conceded- "He knows how intensely I have been wanting him too." -She grinned- "And.... he actually liked hearing it all. Mind you, that happened in the middle of us fucking.." -She let it slip and stuck her tongue out-

"Wait.....WHAT?" Debbie almost screamed her last word. She took a sip of her coffee and put her cup down. Her eyes grew wide, and she pointed a finger at Phoenix, who chuckled at her friend's reaction.- "When???? How??? You gotta be shitting me!"

"Ahahaha, no! Honest to God! We fucked... A little bit over a week ago. We... met by accident in the elevator, and I had a rough night. I wanted to relax at home, to catch a glimpse of him and flick my bean after, but he entered the elevator at that exact moment, Deb. We started to have small talk, I offered him dinner sometime later, and he agreed, and before I knew it, I was at his door wearing lingerie and holding a big bowl of marinara meatballs and pasta I made for us."

"No fucking way!!!!!! Did you two even eat anything, or did you go at it like rabid animals?"

"Deb!!!!! You know I have patience! I actually just wanted to tease him that night, to show him the goods, ahah oh my god, I really was fearless that night. He took it in stride, and before I knew it, we were making out. From the moment our lips touched, I knew that I would want more, and so did he. It was... electric, Deb. He made me rediscover myself that night. It was so much better than I ever imagined with him. I...I... I was so terrified he would not want to see me again. I was certain it would be a one-night stand with no more contact or acknowledgment from either of us, but it did not happen like that. He came back the next day to take a look at my radiator and... We had sex again... but this time he stayed."

"And you did not want to tell your best friend after your dreams came true because?...." -Debbie lifted a brow, waiting for Nix to explain why she kept something that huge under wraps. She was happy for her friend, genuinely, but also upset that Nix decided not to share the news with her-

"I'm sorry, Deb. I was not sure if it was true, and frankly, I was scared to be humiliated if I had my dreams up and he shattered them by avoiding me....Ridiculous, I know, but there is just something about him that makes me nervous....like a teenager with her first crush."

It suddenly clicked in Debbie's mind. Phoenix was afraid of rejection. They had a conversation a year ago, right at the time Debbie had started to crush on Wallace Walker, the handsome and reliable chief of the firehouse near the school. Back then, Debbie would only talk about romance and ex-boyfriends and would ask Phoenix about her love life.  Nix readily admitted that her love life was disastrous, that she had one night stands (in truth, she was talking about her missions), one childhood love who betrayed her in the worst ways (a childhood sweatheart who faked his own death to leave the country and start a fresh new life in another one, which technically was true), and that was it. 

Debbie knew that it heavily impacted Phoenix's self-esteem.  Through their conversations, she caught several comments made out of the young woman's control that revealed a wound so deep and so freshly opened that it broke Debbie's heart. Nix believed she could not be loved, that there was nothing that could make anyone stay with her. She reasoned that she had no friends, with Debbie being the first true friend she ever had, and the exception to that arbitrary rule Phoenix cast upon herself. If she could not even have friends, how could she find someone who liked her? And while the teacher never formally claimed to have lost all hope of a decent and lovely life, Debbie could read between the lines. So it made sense that she did not want to talk about the hot neighbour because that could invite a lot of hurt in. Nix had already decided that it could not work because he could not possibly fall for someone like her. 

"Ohhh, so you don't want it to just be a fling, do you?" - Nix shook her head- "But you're afraid. I can tell."

"Marc is really a good man, Deb. He's devoted to his job, to helping people. He risks his life every single day, and I just think that he's too good for me, you know? He cares for me, at least; he acted like it. He is attentive to my needs, he listens to me, he comforts me when I am scared."

"Then why are you twisting your brain like that?  You have just started to see each other, haven't you? Why anticipate such a gloomy ending when it's barely just beginning?"

"I'm covering my bases, I guess. I don't want to make stories in my head and think that there is a chance he would want to be with me when there is none." She dropped her head and squeezed the fabric of her skirt in her fists. " Debbie, I'm alright, okay? I am actually very happy to have been able to spend time with him."

"Ye-yeah, take it one step at a time, day after day. You-- How about you tell me the naughty deets, uh? You two had sex, and I want to know how good Marc is in bed." 

Debbie smiled at her friend, a way for her to try to hide her growing concern for her. She did not expect Phoenix to actually confide in her more than she already did and kept mental notes for the time being about Nix's insecurities. It would come in handy regardless of the turn this relationship could make. Deep down, the brunette wished for her honey-haired friend to actually find a very fulfilling relationship, but it was way too soon to know if it would be the case with Marc or not.  Nix took a sip of her coffee and gave Debbie a crooked smile, announcing her desire to indulge her friend and tell her what happened with Marc and how good a lover he was with her. They talked about it for a good couple of hours, interspersed with laughter, relief, and joy, even as she shared her good memories with her friend. In truth, Phoenix felt relieved. 

She did not realize it yet, but she felt so good talking about Marc. He brought light into her existence, something she had not anticipated when they spent their first night together. He healed something in her that night, somehow; he welcomed her as she was, with the unexpected and the adorable. For a brief moment, she felt like a normal human being, like a person without a red ledger, like the teacher she wanted to become. With him, she could almost feel that she was forgiven for all the sins she had committed before. It felt as if she could put behind her the life as an assassin, and those few hours spent with him were life-saving. They were everything...But could she handle losing him if he dug up her past? Yet, talking to Debbie helped squash this thought. It just felt good to be able to share something good that happened to her with a friend. 

-TBC- 

SOA: With my best friend

Maya was safe and from the moment Mary realized that her sister was no longer in danger, she felt relieved. She didn't sleep that night, instead, she grabbed her phone and went through the pictures she had taken with Maya. She missed their nights out, their moments together.. she missed being able to drop by and sleep at her friend's or to have Maya come over. It took her a while to adjust to living in Charming without her sister. They had their favorite spots, they had so many memories that everywhere in this godforsaken town reminded her of her friend. Every corner of Charming reminded her of Maya's absence. It took a while for those feelings to stop hurting Mary, to stop making her feel bad for missing Maya because it felt as if she was not happy with her friend's new life. It couldn't be further from the truth. Mary was proud of Maya. It was proof that no matter how shitty your life was, there was still light at the end of the tunnel. Maya was proof that it was possible to turn your life around and start anew. It was proof that Mary could be happy... too. 

Maya had always expressed her desire to leave Charming, to have a different life than the one she was forced into. She wouldn't have to deal with gang shit. She wouldn't have to be a gangster princess anymore. No more connections to SAMCRO, no more connections to the people who were no longer there. She left the painful memories in this town and elevated herself to something better. Mary admired that. She admired Maya's resilience and strength and she felt so much joy to see her best friend finally having the life she deserved. Maya adopted cats, and she didn't want to be responsible for someone else's life. She thought she couldn't possibly have someone willing to share their life with her. Not only did a cat choose her, but two did. Not only did animals choose her, but human beings did too.  Nakota surely changed Maya's life trajectory and their love was beautiful to witness. Maya blossomed in this relationship. She learned to trust people. She learned to open up and found unconditional love with Nakota.  Mary, once she was sure that he had Maya's best interest in mind, relaxed around Nakota. He was a fun guy. He was kind, maybe a tad obsessed with her best friend but who wouldn't be? He treated Maya like she deserved and Mary trusted him to care for her. She trusted him to protect her the best he could and she trusted him, to give Maya the space and encouragement she needed to pursue her dreams. 

Three years later and this is exactly what he did. Maya left Charming. She had her own house, shared with pets and her now husband. She was focused on having her own business now and was finally doing something she wanted. It filled Mary's heart with joy and pride. She looked at a sleeping Anubis and a soft smile crept on her lips. Perhaps now was the right moment to focus on herself too? Perhaps now was the moment to put her needs first? Oscar was dead, so she wouldn't be hurt anymore. What did she want? What did she think she deserve? Mary believed that this was the life she deserved. A life with just a pet, her little house and her job. A life with little to no surprises but at least a safe life. Did she long for companionship? She convinced herself that it was for the best if Anubis was her only companion. She could have all the snuggles, all the kisses in the world and at least the certainty that she would never be hurt.  Besides, who would even look at her twice? No, she would save herself from the pain of a heartbreak. Maya was able to move forward and for this, Mary was grateful. Maya was able to build a life for herself and for this, Mary was hopeful. Perhaps she too could do that. Perhaps her life would stop being in shambles. Until then, she would visit Maya and Nakota with her dog Anubis and she would savor each and every moment spent in their company. 

-TBC-

SOA: Please come back

Radio silence....Mary looked at her phone, her fingers ready to tap on the keyboard to write a text to Maya. She pinched her lips together and put the phone against her chest. No... Not now. She couldn't write to Maya at the time. What if she didn't make it? What if she couldn't text her back because she was dead? She clenched her jaw and shook her head. No! Maya couldn't be dead! She couldn't be losing yet another family member. She couldn't cry, not now.. not until she was sure about what was happening. When Nakota texted her to tell her that Maya wasn't home because their cats had not been fed for a while, her heart sank. Maya was not negligent. She wouldn't have left their cats unattended. She wouldn't have stood Nakota up and certainly wouldn't have remained silent. They picked her outfit for the concert together, with Maya on a FaceTime conversation with her best friend. Mary remembered her girl waltzing around the room, trying on outfits she presented to her friend for her honest opinion. They picked the outfit together! They said "I love you" before Maya promised to text her when she arrived at the concert and to tell her about Nakota's reaction to seeing her. She honored the first part of her promise and then radio silence. 

Radio silence.... Perhaps she had forgotten? Mary tried not to make a big deal out of it at first because Maya was cautious and could protect herself well. So she simply worked. She tattooed her clients, took care of her dog Anubis, and enjoyed her solitude. All was well, right? Except it wasn't. Nakota texted her and her world crumbled. Anxiety took over as Mary was thinking about the worst. Anxiety took over because she knew that something had happened to her best friend. Maya had managed to escape SAMCRO. She wasn't a gangster princess anymore and she put this part of her life behind her.  She started a new life with Nakota, away from the turmoil and danger the life of a gang member could bring. So why? How? What happened to her between the moment she went to the concert and her disappearance? Mary held back a sob at the memory of her older brother Cody who fell victim to another gang. She had flashbacks of his body lying on the concrete,  riddled with bullets and soaked with his own blood. He played such a dangerous game and died because of it. Maya was out of that life, she couldn't meet the same fate, now could she? 

Radio silence... Soon after Nakota's text, he called her and they started to talk about what to do. Mary was ready to do anything in her power to find her sister. She needed to do something in order to keep her sanity because if she didn't, then she would have curmbled on the floor. Maya couldn't be hurt. She couldn't be hurt! She shouldn't be! After all she's been through, Mary wanted her best friend to finally enjoy a good life. She was her biggest support when Nakota entered her life, and she was the biggest supporter of them moving out of Charming. She needed to leave that cursed town to finally  start anew. She needed to leave to build her family, to make the life she wanted for herself a reality. Mary understood it and while the first couple months away from her friend were difficult, she got used to it. Maya was happy and it was all that mattered to Mary.  All was well... All was well until she received Nakota's text.  He told her what he knew, as he knew it. Maya had been abducted by her ex. Nakota had to go to her location and face that bastard. He was the one who held Maya's fate in his hands and that left Mary a nervous wreck, back at Charming. 

"I'm so useless... I can't help you from where I am. I don't even know if you're okay. What if Nakota dies? What if you... What if... It can't happen. It can't be. You can't be...oh Maya! Maya... If you die I would join you." She said, choking on her tongue as she bit back a sob. She couldn't imagine a world where her best friend wasn't alive. What could she do? How much more could she take?

Maya... She saved Mary's life. Plain and simple. When they met Mary was about to give up on everything. She was still an active alcoholic, nursing her broken heart with booze, crying herself to sleep at night. Her brother was dead, her parents were long gone and she was running away from an abusive ex who beat her self-esteem and drive down to a pulp.  Her shop was routinely vandalized and she didn't make a lot of money. Why did she keep on trying? When she met Maya, she took it upon herself to help the woman and stitch her up. It seemed like nothing but it was the first step towards a better life. Sobriety. Friendship. A future... A purpose. Maya became her sister, someone Mary would fiercely protect. Someone Mary would always support in whatever she wanted to do. Family...Mary couldn't lose her family again. She had to hear from Maya, maybe it was stupid, but she had to. She took a deep breath and started to type a text. 

"Hey, My favourite. I don't know in what fucked up state you're in but you better text me back and tell me that you're okay. I don't know what to do with myself and I've already ran out of theories about how you'll be back home.  I'm.. I love you. Please come home."

And she hit sent. 

And she still felt awful.

Maya and Mary! Dear sister

 "Maya, 

I know you're away for the moment, living your best life and your white Christmas. I couldn't be happier than I am today. You. Happy. Smiling. Lighter. You needed that getaway. You needed that moment frozen in time, with just you and him and peace.  I can't believe that there is a "him". You, who always pushed people away because you were scared, yes you!  you let someone inside. You let him in your heart and I know that it's powerful. I know that it's genuine and I know that he feels the same way for you. This makes me happy, in ways I can't really express. 

I'm not going to bother you while you're away. You gave me your time the day before your trip. We shared a meal. We laughed. We lived in the moment. I lived in the moment and for the first time in a very long time, I felt alive. 

I was looking at you during our meal and I tried and tried so hard to tell you how I felt but words failed me. I just smiled at you, laughed at our terrible jokes, and enjoyed your warmth but I couldn't tell you. I didn't want to sour the moment. I didn't want to ruin the mood. Or maybe, I was a bit of a coward and couldn't tell you how I felt. 

This is weird. In a way, it is weird because you know me. You know me more than anyone else. I had lost everyone and everything before we met. I have been on my own for so long because fear crippled me. I was afraid for my life. I was afraid for the lives of people close to me, so it was best for me to keep to myself. Yet, I met you, and we bonded, and quickly enough all I wanted was to take care of you. 

I remember seeing you bruised and battered. I remember the long nights spent patching you up and listening to you. I was pleased to listen. I was happy to help. I was happy to protect you when needed. Gosh. I loved you from the moment I realized that we shared the same sense of humor. You were like me, bruised by life yet surviving, passionate and intense yet scared. I was scared to live. I was scared of life. I was so convinced that I didn't deserve to be happy and shouldn't allow myself to love again. Yet, I found you. My best friend. My sister. 

You know what you did for me? You took care of me. You wanted to know me. You saw me and I let out a big sigh of relief, one I didn't realize I was holding back after all these years. You made me peel the layers off of my heart and you made me feel comfortable with myself. You never judged me. you never mocked me. You protected me. I have never been able to see myself as someone who could be protected, or who deserved softness, and yet, you came and showed me I was wrong. 

You care for me. You love me. You mean everything to me because thanks to you, I got a newfound love for life. You make me want to have a future and you make me want to see you become happier. I wanted to tell you everything that night, to let you know that you were family to me. I wanted to let you know that I would do anything and I mean, anything, to protect you. I didn't want things to get sour, so I kept it to myself, but I would tell you someday. until then, I will show you. Until then, please enjoy your time out of town. Enjoy yourself."

Red and Gold: Waiting on Dany's approval

 // Long time no see. 

My Dearest Kyra, 

It has been a while since we last wrote to each other. I miss you. I long for the day I would be able to visit Casterly Roc and hold you in my arms again. How have you been? How have you dealt with your political opponents? Could I call them that? I assume I could since they don't want to accept your ruling and they have been defiant towards you. I know they believe that without Jaime you are but a frail woman but they should know that they ought to be careful next to a lion. 

Life has been softer on my side. Truth be told, your brother Tyrion has even been sweeter towards me. His first duty and his loyalty go to my sister, same as mine, but he also made sure that I was doing fine and I wasn't breaking down. If I were, to be honest with you, I had a hard time accepting distancing myself from Jaime. I had a hard time not reaching out to him, holding him, kissing him. I had to keep my feelings to myself and I have to say that I suffocated from not being able to express my love. 

My loyalty goes to my sister first, then to you and Jaime. I made a promise I intend to keep. Daenerys accepted to reconsider the situation and I made efforts to socialize again with my family, hence why it is softer for me. I will submit to the decision of my sister but I still keep hope that it would favor us. I hope to see you very soon, my beloved friend. I hope to see you, very soon. 

With love, 

Bäahal Targaryen

Princess of the seven kingdoms

GoT: Who am I ? (Missandei x Bäahal)

GoT: Who am I ? (Missandei x Bäahal)

A/N: I have missed my little princess and since this conversation didn't want to leave my mind, here you are. 

xxxx

« What if I survived this war? » The silver princess' voice echoed through her room. Missandei was brushing her silver locks, focused on her task when her best friend let out alarming words.

« You don't plan on surviving? » Her lips were dry, her throat hurt but the question had to be asked. Bäahal shook her head and looked at her reflection on the mirror.

« I do. However... I do not know how to handle what will come next. All my life, I have focused my mind on setting myself free but never went further than this. I was convinced that freedom was nothing but a dream to keep my mind from being swallowed all by doubt and fear. I thought I would never see the day...until it happened. »

« Daenerys came to our rescue and you found me. » Missandei finished her sentence and brushed her hair. « It was luck... »

« It was /Fate/! We had to meet 'Dei. We had to meet again and sail away from Mereen. » She smiled at her own words, briefly so before a more worried expression crossed her face. « It took some time but I finally realize what had just happened. I was given freedom, I took it from my master, but Daenerys helped me un-shackle my mind. You did too... » She said, leaning her head back against Missandei's chest.

The former slave put the brush on the table and gently wrapped her arms around the princess' shoulders. She understood how it felt, to finally be able to be your own person and given the luxury of choice and not being able to know what to do. It came naturally to Missandei, finding her place was easy, she would serve Daenerys all the while living the life she wanted to. Once the war would be over and the queen would be on the throne, Missandei was thinking about having a family with Grey-Worm. They would finally be free to live their romance in the daylight without the fear of losing the other to War. From her point of view, it was exciting actually and she was curious to see what was to come. For Bäahal things were different. She still had to figure out who she was and what she wanted in her life. Freedom tasted bittersweet because while it got her rid of people desires on her and directives, it burdened her with the ability to choose for herself and to decide for her life. How could one do just that? How could they know who they really were? Questions were plaguing the princess' mind who sighed and wrapped her arms over Missandei's.

« And I will always be there for you, pr----Büu.. it's a promise. «  She said, planting a kiss on top of the princess' head. Bäahal's purple hues stared at their reflections and she bit her bottom lip.

«I don't know who I am or what I can do. I am fine with the war because I have found my place. I support my sister, I help her defeat her enemies, I protect her. When she's queen and as she would rule with Jon Snow....what am I going to do? Who am I going to be? »

« What you've always been, Bäahal. What you've always been.. » She said as she planted another kiss on top of her head. « A sister...a friend...a fierce warrior, a survivor...a gentle soul. You have a fire in your heart, just like your ancestors and your siblings. You have a fire that needs to burn brightly if you let it. » She said as she gently pulled away from the princess and knelt near her chair. Her hand stroked her cheek and she smiled at her.

« I will have to leave the castle and find out. I am not meant to be locked in a pretty castle and look pretty while my sister governs. I am not meant to be in her council either... I need to breathe, but can I leave? »

« She will let you go if you ask her. Bäahal, you have your whole life to find out what you're meant to do. Don't hold back because of your fears. » She then cupped both of her cheeks. « And you are so much much than you allow yourself to think. You are my friend. » She said with a warm smile.

Missandei was sweet and soft with Bäahal. She knew her words could reach out to the princess and appease her. Her hazel eyes met purple hues filled with unshed tears and she laid her head against her lap. Bäahal chewed at her bottom lip but remained silent, instead, she let her hands run through her best friend's hair as she contemplated Missandei's words. She would have to ask Daenerys if she could leave her sides and visit the world to eventually know who she was beside her sister or a survivor. Maybe, and that was something she couldn't express out loud- she also wanted to get away from the place that would see Lord Jaime and eventually Lady Kyra dead. She would need to go away, reset her mind and forget about the conflicted emotions she felt for the Golden Lion. It couldn't be what she thought it was. He didn't stay long enough to imprint her mind and not enough to leave an eternal memory. She refused to believe so. Yet, her heart was beating faster when his name was said out loud, and the mere thought of him made her pulse go wild. He would die and maybe, that was the best thing to ever happen.

Maybe...

-TBC-