DOYA: we are home

// ALL the usual disclaimers

I can still feel the heavy silence that settled in the car as we drove away from our last case. Dean could barely speak but I felt his eyes on me. He wanted to make sure I was fine and perhaps, he wanted to take the memories of him killing shifter! me off of his mind. I knew it didn't work, memories didn't work like that. I knew he would still remember the fight and the taunts and how worried he was about me.

I could still remember the deafening silence in the car as we were driving home. I was the one behind the wheels for a change because Dean couldn't drive in his condition and I did my best to keep my eyes on the road but my head and my heart were boiling with thoughts. I could have died. I should have died but I didn't. The shifter kept me alive, he noticed pretty easily that she wasn't me and he came to my rescue. He came for me and he saved me. I would never forget the fear in his eyes and the breaking voice he had when he found me.

I could still remember how I felt when he did find me. I felt relieved but ashamed at the same time because I didn't pay attention enough. I couldn't see it coming and he was forced to fight shifter! me and kill her. I wanted to say something, but nothing came out of my lips, nothing but silence so I kept my mouth shut.

In our line of work, the danger was a constant we couldn't do without. We were meant to take risks, we were meant to bet our lives at every turn we took. I was supposed to handle this event but I was breaking down inside. I thought I would be the one to always protect Dean, to always be there for him and make sure he didn't go through the ordeals he went through. I wanted to guard him, protect him but it is impossible in our line of work. I wasn't able to protect him, much like I wasn't able to protect myself.

"You alright?" He asked me as I parked the car and turned off the engine. Was I? no. I wasn't alright and at the same time, I was. I wanted to forget everything about our last case but one thing. He came to me and I saw at this moment, just how much I meant to him and this gave me butterflies in my damn stomach and made me smile faintly as I looked at him and nodded.

"I'm better now that we're home."

And we were home.

-TBC-